Coming Home

James leaned back in his chair, trying to convince himself to put in another hour's work at the office. It wasn't working.

"What the hell," he thought, "everybody else is long gone. It's Friday night and Ashley's been pestering me about working too much overtime all week." Noticing what time it was, he realised he had put in much more than a day's work. Feeling entitled to go home, he switched off his computer and headed out.

As he left the building, he sighed as he noticed the heavy snowfall. By the looks of things it had been snowing for quite a while. The daylight was long gone by then and he realised that he hadn't been out in the sunlight at all that day, another sign that he was working too hard.

November was drawing to a close, and when he got to work in the morning it was still pretty dark out. Leaving work more than thirteen hours later invariably meant that it was just as dark outside by then. At first he had figured it was part of the package when it came to being an architect. But while they did have a major project to finish, it didn't seem to keep anyone else from leaving work at a fairly reasonable hour. It had to be a bad sign when even his colleagues thought he was working too much.

Christmas was approaching fast and everybody seemed to look forward to the festivities, everyone but him. James heaved another heavy sigh as he thought about this. Just like his willingness to work non-stop, his reluctance to do Christmas preparations was connected to his lack of a close family connection. His mother had died in childbirth and his dad had died just a few months earlier. He'd been an angry, bitter alcoholic, only getting worse with age, much like the cheap wine he'd been so fond of. They hadn't seen each other much toward the end. It had seemed to suit them both just fine.

No, James didn't long for large family reunions, but he did miss Ellie. His stepsister Elizabeth from his father's second marriage had gone missing five years earlier and James had been looking for her ever since. Well, not anymore that is. After she heard he was looking for her, she sent him a postcard telling him to please stop. Apparently she wanted nothing more to do with any of them. It had stung badly considering she was the only person James had ever felt a lasting connection to. He felt his heart give a squeeze as he considered the very real chance that she hadn't felt the same way.

He hurried through the snow, hoping to get to the tube station before it could leak into his shoes and start nipping at his toes. As he reached the brightly lit, surprisingly welcoming hole in the ground that was the entrance to the tube station, he abruptly stopped in his tracks and forgot all about how tired, cold, and absolutely starving he was. He couldn't help but stare at the tiny angel that sat shivering on the steps of the Starbucks on the corner, holding a steaming cup of hot chocolate, while she looked up and down the street seemingly trying to decide which way to go next.

To James she looked achingly familiar and he sent a silent prayer to the stars, hidden by the city lights and heavy clouds, that it would really be her this time. He'd been wrong so many times before, but then he had never felt this certain before either. He walked up to her slowly, as if he was approaching an unfamiliar cat, trying not to spook it, and whispered, "Ellie? Is that you?"

Elizabeth whipped her head around and looked at the familiar looking stranger, and promptly dropped her precious cup of hot chocolate. She regretted it to the very core of her soul for a whole second. She'd really gone all out treating herself to it, and then it didn't matter anymore, she knew she was safe.

Before she had time to even consider his reaction, she jumped up and flung her arms around him. As she relaxed into his safe warmth and familiar smell, she couldn't help but sigh, "Jamie." James chuckled at that, it was such a relief to be called by that name again. They stood there clinging to each other for quite a while, making up for five years worth of hugs, until James let her go and held her at arms length.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you! I was worried sick!" He gave her a quick once over, then another, and another, taking in her much to thin jacket, worn shoes, and holey gloves. She looked so thin, not to mention freezing, her lips were turning an unflattering shade of blue and she was shivering rather violently now that he wasn't keeping her warm anymore. A feeling not unlike a punch in the gut swept over him and he figured it was about bloody time she came home.

"Come on, you're coming home with me. We can talk about all this later, I suppose."

Somehow the profound look of relief that swept her face worried him even more. What kind of trouble was she in? Did she even have a place to live? Something about her made him doubt that, though she didn't have any luggage. Though she had never been one to conform to stereotypes, and he couldn't picture her lugging around a shopping cart, there was a reason homeless people were usually lugging around a heap of stuff; it was necessary for survival. What would have happened if he had stayed in the office for that extra hour?

