Caroline Ch. 13.03byVitorio©
If you are new to this series please read the intro to Ch 01 so you'll know what to expect. It isn't strictly necessary to read the earlier chapters but some of this won't make sense if you don't so I hope you will!
I apologise for yet another non-erotic chapter but I needed to clarify exactly how Mike felt, and feels, about Gianna before getting them in bed together. So here Mike remembers the past. You can probably skip over this but there is also a section introducing some new characters that I considered incorporating in the future (and may well do so – time permitting). I stress, please bear in mind that I wrote this some while ago solely for my enjoyment.
I did look to edit some of this out but when I re-read it I thought that it was important to know how Mike felt about the whole situation.
(No actual sex but there are references)
Lena asked me to write down my feelings and experiences over that fortnight at the villa about two weeks after we got back so everything was very fresh in my mind. I'll start at the beginning but I'll also write about my feelings for Gianna in the past because it is relevant to how I felt then.
I was worried on the way to the clinic on Monday, not so much about the baby because Lena seemed to be fine in that department but she still looked tired and I suspected they would want her to rest. I knew I had to return to England with Guy and Jo to sort out several things and I didn't want to tire Lena out by constant travelling back and forth. I also didn't want her to fly either. Look, I don't like flying in the first place and, particularly now, I wouldn't risk her.
Well, as Lena has said, we had good and bad news. Good news about the baby and bad news, well not really more inconvenient than anything. As we waited I explained all this to Lena and finally decided that she was more important than going home so decided to go to Mimosa with her so she could rest. She was having none of it, she knew how important it was for me to go home so she suggested Gianna staying with her. Well, at the time that sounded like a good idea. Since their chat before the blessing Gianna's attitude to Lena had subtly changed. She seemed much happier with Lena, almost mother and daughter so I didn't detect any of Lena's ulterior motive at that time. I thought it would be a good opportunity for them to really get to know each other. I suppose I really should have seen what was coming but I was fixed on the problem of the moment and solving that.
I only had one concern and that was how Silvio and Gianna were. I had been concerned about them for a while. She seemed more offhand with him of late and he was taking less interest in her but that was their business, at least I thought so then.
Here I am going to digress and talk about Silvio and me, and Gianna. It is an opportunity for me to explain about my past.
I first met Silvio when I was 18 and he was considerably older. We got on so well, I think, because he was out of his depth in England and I was an experienced Londoner who could show him around. I grew up in London and knew it very well. I was also fairly well off. My parents had plenty of money and they were quite lavish with it so I was never short and I had a good job at that time as well. He didn't speak much English then but I spoke a bit of Italian, not much in those days, and it did help. Neither of us were bad looking and we had a great time together pulling girls. He always liked his women young. Oh he wasn't 'that way' inclined, he didn't like children, he just liked his women to look young. I liked my women to enjoy anal sex! Even at that age I'm afraid it was my major fetish. As I told Lena, that picture I'd seen at 13 had really fixed my sexual proclivities. Don't get me wrong, I liked, and still do like, all kinds of sex, but I really get off on a woman's bottom. I can't help it, it just turns me on! Silvio enjoyed it as well but not to the same degree as me.
We became exceptionally good pals as I showed him around and taught him about London. He picked up the language pretty well and soon decided he wanted to be a chef and have his own restaurant.
When I was 20 I met, and fell for, Patricia. She was a real looker and I fell in love, well what passed for love then. We got married pretty quickly because I managed to get her pregnant. I was happy with her. She was great in bed, with few inhibitions but she wasn't that fond of anal sex. She knew how much it meant to me though, and she always let me do that at least once or twice a month. Mind I had to work very had on her to give her two or three orgasms beforehand but I liked giving her pleasure and she suffered my desires gladly although I don't think she ever really enjoyed it.
