Charlie's Pain And Healing

Sherry said, "Charlie we were going home from Mother's and saw the lights still on. Charlie you have to go home and get some rest. Have you even eaten today? You look terrible."

Charlie looked at his two friends as if through a tunnel. He licked his lips and tried to think, to understand what Sherry said. Finally he realized she had asked a question. Food wasn't it? Yes! That was it! He answered, "No. No I don't think I did. Is it lunch time now?"

Sherry looked at David and turned back to Charlie. They walked into the office and helped him from his seat. "Charlie it's almost midnight. Come on Charlie. We're taking you home. When we get you there you need to eat. You have to keep your strength up. Do you think Charlene would want you to act like this? Now come on."

Charlie numbly let the couple lead him from the room and office. He had no memory of getting into their truck or the trip to his home. Sherry heated a can of soup and insisted he eat it before they would leave. She and David put him to bed before they left. Charlie sobbed and the tears flowed once again when he realized he would never again feel Charlene in bed beside him. He cried himself to sleep finally but slept fitfully.

The next morning Charlie woke when someone pounded on the front door. He staggered out of his bedroom and into the living room. When he opened the door the bright sunlight nearly blinded him. He blinked his eyes until he could see better and saw he was facing his parents. Standing just behind them were Charlene's Father and Mother.

Charlie's mother pushed him back from the door and walked into the room. She immediately took charge and began rapping out orders like a drill sergeant. "Paul you get him cleaned up and in some clothes. Marilyn and I will get some lunch started."

After the meal the family was discussing the services when Captain Stewart arrived to help with the details. It was decided they would have a memorial at Ft. Lewis where Charlene had been posted. They would then take the body back to Southwest Missouri for interment in the cemetery near Charlie's hometown. Charlene had grown up in a small town in eastern Oklahoma. Charlie had offered to have her buried near her parents but they had insisted she be buried in Charlie's family plot near his ancestral home.

The day of the funeral arrived all too soon. Charlie dressed in his best dress uniform. Even in his grief he caught himself inspecting the uniformed friends that were serving as pallbearers. He was numb throughout the service in the chapel and barely noticed his walk out behind the casket or the drive to the cemetery.

Now Charlie stood with silent tears streaming down his cheeks. His chest felt like an elephant was standing on it. His eyes burned and his throat was tight. The rifles cracked and Charlie flinched, then again they sounded out. The final volley cracked out and he flinched once more. The noise of the 21-gun salute reverberated unmercifully within his head. While the sound echoed across the bleak landscape he felt his father's arm across his shoulder and his mother's hand in his. It was all he could do to stand at attention while the bugler played taps.

Charlie collapsed into his chair then and watched in silence. Two Army Sergeants marched to the casket containing his beloved wife Charlene. They carefully lifted the flag from his wife's casket and folded it neatly. The senior Sergeant marched to Charlie and handed him the flag. Charlie felt the weight of the world descend on his shoulders. It was over. His life and dreams now lay in the casket that was being gently lowered into the dark hole in the ground.

He felt his shoulders shake while he silently cried out his anguish.

While the mourner's were filing away from the gravesite Charlie let his mind wander back over the years of their marriage. He thought fleetingly of most of the high points of their marriage. He remembered the love they shared and the fun they had with each other. Of course, he also remembered the one great sadness in their lives. They were childless.

Another sob wracked his tall wiry frame. This one was loud enough to cause those nearest him to turn and look. Charlie neither saw nor heard. He was still lost in his memories and thoughts of what might have been. He knew in his heart though that they could have never been happy with another life.

Charlene would have died inside if she couldn't have flown and he would have never asked that of her. They both loved each other enough to allow the other their career. They both loved the United States enough to want to serve in their own way.

Charlie came back into the present when he felt hands pulling him up from his chair. His Father and Father in Law each had an arm and were guiding him toward the limousine the Funeral Home had provided for the immediate family. He was driven away, back to his Parent's home and the remainder of his now empty, lonely life.

