Cheaters Never Win Ch. 02

Chapter 2: She Finishes the Story

The last six months have been a blur for me. For most of that time I didn't know who I was, where I was or what I was. Only now do I understand what happened to me so long ago. Only after months in a hospital and months of psychiatric counseling do I understand what I have done. I wish I didn't understand but I do.

Paul raised a gun and pointed it at me. I was so shocked from the realization that he knew about me and Marty, but when he raised the gun I got so frightened I just shook. I screamed, "Don't, please don't!" Then I looked at the hate in his eyes and knew our marriage was over and maybe my life too. I could also see the hurt and utter emptiness in his eyes and it made my skin crawl. I could see him going totally mad and I knew it was all over for me. This wasn't the man I loved, the man who loved me. This was something else, and yes, I do say "something" not "someone."

He said with a voice cold as steel, "Janet, just look at the pictures." I glanced at the screen and saw shot after shot of me going into Marty's house, Marty and me kissing at his door, me with my hand on Marty's cock. There were so many pictures proving my infidelity to Paul. Then the last pictures I saw were of Marty, lying in his shower, blood everywhere. I heard myself groan with the realization of what he had done as I jerked my gaze back to Paul.

He had turned the gun, putting it into his mouth and after he said, "Goodbye Janet," he pulled the trigger.

They tell me that police found me in shock holding Paul. They tell me that gunshots had been heard at Marty's house and someone got the license number of the car that drove away. They tell me that they knew it was our car and were already on the way over to our house. They tell me that I wouldn't let go of Paul for them to take him away. They tell me that I had snapped mentally and nothing that was said or done for me would bring me out of it. They tell me that they took me to the hospital and admitted me. They tell me so many things because I cannot remember much at all what happened from then until now.

I do remember what happened before that day and now, six months later. I remember that Paul and I had fought though I don't recall what it was about, and I was pissed at him. We went to the party at the club and I was just going to make his life miserable. It so happened that Marty asked me to dance with him so I though, why not, I will use this to make Paul pay.

Oh, Marty was slick, I will give him that, and he had me going almost instantly with his compliments. He told me how lovely I was, now what woman doesn't like to hear that. He told me that I was the prettiest woman at the club that night, and I was just so excited to hear that. He told me that he always wanted to spend time with me because I was so sweet, so smart and so sexy. How could I resist such charm? I could have but I was pissed at Paul and didn't want to. I kept encouraging Marty and I could see that Paul was upset, but he didn't do a thing about it.

Some sick thing in my mind told me a lie at that moment. It told me that Paul really didn't care so why should I. Oh, what a lie that was, but I bought those thoughts so completely that when Marty called me the next Thursday I bought it all and agreed to have lunch with him. We had a pretty intense conversation during lunch about "us." Marty told me he would like to make love to such a beautiful woman and even though I blushed, even though I knew it would be wrong, even though I felt it would betray the only man I loved, I was too weak to resist his charm. After all, I had convinced myself that Paul didn't care about me, that anything I did to him he had deserved.

The next thing I knew we were in Marty's house and were kissing passionately. He was a very good kisser and I could feel myself getting hotter and hotter, wetter and wetter. I did nothing to resist when his hands slid down my sides and up to cup my breasts. I liked the way it felt to have him caress me, feeling my nipples harden, sending a tingling sensation shooting downward to my pussy. "Kiss them, oh suck them Marty, I need that so bad," I said.

By this time there was no stopping it, soon we were both naked and yes we did everything I should have only done with my husband.

He did suck my nipples, he licked and sucked every part of me and I licked and sucked every part of him. We made love to each other with our mouths for a couple of hours before he actually penetrated me. Oh, it was so hot, I will never forget that first time with Marty. I have never been so turned on in my entire life and when he pushed himself into me it felt like a hot poker was being inserted into me. It had me burning in an instant and I could hear myself begging him to fuck me senseless.

And, that is exactly what he did. He fucked me and fucked me like no one, not even Paul, had ever fucked me. I didn't even try to count the number of times I came that afternoon, many while he pleasured me orally, and many more being used by his cock. Oh yes, he used me for his pleasure, but in doing so had pleasured me like I had never been pleasured before. I have to tell you, I loved it. Make no mistake, I loved it and knew that I would be back for more.

That night and the days that followed I felt a change in my relationship with Paul. He said there was a wall being built and he was absolutely right. I felt our connection slip just like he must have felt it, I felt the gap form between us, and I felt my heart torn from the separation. And you know how stupid I was? I blamed it on him. That lie told me it was his fault.

