Can I Find My Way Back Home?

Michael looked at me with regret in his eyes. "So it is possible that the only reason Hawk married you is because of the merger?"

I lowered my head so he wouldn't see the tears that lingered there. "Yes, it is possible. But I love Hawk. If that is the only reason he married me then I will have to deal with that. But I don't think it is. I think in his own way, Hawk loves me."

I walked over and put my hand on Michael's shoulder. "Now do you understand why you have to tell him? He has a right to know that if he was forced into marrying me, he has you to blame for it."

Michael hung his head. "Yes, you're right. I'll tell him when you guys get back from your honeymoon."

"No Michael. Tell him tonight."

He looked at me. "I don't want to ruin his wedding night or yours."

I smiled bitterly. "If Hawk really loves me, then it won't be ruined. At least then I will know."

Michael smiled at me softly. "You are an amazing woman Laurie. I just hope that when Hawk said I do. He meant it."

As I watched Michael walk back into the party, I thought to myself. "So do I!"

Chapter 2

I woke to someone shaking me on the shoulder. Opening my eyes, I looked at Jake. "Hey, you okay? You were crying out in your sleep."

I looked at him then looked around me. I was still in the hotel room. I could see the sun peeking through the clouds outside the window. "Yea, I'm okay. Just a bad dream." I replied sitting up.

Jake smiled at me as I pulled my robe closed better then it was. "What time is it?" I asked yawning.

"A little after 8." He replied as he pulled on his boots. "It's time to get something to eat and get back on the road. I should be in Atlanta sometime tomorrow if I do it right. Have you decided if your going with me or not?"

I stood up, heading for the bathroom. "Well since I don't have any other opportunities at the moment, I guess that sounds good. Just let me go the bathroom and get dressed."

"No problem." I heard him reply behind me. "You go ahead; I'll meet you down in the restaurant."

I heard the door open and close then walked into the bathroom. As I checked the clothes I had washed the night before to see if they were dry, I wondered to myself why I had dreamt about Hawk last night. I hadn't thought about him much in the six months since I had left.

That night had actually turned out good. Hawk accepted the fact that Michael was gay and even told everyone in the church that he had not married me because of a merger but because he couldn't live without me. I had cried so hard that I had completely ruined my makeup but at the time I didn't care.

An hour later, I sat in the truck stop restaurant across from Jake. The clothes I had been wearing the night before were beside me in a duffle bag that I had bought along with an extra set just in case. After we ordered, Jake smiled at me. "What?" I asked looking at him funny.

"Here." He said handing me a 2 hour phone card.

"Jake, I can't take this. You have done so much for me already." I replied trying to give it back to him.

"I want you to hang onto it," he pushed it towards me again and wouldn't stop until I had my hand wrapped around it. "When we hit Atlanta, I want you to call home. Even if you don't go home I want you to call." He continued when it looked like I was going to interrupt.

"I don't know if that is a good idea." I said looking at the card.

Jake reached out and took my hand in his. Teary eyed I looked up at him. "I don't know what you are running from. But you can't run forever. Someday you have to go back. Do you want to talk about what you are running from yet?"

I looked at him and shook my head. I wasn't ready to face it myself let alone tell anyone else. "Alright, we'll let it go for now. But you need to call home. Promise me."

I looked down at his hand holding mine. It wasn't a tight grip but it was a comforting one.

"I promise." I replied smiling at him again. "Thank you."

Jake smiled at me, "you're welcome."

Just then our food came and we didn't have much more time to talk. I ate like a pig but for the first time in six months I actually felt full when we left the table. While Jake went to go pay the check, I walked towards the truck and let my mind wander.

* * *

I lay in the bed, tears stinging my eyes as I looked at Hawk. "There was nothing they could do?" I asked as tears streamed silently down my cheeks.

Hawk reached out and grasped my hand with his. When he looked into my eyes, I could see the pain and the sorrow. "No, they were killed instantly. From what the officer said, the truck hit them head on. They never even saw it coming."