I still saw a lot of Silvio although marriage severely clipped my wings. I stayed faithful to Patricia until Gianna, but more of that later. I was in my late twenties when he told me he was getting married. His family had arranged it in Italy. One of those marriages that sometimes used to take place there to 'settle' things. He showed me a picture of Gianna then and, I must admit, I didn't think she looked sixteen but he assured me she was. Well, I knew he liked young women so I wasn't surprised. By this time I had helped him buy a small café with a flat above so he had somewhere to bring her back to. I was his best man at the wedding and I felt a bit sorry for her, all on her own, sent over on a plane to a strange country. She only spoke a word or two of English and seemed very out of her depth. Still, although he could be a bit of a raconteur, he was basically a kind man and she seemed reasonably happy with him.
After Nardo was born, however, he became less satisfied. He told me she was lifeless in bed and, worse from his point of view, she wouldn't let him take her bottom. He didn't know why, he assumed her mother must have told her about it (it was a common form of birth control in the south) so he couldn't understand. He started to have affairs. I'm sure she guessed but she didn't say anything to him. I saw quite a bit of her really. We were the only real friends he had and Patricia had always gone out of her way to help Gianna fit in. She always seemed sad, unfulfilled I suppose. She was the little woman at home, seldom if ever venturing out on her own. Silvio even did all the shopping along with that for the café. She went out with Patricia and the kids a few times but she was always a bit nervous. She picked up a fair bit of English but, at that time, was never really confident.
As she grew older I began to notice her as a woman. I'm not fond of young looking women, I prefer women who look a bit more experienced, more grown up. This was what was happening to Gianna. She always looked after herself. It seemed her way of asserting her individuality and, around twenty and after two children, she looked fabulous. I'd seen her a couple of times in a bathing costume before she'd managed to hide and I must admit I couldn't understand why Silvio was playing away! I never thought of doing anything mind, I was happily married with three kids so my interest was only in passing. That all changed of course.
I know I've written about this before when I told Guy and Lena has too, I think I ought to write down how it happened and how I felt at the time.
One day Silvio came to see me to tell me he had to go back to Italy to clear up some complicated family business. He'd be away for several months he thought, arranging various things. It seemed a bit funny at the time but it wasn't really anything to do with me. He left money with Gianna for three months saying he'd send more back later. He closed the café and off he went. I kept quite close contact with Gianna and the kids because now she was forced to fend for herself so, early on, I made sure she had some help. She began to grow in confidence as she got out more and she began to smile. I hadn't really noticed before but she didn't smile much and she hardly ever laughed.
Things went OK for three months and then the bombshell. Out of the blue Silvio phoned me and said he wasn't coming back. He'd fallen in love with this girl, only eighteen he said, and she was pregnant. I ranted at him about Gianna and his kids but he was adamant that he was staying in Italy and what's more, he wasn't going to support them. I suspected that the whole 'family business' thing was a façade to get him back home to another young girl. I got very angry with him and we had the first serious row, over the phone mind, that we'd ever had. It ended with him putting the phone down on me. Well, I had to tell Gianna somehow. It would have been difficult enough if she could understand English but I had to do it in a pigeon form of Italian/English. I waited until the kids were in bed one evening then sat down with her in the small lounge of the flat over the café.
I began to tell her but she didn't seem to understand at first, understand that he wasn't coming back at all. Finally she saw it and she went to pieces. She told me later that it wasn't because she loved him or anything like that, because she didn't. It was because she was frightened. A woman on her own in a foreign country. She couldn't go home, that would be a disgrace so she had to stay. She cried and I comforted her, held he tight and 'shushed' her - and fell in love with her.
Look, I can't, I won't, apologise for that. Initially it wasn't actually sexual. She was so vulnerable, so frightened of the future. I told her not to worry I would look after her. Do you know what that does to your feelings. As I held her I realised that now, I felt differently about her. Before she was my best friend's wife, now she was a waif and stray, a beautiful one at that, alone in the world. I couldn't help it. Care, concern, a need to protect all welled up inside me and over time turned my feelings from affection to love. When she looked at me with her marvellous brown eyes full of thanks for saying that I was completely smitten! I'm certain that, then, she didn't feel the same way about me but it didn't matter at that time. That only became important later as my love for her grew to new dimensions.