The night of the funeral, after the guests had left Charlie wandered down to the small stream that chuckled by his parent's yard. He turned downstream and began walking along the bank. Not much farther downstream were his Grandparents yard and the old swimming hole. You could see either house from the other through a screening hedge. Charlie found one of the many chairs placed near the stream and sat down.

After he took his seat, he took a deep pull from the bottle of fine scotch he had liberated from his father's liquor cabinet. He sat beside the old swimming hole and watched the moon come up. In his mind he could hear the happy shouts and laughter from his and Charlene's last visit here. From time to time he took a deep drink from the bottle of Glenlivet he was still guarding.

Charlie watched the full moon travel across the sky while he silently tried to drown his sorrow. He sat back in the chair and let himself drift off. The quietly chuckling stream, aided by the very good scotch, lulled him into a gentle sleep. The next thing he heard was his mother screeching. She was standing just to the side of his chair and said, "Charles Fielding what is the idea of getting so drunk you can't even get back to your bed. Is this any way for an Army Officer to act? Do you think for one minute that Charlene would approve of this type of behavior? Now get your drunken carcass into that house right now and clean up. I'll have coffee on the patio."

Charlie looked up at his mother. Apparently he wasn't moving fast enough for her because she grabbed his arm. As she was pulling him upward she said, "I said get up. I've had enough of your moping around. I know you have had a terrible loss but you have to get past it and take care of yourself. Now move it."

Charlie stumbled to his feet and walked slowly, painfully back to the house. His parents, Charlene's parents, his siblings and other relatives slowly gathered on the patio. There were many quiet conversations as each grieved in their own way and remembered the life that had been so tragically ended.

Charlie continued to walk around in a fog for several days, barely paying attention to life. When forced he could converse and function but all Charlie wanted to do was sit and stare into space while he remembered Charlene and their life together. Slowly he regained some of his earlier zest for life and began responding to family and friends.

His brother Jeffery and his new wife Abigail helped him pull out of his funk. They had only been married a few months but put their lives almost on hold to take care of Charlie. Jeffery was still recovering from wounds he had received in Afghanistan. He only worked part time but that was no real problem. He worked for the family firm and could set his own hours.

Abigail could, perhaps, relate best to Charlie and his loss. She too had to deal with the notification team and the fear when they arrived. Abby could understand how Charlie felt. At least in her case all had ended well. Jeffery had been seriously wounded. He and Abigail had not been married at the time but he had insisted she be allowed to come to him in the hospital. When they both returned to Steelville she was sporting an engagement ring.

Jeffery could also relate somewhat to Charlie's loss because he had caught his first wife blatantly cheating and had to divorce her. He still carried the hurt and scars from that as well as those from his injuries.

The three young people spent many hours together. Abby watched over and fed the brothers. She tried to keep them from becoming too drunk when they got into the scotch. Charlie had moved into a cabin next to theirs at the family resort while he recuperated.

Finally, one morning when Abby came to his door to call him for breakfast she found him almost cheerful. He was sitting on the deck overlooking the stream. He had a cup of coffee and was watching the sun come up while he drank it. She smiled when she saw the peaceful expression on his face.

Charlie looked up when he heard her and said, "Good morning Abby. I guess you want me to come up to the lodge for breakfast now?"

Abby nodded her head yes and said, "Yes. It's getting cold now." Charlie and Abby walked silently back to the lodge. Since this was a Sunday most of the family was there. There wasn't much talking while the meal was being consumed.

Finally after everyone was finished with breakfast Charlie pushed his chair back and said, "I need to thank all of you for putting up with me these last three weeks. I know I've been a handful and I'm sorry. I've decided to go back to Washington as soon as I can get a flight. I have decided to sell the practice and the house. I think I will move back here and open an office but I don't know how long that will take. I'll probably be gone several months. I'll work the practice until it sells then close the house if it hasn't sold by then. I'll ship most of our things back here, or at least the Army will. I'll drive back but I think I will take my time doing that."

Most of the family asked Charlie to stay longer but they understood this was something he had to do so in the end they acquiesced with his desires. They were all sorry to see him go and wished him a rapid return.