The next week, Marty called me a couple of times every day. He was so sweet and loving to me, telling me how much he enjoyed making love to me, asking me if I was alright. He was perfect, and when he suggested we get together again on Thursday, I agreed without a qualm. It was Paul's own fault for not caring about me.

Well, we met every Thursday afternoon from then until the night that Paul confronted me. I loved every minute of the time with Marty, the sex was great and I thought he would wear me out with orgasms because I had so many each time we were together. I made a point of only having sex with Paul when he absolutely insisted and each time I would tell myself, Marty did me better. I could feel that wall growing between Paul and myself and didn't care.

Then he confronted me. He told me how much he loved me, how much I meant to him, and what a huge part of his life was tied to me. He told me I was his very best friend, his love and lover. He told me I was his rock. He begged me to tell him if he had done something wrong, something to build that wall. He pleaded with me to let him back into myself. In that instant I knew, knew my lie to myself caused me to hurt the only man I loved. I knew I had built the wall not him. I knew I had betrayed every good thing he felt about me. I was not his love, I was not his lover, I wasn't his best friend, and I was not a rock. I was a cheater, a slut who gave herself to another man, a liar who stopped at nothing to hide her guilt and shame. At that moment I knew just what I was and I couldn't bear be there with him. I ran up to the bedroom and cried and cried, until I fell asleep crying.

The next morning Paul was gone already when I woke up. When he came home that night I did everything I could to prove to him that I loved him and cared for him. I could tell that the connection between us wasn't there, not like it had been before, but I tried so hard to be the same. I failed. I could sense it in Paul; I didn't think he knew about Marty, I thought he just knew there was a wall between us. But I never dreamed he would have found out about Marty. I should have known better, but I didn't.

On Monday, Marty started calling just like he had all those weeks before. He called me a couple of times or more a day most days, but I told him that I would not be meeting with him anymore. He was surprised and didn't understand. Finally I agreed to meet with him one last time to explain it all to him and break it off.

I went to his house again and yes we did have sex. It wasn't the same as all of those other times, I did have a couple of orgasms just because of the intensity of the sexual activity, but it wasn't the same because I knew it wasn't Paul's fault, I knew I was cheating on a man who loved me more than anyone else could, I knew I was a betraying slut and I just didn't get off on it like I had before.

I told Marty I was sorry, but I couldn't continue our affair and to please not call me anymore. He smiled and told me he understood, and that he wouldn't be a problem for me, he told me he loved me and would always care for me. He was as sweet as ever and truthfully, I loved a part of him too, and I didn't want him to be hurt either. As I was leaving, he grabbed me and pulled me to himself and told me how wonderful a lover I was. Instinctively, after two months of intimacy, my hand drifted down and into his boxers and I rubbed his cock. One last time. I broke off the kiss and ran to my car to go home and wait for Paul.

When I got home I went to shower and clean myself up. I was going to fix myself all up for when Paul got home. I was going to start this night to tear down the wall that was built between us. I would rebuild the connection between us. We would be the same as we had been before. But when I went downstairs after my shower to get some clothes out of the dryer, Paul was sitting at the computer waiting for me.

He told me he knew about Marty, he asked me so many questions about why I had done such a horrible thing to him, to our marriage, to myself but I couldn't speak. I had done everything I could up to that point to start back to where we used to be. He found out, now nothing I did could make it right. He found out. That is all I could think and I couldn't say a word. I just stood there with tears streaming down my face. I just stood there moaning and shaking my head back and forth.

He screamed at me, "TALK TO ME!" but no words came out of my mouth. I was in shock I know, but it was soon to get worse.

He told me, "Look at the pictures." when I did, I saw them all, right up to the point of Marty lying dead in his shower. When I glanced back at Paul I saw the gun. Soon it was over, he was dead. The next thing I remember is a couple of weeks ago in the hospital.

Oh, there is some healing going on in my mind. Everyone believes I have made great strides in getting myself back on track. They have talked about letting me go off on my own for some outings. They tell me that after a few more weeks I probably could go to an assisted living home, and then eventually be able to have my own home.

I am healed enough to understand that my reaction needs to be positive in order for me to be on my own, and I will do everything I can to heal this broken woman. But, you must know that once I am free, I will end the torture I have to endure, the torture of knowing that I killed Paul, I killed our love, I killed our friendship, I killed everything I had in life worth living for. I know I cannot endure that torture forever.

I will have to end it.

Cheaters never win, and I can't stand what I have lost.