Christian College Sex Comedy Ch. 02

"You really are clueless," laughed SSHC. "I'm Christina Buchannan, Senior Class President and Captain of the Soccer and Bible Study Teams. I'm also the granddaughter of Clarence Ingersoll, one of the twenty-five richest men in America. So, do you like watching my ass or are you more of a tit man?"

"That's not really fair," I replied after some consideration. "Your ass is divine but your breasts are so perfect that I really feel the only way to tell is with a hands-on inspection." She stopped, turned, and regarded me with renewed interest.

"You don't lack ambition, M...Zane. Some day we may just have to see about letting you decide which is better," Christina grinned in a decidedly non-Christian schoolgirl way before resuming our journey.

Never one to resist the chance to throw myself into the rapids in pursuit of a woman, I asked her,

"So, do you have a boyfriend?" Of course, this girl is three years older than me and a princess to boot but you never know unless you try.

"You know better than that, Zane," she playfully scolded me. "You have already had that talk with Barbie Lynn so you know about the Purity Pledge we...we girls take when we come here."

I chuckled which earned me a slightly harsher look.

"Sorry. It is... I know this one student here who I can't imagine taking that pledge unless a gun was put to her head," I responded. "Not everything revolves around you, ya know?"

"Touché, Zane," she acknowledged. "You are referring to your roommate. I don't imagine the felon will be keeping to it. Her father is on the board of directors to a sister church in Phoenix but she's been nothing but sinful and shameful."

"Wow," I told her as my humor faded, "you went from beautiful to ugly in a breath-taking fifteen seconds. Have you spoken more than ten words to Rio...ever?"

"Please accept the fact that you are still a young man who has a lot to learn about the world and Our Lord's plan for us in it," Christina said with gravitas. After a few seconds of walking in silence, her poor enslaved freshman huffing along, she added.

"You have known her how long, Zane?"

"Five hours," I confessed.

"If you weren't about to be tossed out of here I would take offense with your attitude but since we will probably not see each other after today, I choose to find your act of chivalry toward Rio to be quaint," she condescended to say.

"Okay," I responded, "you seem like a nice, intelligent woman so I'm going to allow you to apologize to Rio for calling her a felon when you see her next, or by the end of the week if your paths don't cross, no matter what."

"If I don't," Christina taunted me, "what can you possibly do to me?"

"I'll make you apologize anyway and you'll regret making me force you," I promised her evenly. Christina knew all about the balance – or in this case imbalance– of power; everything appeared to be in her favor. I was an insect and she was right in that I would probably be gone from Freedom Fellowship University after lunch.

At this point it might be good to mention that I was with my parents when they died. Mom was in the lead when a whole rock face separated from the mountain and dragged her down to the valley below. Dad was blown loose, and two of my three pitons snapped. Mom was gone and Dad was badly broken, but he was together enough to know he was about to pull me down to my death with him.

I didn't know what Dad was reaching for and he didn't say anything, but when he started sawing away at his connection to me, I cried out for him to stop. He didn't. I watched him fall while I screamed his name. I spent all night on that mountain wedged under the cliff where I had secured myself using the survival skills my parents had taught me until help arrived.

I was hardly going to let some immature, self-important, rich, religious snob get the better of me. I like to believe I appreciated my parents' lesson of living each moment to its fullest. Rio deserved the chance to live each moment too and not have her past thrown in her face; this place was bad enough just dealing with our present circumstance.

"I'll pick you up here when class lets out," Christina ordered as she dropped me off at Biology.

"Sorry, but I've already been enslaved for the noon hour," I countered.

"That wasn't a request, Mr. Braxton," she stated with a serene gaze. "I'm to take you to the Chancellor's office at noon."

"Am I not trusted to find my way there on my own?" I questioned.

"Mr. Braxton, you are a boy who lied his way into an all-girls Christian college so trusting you doesn't seem to be the wise course of action," she smugly informed me.

"Is it because I have a penis or that this place is a super-nova of female sexual repression?" I asked next. The accompanying freshman pack mule gulped.

"I'll see you in forty-five minutes," Christina informed me as she sauntered off. I gave her vagabond a wink and she winked back.

Before I got in the room I got a message from Iona; all my free time was booked through nine tonight. Since I was almost late to class there were only four chairs open for me: three in the back and one in the midst of them. I chose to be polite.

