Can Their Marriage Survive?

"What are you doing?" John asked.

"I remembered that I hadn't put any towels in here, we never use this shower. I brought you some towels. I think I'd better go get dressed." Beth said.

Again she picked up her towel and carried it instead of wrapping it around herself. She was right there hadn't been any towels so John used the ones she'd brought to dry off; then he got dressed. Beth was dressed and in the kitchen when John got there.

"Feel better after a nice hot shower?" Beth asked.

"No. Cleaner; but not better." John said.

"Well, I guess cleaner is a good start. What time did you get up Friday morning?" Beth asked.

"Let's see, I think it was 7:00." John said.

"Okay 7:00 Friday morning and it's almost 8:00 Sunday morning now, which means that you've been awake for over 48 hours straight. Could I convince you to take a sleeping pill or something? You look terrible; you need to get some sleep." Beth said.

"A sleeping pill wouldn't help Beth. Even when I blink I can see the image of what happened in my head. It's for a brief instant each time I blink so I can handle it, but if I close my eyes for any length of time I won't be able to stand it. A sleeping pill, horse tranquilizers, a frying pan to the head, it doesn't matter, my mind won't allow me to close my eyes because it's too painful." John said.

"It will have to happen some time John; you can't stay awake forever." Beth said.

"I know, and I know that the longer I go without sleep the worse my decision making will get. I just can't do it. If I can stay awake for a week and a half I'm going to do it. If I fall asleep in 10 minutes so be it, but it will be when my body finally gives out and not before." John said.

"You poor thing. I'll go ask Kelly those questions right away so maybe the answers will ease your mind enough that you can get some sleep." Beth said.

Beth went over to the house and Kelly let her in.

"How's he doing? Is he eating? How's he sleeping?" Kelly asked.

"I've gotten him to eat, but he hasn't slept since he got up Friday morning." Beth said.

"Oh god. I didn't sleep very well, but I did pass out on the couch last night." Kelly said.

"He came up with 7 more questions for me to ask you." Beth said.

"Okay. Whatever he wants to know. Whatever can help us get through this; I'll answer any question he wants to ask." Kelly said.

"These won't be easy." Beth said.

"I have no doubt of that, but I'll answer all of them." Kelly said.

"Okay, question number one; what exactly was it that you were bored with that led you to go on that website?" Beth asked.

"What was I bored with? Life I suppose." Kelly said.

"Your life with John?" Beth asked.

"Heavens no. My life with John has never been boring." Kelly said.

"Then in what way were you bored with life?" Beth asked.

"Yes I suppose that might be a little confusing. It wasn't my life with John that was boring, it was everything else. Everyone has things that they do in their life that don't include their significant other. The things that I had in my life outside of John were boring, repetitive, and dull. How many times can you go to a women's club meeting before realizing that the meetings are always the same? If you go to one per year you don't miss anything, it's always the same. Obviously I made a bad choice in how to drive the boredom from my life outside of John. I was most definitely not bored with John." Kelly said.

"I think that probably covers question number two as well. He wants to know if he did something to drive you into another man, or in this case other men's arms." Beth said.

"Of course not. As I said my life with John was wonderful. It was my life outside of him that was lacking. I never should have let myself wind up in anyone else's arms; but John didn't do anything to drive me there." Kelly said.

"Here, I've got a feeling that you might need these for the next few questions." Beth said.

She hands a box of tissues to Kelly.

"That hard huh?" Kelly asked.

"They would be for me if I was the one being asked." Beth said.

"Okay." Kelly said.

"He wants to know if this was the first time you've cheated on him in your relationship. Since the two of you started dating have you been with anyone besides the two men that he saw you with?" Beth asked.

Kelly started pulling tissues as her eyes filled with tears.

"Yes. There was one other time." Kelly said.

"He will want details." Beth said.

"We were still in college. John and I had only been dating for a few weeks; we'd only had sex a few times at that point. I went on a girls' only weekend with two friends of mine. You've met them, Shannon and Amy. One of the nights we all had quite a bit to drink and we...we decided to have sex with each other to see what it was like. None of us had ever been with a woman before. It was a one time thing, we haven't talked about it since, but John and I were together at that point so what I did was cheating on him." Kelly said.