"But they were coming to see their granddaughter." I cried trying to pull my hand away from his. "They were supposed to be fine. They were so happy when I told them last night that she was coming."

Hawk just rested his head against my breasts and cried. I knew how much he thought of my parents. It was so hard to believe that they were gone. They would never see the little girl who was born two weeks early. "

I laid my head back against the pillow as tears ran silently down my cheeks. When the nurse brought my daughter in to be fed, I just held her automatically to my breast and let her suckle. I couldn't even bring myself to be happy that I had a beautiful baby in my arms.

"What are you going to name her?"

I looked up at Michael. I was laying the hospital room holding my tiny daughter in my arms as she slept peacefully. Hawk had gone downstairs to get some coffee and hadn't come back up yet. Michael and his partner Tim were sitting in chairs by the bed looking at her.

"Um, Cheyenne Rose." I said running my finger slowly over the small tuft of reddish-brown hair that she had. "I'm naming her after my mother. Her name was rose and she always liked the name Cheyenne."

"She's beautiful." Tim said smiling at me. I looked at the man that Michael had decided to make his partner in life and in bed. He was a good looking man in his own way. Tim was 35, with short red hair and deep green eyes. He had a good body and seemed to be a gentle person. He had discovered that he was gay when he was 18. Michael had met him in an online chat room and they had hit it off right from the beginning.

Just then Hawk walked into the room carrying a cup of coffee and looking as thought he had been run over with a steam iron. 'Hey Michael, When did you get here?" He asked hugging his brother.

"Just a few minutes ago." Michael replied. "Geez bro, you look like hell."

"Yeah, well I feel like it. Having a baby coming into the world and finding out that your in-laws have been killed in a car accident in the same day isn't exactly the greatest thing in the world."

Michael looked at me with sorrow in his eyes. "Yea, I'm sorry about your parents."

I just forced a smile and held my daughter closer to me. I felt that if it wasn't for her, my life would have no meaning.

When the nurse came in a little while later, and said that everyone needed to leave so I could get some rest, I smiled at everyone before they left. Hawk said he would be back later. Kissing him softly, I laid down with my daughter snuggled closely in my arms and within moments I was asleep.

Over the next three years life seemed to go on like normal. I stayed at home and raised Cheyenne while Hawk worked. I videotaped all of her firsts. The first time she crawled, the first time she rolled over, or walked and even her first word. I had it all on tape.

I was sitting at home one night, watching a tape of Cheyenne's first birthday party when the doorbell rang. Hitting pause on the tape, I got up and answered the door.

Michael was standing there, dressed as if he had just come home from a party. He was wearing a pair of black slacks and a white shirt, which was opened at the collar. "Hey Michael, What's up?" I asked moving back so he could come into the room.

"Have you heard from Hawk?" He asked as I closed the door behind him.

"No why?"

"Well he's supposed to be home sometime tomorrow and I wanted to know what time because we had a guy come by the office today that wants to meet with him about something that should boost our business."

I smiled at Michael. "I don't know. I can call his hotel room and find out. Hang on a second." Michael followed me over to the couch. Sitting down, I picked up the phone and proceeded to dial the hotel where Hawk was staying in London.

"Belage hotel." a sleepy voice said on the other end of the line.

"Room 222 please." I said cheerfully.

"Just a minute." There was a pause then the phone on the other end started to ring. The phone rang about three times, and then I heard a voice that definitely wasn't Hawks.

"Hello?"

I was quiet for a minute, and then finally found my voice. "Yes, is Hawk there?"

Michael gave me a quizzical look but I just shook my head at him. "Yes he is dear," the female voice said smoothly. "Just one second."

I heard her call Hawk's name then a couple seconds later, I heard his voice. "Hello?"

"Hey Hawk. It's me. Michael wants to know what time to pick you up at the airport tomorrow?"

"Oh hey babe, I should probably be in around one or two." Hawk said sounding genuinely happy to hear my voice. It just broke my heart in two.

