Born Beautiful, Rachel's Story #10bySusanJillParker©
The scream, her mother's scream, was coming from the barn.
Preoccupied with premonitions and with none of them good, whether imagined or real, Rachel stared out her bedroom window trying to determine if the shadows she saw and the images she feared were friend or foe. As the moonlight lifted the early morning fog, it didn't take her long to realize that her ghostly shadows were just tree branches moving in the warm, summer breeze and her demons were nothing more than distant scarecrows moving in the field with the wind. Was the scream a dream, her imagination, or did her brother and father take her mother to the barn to be disciplined again?
Suspecting the latter over the former, she suspected and rightly so that the only monsters out and about at this hour were her father, Hugo, and her brother, Karl. The Devil incarnate himself in father and in son, they were her definition of evil; they were the real demons. In the brutal way they treated women and in the way they viewed women as weakly inconsequential, to be taken and sexually used and abused at their whimsy, they'd put fear in any good, God fearing, Christian woman.
"I can't sleep it's so hot," she said kicking the covers off of her and staying like that with her nightgown up to her waist.
Suddenly feeling horny and wickedly sexy, with no other men around, she wished her brother were here to see her pussy. Feigning sleep and pretending that she didn't know her pussy was so exposed, she wondered if after staring at her naked cunt, if her brother would touch her in the way they he was, no doubt, touching her mother now. In the horny state she was in now, she'd allow him to touch her and feel her, before allowing her to force her hand to touch his cock through his pants in the way he always did when he was aroused by the sexy sight of her.
"Fuck! I'm so horny that I'm thinking about having sex with my stupid brother. Eww. Having gone to bed so early, too early to sleep because of my stupid brother and drunken father, I'm wide awake now."
Too unbearably hot and humid to go back to sleep and too early to leave her bed to begin her chores, as if she was a damsel in distress, she put the back of her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes while still wondering what the noise was she heard. Feeling so alone and so lonely, with not even her neighbors within walking distance of the farm and too far away to travel to town without a horse and wagon, she felt alienated. Wishing she had a friend to talk to and to share her feelings and desires with, she was trapped in this small room on this large farm in the middle of nowhere. Everyone else's needs were taken care of but for her needs.
"God, I'm so horny," she said feeling her breasts and lightly fingering her nipples.
Making slow circles around her areolas before teasing out her nipples, first one and then the other, she pulled, turned, and twisted her nipples. Once her nipples were erect, with the sexy thoughts of having sex with a man, she continued fingering her pussy.
"I wish there was someone here to see me naked, a tall, dark, and handsome stranger. If only to upset my father and anger my brother, I'd allow him to do dirty and nasty things to my virginal body while I explored his body by doing dirty and nasty things to his body too," she said for no one to hear.
Forsaking her pussy for her tits, she unbuttoned her nightgown and raised her tits to her mouth to suck her nipples.
"I'm always so horny in the morning. I wonder if I wasn't so bored if I'd still be so horny. I wish I were married. I wish I had a husband to fuck and suck. I'm old enough now to start my life away from this farm of lunacy. I wish I had a baby."
She reached down again and her fingers found their familiar wet spot. She slowly and gently rubbed herself before fingering herself deeper while thinking about having sex with a man and while thinking about fucking and sucking some tall, dark, and handsome stranger. The only guilty pleasure she received was from her own hand when touching herself to rub her clit and finger her nipples. Now, after suspecting she'd be the next, intended victim of her father and/or brother, even the pleasure she received masturbating herself was ruined by the unsolicited, incestuous lustful leers and desperate gropes of her father and brother. She removed her hand from herself, closed her eyes again, and tried to sleep.
