Coming Home

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I woke to a pounding on my door. I opened my eyes and grabbed for my watch. I noticed it's a little after 9:00am. I must have been really tired to have slept this late. I rose from the bed and stretched, then, I grabbed the bedding off the bed and start wrapping it around myself as I sauntered to the door and flip it open.

"Oh mom, good morning." I said curtseying a little as I have no energy to squat or kneel.

"Good morning. How was your night?" she replied looking me over. I know she wanted to ask me about last night but didn't know how to bring it up.

"I slept well, mom." I replied. She looked me over once more, then, she use her hand to flip me around. She fondled my ass and then turned me around again and groped my boobs. She used to do that all the time when I was growing up, but she stopped before they sent me to stay with my grandparents.

"Mom!" I screamed in alarm.

"You still haven't added a little fat to your frame. How will you attract anyone with these tiny pimples you call breasts and this chicken waist?" She said gesturing to my upper chamber and nether region.

"Mom!" I screamed again. I could feel my face flaming hot in embarrassment.

"Are you coming to the funeral mass?" she asked calmly as if nothing happened.

"I think so, yes." I replied still embarrassed.

"Then you have to hurry up because we are almost leaving." She said walking away. I noticed she is already wearing her black lace material. I went back into my room and dressed fastly. Then I hurried back into the living room where they are all waiting, almost ready to leave. I go round, greeting them and receiving hugs in response.

"We need to be going; else we will be late for dad's funeral." One of my aunts said.

"Now, wouldn't that be the day?" replied my first uncle which made every one laugh.

"Do you still know your way to the church?" my mom asked me.

"Mom!" I shouted again to the amusement of everyone. As they all got up to leave, my uncle walked up to me and handed me his car keys and insisted I needed a ride to the church as he is sure to catch one with the others.

An hour later, after much preening and grooming, I was convinced I look presentable. I entered the car and zoomed off. I drive very slowly as I very much wanted to enjoy the scenery. When I got to the church, the mass is almost halfway through. I quietly sneaked into the last pew and sit with folded hands. After the mass, I stand with the others, shaking hands and receiving hugs from well wishers. After sometime, I got tired and snuck out of church with Lillian in tow. As we cleared the church building, Lillian started giggling. I turn and look at her as if she has suddenly grown horns, which added to increase the giggling.

"What's so funny?" I asked her in English.

"You sound different when you speak that language," she replied instead.

"Different, how?" I asked

"Silly..." she said and I smiled.

"That's how it's supposed to sound. The language is silly and different."I answered smiling too.

"Where to?" she asked as we make a bend towards the direction of the car.

"The cemetery of course." I respond. "I want to have a peaceful moment with the old man before they all arr..." I continued

"Ijeoma,"

I heard the voice and froze in mid sentence. I couldn't bring my legs to move again form that spot. I know that voice, though it's a little deeper now, but I know it's the same voice. I stood there for what looked like an eternity, trembling. I could see Lillian turn back to see who it was. Finally, almost reluctantly, I looked up at Lillian and she nods yes; confirming what I already know. I turn slowly to face Elizabeth. I could see Lillian walking away from the tail of my eyes.

We stare at each other for a while. This is the first time she is using my full name. I'd asked her to call me I. J. all those long years ago because she couldn't pronounce my name right. But now, she called my full name very clearly. It sounds almost sexy from the way it came out in her deep voice. It shows that she has finally learned the language. As I look at her, my eyes danced all over her face a few times before they could just focus on her eyes. She had an embarrassed smile on her face. She was sitting on a wheel chair and she actually looked good. I could see the muscle tones on her arms that are resting on the arm rest of the chair. I have forgotten how beautiful her face is. Her big brown eyes stare at me without blinking. I could see the fear in them and I know the humor did not reach them.

"Don't I deserve a hug? She asks

I swallowed hard as I walked up to her. I bent down and lightly hugged her to myself. The hug ended long before it could start but it was enough to cause its own havoc; as I felt her lips lightly brush my right cheek. I straightened up and really looked at her, her soft brown hair is still curly but a lot shorter than before. And her skin color is whiter than before too. It might be from having to stay indoors all the time she was in recovery. I cleared my throat.