Charlie got a flight from the Northwest Arkansas Regional Airport the following Tuesday. He flew into Seattle airport and was met by Sherry and her husband. They both looked relieved when they saw Charlie. He still looked drawn and pale. His eyes still had a haunted look but it was obvious he was better than when he had left. After the greetings and small talk they all got into the car for the short drive back to Charlie's house.

Charlie was noticeably hesitant to enter the home but steeled himself to do so. After some small talk Charlie said, "Sherry, David-I've decided to sell the practice and this house. I'll be moving back home to Missouri as soon as the practice sells. I intend to operate the business as much like we did before as I can until it sells though. If you would make sure the other girls are there tomorrow we'll have a meeting and go over everything that needs to be done between now and the time the clinic sells."

Sherry said, "Oh I was hoping...Charlie I understand but we are sure going to miss you. Of course we'll all be there at eight a.m. as usual. Can we do anything else for you now?"

Charlie just shook his head no and said, "No thanks. I'll probably just begin going through things here. I...I'll talk to you all tomorrow."

Charlie had a restless night but was awake enough to get to work on time. In fact he was thirty minutes early but all three of the girls were already there. He smiled when he walked into the building and said, "Good Morning Everyone. Let's get our coffee and get started if that's OK?"

They all filed into the break room and Charlie began talking. He said, "First of all I want to thank all of you for your help and support. Not just for the last month while I have been gone but for before also. I don't know what Sherry has told you so I may cover something again but please bear with me."

"I've decided to sell the practice and our house. I'll move back to Missouri where my family is. In the meantime though we will continue to work as before. Accept new patients, welcome back the old...well, you know the drill. As soon as we finish here I will call all the Veterinarians that helped while I was gone. I have already put out the word that the practice is for sale."

I'll list the house today. Oh, that brings me to another point. One I'm hesitant to bring up but...Well, I'd like to ask you all for a very big favor. I tried to go through Charlene's things yesterday but I just couldn't. I think most of her clothes will fit you and...Well, would you three mind going to my house and taking all her clothes and personal hygiene items out? You can have anything you want. Take the rest to Goodwill or give it to someone who needs it. I want to keep one of her dress uniforms. The rest of them can go. You can do it during business hours and I'll watch the office."

The three women agreed to help Charlie with Charlene's items. They all went to Charlie's house Thursday and worked until after Charlie got home. They went back Friday to finish cleaning out Charlene's items. Charlie was surprised and embarrassed as well as pleased when he got home Friday evening.

When Charlie walked into his home all three of his office girls were there with their husbands or significant others. A couple of Charlie and Charlene's friends were there also. The house was immaculate and much of Charlie's belongings had been packed for shipment also. He looked around and just stood a moment. He said, "Oh, my. I...thank you. The house looks great. I didn't mean for you to pack things away for me but...Well, I really appreciate it."

Sherry stood and walked over to Charlie. She said, "Charlie we know how hard it would have been for you to do most of this. We wanted to help so..."

About that time Charlie heard several vehicles arrive and loud talking and footsteps approach his front porch. The door flew open and more of his friends came pouring into the house. They were all carrying booze or food. Sherry looked a little apprehensive but then took a deep breath and said to Charlie. "Charlie we all decided we needed to have a cook out. I hope you don't mind but we asked people over so we could do it here. I've been getting a lot of calls from your friends asking about you and they all wanted to see you so..."

Charlie looked around and felt his friends and many of Charlene's close around him. Most of them shook his hand or hugged him. Many of the women gave him a hug and a gentle kiss-usually on the cheek. After Charlie caught everyone up on his plans they began to prepare the meal. The party went on long into the night. Finally the last guest departed and Charlie staggered to bed. He was asleep almost before he crawled into his bed.

The next morning about ten a.m. Charlie was awakened by a pounding on his door. He once again staggered to the door like he had the day his parents and parents in law had arrived. This time Sherry and his two other office assistants confronted him. They pushed past him like his mother did and Sherry said, "Charlie we've came to feed you breakfast and clean up the mess we all made last night. Now you just sit down and leave us alone. The guys will be along later."

