Coeds at Camp Ch. 03

Henry and Helen Hackett from Houston sat facing each other bare-ass naked in a booth.

"I thought Whispering Pines didn't open until Monday," Tina Lambert whispered.

"Beginning to think we were going to have to serve ourselves," Helen Hackett squawked.

"Sorry, Helen," Maribeth said. "I was showing the new girls around."

Maribeth slipped an empty pot under the coffee brewer.

"Helen and Henry are special," she said.

The girls looked at the couple. They were on the losing side of middle-aged. Henry was pallid, scrawny and balding and gazed glumly at Helen's pendulous breasts which had lost the battle with gravity and now rested on the tapletop staring defiantly back at him. Helen wore a Clairol-red helmet and horn-rimmed glasses that swept up malignantly at the outer corners.

"They don't look special," Tina said.

"Well, they are. They're loaded. Word is they own a piece of the operation. They spend their summers going from one resort to another -- here, Whispering Seabreezes, Whispering Chaparral in the desert."

"How about Whispering Wildfires out west?" Margie said.

"Forty cases! Forty fucking cases!"

The girls jumped as Laci Roosevelt's voice thundered from the office. Her massive legs were stretched across the desk, visible through the partly opened door.

"I said four cases, dickwad! Not forty fucking cases! Yeah, well, I don't give a shit, asshole!" Laci bellowed.

"Now that's something you don't hear everyday at Mickey Dees," Margie said.

"Look, you brainless, ball-less moron. I ordered four cases and that's all I'm gonna pay for -- yeah, well that's not my problem. I tell you what, jism-jockey, you get your fat honkey ass over here and I'll show you what you can do with four hundred and thirty two bottles of ketchup! Bring a rubber mallet!"

Laci slammed the phone down.

"How about that coffee?" Helen Hackett crackled.

"On it's way!" Maribeth chirped.

"Okay, Tina -- you serve," Maribeth said and placed the couple's drinks on a tray. "Remember, Helen takes her coffee strong and Henry always takes club soda with a lemon twist -- no ice."

"Why do I have to serve them?" Tina pouted.

"They're big tippers."

"Okay."

She took the tray and smiled smugly at Margie.

"Of course, you have to earn the tip," Maribeth said.

"Not a problem! I've waited lots of tables -- piece of cake!" Tina chirped.

"Not cake, sweetie -- not cake." Maribeth said.

They watched Tina's perky bottomcheeks carry the tray to the Hacketts.

"...so if you mutiply that ten cents by a hundred gallons, that adds up to -- oh, here are the drinks. It's about time!" Helen Hackett said.

"Sorry for the delay, folks -- at least the coffee's fresh!" Tina said sweetly.

"We'll see about that. Anyway, Henry, as I was saying, if you hadn't insisted on..."

"Anything else I can get you folks?"

Tina stood smiling with her hands behind her back. Helen Hackett looked at her, scanned the bare body, then her face creviced into a grin that reminded Tina of the Grinch when he decided what to do to the Whos in Who-ville.

"My, you're a pretty girl," Helen Hackett said. "You're new here. What's your name?"

"Tina, ma'am."

"Tina. That's nice. It sounds so -- juvenile. Don't you think she's a pretty girl, Henry?"

Henry Hackett forefeited his gloomy stare-down with his wife's nipples and looked up at Tina. His thin mouth crinkled into something vaguely resembling a smile.

"I think Tina wants her tip, Henry," Helen Hackett said.

Henry Hackett seemed perplexed for a moment, then reached behind himself, grabbing only a handful of withered buttock.

"Henry! Did you forget your wallet again! I swear, the man would forget his little prick if it wasn't screwed on!"

She rummaged in her monstrous straw bag, pulled out a fat wallet, and fished out a crisp one hundred dollar bill. Tina's eyes lit up and she reached for it, but Helen Hackett slid the bill under her saucer.

"Why don't you sit down by Henry and let's talk awhile," she said through the grinch grin.

Tina looked over to Maribeth and Margie. Maribeth raised one eyebrow and nodded. Tina slid in cautiously beside Henry Hackett.

"Woo-hoo!" she yelped.

"What's the matter, dear?"

"Naugahyde's cold!"

"Oh, well, I was just telling Henry how foolish it was for him to gas up in the city. Everybody knows it's at least ten cents a gallon higher there."

Tina turned and stared at Maribeth.

What am I supposed to do? she mouthed.

Maribeth made her thumb and forefinger into a circle and shook her hand.

"Something wrong?" Helen Hackett asked.

"Oh, no," Maribeth smiled. "Just checking in. Maribeth said it's okay."

"Hmm. Well, as I was saying, we could have saved ten dollars if we'd gotten out on the interstate before filling up. I swear, Henry would have us in the poorhouse if it wasn't for me!"

Tina turned and stared again.