He cringed at the thought, put his arm protectively around her and led her down the stairs to the tube station. He was dying to know what she had been up to since she ran away three days before the funeral, but she didn't seem to want to talk to him just yet. She looked even more exhausted than he felt, so he left her, for the most part, alone. He couldn't stop himself from touching her though, he had to prove to himself that she was really there; that he wasn't just dreaming again.

When they got home to his apartment he had to help her get her coat off. She was stiff from the cold and couldn't quite manage on her own. Usually she would have hated to accept help from anyone, it didn't seem like she could afford that luxury anymore.

"Why don't I get the fire started, and you can sit there and thaw out while I run you a bath? Sound good?" She managed a shaky nod. He got the flames going and she sat down on the floor in front of it, the thought of a cushion to sit on didn't even occur to her. To James she looked far too used to sitting on hard surfaces.

He was becoming more and more concerned for her by the minute. He realised it was a good thing she'd need some time in front of the fire before she could get into the bath without feeling scalded by the water. The bathroom looked exactly like it belonged to a bachelor who was working so hard he barely had time to eat. He welcomed the opportunity to scrub the bathtub and tidy up a bit. Changing the sheets also seemed like a good idea.

Fifteen minutes later, James approached her with caution; she seemed so different from the girl he used to know. He helped her up, showed her where the towels were, and promised her fried eggs and toast when she was finished in the tub.

"I'll see what I can do about some clean clothes." Another silent nod from the girl who had once been the most vivacious person James had ever known. He felt like crying. They used to be so close, with no one but each other in the whole wide world to confide in. He remembered how she used to crawl into bed with him when their parents were fighting, and he'd put on music to drown out the harsh words from the master bedroom down the hall.

He sighed for the umpteenth time that night and set about digging in his closet for something for her to wear. Eventually he found a tank-top in her size and some comfy boxer shorts, the origin of both items of clothing was, and would remain, a mystery. He'd just finished preparing the food when she came into the living room, wearing the improvised pyjamas he'd put out for her.

"Thanks. Food smells good." Her smile was a little weak, but nevertheless it was a big improvement on the silent, freezing girl he'd found on the street a short hour ago.

"Come sit down. Your timing is perfect. I found some milk in the fridge, but I don't think we should take our chances with it. I can make you some tea if you like. You still take your tea without milk, right?"

"Yeah, tea sounds lovely," she said as she curled up on the kitchen chair, just like she used to.

"Still haven't gotten the hang of sitting properly on a chair I see," Jamie grinned, feeling some of the tension leave his body; she was going to be okay, he was going to make damn sure of it. "So, are you going to tell me where you've been?" Being stern with her seemed to go against his nature, it felt all wrong, and he struggled to keep a straight face.

It would seem that he didn't succeed, she only smiled pleasantly and replied; "I promise to tell you all about it, but please not tonight... I'm exhausted and starving. I just want to inhale my food and collapse on your lovely sofa. Do you have work in the morning? A girlfriend who'll be pissed to find a girl in your flat?"

For the first time in longer than he liked to admit, going to work on a Saturday was out of the question. "No and no. You can tell me all about it in the morning. But you're delusional if you think I'm letting you sleep on the sofa. You know me better than that. In fact, I think I might be insulted." Once again he failed to keep a straight face. Well, he'd always known he was a big softy when it came to her.

She seemed to take him seriously enough not to argue with him on this though. Either that or she had been longing for the bed more than she wanted to admit. In no time at all, she had finished her food. She tried to suppress a yawn and failed spectacularly.

Jamie chuckled. "Off to bed with you. Go on. I'll tidy up here and crash on the sofa."

Ellie hesitated for a moment. "You don't have to do that. I mean, we've slept together plenty of times before. It's no big deal, and I'd hate to kick you out of your own bed. Besides, you look like hell. Have you slept at all since the last time I saw you?"