My Biology professor was Dr. Burns who looked old enough to have been around during the Scopes Monkey Trial and his thinking was about as conservative. It wasn't cutting edge science. Hell, I could barely see the Scientific Method from our Ivory Tower of Religious Intolerance. The girl to my left kept raising the hemline of her skirt until I verified she was wearing pink French cut panties and that kept me awake through this scholastic nightmare.

Christina was waiting for me when I came out, minus her servant (classes had just been let out so she hadn't snared one yet), but she'd gained three sidekicks who looked upon me with varying degrees of amusement and contempt. The shortest of them, a sexy brunette with a foxy-like face glared at me with ill-disguised hate, over what I had no idea.

"Come on, Zane," Christina said as she handed me her book bag, "time to face judgment."

"Face judgment?" I mused. "Are we really going there? I made an honest mistake and besides, isn't forgiveness of sins the prime Christian virtue?"

Angry Girl grabbed my arm and yanked but the sad facts of physics and my contrariness kept her from moving me. The girl ground her teeth, on the cusp of rage.

"Zane – come," dictated Christina calmly. "Heaven, release him before he starts crying to the liberal media about physical abuse." Heaven? Seriously, who names their daughter Heaven, I thought, then I remembered where I'm standing. I meekly went to Christina's side when Heaven released me, then we started making our way to the Administration Building.

My phone went off and I checked the message and had to snicker. It was Iona and apparently the girls are starting to use my time as some sort of currency.

"What was that all about?" another sidekick asked. This one was actually friendly. "I'm Chastity," she identified herself.

"Hey, Chastity," I grinned back to her. "That was an enterprising freshman who is keeping track of which lady has requested my Handmaiden services, and now I'm apparently being swapped around."

"You are a whore," snarled Angry Chick Heaven.

"Listen," I shot back, "this is your crazy tradition, not mine. I'm only doing what my upperclassmen are demanding of me. I'm acting like any other incoming freshman. But I have to admit...I haven't actually read the handbook yet."

"Let it be, Heaven," advised Christina. "This will all be over in thirty minutes and he'll be gone."

On that note, I turned to the last unnamed senior. "So what's your name, if you would be so kind as to tell me?"

"Faith," she replied cautiously. I kept grinning.

"I swear, if you ladies have a girl named Hope in your close circle of friend we should form an all-girls 80s-style punk rock band. I'll be the manager, constantly clashing with Christina over artistic differences," I rambled on.

"You are kind of a nut," Chastity pointed out.

"I'm on the verge of the shortest college career in history so I admit to being a bit nervous," I confessed, and surprise of surprises, Chastity placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. Somehow that made Heaven angrier with me, which I didn't think was possible.

Before I could delve into the psychoses of Heaven, we arrived at the Chancellor's office. I gave Christina her bag as the girls abandoned me once the secretary ushered me in with a disdainful sniff of her nose.

Inside were six women but I only recognized two: Chancellor Dr. Melrose Bass and Ms. Goodswell, who also happened to be my assigned Spiritual Advisor.

"Come in and sit down, Mr. Braxton," commanded Dr. Bass. Since the only open chair was directly in front of her desk and flanked by the other chairs (so I'd be doubly flanked), I took my seat.

"As you must now understand, there has been a horrible error," the Chancellor continued. "To rectify this situation you will withdraw from Freedom Fellowship University effective immediately. Your tuition will, of course, be refunded." She slid some papers in front of me.

"I take it everyone knows who I am, ma'am, but who am I in the room with?" I inquired.

"Sign the papers," insisted Dr. Bass.

"Can I think about this?" I inquired.

"No," she answered.

"Are you sure?" I persisted.

"Yes," she snapped angrily.

"Okay, then, I'm not signing," I decided.

Everyone stirred restlessly.

"You don't have a choice," one of the unnamed women in the room declared. "Security will hand you over to the Sheriff's Department as we remove you if you don't leave sensibly."

"That sounds like a lawsuit," I noted.

"You are mistaken, Mr. Braxton," the Chancellor glared. I noticed the unnamed woman farthest from me looked less than convinced; that made her the college's lawyer.

"Chancellor, I have a deep respect for you and for the school you so expertly shepherd. I'm not out to embarrass this institution." I tried to relate to all of them.

"The problem for you is that at no time in the registration process was I ever asked if I was male," I began my argument. "I entered my first name in as Glenn; your computer system transcribed that over to Glenda. At no time did I attempt to deceive the administration. I also can call forth witnesses from my dorm floor that will testify that I clearly didn't understand this was a woman's institution of higher learning."