"That's great. I'll let him know." I said trying to keep my voice from cracking as tears ran down my cheeks.

"Ok honey, I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow." Hawk said cheerfully as I heard someone call his name from the background.

For a minute I thought maybe I had made a mistake until just as I was about to hang up I heard the woman's voice again. She was talking softly into Hawk's ear from the way it sounded. I slammed the phone down and unplugged it then turned to Michael.

"What's going on?" Michael asked looking at me worriedly.

"Michael I need you to take Cheyenne over to your mothers." I said wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"Laurie, what is it?" He asked grasping my arm.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes. "Hawk is having an affair. I need you to take Cheyenne to your mothers until he gets back."

Michael looked at me with a stunned look on his face. "What??? What do you mean he is having an affair? Hawk loves you."

"Well obviously not. Please just do as I ask. I need to get out of here."

Michael stood up when I did. "Where are you going to go?"

I looked at him with tears streaming down my cheeks. "I don't know. I'll get in touch with you as soon as I get settled somewhere. Just take good care of Cheyenne for me."

His eyes were full of pain, but all he did was nod.

Michael followed me into Cheyenne's room. She was lying on her side with her thumb in her mouth. She looked so peaceful. I hated to wake her. Grabbing some of her clothes, I threw them into a bag and handed the bag to Michael. Then I went over and gently shook my daughter awake.

"Momma?" she said sleepily as she rubbed her eyes with her small hands.

"Yes sweetie. You need to wake up now. You're going to go with Uncle Michael to go visit with grandma for a while."

She looked past me to Michael who just smiled. "Okay mamma." she said between yawns. Cheyenne pushed back the covers and pulled herself up in bed.

While Michael waited outside, I got Cheyenne dressed. A few minutes later, we walked out into the living room. Cheyenne was dressed in a summer dress and sandals. Her shoulder length reddish-brown hair tussled from sleep.

I watched Michael and Cheyenne leave then sat down to write Hawk a note:

"Dear Hawk:

I now know why you have been staying in London so much. Obviously it isn't just business like you have said. Well I am tired of it. I love you but I will not stay with a man that I can't trust.

Take care of our daughter.

Yours truly,

Laurie."

Folding the letter in half, I set it on the table by the TV where I was sure he would find it, and then walked into the bedroom. I pulled on my boots and jean jacket, and then grabbed the 200.00 that I had put away in my nightstand drawer for Hawk's birthday present.

Grabbing my id out of my purse I left the rest sitting on the bed. I looked around the room one more time, and then walked out of the room into the living room. I looked at the picture of Hawk and I on our wedding day. We were so happy then. Grabbing that picture and one of Cheyenne, I walked out of the house and never looked back.

Chapter 3

I looked at Jake with tears in my eyes. We had been on the road for a couple of hours and my mind had wandered again. I was thinking not only of Hawk but of my daughter who I had left behind.

He squeezed my shoulder lightly then put his hand back on the wheel. I don't know why I trusted him but I did. Suddenly I started to speak. "My husband is having an affair. I called his hotel room in London the night I left and a woman answered." I wiped my eyes on my jacket sleeve.

"My brother in law was there. He needed to talk to Hawk about something to do with the business. I gave my daughter to him to take to his mother's house until Hawk got home." I pulled the picture of Cheyenne out of my inside jacket pocket and looked at it as tears swam down my cheeks.

I forced myself to keep talking. "I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do. All I knew was that I had to get away. I hitchhiked into Portland to the Greyhound station and bought a ticket to, Sacramento. It took most of my money but I figured I didn't have much choice.

When I got to Sacramento, I got a part time job as a waitress at this little café by the bus station. I made enough in tips and wages to keep me going for a couple of weeks. Then one night the café caught fire." I laughed bitterly. "So here I was, stranded in Sacramento. No food, no money and my rent at the boarding house was due in two days."