About ten minutes later Sherry gave a squeal and said, "Oh, my God. What are you doing there?"

Charlie ran through the kitchen and out onto the patio. He saw Sherry staring in shock at a lump wrapped in a pool towel. After a moment he began laughing. It was Sonya, one of Charlene's friends.

"Sorry, I guess I had a little too much to drink. I...what time is it?" she said.

Charlie laughed and said, "Sonya it's after ten a.m. Why didn't you just crash in the house instead of out here?"

Sonya looked sheepish and said, "Well, I don't even remember going to sleep. I must have passed out and someone just covered me with this towel. I'm sorry to ruin your morning. I'll just go and"

Charlie cut her off and said, "Like hell. You just get into the house and clean up a little. The girls were going to feed me breakfast. You can eat here then go do whatever you need to do. I'm just sorry you had to spend the night in my flower bed."

Charlie returned to work with a vengeance. He was working longer hours and building his practice rapidly. Several new veterinarians inquired about the sales price and some even looked at the operation but none could afford it. A couple of the older vets inquired too but they too didn't want to pay that much. Charlie's home sold and still the business hadn't. Charlie really wanted to move back home and was beginning to despair of ever doing so when he had a brainstorm.

Charlie called two of the most promising young Veterinarians and his best friend Harold, the Veterinarian that had done most of the work for him while he was gone. He made a proposition to the three of them. He proposed they all three buy the business. They would merge the two clinics into one operation. Harold would own four sixths of the new business and the two young Veterinarians would own one sixth each.

All three of the men thought about the plan and agreed to do the deal. Six weeks later Charlie was done in Seattle. He had sold his home for $680000 and business for a cool $1.3 Million. With the Serviceman's Group Life Insurance from Charlene he now had almost $2.5 million in the bank. He could quit working for life if he wanted but he knew he would not do that. At least he had enough to take a little break and then build and equip a new Veterinarian Clinic when he got back to Steelville.

Most of Charlie's belongings had been shipped home. All he had left in Seattle was his trusty F250 Crew Cab Powerstroke and his necessary clothes and toilet items. The morning he was to leave he threw all his remaining belongings into his truck. On his way out of town he made one last trip to his old office to tell his girls good-bye. He had attended his going away party the weekend before so all was in readiness for his departure. He just had this one last errand to run.

Charlie walked into the clinic to find everyone busy. He waited for a break in the work and asked the two new Vets if he could borrow the women for a moment. Of course they agreed and Charlie led the bewildered women into the break room.

After everyone had a cup of coffee and some cheesecake Charlie leaned back in his chair. He looked at each of the women then said, "I know we all said goodbye Saturday but I had one more thing I needed to tell each of you. I appreciate all your help and extra work more than I can ever say. I decided you each deserved more from me than just thanks so...Well, I think, I hope you can use this bonus."

Charlie handed each woman an envelope with her name on it. When they opened them they all gasped. Sherry squealed and rushed to Charlie. She gave him a big hug and started crying. She said, "Charlie you shouldn't have. I just don't know what to say."

The other two weren't far behind her. They ended up in a group hug. The two new Veterinarians came to the door to see why Sherry had screamed and stood staring in confusion. Sherry looked up and told them, "Charlie just gave us a huge bonus. I'm sorry if we disturbed you but..."

Charlie had given Sherry $20000 and each of the other girls $15000 each. After a few more tearful words he gave each of them a gentle hug and walked from the room. He shook each man's hand and wished him well. He then walked out of the office for the last time.

Charlie had thought long and hard about the route he would take going home. He finally decided to go east on Interstate 90, drop south and go through Yellowstone Park, south through western Colorado before turning east on highway 160. At La Junta Colorado he would pick up Highway 50 and follow it the rest of the way home. He had thought about going south along the coast before cutting back east. In the end he didn't because he and Charlene had spent a lot of time along the west coast all the way to Sausalito CA. He wanted to take a route he wasn't as familiar with and didn't want to relive some of the memories he might run into along the coast so chose the cross-country route.