"Huh. No, not much. Things have been quite hectic at work lately. Are you sure you're alright with this? You know you can tell me." He studied her face trying to see through her pretences like he used to. She seemed to have gotten over her initial hesitation, and he decided to object no further.

"Really, it's fine." By now he'd cleared away the dishes, meaning he'd chucked them in the sink, and they got ready for bed.

In the bathroom, Jamie found that Ellie had rinsed out her clothes and hung them to dry. He brushed his teeth and made a mental list of all the things they had to get sorted in the morning. He rinsed his mouth, padded into the bedroom, and crawled under the covers.

"How about I take you shopping tomorrow? You looked like you might need some new clothes." He suspected her mumbled reply wouldn't have been as compliant if her mind hadn't already been muddled by fast oncoming sleep.

Jamie woke up with a start at four a.m. Ellie was thrashing in her sleep, her screaming muffled by her pillow. Horrified, Jamie shook her awake. "Ellie, wake up! It's just a nightmare. Wake up!" When she did wake up, she moved with blinding speed, twisting around in bed and flinging her arms around him. Clinging to him, she cried on his shoulder for a few minutes while he stroked her gently on the back.

"God, you scared me there for a minute. What was your nightmare about?" he whispered after a while.

"Can't remember." she murmured and lay back down in bed awkwardly. She seemed embarrassed and still terrified, and curled up in a tiny ball just like he knew she would. It seemed completely natural to both of them that he curled himself around her c-shape, putting his arms comfortingly around her.

They'd slept like this countless times before. Initially it had been because of a shortage of space in his twin bed, but in the end she had needed the comfort of knowing he was there for her no matter what. All in all they both had bittersweet memories of nights sleeping like this. Eventually, they fell asleep again, both feeling the comfort of each other's company seeping through their dreams.

Jamie woke up in the morning, feeling more rested than he could remember having been for a very long time. Ellie's surprisingly familiar shape was all the explanation he needed. Initially he was happy to watch her sleep indefinitely, but then she shifted slightly against him. Instantly, he was painfully aware of the downside to sleeping curled up next to her, the side-effect he hadn't missed at all.

Thankfully, he always woke up before her, so his rather obvious not-so-brotherly feelings for his stepsister was still a well kept secret. Well, pretty well. He was counting on her to have drawn the wrong conclusions about a certain New Years Eve five years ago.

He slowly disentangled himself from Ellie and got out of bed carefully. Once he was safely out, he went to get a much needed shower. He'd completely forgotten just how difficult this part of his life was. What was a horny teenager supposed to do when his dad married the mother of the girl he was desperately in love with? He used to wait for it to pass, but eventually he had to give up. She was just too charming and lovable to fall out of love with.

She seemed to crave his company just as much as he did hers. Thankfully, he'd never been delusional enough to think she wanted him around for the same reasons he wanted her. His massive crush made it easy for them to slip into a pattern where they stuck together and made their own little family within the bigger and more troubled family sharing that roof. As long as they had each other, everything else seemed a little less important.

Having finished his shower, Jamie went into the combined kitchen and living room only to see Ellie perform an archaeological excavation of his refrigerator. "We'll have to go out for breakfast, it seems." She must have heard him come in, though he had no idea how.

"Yeah well, you were lucky I had anything edible for you yesterday. Hop in the shower and we'll go out. Your clothes should be dry by now. Or if you're too hungry, I can go get some breakfast from the corner shop while you're in the shower."

Her, "No, thank you. I can wait." was interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

"Ashley, hi. Yes I'm sorry, I forgot. I won't be coming in today, we'll have to sort it out on Monday." Jamie cringed and made a face while he listened to the angry woman on the other end.

"I really am sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll get you the nicest Christmas gift you can imagine." he paused for a second, listening to her reply and grinned. "No, not that nice. I'm not made of money, as you well know. I'll talk to you later, okay? You're going to love my reason for standing you up. Okay, bye."

Ellie listened carefully to the conversation. After he hung up, she felt apprehensive, uncertain about her right to be there, in his apartment and in his life. Everything had seemed so normal between them last night, but it seemed that he had a girlfriend that had more right to put claims on his time than her. She looked around the apartment, looking for ornaments or other girly stuff that would seal the deal on the question of his single status.