"You look well." I told her.

"Thanks. You too." She replied. "How have you been?

"I am good. I heard about the accident. I'm sorry." I said gesturing to her legs.

"Is it bad?" I continued

"No, it's alright. I just need to rest it for a few days." She replied. "I didn't know you'll be coming back." She countered

"Me neither." I answered shrugging.

There was an uncomfortable silence between us for a second or so.

"I'd better go." I said laughing nervously. She laughed too. I waved at her and turned away. I walked as casually as I could manage without breaking into a run as I made my way to my uncle's car where Lillian is patiently waiting for me. When I got into the car, Lillian was wise enough to keep quiet, but after driving along for a while in silence, she turned to me.

"Are you okay? Lillian asked. "Was it bad?"

"No, she is just different." I replied frowning.

"Surely, you weren't expecting her to remain the same. Many years have passed. She is older, so are you.

"I guess." I shrugged.

We continued driving in silence again. I became lost in my own thoughts as I drive, but as I look up again, I noticed Lillian watching me intently.

"What?" I asked

"Do you still love her?

"I can't recall telling you I did." I replied a little uneasily as I shifted uncomfortable on the seat.

"You didn't have to then and now, you don't have to answer too," she said a little smugly. I wanted to reach over and wipe the smile off her face.

After a while...

"Do you think you could make her lo..." she began again

"No!" I almost screamed, cutting her off. I took a deep breath and continued. "She made it obvious that she doesn't want me that way."

"But do you want her that way?" Lillian asked

"It doesn't matter what I want. Just know that I won't embarrass myself around her, that is, if I ever see her again." I said as I drove into the compound. I've decided to go home and rest instead of going to the cemetery as I had earlier planned. I was afraid I might still run into Elizabeth there. Immediately I got down from the car, I handed the keys to Lillian and entered my room. I know she wanted to sit and chat, but I told her she can return to the cemetery with the car if she so wants.

The next morning, I got up early and went for a run. It felt nice to see the village once again, to notice the slight changes that have occurred after all these years. When I finally got home a little before 10:00am, Lillian dragged me to the side with such an excitement;

"What is it?" I asked almost breathless.

"She asked after you," she said in a loud whisper. I looked around in alarm. I don't need to ask her whom she meant because we both know. Silently, I nodded for her to continue.

"She asked why you returned." Lillian continued

"What did you tell her?"

"I told her you came because of her wedding." She replied

"What?" I shouted unbelievably. I can't believe that Lillian could be such a dunce. I wanted to reach over and punch her in the face. What was she thinking telling Eliz that? I know Elizabeth will probably be thinking that I still cared. I noticed that Lillian was smiling rather broadly and I fixed her with an angry glare.

"God! You need to see the look on your face. I've never seen you this scared before." She said laughing. "Do you really think I will tell her that?" she continued

"Relax; I was just pulling your legs." She concluded in a fit of laughter. I exhaled a large breath of relief. I shook my head at her and smiled at myself as I walked away from her.

I went into my room and took my bath. I carefully dressed and went in search of food. I met my dad in the dining room having a late brunch. I asked to join him and he nodded his accent. I quickly pulled out a chair and joined him. I dove into the dish with relish; it was one of my favorites.

"So, do you have anywhere to go today?" he asked and I shook my head as I try to swallow before answering.

"I'll probably go visit grandpa, then, maybe look around the town." I replied with mouthful

"That's a good plan.'' He said and I nodded again.

"So, when are you going back?" he asked after a while. I look at him as I ponder on how to answer without revealing my plans to him. Although I don't really know what my plans are, but my dad has always been able to figure out whatever I had in mind. I know what he is asking and what he dares not mention.

"I still have some engagements. Things that really need my attention." I finally said.

"And what might that be?" he fired again. I fell silent. We both know what he is driving at and once again I felt bad that I am so transparent to him.