She sobbed openly.

"And that's it?" Beth asked.

"That's it. That's the only other time that I cheated on him. I've felt guilty about that one for years. I'll be glad that he knows at last. I hated keeping it secret from him." Kelly sobbed.

"Okay, the 4th question he came up with was why you did what you did in your bed." Beth said.

"In my defense on that question my judgment was obviously way off already since I willingly went upstairs with them in the first place. I should have asked them to leave as soon as they got there. We do have two other rooms with large beds in them that wouldn't have made what I did any better, but it would have at least kept our marital bed out of what I was doing. It's just the two of us though so we hardly ever go into the other rooms so my first thought when I think of going to bed is to go to the bedroom that I share with John. What I did was a horrible mistake, but I compounded it by doing it in our bed." Kelly said.

"Okay so the answer to that one would be already impaired judgment and a force of habit response to go to the master bedroom when you think of going to bed. Does that sum up what you were trying to say?" Beth asked.

"Yes, perfectly." Kelly said.

"Okay, here comes another tear jerker. When you were with them were you thinking about John at all or were you only thinking about what those two men were doing to you?" Beth asked.

Kelly pulled more tissues as she started crying again.

"I was thinking of John the whole time. I enjoyed what Adam and Jeff were doing to me, but I was thinking about John and I knew it was wrong. I'm John's wife; I should never have been doing anything close to that with anyone else. I knew that, but I also enjoyed the attention and pleasure that Adam and Jeff were showing me." Kelly said.

"So that's a yes then; you were thinking of John. Apparently not hard enough to stop what was happening at any point during the 5 hours, but you were thinking of him." Beth said.

"You think I'm horrible don't you?" Kelly asked.

"What I think of you isn't at issue right now; what John thinks of you, or will think of you in the future is what's important right now." Beth said.

"I can see it in your eyes Beth. Not only have I hurt John, I've hurt you as well." Kelly said.

"Yes you have. For the life of me I can't imagine why anyone would do what you did to someone as incredible as John. Let's just get on with the questions. There are only two left." Beth said.

"Okay." Kelly said.

"Were you ever thinking of either of the two men while you and John were making love?" Beth asked.

"No, never; nothing I did in my life away from John ever came into my life with John. Well, at least it didn't until Friday." Kelly said.

"Okay, I'll buy that. Last one; and this one could either be the easiest or the hardest question of the group. Are you ready?" Beth asked.

"I think so." Kelly said.

"John said that you were thinking of starting a family soon. He wants to know if you were still on the pill when it happened." Beth said.

"Yes thank God. What I've done is bad enough, but if I'd ended up pregnant with another man's baby...it would absolutely kill me." Kelly said.

"He'll be very relieved to hear that." Beth said.

"Beth, you've seen him, you've talked to him, I must know, am I going to lose him?" Kelly asked.

"It's too early to tell Kelly. He's had a pretty blank expression on his the whole time he's been at our house. I don't think he has any idea what he's going to do right now. It seems like he's covering all of his bases by getting the tapes and by having me ask you these questions. If he decides it's over he'll have the tapes to prove infidelity if you decided to deny it in court. If he decides to try to make it work the tapes will be in safe hands so they don't get out. By having me ask these questions he'll have a better understanding of how this all happened. Then he can make his decision. If he agrees that it was something that had nothing to do with your life with him that just got way out of control there might be hope. If he decides that you went looking for them because you were bored with him it could be over. Like I said it's too early to tell right now. The only thing we can do is keep giving him the information that he asks for holding nothing back and hope that he makes the right decision, whatever that decision is." Beth said.

"Give him a kiss for me when you see him." Kelly said.

"What kind of kiss?" Beth asked.

"Whatever kind you're comfortable with. I don't care; a peck on the cheek, a peck on the mouth, lick his tonsils, whatever, just give him a kiss for me." Kelly said.

"Okay." Beth said.

Beth drove home. John was waiting anxiously. When she walked in she came over, sat on his lap and gave him a big hug.

"Another hug from Kelly?" John asked.

"No, that one's from me. This is from Kelly." Beth said.

