Chicago Love Story Ch. 02

"Mmm, Josh, what are you doing?" Her groggy, sleepy voice tempted me again. I longed to take her in my arms and kiss her, feel her softness against me. It was too fucking much for me.

"Bathroom," I uttered.

Cold water splashed against my face was not helping me shake this feeling. I studied my reflection- my light blue eyes glittered against my will, and the flush in my cheeks reminded me of the many times I'd played golf in the sun and forgotten my sunscreen. Pretty odd look since it was the end of February in Chicago- still the midst of winter! There was a look to me now- a softer, gentler one. I splashed cold water again and shook my face. I willed this feeling away, but it was there. It was stuck. No matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't go away.

I spent the night tossing and turning. It was well after 4 am when I finally fell into somewhat of a relaxed sleep, but at 8 am I was wide awake not because I had wanted to, but because I felt a warm hand caressing my cock.

"Mmmm," I sighed, the image of liquid silk being poured down my body rushing through me. I let the feeling ride over me until I opened my eyes once again to the vision of Izzy about to roll on top of me. "Whoa, I.... Whoa."

I pushed her off of me gently and leaped out of bed. She lay there, confused and shaking her head.

"What's wrong?"

"You know, Izzy, I gotta go," I mumbled, searching around for my boxers and jeans. The sooner I could get out, the better.

"You didn't tell me you had to rush out so quickly," she said, confusion marring her voice.

"Well, gotta do what I gotta do."

I bent to kiss her forehead at the door as I took my exit. The crisp morning air nipped my cheeks as I wandered through the crowd to the El. It was particularly crowded for a Sunday morning. I sat with my back to the skyline as the train squealed out to the suburbs. I was never so happy to reach my car at the station.

That was six weeks ago, and the matter only got worse the following Monday. It makes me shudder to recall the event that probably sealed my doomed fate with Izzy for all times.

It was a slow news day that day. It was safe to surf the net because Matt, my douche bag editor, was gone for the day. The sight of Izzy in a simple brown dress with white polka dots and a soft white sweater over it had hit me like a freight train. I got that racing feeling in my heart again as soon as I had walked into the office. She eyed me quizzically from her cubicle at the front of the office, but I had only nodded casually and made my way back. It was easier just to avoid her rather than confront the blaze that was burning like a bitch in my heart, and I willed away the notion to take her back to her apartment and do an encore performance of Saturday's show. I knew my sudden change in demeanor was hurting her. It was easier to hold her at arms' length rather than be a man and deal with these feelings I had developed for her. I was... falling... for her. I had never felt this way before about any woman. Sure, I'd fucked around a lot in college. I even had a few "girlfriends" here and there, but they were convenient, cute, and usually ready to help me get off. And then there was the whole Molly situation. What I'd felt for her was hardly what I was feeling now. With Izzy, the sight of her caused my heart to want to jump out of my chest and do a skydive right into her arms. Jumping off the Sears Tower, blindfolded and naked, with my balls pinched with a clothes pin, seemed like a much more entertaining task than actually telling her how I felt. With Izzy, it should've been easy since I've known her so long and been her friend. Maybe Matt, my boss, isn't the big douche bag here. It's me. Josh Daniels.

I wandered into the lunch room hopeful that Izzy had already taken hers. The sight of her was just too distracting. Molly greeted me with a smile. Now. There was someone I could handle. It was easy with Molly. Granted, the sex with her didn't even begin to compete with sex with Izzy. I could use a great food reference to describe the difference between Molly and Izzy. Molly was a hot dog I ordered at Wrigley Field that someone had forgotten to put the fixings on. Sure, it was still good, but it lacked. It was comforting, however bland without the mustard and relish. Izzy, on the other hand, was a T-Bone steak dinner from Gibson's Steak House where you're all dressed up and trying to impress your date. Delicious, tempting, nerve-wracking. Once you'd eased in, it was simply amazing and filling. Complete satisfaction. For the moment, I decided a hot dog with the Cubs would ease my torment.

"Long time no talk, stranger," she said as she took out a slice of cheese pizza from the microwave. "How is Josh today? I'll give you a call tonight on my way home from work. I need to fill you in on the latest about Joe and his ex-wife."

"You could do more than just give me a call," I said casually, eyeing her from the corner of my eye. I saw her knowing glance and she smiled mischievously.

"Joshua," she said, a hint of sexy shading her tone. "You know that would be bad."

I sidled up behind her, smelling her hair, wishing and hoping for the same scent that emanated from another particular person, but I was pushing that aside. I had to.

Molly turned and faced me, our faces inches apart. I looked down into her eyes and smiled. There was a difference now with how I felt with her. No butterflies. Definitely not. I moved a lock of her blonde hair away from her face when I suddenly felt a presence in the doorway. I didn't even have to move my head to see who it was.

Isabelle.

Her face was stricken, her eyes shocked. I can't believe I found it within myself to actually look at her. She simply turned and walked away.

I turned back, eased away from Molly. I closed my eyes and hung my head, knowing full well what the consequence would be. I knew Isabelle's feelings for me had grown. I knew that she'd had a pretty bad past with guys who had hurt her. She had confronted me on the whole Molly situation and had simply asked of one request. If I was still trying to get with Molly, leave her alone. She had trusted me not to hurt her. All of these thoughts rang through my head.

Did I call her afterward? Did I try to make amends? Did I do any goddamn thing on the planet to salvage what had grown between the two of us?

No.

At the end of the day, I bolted like a criminal escaping from Statesville. I turned my cell phone back on only to be alerted with a text.

FYI - u and M really should b more careful bout who sees u when ur in the office. Ppl tlk, u know.

That was Izzy's way of letting me know she was done. I was nothing to her now. I'd betrayed her trust and she was washing her hands of me. Simple. I knew her MO with asshole guys because she'd confided in me dozens of times before we'd gotten naked. I was now on her list of those who had done her wrong.

I sighed and closed my phone. The easiest thing to do now was to push it aside, go home, play some video games and sleep.

"Goose Island cancelled the band," Matt announced from across the cube. "Just got the email."

His sudden announcement broke me from my reverie. Reality hit me. Oh yeah, that's right. My reality is that the girl I really liked and wanted hated me and treated me like I didn't exist. Not that I didn't deserve it. I'm still being smothered by a needy, middle-aged divorcee who feeds off of my inability to be a real man and stand up for what I really want. Fun times. I pondered a trip to Goose Island Pub anyway to wash away my idiocy with beer and shots.

I sighed and closed my eyes, only to open them and see Isabelle watching me from across the floor. Her eyes were filled with anger, and then I saw the raw, unbridled hurt that I had caused her. It tore me up inside. She shook her head and gazed back at her work as though she had just seen something utterly disgusting.

What was I to do?