I'd had time to think things through and make some plans so I explained to her that we would sell the café. Luckily it was in my name, I'd never handed it over to Silvio. Then I'd find her somewhere nice to live and she wouldn't have to worry. I kept her as well – no, not because I wanted her to be available but because it needed doing. I was going to look after her and her children.
So when I left her that evening she was fairly calm and the future didn't hold too many fears. I was surprised that she didn't seem bothered about losing Silvio but I didn't talk to her about that until later. I saw a lot of her over the next few months, selling the café, buying her a little house, and arranging the move. I grew to enjoy being with her, enjoy her smile and, even more so, enjoy seeing her laugh. I knew I was falling hopelessly head over heels in love with her. Something I hadn't felt before, my feelings for Patricia were strong but nowhere near as intense or deep as those for Gianna. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't stop myself. I've often looked back on that time and wondered if I could have done anything different but I doubt it. She was like a drug, the more I saw of her the more I wanted to see and, of course, I wanted her: grew to want her badly.
I made no secret of how I felt about her, I courted her, showed my feelings and she responded. Responded mind, so slowly. In her eyes she was a married woman and, with her Italian background, it was unthinkable that she should stray despite the way Silvio had treated her. But she was in England now and I was relentless in my pursuit of her. Finally, one evening in her little house, I managed to kiss her as she laughed. It frightened her, hell, it frightened me it felt so good, and she pulled away shocked but her attitude changed after that. I think she must have felt something as well. She told me she began to love me then but she was still locked into her belief about her marriage vows.
I continued seeing her, almost to the detriment of my own marriage. I think Patricia knew what was happening but she seemed to be able to cope with it. I was very lucky being married to her. As it happened, and I didn't know it at the time, she was seeing someone else and, although it was platonic then, it later turned sexual. Finally I managed to break down Gianna's resistance. I know now that she was a much more sexual person than Silvio ever experienced, primarily because she didn't love him, and I think she was feeling the need for sexual release as well; particularly as I was courting her so intensely.
We made love the first time on her couch, fumbling and unsatisfying, but opening the door to the rest of the night in her bed. I couldn't believe her enthusiasm. She was nothing like the woman Silvio described. Lively, fun, exciting, loving her was so enjoyable and a bit debilitating as well – she used to wear me out! She told me that night that she had fallen in love with me. She'd never been in love with Silvio. He was kind and not too demanding so she held him in some affection, she was bound to, but she had no deep feelings for him hence she wasn't that upset about losing him.
It was the third time we made love that she gave me her prize, as she called it. Something she'd never given to Silvio, her bottom. She offered herself to me there because she said she loved me and she had saved that for the man she loved. I'd never experienced such pleasure from anal sex before and I was something of a connoisseur! It was excruciatingly wonderful. She was a virgin there and incredibly tight, a tightness she always retained rather like Lena and Jo. I suppose that, when something is given so lovingly the taking of it is so much more pleasurable. I hurt her the first time. I was gentle but she is small, tiny in fact, but she insisted, wanted me to do it completely. I was surprised that she was prepared for the ordeal. Afterwards she told me her mother had warned her about anal sex, told her most men wanted it and, anyway, you didn't have babies like that.
That was another thing about anal sex with Gianna, I didn't have to wear anything. I always used condoms, with Gianna and with my wife. I never wanted Patricia to go on the pill, it was always a bit suspect to me, messing with such important things and, of course, Gianna was a catholic so no birth control allowed, it was all up to me. In the back door however, I didn't use anything. Well I wasn't promiscuous nor was she (nor was Patricia for that matter and I never used one when we had anal sex) so there was no need. Gianna always said how much she enjoyed the feel of me 'naked' inside her and my offering to her hitting her insides. She loved anal sex all of our time together and I almost always came inside her bottom.
Things went well for almost a year but I started to get unhappy, unhappy that she wasn't mine. I resented going home and leaving her although she didn't mind, she wouldn't have wanted me to leave Patricia. I think that, all the time she felt what we were doing was wrong but she buried it because of our love for each other. But it wasn't enough for me, I wanted to possess her, have her all the time, so I asked her to divorce Silvio and marry me. I also asked Patricia to divorce me.