"You could just have told me you had a girlfriend. I wasn't going to be difficult. I asked you yesterday if you had a girlfriend to avoid situations like this one. I don't want to be an inconvenience."

He looked puzzled for a second and then started laughing. Her glare stopped him short though. "That wasn't my girlfriend. Ashley's my 58 year-old secretary. I asked her to come in today and help me go through some of the plans for the new project with me. I need help to keep track of all the different ideas we have on the table for the new project. We still haven't decided on a design. Understandably, Ashley was pissed to have come in to work on a Saturday for nothing. It was my fault for forgetting to call her and tell her I wasn't coming in today after all. Now, go get ready so we can go get breakfast."

Half an hour later, they were sitting in Jamie's favourite new little café in Covent Garden. It was a nice place. He knew the girl in charge, Katherine something, through an acquaintance. Usually he came here so that he wouldn't feel so alone, at least here he knew that Katherine would be more than happy to chat with him whenever she had the time. It wasn't all that often, the café was a big hit, but still, it made him feel less lonely.

Jamie and Ellie sat in two comfortable armchairs near the fireplace, sipping cups of delicious hot chocolate. Though Katherine specialized in chocolate-based food, she had some lovely sandwiches on the menu as well. While they were waiting for their breakfast to be ready, James decided to have another go at getting her to talk about what happened.

"Are we going to talk about the night your mum died? Or are we just going to keep on ignoring it?" Jamie felt anxious about her answer, not knowing what he wanted her to say. He'd been at a friend's house just down the street that night. There was a party and he had set about getting fantastically drunk. He was painfully in love and agonized over Ellie's recent statement that he was the the "best big brother in the world."

Ellie looked shamefaced and said; "No, we are definitely not going to talk about it. It would be best if we could just forget the whole thing altogether." She looked profoundly embarrassed and Jamie felt a twinge of guilt. From her point of view, what happened that night must seem horribly wrong.

He had been out-of-his-mind drunk that night, and so he wasn't at all certain how it had happened, but surely he must have started it. She was never to know that night was Jamie's all time favourite memory, and his biggest regret. He had always been certain that his outburst of not-so-platonic feelings was to blame for her disappearing act three days before the funeral.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Shit. I can't believe she called me that. That's like the worst thing she could have said to me. Like ever." Jamie sat on his friend Marcus' sofa. The party wasn't going all that well, and Jamie wasn't the only one in a bad mood.

"Face it. You're never getting into that girl's knickers. She thinks of you as her big brother. It's just not going to happen. Why don't you try your luck with Lucy over there instead?"

Marcus had had enough of Jamie's whining about Ellie. He was a patient guy, but everyone had their limits and Jamie had been going on about her ever since it became clear that the girl of his dreams was going to be, for all intents and purposes, his sister.

"Ah, it's no use man. She's ruined me for everyone else. I think I'll just have some more of this godawful tequila. Who brought this crap anyway?"

Marcus laughed; "Lucy did. She's been eyeing you all night while you've been sitting here, drinking her liquor. The least you could do is talk to her." Too late, Marcus realized he was talking to thin air. Jamie had got up and walked over to the kitchen, away from Lucy. It didn't take him long to figure out why. Jamie had spotted Ellie, and there was not a force known to man who could keep him away from her when she looked like that.

"Ellie, what's wrong? What happened?" Ellie looked a little wild, her eyes darting around the room like a terrified animal looking for predators. It didn't take long for the adrenaline to leave her system though, now that Jamie was here. She felt safe with him and ran into his arms. He was her protector and her safety net, even when he slurred and smelled of tequila.

"It's your dad. They had a fight and mum ran out. He was pissed because she took the car even though she was just as drunk as him. He..." At that point, her crying got completely out of hand and she couldn't speak anymore. Ellie doubted she would have been able to tell him what his father had tried to do even if her throat hadn't closed up.