"You are being highly disruptive to the school and you've already been in one fight in your first four hours of school," another unnamed member announced.

"Pardon me, but I don't know who you are," I asked the woman.

"Dana Gorman, Head of Security and Dean of Athletics," she snipped.

"Coach Dana, I was not aware that anyone was hurt and since I wasn't supplied my Handbook until yesterday afternoon when I went to my dorm room, I had no idea about the Handmaiden's Duty. I did find my roommate pinned to the ground with three girls sitting on her while she screamed and cried. I pushed/kicked them away and picked her up. I acted with charity and compassion," I put my best spin on the case as possible.

"Dr. Josephine Sergeant, Dean of Sciences," the other unnamed woman introduced herself. "I'm not sure how I can fit you into my program, Mr. Braxton. The corpses Advanced Biology students work on are all female."

"Doctor, I would imagine if I do become a doctor, I will have to work on women from time to time," I countered.

"Mr. Braxton, nothing good can come of your intransience. Sign the papers, take the fall off, and find another school more fitting to your nature and gender," the Chancellor spoke.

"I'll fight," I replied.

We had a still moment, then Ms. Goodswell cleared her throat.

"Zane, why do you want to stay?"

"Short answer: this school has nine hundred women and one me; what's not to love? Long version: my inheritance is based on me being eighteen and in a college of my Aunt's choosing. It is too late for me to get into another program this year so if I don't fight, I go broke. I have nothing to lose."

"Ms. Lane," the Chancellor addressed her lawyer, "is there any reason we can't escort Mr. Braxton to the gates right now?" The attractive young lawyer brushed a stray strand of her lovely light brown hair before responding.

"There does seem to be a flaw in the administration software. There is no sexual differentiation key. Medical files were submitted as required and they clearly identify him as being male so there was no indication of evasion on his part – we missed it. FFU can expel him if he doesn't leave of his own accord but he definitely has a lawsuit against us."

That gave people food for thought. It took Ms. Goodswell to save the day and I didn't really expect that.

"Mr. Braxton, do you promise us to be an exemplary student if we allow you to stay out the semester?"

"Of course," I promised.

"Well, we can't keep him where he is," insisted Dana, shocked and angry.

"We can keep him in his residence hall but place him in the Solarium. We can fix up something for him by tonight, and we have him cleared to use the fifth floor showers as schedules allow," Ms. Goodswell suggested.

"The place is a mess," Dana grumbled.

"I'll work to make it better as time allows," I volunteered.

"Mr. Braxton, wait outside while we discuss this," commanded the Chancellor.

I took my cue and left quickly. Christina and clique were sitting patiently waiting for me. She stood and made to leave.

"I was told to wait here," I informed her, which brought the whole troop up short.

"What are we waiting for?" Christina inquired.

"Oh, I have them over a barrel so I insisted they assign one of you to be my bed warmer for the rest of the week. They are debating on which one of you gets the honor," I teased.

"You bastard," spat Heaven, getting in my face. "You are a vomitous piece of filth!"

"Just for that, you are next," I grinned devilishly at her.

"Huh?" she looked far angrier than uncertain, "Next for what?"

"Oh, during the upcoming sex orgy I host, you are 'Next'. See," I sighed dramatically, "I'm not likely to remember your name so when I call out 'Next,' I mean you."

I had a split second to decide whether I'd duck or not. Training was screaming at me to half-step back while bringing up an arm to block but...POW! I staggered back to the wall and slumped halfway down to the floor. Heaven kept coming and kicked me twice in the shin before Chastity and Christina pulled her off me.

She was still sputtering and growling when the Chancellor's door opened up and Ms. Gorman stepped out and closed it behind her.

"What is going on here?" she hissed.

"There was a misunderstanding," Christina answered.

"Actually, Heaven punched me after I deflected one of her insults," I countered. "Now I have to ponder civil litigation."

"What?" Christina asked cautiously. Heaven was less diplomatic or restrained.

"You provoked me," she accused me.

"Do you know word one about my sexual habits? Could you prove a believable threat to you or someone around you? Baring that, you just committed assault," I informed Heaven.

"You are willing to gamble we would betray Heaven to someone like you?" Faith threatened.