"You know she is getting married, right? He asked

"Who?" I said trying so hard to sound and appear nonchalant but I know I failed woefully. I gingerly dropped the fork that I am using. The food in my mouth now tastes like saw dust; I wanted to spit it out, but I know if I do that, my dad will probably make me pay for the food in reminder of those that have to go for days without food. I calmly lifted my glass and took a sip of water to assist in the swallowing. I noticed that my dad had been watching me like a hawk all the while I was fighting with the food in my mouth.

"Are you going to see her?" he asked suddenly.

"Dad!"

"Are you?" he persisted

"That's not why I am here." I finally answered. I wanted to get up and leave the room but I know that it's not beyond my dad to get up and knock me into another family if I dared to leave without being dismissed. So, I nervously sat under his scrutiny to endure his cross examination.

"Then, why are you here?"

"Grandpa died," I replied. I know from the look on his face that he didn't believe me. "And I am working on my next book." I added in a rush.

"Whatever you do, just don't disgrace my name like you did the last time." he said as he made to get up. I murmured something under my breath.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" he asked

I don't know what prompted me to respond. Ordinarily, I would have said nothing or apologized and end it, but today, I felt that I had to answer.

"I am not a disgrace." I said. "My life is not a disgrace." I could feel myself shaking in anger. I know I had a temper like my dad's, but I try more to control mine than he does his. I know that if I lose my temper now, I will definitely pay severely for it because my dad does not take any nonsense from us. He rarely hit us, yet, he managed to instigate so much respect and fear in us. You dare not sit while he is standing especially if he is addressing you, so I quickly trembled to my feet.

"You are not a disgrace. You are my only daughter. I'm just saying that your actions the last time you were with that woman, disgraced my name." he clarified or tried to in his school teacher's voice. He always use that tone before he erupts. Involuntarily, I shifted a little away from him as I continued.

"Loving someone is not a disgrace. Whom I love is not a disgrace." My voice is seriously rising without my consent. I could feel my eyes clouding and the tears gathering. I tried to hold it in and not let it spill.

"You'll not use that tone with me young lady and if you are so bent on love, there are lots of eligible people all over the world for you to love. If... "

"I do not wish to love them." I screamed, cutting him off. I know I have finally crossed the imaginary line, but before I could rewind to apologize, I felt the sting on my left cheek. My dad has hit me, for the second time in my life—the first was when I was messing with that guy at 15. I held my cheek and looked up at him. He straightened to his full height of 6ft 2" and stared me down. I know what I had to do; what I must do. So, I gathered up my pride, notwithstanding the pain and the tears and look him in the eye.

"I am sorry dad. May I be excused?" I said. He raised his head in acknowledgement. I ran out of the house. I ran all the way to the small bush and didn't stop to draw breath until I am in 'our spot'. I am glad to notice that it has not been overgrown. It looked almost like it's still in regular use. I gingerly drag myself up the small tree and sit on the low branch. I notice that it took me a little more time than it used to when climbing it.

I sat on the branch and cried for a while. I feel bad that my dad felt like this about me, about what happened between me and Elizabeth. It hurts to feel this way over nothing. I should have told him that he needn't worry because Eliz didn't give a shit about me. Very soon, the tears subsided, but my left cheek still stings a little when I touch it. As I sat there, palming my cheek, I began to get angry. Soon, the anger consumed me. A large portion of it is directed to Elizabeth for manipulating and violating my innocence while the smaller part is left for my dad. Back in the U. S., I thought I had forgotten about her, but immediately I saw her again, all those feelings I have sufficiently buried, all resurfaced again -- doubled. I thought about going ahead with the revenge plan I hatched for her, but I know that could back-fire; judging from the way I reacted when I saw her at the church. Finally, I concluded that I have to go back to the U. S. and in the mean time, steer clear of Eliz and any likely place she might be. I decided I'll have to leave the town as soon as possible. Maybe I will leave with my parents tomorrow or with my eldest brother. Yes, that's what I will do. I will leave with him tomorrow to his house and hide there, then, I will use that opportunity to see his wife and the new born baby. He had gotten married 2years ago so I hadn't met the wife yet. Thinking of it now, it's almost like a good plan because I will be killing two birds with one stone.

"You coming down from there or what?