Always touching her, feeling her, and groping her, sickened by their sexual debauchery and incestuous depravity, her father and brother stared at her in the way they leered at her mother before they took her to the barn for the first time. Feeling violated by their stares and by their unwelcomed and inappropriate touches of a father groping his daughter and a brother feeling his sister, before forcing her hand to touch and feel them through their pants, they made her feel dirty. They made her feel sorry that she was born a woman instead of being born a man. Turned off on sex by the twisted perceptions of sexuality that made incest not only acceptable but preferable to men but abhorrent to women, men thought that what a woman wants is the same as what a man wants. Only, her worst nightmare being so incestuously desired, sex with her father and/or her brother is not what she wants at all.
With those perversely dirty thoughts in mind, she no longer wanted to masturbate herself for fear that she'd be just as sexually depraved as they were one day. Intent to remain chaste, a sexual and sensuous woman in a maiden's body, she wanted to remain purely virginal by only giving herself to God and to her future husband, whoever he may be. Only, she wished he was there with her now to rescue her from them. She'd give him sexual pleasure for the promise of his help. With her father so horribly mean and her brother so monstrously big, it would take a special man to rescue her and to save her and her mother from them.
"Dear God in Heaven help me and help my mother. Save us from my father and brother. Stop my mother from being beaten, raped, and whipped," she prayed. "And save me from the same fate before it happens."
Only falling to her knees to pray and not to suck cocks, she didn't want to lay with someone, especially not with a family member, until after she was married. Definitely, she didn't want to have sex with her father and/or her brother unless forced in the way they forced her mother. Still, she was more than a little curious about seeing cocks, touching cocks, feeling cocks, stroking cocks, sucking cocks, and fucking cocks. Cocks, cocks, and more cocks, the hornier she grew the more she thought about cocks. All she thought about lately were big, hard cocks. Fearing some inherit medical condition of lunacy that she wouldn't want to continue the cycle of lunacy, if she were to become pregnant with her father or brother's baby, she didn't want to be nor did she want her child to be as perversely twisted as were her father and her brother.
The Devil's child and being that she was her father's daughter, maybe she was the Devil's child too but she didn't want to continue the cycle of incest first with mother and then with daughter. If they forced her to have sex with them, she'd kill herself and the baby rather than to give birth to their bastard, monstrous baby. No matter if the only woman available was their daughter, mother, or sister, they were animals needing to be fucked and sucked at will for only their selfish pleasure and not for the pleasure of anyone else.
She felt as if she was owned and bound in indentured servitude until she paid back her father's disappointment in having been born a daughter instead of a son and a kitchen helper instead of a farmhand. Merely because she was a woman and not a man, her father and brother treated her less than she was when she was more than either of them could ever be. All they wanted to do was to control her, mount her, and push her to her knees to suck them. With a forceful hand to the back of her head, she knew that if she gave her father and/or brother any sexual encouragement, they'd take her out to the barn to cum in her mouth before stripping her naked to beat her and fuck her before whipping her for making them do that to her. It was all their twisted game to play and she wanted no part of it.
"I wish I was born a man so that I could beat them every time they did something horribly inappropriate to my mother and me," she said shaking her fist in the air. "I wish women had freedom and equality. I wish women had the power to be listened to and to be right. I wish women were free to give their opinions without checking with a man first before they dared open their mouths. I wish women could make their own decisions without having to receive the permission from a man on how to think and what to think."
By their amorous looks, inappropriate touches, and frantic, freehand gropes of her breasts and her ass through her clothes, even though she was a virgin, they made her feel as sexually abused as her mother must feel. Hating having been born a useless woman, feeling unworthy and ashamed of herself for having sexual feelings, in the way they sexually lusted over her, they made her feel perversely dirty whenever she pleasured herself. When she had any normal sexual feelings at all, feeling guilty for having them, she felt evil for having the sexual and sensual feelings of a normal, hormone filled woman. Instead of feeling like the woman she is, they made her feel as if she were a thing to be abused or an animal to be used. They never made her feel proud, loved and cherished.