Gianna was shocked at such a suggestion. Divorce was unthinkable to her, no matter what her husband did and she wouldn't hear of it no matter how much I tried to persuade her. To make matters worse and for some then unknown reason, Patricia refused as well. She said she still loved me despite my infatuation with Gianna and she understood me. I ranted at her as well so deep was I wallowing in my own selfishness.
Well, I formulated a plan. I'd make Gianna pregnant, surely she couldn't refuse me then and Patricia's hand would be forced. So I did, I just cut the tiny tip off of a condom and used it at her most fertile time and, sure enough, she fell. I told her it was a mistake but she didn't believe me, I could never lie to her very well, and she was furious with me. Understandable I suppose, it was a selfish and unkind thing to do. It didn't alter Patricia's mind either so I'd just succeeded in upsetting both women although Gianna did relent and allow me back into her bed until the baby was born.
After Guy she wouldn't let me near her, she said she didn't trust me any more. Well I couldn't cope with this despite the fact that she was right. I don't know, I might have done it again but I didn't. Instead I had a vasectomy to prove to her I couldn't give her any more children. She was funny, happy that I could sleep with her again but sad that I couldn't give her a child. Women are strange like this, they can hold contradictory feelings and not be overly bothered by it. I'm not sure men can do that.
So our relationship continued and I lived two lives, one with Gianna and one with Patricia. Strangely throughout this time they were still friends. I think Gianna was embarrassed at the start but Pat put her at ease and helped her with the children and school. That got her over the first year on her own. I was reasonably happy. I had Gianna and I had Patricia, well a part of her anyway because, by now, she had found another man. However, that was the reason she didn't want a divorce, she didn't want to marry him or anything. She was happy married to me, it gave her and the girls stability, and the opportunity to have her affair. What could I say? I understood her feelings so I wasn't jealous. You see I didn't feel the same way about Patricia as I did about Gianna. I loved Pat but not in the deeply emotional way I did Gianna.
Then another bombshell, a bombshell that shattered my life, almost destroyed me and, I think, caused Gianna inordinate sadness. Silvio phoned me out of the blue. He was devastated by the death of his love and his child in a car accident. He wasn't in the car at the time, it was her brother driving, he was killed as well. Silvio believed that it was judgement on him for leaving Gianna and he wanted to come back, and he wanted me to ask her. It's difficult to put my feelings at that moment into words. I suppose I hated him for a while because, you see, I knew she'd have him back. Even before I spoke to her I knew that. Even though she loved me and not him, even after deserting her, she would have him back. I know now that she had no choice really. Her upbringing, her background, left her no room for manoeuvre. Add to that her religious convictions and her own guilt at going with me and I stood no chance.
But I didn't see it like that then. I told her what he wanted and she said she would take him back. I ranted and raved at her, banged the table and stamped my feet. I treated her so badly then, at a time she needed my help more than ever. I was so selfish I didn't see that. All I could see was that she didn't want me. Well, I saw Silvio at the airport and I told him about us, that we'd been lovers for four years and she had my son. I suppose I was trying to make him go away, leave her in disgust. It didn't work! Surprisingly he didn't seem worried by our affair, he was just thankful that I'd looked after her and his children. I think he felt immense guilt at that time, and for the rest of his life really, so he could hardly judge her could he. He vowed to treat Guy as his own and he did. At that time he thought I'd just taken advantage of the situation to have a bit on the side. I didn't tell him how strongly I felt about her.
After that meeting I took to the bottle! If you haven't had to give up the woman you love to another man, to know he is having her just like you did, and you can never do that again, then you can't begin to understand the despair of the situation. A bleakness invades your life that you can't seem to shake off. I would try to go to sleep at night and I would see them together in my mind, him making love to her. So, most nights I drunk myself into a stupor then I didn't have to think about it but it was there in the morning. The next couple of months are a bit of hazy time for me, my business suffered, Pat and the kids suffered and, unknown to me Gianna suffered; worried sick about me and having to submit to Silvio.