She gave John a closed mouth kiss on the lips. She didn't get off his lap as she pulled out the paper she'd written the questions and answers on.

"Okay, so what did she say?" John asked.

"Well she said that she wasn't bored with you, she was bored with her life outside of you. You know; the individual stuff like you going golfing and stuff like that. She wanted to make that part of her life more interesting and exciting so she went on that website, which was obviously a mistake." Beth said.

"No kidding. What else did she say?" John asked.

"She said that you didn't do anything to drive her into someone else's arms. She said that her life with you was perfect, but she let the excitement she found in her life away from you get out of hand." Beth said.

"What else?" John asked.

"This wasn't the first time that she cheated on you." Beth said.

"WHAT?" John asked outraged.

"It might not be as bad as you think. It's kind of hot really." Beth said.

"Hot? Kelly cheating on me some other time is hot?" John asked.

"It's a totally different situation than this one. It happened when you had just been dating for a few weeks. She went away with her friends Shannon and Amy for the weekend. The three of them got a little drunk and had sex with each other." Beth said.

"So she cheated on me with her two friends and not another man?" John asked.

"Yeah; can't you just picture three gorgeous girls like that in some hotel room somewhere a little bit tipsy, kissing, touching, fingering, and licking each other. Tell me that's not hot." Beth said.

"Right now that won't sink in because of all the other things in my head. I suppose that I can't be too mad at her about that though because we hadn't been dating long. I remember that weekend, I wanted to take her to a concert, but she went away with Shannon and Amy. I suppose I'm also quite relieved that it was with women instead of men. Cheating should be cheating, but it doesn't seem as bad if it was with women." John said.

"It's probably a territorial thing. If another man comes sniffing around your woman he has to die, but if it's a woman it isn't as bad." Beth said.

"Maybe. So what else did she say?" John asked.

"Okay, her response to why she did it in your bed was that she had impaired judgment and it was a force of habit to go to your room." Beth said.

"Impaired judgment and a force of habit?" John asked.

"Yeah. Considering that she agreed to have sex with them in the first place when she knew she shouldn't her judgment was obviously impaired. As for the force of habit, the only bedroom you guys ever use is yours so when they headed upstairs so they could do it on a bed it was an immediate force of habit to go into your bedroom." Beth said.

"What else did she say?" John asked.

"She said that she was thinking of you the whole time that she was with them. She knew that what she was doing was wrong, but she made it seem like her mind and her body were almost detached from one another. Her body was experiencing pleasure even though her mind was screaming that it shouldn't be." Beth said.

"What did she say when you asked her if she thought about them when she was with me?" John asked.

"She said no. She said that until Friday when the two of them showed up that part of her life had never encroached upon her life with you." Beth said.

"What about the last question?" John asked.

"She's still on the pill; and the thought of having another man's child really upset her." Beth said.

"I'm glad to hear that. Thank you for doing all of this Beth; you're a very good friend to both of us." John said.

"Yes I am. If I didn't love you both to death I'd never play the go between like this." Beth said.

"Well I appreciate it." John said.

For the first time John initiated a hug with Beth. When he put his arms around her she put hers around him. It was nice.

"So what are you going to do about work?" Beth asked.

"I had 5 weeks of vacation saved up. I doubt I'll be going on any vacations in the near future so I called Eric and told him I'm taking at least a week off." John said.

"Great, it will be you and me all week." Beth said.

John sat up all night again. Monday morning at 6:00 Tom got up, and was out the door by 6:45. At 7:00 Beth came down the hall with a towel on her hair and she was wearing a pair of very tight very skimpy shorts and a tight mid-riff top.

"Still no sleep huh?" Beth asked.

"Nope. What are you...?" John asked.

"What am I making for breakfast? Bacon and eggs I think. Let's see, you've been awake for 72 hours straight now right? I really wish I could get you to go to sleep." Beth said.

"I told you, that isn't going to happen until my body can't stay awake any longer." John said.

"John, I'm worried about you." Beth said.

"I know you are and I appreciate your concern, but this is the way it has to be." John said.

"Well at least you won't be driving or doing anything where you could kill yourself or someone else." Beth said.

They at breakfast then John moved to the living room and to his surprise so did Beth. She sat down beside him on the couch.