Maribeth formed her whole hand into a circle and shook it vigorously.

"...not to mention those attendants in the city! This morning this horrid little man pretended to help me down from the coach..."

What? Tina mouthed.

"...it wasn't my arm he grabbed, I can tell you that for sure!"

"I think Henry wants some jack with his soda!" Margie said aloud.

"...he copped a feel of my left tit..."

Jack? Tina mouthed.

Margie and Maribeth nodded.

"...not just a little grope. I mean it was a full tit squeeze!"

Both Maribeth and Margie made circles of their hands and shook them near their crotches.

"Oh, shit! Jeez Marie!" Tina exclaimed.

"Exactly what I thought!" Helen Hackett said.

Tina turned to Henry Hackett whose hooded eyes rested gratefully on her breasts.

"...and that's not the end of it. He pinched my ass!"

Tina dropped her eyes to Henry's crotch -- a wrinkled pink eel nestled in a scraggly gray nest.

"Oh, Jeez! No!" she said.

"...he did, indeed. I swear!" Helen Hackett croaked.

"I can't fucking believe this!" Tina said and moved her left hand over Henry Hackett's scrawny thigh.

"...I couldn't either! Then the guy puckered and blew me this big sloppy kiss..."

Tina closed her eyes and grasped the wrinkled eel.

"Yuck!"

"...yes, yuck!. I was outraged! But know what the sad thing is?"

Tina massaged the eel.

"He's not doing anything!"

"...that's right! Henry saw the whole thing and is standing there with the nozzle in his hand not doing a damn thing!"

The eel stirred.

"Wait! I feel something coming up!" Tina said.

"...yeah, here's the kicker. Henry walks over and tips the guy five bucks!"

"I think we've established a pulse, Henry!" Tina whispered.

"...I can't believe you gave the frigging pervert five dollars, Henry!"

"muh-mmmmm" Henry said.

"Yes, Houston! We have lift-off after a short delay!"

"The age of chivalry is dead," Helen Hackett lamented. "Men no longer stand up for women's honor."

"Stand up for us, Henry!" Tina accelerated her stroke.

"Especially Henry," Helen Hackett said with a sneer.

"Gummmphh" Henry said.

"C'mon, Henry -- let's get this stogie smokin'!"

"I guess if the guy had raped my ass by the high octane pump you'd have given him ten bucks, Henry!" Helen Hackett spat.

"Uhh-mmmmmm!" Henry said and the crinkley smile widened.

"That's it! You got it in you, Henry -- let's get it out of you!"

Tina gave Margie and Maribeth a thumbs-up with her free hand.

"Let's go for the big finish now, Henry!"

"Maybe it's not his fault," Helen Hackett shrugged. "I mean he couldn't help it that he was born a pencil dick."

"Nooohhhhhh!" Henry said. The eel deflated.

"Shit!"

Tina stroked hard, staring feverishly at the hundred under the saucer.

"She didn't mean that, Henry!"

"Low sperm count, too," Helen Hackett said. "Took us five years to have the first kid!"

"Awwwww!" Henry said.

Tina turned to Margie and Maribeth in desperation.

"We're flat-lining over here!"

"I'll help you out for halvies," Margie hollered.

"No way!"

Tina pumped furiously. The booth began to rattle. Helen Hackett shook her head forlornly and gazed into her cup where the coffee sloshed precariously close to the rim. Her breasts jiggled on the vibrating tabletop.

"By the time we had the last kid --"

"Don't listen to her, Henry! We're doing some high-stakes pud-pounding here!"

"--we resorted to artificial insemination."

"Waahhhhh!"

"Shut the fuck up, Helen!" Tina yelled. Helen Hackett's jaw dropped.

Tina put her face close to Henry's.

"You blow some jism, Henry, and I'll stick that salad fork up her ass!"

"Wooooo!" Henry's watery eyes opened wide and the eel sprang to life.

"That's it, Henry ---Woooo! Work with me, my man!"

Tina's hand was a blur.

"Yah!" Henry blurted.

"Yeah -- yah! That's good, Henry! Pop a wad and Helen wears the napkin dispenser for a Kotex!"

"Yah! Yah! Yah!" Henry screeched.

The booth began thumping violently against the floor. Helen watched slack-jawed. Margie and Maribeth stood saucer-eyed.

"That's it! Yah! Yah! Yah! C'mon Seabiscuit -- we're going for the roses!"

Laci came out of her office.

"What the fuck is going --"

"YAAAHH! YEEEEEEK!"

All eyes watched Henry's spunk-rocket make a graceful slow-motion arc over the table -- and land dead center in Helen Hackett's coffee cup.

Ploink!

"Oh, shit!" Tina said.

Helen Hackett stared into her cup for a moment, then at Henry, her eyes narrowing malevolently behind the horn-rims.

"Goddam it, Henry," she hissed. "You know I don't take cream!"