Broken Ch. 14

Dimitri sighed as eyes darted from his watch to the clock and back again. They were two minutes apart, but at least by his watch Madi was only 31 minutes late. She had promised to be back for dinner at six and the hour was slowly ticking away. He rose, moving back into his room to check his computer for instant messages and e-mails. No word. Nor was she picking up her phone. Maybe she was in the shower. He shook his head, picking up his sweatshirt and darting out the door to make the quick jog back towards Madi's.

Hand rose to knock before he stepped back waiting for the door to open. When it finally did it was barely a crack, Madi's face peered from the sliver, eyes red and puffy, her sweatpants and oversized t-shirt an obvious sign that there would be no dinner, at least not in the near future.

"Dimitri, this is a bad idea, I'm sorry. I can't do this." The door slammed shut again, the sound of the lock turning echoing between his ears. Hadn't they settled this. Fist rose again, knocking insistently. Madi's voice came from behind the door "Just go away!"

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what the fuck is going on here, Madi!" Anger bit through his voice, Madi let herself sink to huddle on the floor, tears streaming down her cheeks as arms encircled her shins, face falling to rest on her knees.

"Just go!" He could hear the tears in her voice. Why would she do this? How could she do this? He banged harder.

"Madi, let me in."

"No! Leave!" He sighed, he couldn't just stand here in the hall like this. After Karl, well, no one was going to sit back and watch someone pound on Madi's door like that. He sighed, letting his chin sink to his chest before leaning close to the door.

"Fine, I'll go..." He turned to walk away, doubling back to lean once more. "But don't think it means I don't love you, because I do." He sighed and shook his head.

She listened to the clunking of his footsteps against the old hollow stairs, face fitting perfectly between her knees as she sobbed into her sweatpants. She was doing the right thing. She was being strong. She shouldn't be crying. She tried her hardest to breathe deep, to push it all down into that little holding cell that existed somewhere in her belly. Instead, the sobs only came harder. She stumbled to her feet, hands steadying her against the wall as she made her way to the bathroom, there was only way to find calm.

Silver glittered inbetween her fingers as she sunk down to the bathroom floor. A blade was better than some dinkie daisy razor. Madi sucked in air between her teeth as she felt the stinging kiss of cold metal parting skin, the warm pulsating of blood staining ivory skin. Tears quickly subsided as she slashed anything that wasn't already too tender, she breathed out her relief, leaning against the wall to look up at the cieling as hands fell at her sides palm up, the blade slipping from her fingers to lay on the floor, sweatpants around her knees. She would be fine, just like every other time. Some people just weren't meant to be happy. This was her role, the pathetic one. The crazy one. The one everyone else looked at to remind themselves how fortunate they were to be in love, to be sane, to be happy, to be beautiful. She laughed, letting her head fall backward.

"Madi?" Darren's voice made her gasp, she jumped to her feet, quickly slamming the bathroom door shut. Hands flew to the roll of toilet paper, pressing wads against her wounds in an attempt to somehow stop the bleeding. The absorbant paper quickly turned crimson. Dammit dammit dammit! He couldn't know.... eyes darted around the bathroom... The first aid kit! Fingers fumbled with a roll of gause before wrapping it tightly around her thigh. It would do. She pulled up her pants, throwing some of the toilet paper in the bowl before pressing down on the flusher.

"Madi? Is that you?" His voice was closer, she took a deep breath, exiting the bathroom.

"Yeah, sorry, I wasn't sure if it was actually you or I was just hearing things." She forced a grin on her face as she tried to hide her own nervousness.

"Yeah, um, are you hungry? You should change and we'll go grab something."

"Nah, I'm alright." In truth she hadn't eaten all day, but changing met putting on jeans, and jeans would sting too much right now. "I think I'm just gunna curl up and watch TV."

"Oh, okay." Darren watched as Madi slid past him and into the living room. She had been behaving oddly as of late, sobbing and then disappearing into the bathroom. Perhaps she thought running the shower could cover the sound, she wasn't much of one to talk about things. Oh, she could bitch about paper assignments, and dumb freshman hookers, and shitty weed, but when it came to anything real, she always hid from him. He walked into the living room, leaning against the closet door before speaking. "Madi, are you okay?" She turned on him quickly, eyes showing alarm for a split second before a smile masked her face.

"Yeah, of course, why wouldn't I be?" The lie made her chest hurt. Darren didn't need to understand the truth, in fact, no one did. She was back on the familiar ground, slowly reforming the thick shell that coated her skin when she didn't want anyone seeing past her pupils. No one had to carry her, she didn't need a shoulder to cry on. She was just fine. She was just fine. The pain dissapated as she convinced herself of her own lie.

"I don't know. You wouldn't leave the bar last night, you never came home. I was worried. Dimitri just blew right past me on the sidewalk. What's going on?" She sighed, gently shoving sadness aside to let anger rip through.