"Uh...Beth." John said.

"What is it John?" Beth asked.

"Do you usually wear so little around your house on Monday morning?" John asked.

"As a matter of fact, yes I do. I like wearing stuff like this and there's usually nobody around to see me like this. If it bothers you, all you have to do is close your eyes." Beth said.

"Oh, I get it; you're trying to get me to go to sleep. The truth is Beth, I'm completely exhausted, and I don't have much energy left in me. I probably will fall asleep some time today." John said.

"I'm glad. I know you want to hold out as long as you can, but I can see the exhaustion on your face. It's killing me to see you like this, and I know that it would kill Kelly to see you like this. If you say you don't have much left then I'm gonna just sit right here with you until you fall asleep." Beth said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because if you're right, when you do fall asleep the image of Friday night will be in your head and there should be someone here with you when it happens. Someone to hold your head in their lap and see you through it." Beth said.

"Hold my head in your lap?" John asked.

"Why not?" Beth asked.

"Well, we're at your house, the house you share with your husband Tom, who would probably be upset to find us like that. Plus I am still a married man." John said.

"Tom won't be home for a long time; it's okay." Beth said.

John didn't have the energy left to put up much of a fight. He could feel his head and his eye lids getting heavy. John's head dropped to the side, towards Beth. Not long before John finally fell asleep he felt Beth pull him over so that his head was lying in her lap.

John felt her stroking his hair and his side as he finally drifted off to sleep after 76 continuous hours of being awake.

It was after 5:00 when John finally woke up. It had been around 9:00 when he fell asleep so he'd been out for 8 hours. John was unsure where he was at first. He noticed a pair of bare knees in front of his eyes so he sat up.

"Well, good morning." Beth said.

"Morning?" John asked.

"Okay, evening. You've been asleep for 8 hours. Do you feel better now that you've slept?" Beth asked.

"Some. My head's clearer at least. Did you sit there for 8 hours while I slept with my head on your lap?" John asked.

"Yes, and I'm really glad you woke up. I have to pee and I'm starving." Beth said.

She got up and hurried down the hall to the bathroom. She came back a few minutes later.

"Tom's gonna be home pretty soon, I'll get started on dinner. You should probably change and clean up a little." Beth said.

John went down the hall into the guest room. He took a nice hot shower, shaved, put on fresh clothes and went back out to the living room.

"John, you look a whole lot better, did you finally get some sleep?" Tom asked.

"Yes he did. He slept pretty much all day. He does look better, but he still looks really exhausted." Beth said.

"I am, but I think I'll stand a chance of sleeping tonight...maybe." John said.

"I hope so; if you keep going like you were you'd either end up dead or at least in the loony bin." Tom said.

"I'm glad I slept because I thought of something that might help this whole situation." John said.

"That's great. What did you come up with?" Beth asked.

"We should move." John said.

"What?" Tom asked.

"I can't go back into that house...that room ever again. Even if I can forgive Kelly for what happened, I can't go back into that house. If there's any chance, it has to be in a different house. Beth, would you talk to Kelly about it tomorrow for me?" John asked.

"Yes of course John. That's a major transaction, but I'm sure she'll agree." Beth said.

John was still sitting up on the couch when Beth got ready to go to bed.

"Are you going to try the bed tonight?" Beth asked.

"Probably not. I think I can sleep here as well as I'd sleep there, if I can sleep at all." John said.

"Okay, goodnight." Beth said.

John had a turbulent night. He did get to sleep a few times but it was for short stints, which was still better than the 3 previous nights.

Tuesday morning Tom left for work and then Beth came out to the kitchen in a robe and started making breakfast for the two of them.

"So did you get any sleep?" Beth asked.

"Some." John said.

"Well, that's an improvement I guess. So when I go talk to Kelly about the house thing how do you want me to handle it?" Beth asked.

"What do you mean?" John asked.

"Well, selling a house takes a lot of paperwork, which both of you would have to sign, plus shopping for a new house is something you should both have input on." Beth said.

"We can work out the paperwork problems. As for finding a new house, I'll trust Kelly's judgment. If it's in the same price range or maybe a little higher then what and where I'll leave to her." John said.