Instead of making her feel like the doting daughter and the loving sister she once was, they made her feel sexually desired and lustfully wanted in the way of a whore of a woman that she's not and never will be to them. They didn't make her feel like the young, beautiful, and intelligent woman she was. Instead, even though she's done nothing wrong to feel that way, other than to masturbate herself in the privacy of her bedroom, they made her feel wicked, reckless, and slutty. Unable to help the fact that she was born beautiful, they made her feel that their lust for her was her fault just for looking the way she does. Born beautiful, it wasn't her fault that she was born beautiful. Yet, even if she was born ugly and/or horribly deformed, that wouldn't matter to these two demons once they started drinking. Surprised if they haven't already had their sexual way with farm animals, they'd still fuck her and force her to suck them, if they could.
"It's not my fault that I was born beautiful. I wish I was born ugly," she said, even though she was glad she was born beautiful instead of ugly. "I wish I was born flat-chested and didn't have big tits. I wish I was fat and ugly as are so many farmers' daughters."
Looking so much like her mother when her mother was her age, glad that she wasn't flat-chested, fat, and/or ugly, she liked how she looked. She liked how her clothes fit her shapely form and flowed down and over her womanly curves. Even though she made sure to cover every part of her body and to expose nothing to the wicked eyes of her father and to the horny eyes of her brother, the few men who have seen her knew she was beautiful and had a sexy body beneath her clothes. As if she was a tall tree with arms that stretched out against the blue sky and as if her lush hair were leaves that accentuated and accented the branches, she loved how her dark chestnut hair contrasted her bright, green eyes.
Shunning her as the obedient daughter and loving sister she grew to be, they only saw her as a sex object and the incestuous slut they wished her to be. They viewed her as a low class whore to be fondled, felt, groped, stripped, beaten, and fucked before she sucked them and whipped, after they had sex with her, under the pretense that she enjoyed the sex too much. Now, in the way they looked at her, she didn't feel pretty. Even though she was tall, beautiful, and shapely, she felt ugly. In this family of insanely incestuous men, the last thing she wanted to be was pretty enough to be sexually desired by her father and/or her brother. If anything, she needed to look less desirable instead of more and unattractive instead of more attractive.
"Maybe there's something that I can do to myself to make them less attracted to me and not want me sexually," she said while thinking what could she possibly do to change her appearance from beautiful and desirable to ugly and unwanted.
In the way that her father and brother seldom bathe, maybe if she bathe less too, they wouldn't like the smell of her. Smelling as bad as they did when working out in the field under the hot sun all day for days without taking water and soap to their filthy bodies, maybe if she bathe less, they'd leave her alone. Maybe if she bathe less, they wouldn't want her. Only, she couldn't stand the smell of herself if she smelled as bad as they sometimes did.
Besides, knowing them, they may be more attracted to her womanly, unwashed scents than if she perfumed herself with bath salts and lilac. Instead, unable to help how she looks, looking as beautiful as her mother once did and looking at them with her mother's same green eyes and long, lush, chestnut hair, she wondered if she'd end up just like her mother, tied to the horse stall in the barn. She wondered if they'd used her in the way they used her mother, as just holes for them to stick their dirty and disgusting cocks.
She had no rights and was never allowed to express her opinions, even over the nonsense that her idiot of a brother spouted. Wishing she had been born a man instead of a woman, she wished they were dead and she was free. She wished they'd just leave her alone. She wished she could run away and never return to this farm of sexual fetishes and incestuous lustful desires. Not having any money nor knowing anyone, she had no place to go. Without even having a horse to ride or a wagon to take her, she was stuck here with them while waiting for them marry her off to a wealthy man or to take their turn with her when they couldn't.
"I hate my life. I wish I were dead," she said not meaning the last part.
As if it were all a dream, as if she had heard a baby crying in pain and she was a new, nervous mother awakened by every distant, muted, crying sound, she recalled the sound as if she just heard it again. It was then that she realized that it wasn't a howl of a ghost or screech of an animal but a scream of a woman she heard. Then, off in the distance, distorted by the whoosh of the wind and caught up in the rustle of the leaves of the trees before reaching her ears through her closed window, she heard the scream again. Now that she was listening for it and with her ear poised waiting to hear it again, she recognized it as a woman's scream. It wasn't so much the noise that startled her awake from her sound sleep but, as if she was the one screaming and suffering, it was the panicked horror of the screamer that she felt and that awakened her.