"No," Dana answered for me. "I have little doubt that Mr. Braxton has noted that all classes and administration rooms have cameras." She seemed bitter about her own security procedures. The rest of the girl posse seemed equally unhappy except for...

"Come on," Chastity told me as she offered me a hand up. I took it and quickly was upright once more so that we were chest to chest.

"Please don't do this, Zane," she said evenly. Heaven scoffed.

"Very well, Chastity, because it was you who requested it, but I do ask for one thing in return," I told her.

"Of course he wants something," Heaven snarled sarcastically.

"Actually, all I want is five minutes with Heaven," I explained, and when Heaven rolled her eyes and Chastity looked uncomfortable, I added, "no physical contact at all, only sitting down and talking."

"She'll do it," Christina agreed.

"No!" balked Heaven.

"You'll do it or be expelled and face possible jail time," Ms. Gorman stated.

"No," it was my turn to say. "I was joking; I won't press charges against Heaven."

"She can still be expelled," Dana insisted.

"For what?" I asked. Dana looked at me cautiously. "Hell, we were just fooling around; right ladies?" No one said anything because to speak was to court the sin of falsehoods.

"Yes," said Christina, taking the plunge; the others nodded.

Dana bored me into place with her gaze, weighing her options.

"Keep it down out here," she snapped to the room, "especially you young ladies. I expected better from you four." The implication was that my penis exempted me from mature behavior.

"Thank you," Chastity told me.

"It took the grand total of one word – please," I explained. "I know it must be hard to believe but I'm not a total scumbag."

"Are you still going to make me pay for insulting Rio?" Christina mocked.

"The week isn't over yet," I pointed out. The resulting silence was interesting.

Five minutes later the door opened and the women filed past. The second to last one out was the lawyer, Ms. Lane.

"Mr. Braxton, we will have to get together to discuss some of your unique legal issues and liabilities next week," she informed me.

"I await you at your leisure, Ms. Lane. Whatever you need, I'll do my best to comply," I smiled.

"It will certainly be easier if you are compliant," she smiled back before turning and heading into the hallway, my eyes watching the line on her stockings going from where her skirt's hemline revealed her shapely thighs down her muscular calves to her four-inch heels.

"Temptation comes in many forms," Ms. Goodswell said, interrupting me from the distraction of Ms. Lane's luscious posterior, a look that Ms. Lane caught as she smiled and turned out of sight.

"In my admittedly limited experience, temptation is a result of dissatisfaction with one's circumstances, not a weakness of character," I offered as an explanation.

"As your spiritual counselor, I feel it is my duty to keep you on the straight and narrow," Ms. Goodswell sighed with faux sufferance.

"I don't mean to make things hard for you, Ms. Goodswell," I jibbed.

"Enough sexual innuendo for the moment, Zane; you've been given an opportunity so don't blow it...don't disappoint me," Ms. Goodswell warned me while stabbing me in the chest with a well-manicured cherry gloss fingernail. I gave her a funny look.

"What is it, Mr. Braxton?" she asked.

"Oh, it is the fact that you are attempting the impossible, restoring my faith in organized Christianity..." I answered while fishing for her name.

"Virginia," Ms. Goodswell filled in the void of my unsubtle inquiry. "You ARE going to be trouble," she said, but her smile belied any worry on her part.

"Well, I must get to lunch. I have a deserving Mistress who demands that I spoon-feed her," I told her as I moved to Christina and her cohorts.

"Your room, seven o'clock, Zane. We'll be moving you to your new lodgings then," Virginia instructed. I nodded my acknowledgement then headed off to my late lunch.

As we crossed campus, we remained relatively quiet until we approached the Dining Hall.

"You remain intriguing, Mr. Braxton," Christina allowed.

"I am equally drawn to you, you sanctimonious twat," I bantered back, and the girl posse jerked in response.

"I hope they house you in a deep, dark hole," snapped Heaven.

"I hope they do too," I beamed at Heaven, "and I hope you have the only key."

"Why is that?" asked Chastity.

"I'd let him starve to death," Heaven grinned viciously. I kept my eyes on Heaven.

"Well, if Heaven had the key, she could come down and torture me whenever she wanted," I explained, and when Heaven licked her lips in anticipation, I added, "and she'd look so fetching in nothing but thin strips of black leather, high heels, and a whip in her hand as she scourged the sin out of me again and again...." I licked my lips sensually at Heaven, "and again."