Cayote

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She looked into the mirror and found that her face did not have any tattooing on it and she was relieved by that. It was early morning and the sun had just crested the top of the mountains and she decided to return to her original quest and at least show up at the law office in town and let them laugh at her for being a day late. She drove down the track that led to the dirt road that led to the highway. When she got to the highway, she adjusted the rear view mirror and discovered her spare tire in the back of the truck. Puzzled, she put the truck in park and looked at the front right tire and discovered that it was still in place and no where near flat. She rechecked her arms and the tattoos were still there so she hadn’t imagined it yet, it was a surreal almost dreamlike drive into town to the law office.

She was happy that she had chosen dark colored pantyhose when she left the previous day so that the tattoo’s on her legs would be well hidden. Once inside the law office she was put into a room and asked to wait while one of the partners read her resume. She settled in with a cup of coffee and began to rehearse to herself answers to any questions that might arise so as not to be thrown off guard. After all, she was a women in a man’s world and she was an Indian women in a white man’s world.

After an hour, a man entered the room and she turned to stand before him. He was just like the old medicine man but younger by forty years. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to mid arm and she noticed that he sported tattoos. Once he removed his eyes from reading her resume and placed them on hers he froze.

Both of them stood there for many moments, not speaking. They both had the same feeling of awe and recognition yet were unable to communicate. Finally she asked him if he had any relatives living around Eagle Point.

“Not any more,” he answered, “but my grandfather, a medicine man used to live up in the hills there and I still use his sweat lodge every now and then.” The man’s name was Wilson and he was obviously of Indian decent.

“I feel as if I know him,” she answered.

“Somehow, I feel as if I know you,” he answered. He drank in her dark brown eyes and without looking away he said, “I bet you have your arms tattooed with flowers and on vines.”

This startled her and she just rolled up her sleeves and showed him. He nodded and sat heavily into a chair. “Grandfather died when I was twenty two years old. Before he died he taught me how to sing and heal. One night, he gave me a healing ceremony that changed my life. The next day, he died. His spirit is still wondering the desert and I feel him next to me as I walk. Last night, I relieved the ceremony in a dream, and I watched him put these tattoos all over my body and then I watched him put them on you. It is Grandfather’s wish that you should be here.”

One year later, after passing the bar, she was second seat on a class action suit against the federal government on behalf of the Navajo tribe for treaty violations. She was newly married to a man with a lot of tattoos, just like her and the both of them, had one tattoo that was in the same place; a phoenix rising from the ashes extending from the nape of the neck to the crack of the ass. Grandfather always said that the Navajo Nation will rise once again and be powerful. The tattoo’s are for strength and protection against powerful evil and will serve them like armor against their adversaries.

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auhunter04auhunter04over 12 years ago
more than we understand

The Navajo nation is actually stronger and wealthier than many 3rd world countries.

the Dene' have their own knowledge of things which are often discarded by modern society yet carry with them great power which no science man can explain.

Neat little tale of the mixture of the two

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
promising, but in need of a good edit

I liked your story because it is from a point of view we hardly ever hear (that of a Native American woman living in the modern world). I also liked all the description which you employed. However, there are a few things that could make this better (in my humble opinion):

1. In the beginning of the story you use 2nd person voice (i.e. "you"). Then you switch to third person ("she") at some point. Try to keep the voice consistent--choose either all second person or all third person. The switch is confusing and breaks the mood.

2. Check your word choices. In the first paragraph you say "the only pavement you see in the invisible line between the rez and county. Once on the pavement..." If it's invisible, how do you see it, and how can it be paved??? Maybe you mean, "The only visible road was the one following the boundary between rez and county."

Also, "preserving the slight chance" sounds odd. Try something like, "ensuring some slight chance". And "embedded with callouses" doesn't work because callouses cannot be embedded. Try "covered with".

3. Watch out for redundancy. "piled a nice little pile...", for example. You could say "Stacked a nice little pile of rocks" or "Made a pile of rocks" or just "Piled some rocks." If you're "piling" then we already know you're making a pile.

4. Check your subject/verb agreement. And remember than womAn is singular and womEn is plural.

I know this is a pretty long critique, but I see a lot of potential with this story and I think you can make it even better than it already is. I enjoyed this, and hope you write more!

p.s.

It reminds me of road 57 in New Mexico---all dirt and cattle guards for miles, until it finally hits a long, straight paved road out in the middle of nowhere (or Chaco Canyon, depending which direction you go).

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