Caught by the Tide Ch. 09

For a few moments I couldn't see, couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, only gradually becoming aware of the arms still around me, holding me close, my legs so jelly-like I knew I would've fallen without the support. And by and by I realised I couldn't see because my eyes were closed, opening them at last to find I was staring at the tiles in front of me, Luke's soft laughter rumbling in my ear.

"Holy shit," he murmured, planting kisses on my neck. "I think you just turned me inside out."

When I didn't reply, he twisted me around, seeming to discern from just one glance how depleted I was feeling. Adjusting the spray back to normal, he gently cleaned me up before returning the shower head to its bracket then wrapped me tightly in his arms, hugging me as though he'd never let me go. As the deliciously warm water continued to cascade over our bodies, I let my head droop on to his shoulder, my eyes drifting closed again as his hand gently caressed the length of my spine.

"I love you."

"Wh-what?" Startled, not at all sure that I hadn't fallen asleep--that I hadn't merely been dreaming--I lifted my head to stare at him.

Luke smiled, those blue eyes unwavering on mine. "I know. It's probably way too early to tell you that but--" He shrugged, looking unrepentant. "I do and I just had to tell you."

No. I couldn't have heard him right... "Tell me--tell mewhat?"

"Becks!" He gave an uncharacteristically self-conscious laugh. "I've made a point of never saying those three little words to any other girl in my life. You're really going to make me say them again?"

I looked at him helplessly, aware of just how fast my heart was beating, those 'three little words' rolling around and around in my head. "Luke..."

"I love you." Cupping my cheek, he leaned in to kiss me, still smiling, his gaze very warm. "It's okay, babe, I know it's too soon. I'm not expecting you to say it back. I just wanted you to know." And then he drew in a deep breath. "So," he said, his tone much lighter, "let's get you out of here. Let's get you..."

But I wasn't listening anymore. It was yesterday afternoon and I was back in that quadrangle not far from the WRVS coffee shop at the hospital, sitting on the bench with Sarah.

That's the thing about falling in love, she'd said.You can't control it. You can't decide when it's going to happen...

"God, I hate it when she's right."

It was Luke's turn to look bewildered. "What?"

"Sarah." And suddenly I was smiling, beaming in fact, feeling rather as though someone had switched on a bright light inside of me. "She told me yesterday I'd fallen in love with you."

"She did? You have?" I could see that same light in Luke's eyes, his own smile brightening. And then, the cogs in his mind evidently whirring furiously, he added, "Your sister knows about me? You told her?"

"She knows about you--but she doesn't know that it'syou. I would've told her but yesterday, when you came up to speak to us after Mum's operation--" I stopped, remembering how wretched I'd felt. "You wouldn't even look at me."

Luke winced. "Becks, I thought you were--"

"--back with Daniel, I know." I shook my head. "But then you were there when I fainted. And for a moment, I thought everything would be all right."

"So you're admitting you fainted now?"

I pretended I hadn't heard. "Then Daniel went and spoiled all that as well. So of course I didn't tell her. There didn't seem to be any point. Because I thought--" And suddenly I realised my eyes were filling with tears. "I really thought it was over. Oh!" I gave a sob as Luke's expression softened. "I love you and y-you love me. Why thehell am I crying now?"

"Aw, Becks." Smiling, he stroked my wet hair back from my face then kissed me tenderly. "Come on, babe. I think it's time we got you dry."

On emerging from the steam-filled bathroom, the bedroom seemed startlingly bright and airy. Luke insisted on drying every inch of me himself, frowning as he patted the skin dry over the nearly-healed wound on my arm. "Those stitches are coming out today," he said firmly. "Make sure I don't forget."

I gazed down at my forearm, wanting to ask whether it would hurt but certain he'd laugh at me. "You branded me," I said instead, smiling when he looked baffled. "See?" As he watched, I traced the L shaped scar with my fingertip.

Luke smirked. "Oh that," he said lightly. "Yeah, I like to leave my mark on all my patients. Your mother's got two actually. One on her leg and one--" he unwrapped the towel from around my shoulders "--justhere," he finished, similarly drawing a line down the valley between my breasts and laughing when I shivered with pleasure. "I think we'd better get you dressed before I start getting ideas," he said reluctantly. "We're never going to get to the hospital at this rate. Want to borrow a pair of my boxer shorts?"

I stared at him in surprise as he left me to go and open the top drawer of that huge pine chest. "I beg your pardon?"

"Well, I'm guessing you haven't any clean underwear tucked away in your handbag--or have you?" His grin broadened as I pulled a face at him. "That's what I thought."

And so it was that I found myself sitting in Luke's Mercedes twenty minutes later feeling acutely conscious of the loose cotton nestling against my nether regions, despite the fact no one could possibly have guessed I was wearing his shorts beneath my trousers.

"So." Hearing the amusement in his voice, somehow I just knew what was coming next... "What are the chances of you staying awake long enough to tell me where we're going this time?"

"Oh, ha bloody ha." I gave his shoulder a playful jab then told him the address of the flat. "It's not exactly in the posh end of town, I know. Not like your place. But it's home. Well, it was," I added with a sigh.

He smiled. "Actually, until six months ago I lived two streets away from you."

