Consequences - Patti

Walt had lost his temper, at least for Walt, a few times since all this began but this was the first time I had seen him with tears, great huge tears, running down his cheeks while he literally shouted at me.

I found his pain to be almost unbearable but in an instant I knew what I had done.

"No Walt, "I said, as calmly as I could manage, "I didn't forget you and if that had been what I had done, I might well have ended up fucking Dan Sheffield. But you are right, I did forget someone. In that moment of lust I forgot me! I think I was thinking of you all through that evening and in believing I had made sure you would never find out and that you would never be hurt, I forgot for a while that I WOULD KNOW and because I love you as much as I do, I would be hurt for you and when I remembered me and what you mean to me, I backed out.

I screwed up Walt and I will be forever sorry I did, but it wasn't you I forgot, . . . it was me!"

The following days and nights were much the same except for the "talking". I had told everything I knew and Walt was not buying it.

He rarely ate at home and kept much to himself during the evening. On the rare occasion we were together our "conversations" were limited to, "Would you like some coffee." "Please pass the milk." And a whole lot of other non-threatening things.

We went to work each day and somehow I managed to hold it together in spite of my trepidation that my marriage might come to a crashing end. Then, irony of ironies, I was called in to see, not my boss who is a Divisional Manager, but his boss, who is a vice president, a whole two levels up from mine.

I have read enough Literotica to know that this is where Dan Sheffield and I get fired for failing to observe the Company's policy on staff becoming involved, except that I had already checked and we have no such policy. I just assumed they were going to fire me anyway and I was already imagining the embarrassment of being fired for having an affair that I really didn't have but couldn't convince anyone that I didn't.

Nothing could have been further from the truth.

It turned out that upper management was so pleased with my work on the conference that my name was being sent to the promotion committee for consideration for a Divisional Manager position about to become available due to a retirement.

No one at the Company knew what had transpired between Dan and I that night.

Clearly I was relieved but my sadness over having caused Walt so much hurt and the possibility of losing him, prevented me from being overly excited about my career success.

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse. . . they did!

I had no idea how Walt would take the news abut my promotion but I knew it wasn't something I would keep from him. I was unprepared for what did happen.

After I told him as dispassionately as possible about the promotion, in that all too calm and collected voice, Walt announced that we had to talk about us.

Hoping against hope that it would be about putting our marriage back together but deep down, knowing it wasn't likely, I sat and listened.

"Patti we are going to have to get some matters settled between us. I can't see us staying together and . . ."

"No Walt! Please no. I love you. I screwed up really badly and I hurt you but I believe we can still get past this. I'll do anything you say but please not this . . . not until we've given it more of a try than we have so far . . . please!"

"Patti, I can't imagine what I could ask you to do that would make this better. I'm not looking to hurt you back. I'm not trying to be mean. I just think we are going to have to begin the process of getting on with our lives . . . you as much as me. We're still relatively young, we have no kids to worry about and except for the house and some of its contents, there's not much to divvy up. Before you get your promotion, we still make about the same salary, yours is a little higher than mine but not enough to make any difference in whatever settlement we decide on. Besides," he added, "my lawyer tells me that if we continue to stay together like this, it could be construed by the courts as me condoning what you have done and I don't!"

"Walt can't we please give it a little longer? Can't we try?"

His expression softened noticeably. "What do you have in mind?"

"I don't really know but surely after 8 years together we could invest a little more time in trying to save our marriage. Why are you in such a rush to end it? Do you hate me that much?"

"It's not that I am in a rush to end the marriage Patti.

I think YOU have already done that!

I'm encouraging you to co-operate with me to start the process of getting on with our lives. I don't hate you at all! I wish I did, then it wouldn't hurt so much. Up until you decided to go outside the marriage, I felt we had a great one! Out of respect for the good times we did have, I'm trying to be kind and fair. I don't want vengeance, although I'm not disappointed that Sheffield will have to deal with his wife over their marriage that he has put into the toilet, but I'm not badmouthing you to friends and family. I'm willing to cooperate with you to get it done with a minimum of additional pain."

"More pain on top of what I have already caused you." I said as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I can see that you are in pain too Patti. It's obvious that things haven't worked out for you either.

It hurts me to think it but I assume you were hoping to have your cake and eat it too; to have me, your loving husband at home while you put some excitement in your life and fucked Sheffield on the side."

It was like he had punched me in the stomach.