I look down and give a little scream. Eliz was standing there looking up at me. Her presence and the shock of it combined to push me over the branch. I feel myself topple over and fall on her feet. I groaned in pain as I try to sit up. She leans over me and stretch out her hand.

"Are you alright?" she asked in English. I noticed she still has a little of her accent left.

"I'm fine." I replied, scampering away from her reach. I don't want her to touch me. She noticed and pulls her hand away with a pained expression on her face. I scrambled to my feet and we stand in awkward silence for a while.

"Hey! You are not on your chair." I said, just noticing it for the first time. "Are you sure it is okay to use your legs now?" I continued.

"I am using the clutch. It's just a minor fall. I was almost recovered the use of my legs completely before the fall." She answered. I noticed the clutch at her left side, the muscles of her arm that is holding the clutch is taut and flexes once in a while. I noticed that her body is very tight and toned as well. I know some of the muscles are caused by her having to use the clutch for a while during her recovery.

"I...I... I am glad you are better." I stuttered. I am beginning to lose focus just by staring at her upper chambers. My eyes shamelessly wandered to her arms again and slowly rise till it gets to the holes of the tank she is wearing. My eyes immediately fixated on her chest. She is always a lot bigger than I am, probably 34C, to compared to my 32B, I watch the outline of her breasts, and use my eyes to trace their shapes and focused on the dent in the middle where her nipples are showing a sign of poking out. As I stare at them, they got bigger until they are clearly showing. I temporary forgot where I am as I stare at her. In my sub-conscious, I think I heard her clear her throat.

"Mmmmh?" I ask, jerking back to reality.

"What do you think?" she asked

"Yes." I respond, hoping desperately that she hadn't noticed me staring at her chest.

"You think so too?" she squealed, giving me a big smile. I shrugged. I don't know what I am agreeing to, but, I don't want to alert her of the fact that I wasn't listening.

"How are you preparing for the wedding?" I ask to cover my embarrassment. She rather shrugged.

"The wedding is still months away. That is if there is still a wedding.

"Why not?" I asked with piqued interest.

"I've really missed you." She said changing the topic. I wanted to drag the topic back but I froze as she starts limping towards me. Before I could gather myself to react, she flings herself at me, hugging me tight. I stood on a spot as she hugs me. I notice she is trembling as much as I am too. After a little while, I feel a little dizzy, almost as if my lungs are on fire. Then it occurred to me that I am holding my breath. I released it audibly and inhaled deeply which was a huge mistake because her scent fills my senses and almost driving me wild. I sigh in agony.

"Please." She whispered in my left ear. I haven't been able to deny her anything since I've known her. My arms immediately circled her tight body and I hug her tight to me. I try so hard to hold back the tears but I couldn't. The tears fall freely down my cheeks. It feels so nice to be back in her arms again. I sniffed and felt her leaned away from me and reluctantly, I released her. She shakes her head like she always does whenever she thinks I am being silly. Then suddenly, she raise her hand and, with spread fingers run it down from my forehead, down to my chin. I've forgotten that she used to do that to me. It hurt me now that she dared to do that to me after her betrayal.

I gingerly stepped away from her; only I did it too late. She has seen my face.

"What happened to your left cheek?" she asked

"It was nothing,"

"I can practically see the outline of a big palm on your cheek and you tell me it is nothing? Who did that to you? Your dad?" she asks. Her voice is cool; too cool but I know she is boiling inside. Her voice always drops to that level whenever she is mad.

"Can you leave it alone? It's none of your business." I snapped at her.

"It is my bus..." she started but cut herself off in midsentence. I hear the sound of her teeth as they grind together.

"Fuck!'' she swears stamping her good foot. I almost gloated as I watch her seething in impotent anger. I know she won't be comfortable if she didn't find out what really happened to me.

I remember when she beat up those two guys because of me. I was sixteen then and the guys have been taunting me and calling me names since I came back to stay with my grandparents. Although she couldn't possibly have understood what they were saying, but she knew exactly when my body language changed. She silently turned and hit the bigger boy square in the face. The smaller one sprang at her and she fought him off. I was awed that she actually knows karate and also not afraid to use it. She felt that it is her duty to protect me from others.