"I wasn't done drinking. I'm a big fucking girl, I can do what I want, but thanks for trying to be my fucking dad." She rose off the couch, walking towards the kitchen as Darren stepped inbetween her and the doorway. She growled, looking up at him "Move."

"I'm not moving until you tell me what your deal is." He crossed his arms over his chest, looking down to her. Her lips pursed as she took a few deep breaths. Her voice slid over her lips barely over a whisper as she spoke with a type of rage Darren hadn't heard from her in nearly a year.

"Get the fuck out of my way or I will fucking move you." The words were each pronounced, syllables falling off her tongue in an even rhythm. He chuckled, was she really threatening him? His laughter only seemed to spur her anger as a fist flew at his face, hitting him in the eye with surprising force. He stumbled backwards into the kitchen as Madi stormed past him, disappearing into the back of the house, followed by the slamming of her door.

She slid to the floor with her back pressed against the door, staring at the teddy bear that lay against her pillow. Small, black, and plush with plain shining black eyes. What had she just done? Her knuckles ached a bit, she had just really hit Darren, right in the eye. There was a pounding.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Madi?!?! Are you for fucking real?!?! Why the fuck would you hit me in the fucking eye?!?!" The door bounced as he tried to push it open, forcing Madi to lean harder against it. "Move away from the G-d damn door, Madi! you can't just fucking do that!"

"I warned you. Go away!" She continued to lean in the door, listening to handle jiggle as he moved her body a bit with each shove.

"What the fuck is your problem, you fucking psychopath?" She growled, rising to her feet and yanking the door open just as Darren moved into push again, forcing him to fly in and towards the bed. He stood straight, backing her against the wall. "Have you lost your fucking mind? Like, are you fucking serious? You know what, maybe you and Dimitri have issues or whatever, but that doesn't give you the right to fucking hit ME. All i try to fucking do is be your friend and this how you treat me? If this is the way you treat friends I can only fucking imagine how you treat him! Maybe he's the fucking crazy one! Because you'd have to be to be all bent out of shape over a psycho bitch like you!" The words bit into her newly forming armour. She blinked back the sharpness of the tears in her eyes.

"You're right! You would have to be!" Her words caught him offguard long enough for her to push him away, slipping out of the door and moving towards the bathroom. He listened as the door slammed shut, sighing as he leaned against her bedroom wall. What the hell had that meant. His face hurt, Darren hadn't suspected that Madi could pack such a punch. For someone who was claiming to be fine she sure was acting like a lunatic. He sighed, dropping down on her bed on his back to look up at the cieling, a hand sliding under her pillow to rest beneath his head. Something cold hit his fingertips. That was strange. He sat up, twisting and lifting the pillow... a bloody razor blade lay beneath Madi's pillow. He rose quickly, carefully wrapping hist fist around it and moving back to the bathroom.

She had promised them all after Karl, he remembered it so vividly. Finding her half-conscious in her dorm room, blood soaking the sheets. It had been the last straw, the day everyone had told her things needed to end. Sheets stained with streaks of blood, hips oozing with the red stuff. His free fist rose to knock harshly. "Open the fucking door, now, Madi." His tone was as harsh as his knocking.

"Leave me the fuck alone." He growled, kicking the door.

"Open the fucking door right fucking now. Don't make me take the hinges off, I'll fucking do it Madi." He heard the bolt being pulled and the door opened.

"Who the fuck do you think you're talk-" Her sentence ended abruptly, as though someone had ripped the sound right out of her throat, her mouth left hanging open as stared at the blade Darren held between his fingers. She sputtered, shock and fear quickly disentegrating into anger once more. This was the girl they had all fought to get rid of. The girl with two emotions to show the world, forceful rage or maniacal joy. "How dare you go through my shit! Fuck you, Darren!" She moved to slam the door again, but Darren was faster, a hand rising to hold the door open.

"No, you're not getting off that easy, Get your little ass out here right now or I'm calling your father." The words resonated. He hated using the threat, he didn't want to see her sent to some mental hospital anymore than she wanted to go. She stepped out of the bathroom. "I thought we all made an agreement."

"Things change." She crossed her arms over chest, holding her chin high.

"Don't give me that fucking attitude, Madi. This is unacceptable. There's no reason for this."

"You know what? When you're angry, you go to the gym. When Rachel's upset, she sleeps. When I'm upset, I cut. It's just who I am, it's how I fucking cope. You could never understand, so don't try to fucking tell me what's acceptable and what isn't." With that she snatched the blade from his hand, pushing past him and back towards her bedroom.

"You're really going to make me do it?" She stopped, turning to look at him.

"Do what?"

"You know what"

"You wouldn't. If you call him I'm never speaking to you again."

"Madi, if you're not going to help yourself willingly, I'm going to call someone who will make sure you do."

"fuck you." She disappeared into her room, slamming the door behind her. Darren sighed as he wandered into his own room, ruffling through some papers before withdrawing Madi's father's business card. He didn't want to do this. He had to do this. Or maybe... he nodded, lifting his cell phone and dialing Dimitri's number as he pushed his door closed with his foot.