The pain was almost unbearable!

My face must have reflected what I felt because Walt's expression changed before my eyes. In his pain and anger he had gone too far and he knew it. His expression softened immediately and the tears came once again.

In spite of my hurt I saw my opportunity to try to keep our marriage together at least a little longer, as I heard him say, "I'm sorry Patti. That was a bit much even after what you've done. I am sorry!"

"Walt, would you be willing to give me a month? A month together to try to repair the damage I've done?"

I had caught him off guard and I could see he was struggling with what I had said but at least he was giving it some thought for what seemed like quite a while, but then his counter proposal floored me.

"If we can agree on a formal separation agreement based on our current circumstances that will acknowledge that although we temporarily reside in the same house, we are formally separated from our marriage and our financial settlement will be based on our current circumstances and most importantly, it will formally show that I certainly do not condone your behavior. That way no one can accuse me of holding off to benefit in any way from any salary increase due to your pending promotion."

I argued that we didn't need to have such an agreement and that if, in one month of trying, we couldn't make enough progress in repairing our marriage, we could come to an agreement then, even if it would mean that I would assume a larger share of whatever costs there were, but Walt would have no part of it.

We argued for a while but Walt was adamant and in order to get the month I so desperately wanted, I gave in.

Two days later, John Hitchens, our friend and lawyer drew up the document. Although I had already agreed, I was reluctant to sign, as it seemed like it was just one more step in the dissolution of our marriage, in fact, it WAS a dissolution of our marriage as it was a formal separation agreement.

About 4 nights after that confrontation, the phone rang and Walt answered. "Hello. . . . . This is Walt Forester. . . .. Who?" then a very long pause followed by "Yes, I do know who you are." Another pause then, "No I'm not just now." Pause "Yes I will do that. When and where?"

Walt took a pen and began to write on the notepad he keeps by the phone.

"I have that." He said. "I'll be there. If you encounter any problems you can reach me at this number." And he proceeded to give out his cell phone number. Walt does not normally give out that number!

Immediately upon finishing the call and without a word, he went to the guest room, returning moments later, obviously dressed to go out.

I started to inquire but the look on his face and my recollection of his response the last time I asked where he was going, left me to bear my concern in silence as he walked out the door.

I was in our bedroom trying unsuccessfully to sleep when I heard the garage door open and then, moments later, close. Walt must have been taking care to be quiet as I didn't hear anything else. The clock said "1:37 AM".

Sleep came in fits and starts and I must have finally dozed off just prior to normal waking time as Walt was showered and gone when I got up. I decided to get off to work myself.

I worked a little later that day, trying to catch up on work missed during my earlier absences. I was relieved to find Walt home when I finally arrived. Although I didn't feel like eating, it was at least an opportunity to speak to him by offering to fix dinner but he calmly declined adding his thanks for the offer and that he was going out for dinner.

Through that evening I began to wonder if I would collapse under the pressure caused by my stupid behavior, but I managed to get by. At about 11:15, Walt returned. After removing his coat and shoes he headed for our bar and began to fix himself a drink, asking, as he did, if I wanted anything.

Desperate for any communication with him, I asked for a single malt, neat and when he handed it to me, I sat down across from him and began to sip the liquor. He seemed different, not as morose, not as angry, not as lost and it made me fearful as I understand people get that way when they have made a difficult but important decision.

"I had lunch with Barb and Mike today." He said casually. "She and Mike have been very supportive!"

"Oh" I responded weakly, then, foolishly blurted out, "I wish I were able to count on Barb for more support than she's given me so far."

I immediately regretted my words but Walt smiled a little and said, "Well you seem to have gotten some . . . "support" as you put it from a very unexpected source. I also had supper with Anne Marie Sheffield.

It seems that your Mr. Sheffield has backed up your story. Marie is convinced that, this time at least, he's telling the truth. He too insists that you turned him down after initially having agreed to fuck him. I can't figure out if he's trying to get back in his wife's favor by taking this tack or what, but as she points out, his fault lies in trying to convince you to fuck him and that you turned him down does nothing to assuage his guilt, therefore she thinks it's the truth."

"It IS the truth!" I blurted out but he continued as if he hadn't heard me.

"Logic tells me that given that you did plot to do it, I shouldn't be all that impressed, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I'm happy you didn't.