"Really?" Astonished, I found myself wondering just how many times I'd seen him, how many times I'd walked past him without having any idea who he was. It didn't seem possible.

Luke was nodding. "And I loved it there. But Tim kept going on at me about climbing the property ladder and well, I gave in. Don't get me wrong, I like where I'm living now but it still doesn't feel like home."

"No," I murmured, as he navigated a busy junction. "I don't suppose the flat's ever going to feel like home again, either."

After turning right and pulling into a faster stream of traffic, he shot me a sympathetic glance. "What will you do? Put it up for sale, I s'pose."

I frowned. "What?"

"Well, you'll have to, won't you? Presumably Daniel will want his share."

"His share?" I gave a rather bitter laugh. "What share? It's my flat--it's in my name. I was living there before I met him. Mum gave me the money for the deposit and I got a mortgage for the rest."

"And you're still letting him live there? Becks!"

"I know. But with everything that's been going on, it just seemed easier to let him stay for now. He knows he's got to move out soon."

"Good. Although--" Luke grimaced slightly. "He might still be able to say that he's entitled to part of it, you know. If he can show that he contributed to the bills or paid money towards the mortgage."

I gave a snort. "Contributed to the bills? Luke, he's never got any money. I don't know how he does it, but he always manages to spend all of his pay in about three days. I used to count myself lucky if I didn't have to buy my own birthday card."

He shot me a bewildered glance. "Remind me again why you were going to marry this guy?"

"Oh." I heaved a sigh. "I thought I loved him. He was good-looking, funny. Life and soul of the party. All my friends were jealous when we started going out. I guess I was flattered he wanted to be with me."

"Becks, you're amazing." The warmth in his tone made me feel all gooey inside. "Whywouldn'the want to be with you?"

"Well, no one had ever made me feel that way before. It felt--different. Special. He used to spend money on me back then--he was always buying me silly presents." I bit my lip. "To be honest, I couldn't believe it when he asked me to marry him. We'd been going out for a year and a half. And then, well, the wedding stuff kind of took over. I s'pose I should've seen the signs but everyone else seemed to like him so much. My Mum--" I sighed. "Well, you know that Mum thinks the world of him. And my all friends thought I'd got it made.

"So I told myself that the little things I'd started not to like about him didn't matter. You know, things like not coming home when he said he would, going out with his mates when we were supposed to be going out, forgetting anniversaries..." I trailed off, realising that the more I told Luke, the bigger fool I was beginning to sound. "Stupid."

"No." His hand landed on my leg, his fingers warm even through the fabric of my trousers. "He was the stupid one. He had you, and he threw it all away. Threwyou away. What an asshole."

"Luke!" I found myself laughing weakly at the disgust in his tone.

He grinned, giving my thigh a gentle squeeze. "Still, his loss is my gain, right?"

As we turned into my street, I found myself feeling inexplicably nervous. I hadn't been back to the flat in more than three weeks, not since the afternoon of what should've been my wedding day when I'd dashed inside and stuffed as many of my clothes as I could into two suitcases. I gazed up at the three storey whitewashed building as Luke pulled up outside, drawing in a deep, steadying breath.

I felt his fingers curling around mine. "Sure you don't want me to come in with you?"

"No. He's not here. His car's not here, thank God." I'd checked the car park the moment we arrived. "Besides, I'm only going to be a minute."

I jumped out of the car before I could change my mind, striding with a confidence I didn't feel towards the communal entrance. It was a perfect spring morning, the sun shining, the sky a cloudless blue, a hint of a breeze sending a slight chill through my barely dry hair. But I felt curiously out of place. Although the flat had been mine for nearly six years, I found myself looking up at the block and seeing things I'd never noticed before; the decorative brickwork beneath the windows, the yellow curtains in the window of the flat next to mine. This was home but I felt like a visitor.

My keys in my hand, I went inside and crossed the lobby, taking the stairs to the first floor. Nothing had changed, the corridor looked just the same, the fake palm in the window at the end as dusty as ever, the plastic gnomes propped up outside my neighbour's front door still grinning at me inanely.

But on opening the door to my flat, I realised that somethingwas different. The sound of the television, a children's programme blaring from within. The smell of toast--burnt toast--mixed with something else, a sweet, slightly sickly aroma I recognised but couldn't quite identify. And the sight of a coat, not mine, not Daniel's, hanging from the row of pegs to my left.

Heart racing now, somehow I managed to walk to the end of the narrow hall. But on reaching the living room I found I couldn't move anymore, the scene that met my eyes causing me to stop dead in the doorway.

Toys were scattered across the floor, an assortment of dolls in various states of undress, a miniature shopping trolley containing brightly-coloured plastic fruit, a teddy bear strapped into a buggy. As I stared, quite unable to make any sense of what I was seeing, I heard someone call from the bathroom.

"Daniel? Is that you?"

Even though it'd been obvious someone was there, I jolted violently at the sound of the unfamiliar female voice. And when I realised just whose voice it must be, shock washed through me in an icy wave. Oh God, I'd been such a fool...

But before I could turn and make good my escape, a beaming toddler came running into the room. Wearing a pink dress, her hair a mass of golden ringlets, she too stopped dead, surveying me with solemn brown eyes.

Eyes that were just like Daniel's...

*

Thank you for reading me. All votes and comments gratefully received.

Lily

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