When she looked out her bedroom window again as the fog slowly began to lift in the way of smoke clearing a room after a magician's fiery, magic trick, she saw the distant, dim glow of a lantern coming from the barn. Hung on a nail and gently swaying and slowly rocking in the warm summer breeze as if the yellow light was cautioning her of danger and warning her to stay away, the shimmering, shaky shine of the lantern's faint burn was a foreboding sight to see. The only time there was a lantern in the barn was when one of the animals was sick and her father spent the night caring for it. Now that she knew that the scream wasn't a dream, now that she knew that the scream wasn't a baby crying in pain, a screech from an animal being caught and eaten, or even a sick animal attended to in the barn, she immediately knew what it was.
"Those bastards! I hate them," she said for no one to hear. "I wish they were both dead and we were free of them."
No longer asleep but wide awake, she recognized the scream this time without even having to hear it again. It was her mother's scream and her mother's pleas for mercy. Hearing her scream again and again, with her mother, no doubt, in horrible pain, her mother was in the barn screaming. Wanting to run to the barn to help her and to save her and wanting to take her mother in her arms to hold her, wishing she could trade her own body for her mother's, there was nothing that she could do but to helplessly listen in horror to her mother screaming.
"I'll kill them," she said mad enough and with enough pent up rage to pull the trigger but not thinking that was crazed enough that she could.
She wondered if the rifle was still downstairs by the front door or if they took it with them to the barn. If she could shoot animals, a bear, a wolf, and a deer, there's not much difference in shooting men who acted like animals. Feeling herself becoming enraged, she thought about shooting her father and brother. Even if she got away with murder, two women living alone out here without protection, who'd protect her and her mother? Who'd come to their defense and to their rescue should they be attacked?
A man's world, with a legion of unemployed, desperate, and drunken men wandering the land, they'd only be at the mercy of another man. For better or for worse, stuck with her father and brother, who knows what would befall them without the safety and the financial security they provided? Besides with her father and brother dead, buried, and rotting in the back of their land, who'd plow the field and plant and reap the crop? Who'd run the farm? Seeing to her womanly chores, she had enough to do as it was without taking on men's chores too. There was just no way that she could do any more than what she was doing now.
Thunder made her jump and lightning illuminated and parted the sky in the way that only God can. Even over the sound of the storm, she heard the crack of the bullwhip tearing open her mother's soft, beautiful skin. Alternating with the sound of thunder and the crack of the whip, along with her mother's screams, as if the noises were a sad, sick song that gave sound to the terrible torment of the tumultuous times, she heard the crack of the whip again and again. Perhaps now that she was awake, now that she knew what the scream was, and now that the scream didn't have to penetrate the fog of sleep or the fog and the wind outside, the scream seemed louder and longer this time.
"Leave her alone," she screamed for no one to hear. "Leave her alone," she begged hoping they'd psychically hear her and obey. "Leave her alone! For God sakes, leave my mother alone!"
When they wouldn't leave her alone and when her mother continued screaming, she couldn't take it anymore. The guilt of her doing nothing to help her mother was much worse than her mother's screams.
"Stop screaming! Just stop screaming. Please just stop screaming," she said covering her ears with her hands. "I can't bear to hear you screaming and suffering."
With sleep leaving her and her mind clear, she remembered now. With Rachel routinely getting up early to feed the animals, obviously not wanting to awaken her for her to know where they were going and what they were doing, her father and brother get up even earlier whenever they take her mother to the barn. Half asleep when she heard them, she now recalled them leaving the house. She thought she was dreaming but she wasn't. It was so late and with all the nocturnal creatures out and about, but for the glow from the full moon, it was too late to be outside in the dark. Startled awake before falling back to sleep, the last thing she heard was the screen door slam shut and her father's voice.