Jake didn't say anything as I spoke. He just listened. The only sounds I heard were my own voice and the windshield wipers as they cleared away the snow. We stopped for lunch just outside of Shreveport, LA. As we waited for our food, I continued my story.

"I was sitting in the bus depot, just sitting there. I was trying to figure out what to do when this guy walked in. He walked over to me and told me he heard I needed a ride, said he was going to San Francisco but I was welcome to join him." I laughed. "'No Strings.' he promised. So I caught a ride with him to San Francisco. He gave me enough to get a hotel room for the night and a meal and then left."

I looked down at my cheeseburger suddenly not so hungry anymore and took a drink of my soda. "That's pretty much what I've been doing the past six months. Hitching rides to wherever I can. The driver who dropped me off picked me up just outside of Oklahoma City." I looked at Jake and saw him watching me.

"I'm sorry." he said softly. "No one should have to go through what you have gone through. Have you talked to your daughter since you left?"

I shook my head and felt tears sliding down my cheek again. "No. Jake I miss her so much. Even if Hawk doesn't want me, I want to be with my daughter. I want to be with Cheyenne."

He reached over and wiped my tears with a napkin. "We will be in Atlanta tomorrow. Call home. Laurie go home. If not for your sake then for your daughters."

I nodded and bit into my cheeseburger. I knew that no matter what happened next, I would need my strength to survive the next few days.

I looked out the window of the semi and onto the streets of Atlanta. I had never been this far from home before and in some ways it scared me. As we pulled into the Atlanta airport parking lot, I looked at Jake. He had told me he would buy me an airline ticket home. When I protested he pretended to go suddenly deaf until I stopped.

A little while later, I sat in the airport waiting for my flight. As I looked at the pictures, I knew what I had to do. Pulling the calling card out of my pocket, I walked over to a pay phone and dialed a number I knew only to well.

After three rings it was answered. "Hello?"

I caught my breath, not sure if I could do this. Then suddenly, "Hello Hawk."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. "Laurie? Where are you? I have been worried sick. I got your note. I don't know what you are talking about me and London. The woman, who answered the phone that night, was Mrs. Mason. The man I was doing business with's wife."

I almost dropped the phone. He wasn't having an affair. It was all a mix-up. I felt like such a fool. "I'm in Atlanta and I want to come home if you still want me."

There was silence for a moment again and I was afraid he would tell me not to bother. Then he surprised me again. "Laurie, I love you. Our daughter is going crazy; she wakes up in the middle of the night crying out for you. She doesn't understand why your not there. Why you weren't there to see her open her presents on Christmas morning. She even asked Santa clause to bring mommy home."

I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say. I made a mistake and I am so sorry." I cried through a cracked voice.

Hawk was quiet for a minute. "What flight are you on and when should you be here?" He asked in a resigned voice.

I told him.

"Fine," He replied. "I'll meet you at the airport. I'll take Cheyenne over to my mothers."

"No," I cried, "I want to see her."

Hawk kind of chuckled. "Don't worry, you will. But we are gonna need to talk."

I sighed. "Alright, I will meet you at the airport."

"I love you Laurie. I'll see you soon." then the phone went dead.

As I hung up the phone and went back over to wait for my flight. I wondered just what kind of reception I would get when I got home.

* * *

When I got off the plane, I looked around for Hawk. He was standing over by the security check section watching for me. When our eyes met he started walking towards me. I just stood where I was, I couldn't move. It was as if he had pinned me down with just his eyes.

When he reached me, I was sure he was going to say something or yell at me for being a fool. Instead he took my bag from my hands, pulled me into his arms and kissed me deeply.

I stood stiffly in his arms for several seconds until I felt his tongue pushing for entrance into my mouth. I gave in then and opened to him while I ran my arms behind his neck.

As we stood in the middle of the airport, locked in each others arms I knew then that no matter what happened everything would work out. I was back where I belonged. Back in the arms of the man I loved and I knew I would never have to leave again.

I had found my way back home.

The End