I do love you Patti but I've spent most of the last few days wishing I didn't. That way it wouldn't hurt so much. I don't know what to say or what to do. There doesn't seem to be a guidebook for what to say to a wife who apparently wants to fuck some other guy. There is no formula for how to manage it.

It seems that Sheffield's wife has set some conditions by which she will remain in the marriage. Apparently the promiscuity and the kleptomania are connected to some personal emotional issues and his inordinate need for adrenalin rush, so she is willing to stand by him if he gets help for them.

I think she's nuts . . . but it's her life."

I decided not to comment and we lapsed into an uneasy silence until Walt said goodnight and headed to his room.

Once again he was gone when I got up the next day but he had left a note saying he would be very late getting home. It was funny, but even though the note gave no reason for his lateness, the fact that he left one made me a little happier.

After another lonely breakfast, I had fixed myself a second coffee and was about to try to pack my briefcase when our phone rang. The call display said "D. Sheffield" and I was reluctant to answer but couldn't resist.

It took me a moment to realize the caller was a woman and by the time I had organized my thoughts, I knew it was Ann Marie Sheffield.

"Walt's not in just now." I said without paying any attention to what she had said to me.

"It's you I would like to speak to Mrs. Forester." She replied. "I'm in Atlanta this week and I would appreciate it if you would meet me for lunch."

I was more than a little shocked and really didn't pay all that much attention to what was actually being said but in the end I had agreed to meet her at the airport Marriott at 1:00PM.

For the entire morning I was asking myself how do you handle something like this? What do you say to the wife of a man you have lusted after for quite some time? How do you handle conversation with the wife of someone you are suspected of fucking. How do you handle it when you know damn well you didn't fuck him?

Given all the real problems in my life just now I smiled at my own idiocy in worrying about such stupid things. After stumbling through the morning at the office, I headed out for what I was now thinking of as my "command performance".

I thought through what I might say and how, in general, I might handle myself but my preparations all went for naught as when I arrived, it was not Ann Marie but Dan Sheffield himself who was waiting to have lunch with me.

Again, it was a while before I could overcome my shock and while I was trying to compose myself I remember thinking that he had no right to look as well as he did. In fact, I thought, he should look terrible, but he didn't. He did look a little sad but nothing like what I felt.

"I'm sorry about the deception." He said, apparently with sincerity, "but we didn't think you would accept an invitation from me."

"What is this all about Dan? The last thing you and I should be doing is having lunch. You may have been able to hold your marriage together and I'm happy for you but I have already seriously damaged mine and being here with you is not likely to help me any!"

"Actually, it was my wife who insisted on me meeting you and expressing my apology in person and I'm quite sure," he added with no little sarcasm, "that given how much she and your husband have been in touch lately, he already knows we are meeting here!"

I was having a hard time following all of this!

"Patti, I do want to apologize to you for my part in all your troubles. I am very sorry and I hope you and Walt manage to work things out."

"Thank you Dan but my problems are of my own making, you just happened to be the other person. I'm responsible for what I did and although I am working like hell to get Walt to forgive me, whether he does or doesn't, it will be a very long time before I forgive me. For anything you may have done to me, which is little or nothing I didn't allow to happen myself, you are truly forgiven. I have to say, however, that I am very uncomfortable being here with you, given my status with my husband and I'd be more comfortable if I left before he, or someone who knows me, sees me here before I can tell him about it."

I saw a wave of sadness pass over his face as he said, "As I already told you, he probably knows about this. Although I admit that I'm not really happy about it, he and Ann Marie are having lunch together as we speak. I don't know where, only that they are! Annie has not seen fit to share that information with me.

I am aware that they have spent a lot of time together since Annie and I came to Atlanta." he added, making his concern rather visible.

I wish I could say that that news didn't frighten me, but it did, but it also didn't change the fact that I was very uncomfortable and as quickly as I could, I brought the meeting to an end in spite of pleas from Dan to join him for lunch.

I went back to the office and as we were moving into transition mode with me moving to my new post and my colleague and friend Janice Rains moving in to take over from me, we were quite busy and I briefly forgot the bizarre events of this afternoon.

They returned full force however, as I drove home that evening and they were reinforced when I entered an empty home, remembering only then that Walt was going to be late. The note Walt left me was still on the kitchen table; the note that had given me brief happiness because he had left it for me, now, knowing he might well be with "Annie", brought only trepidation.

I picked at my food for a while then finally threw it into the garbage and cleaned up the plates. I tried watching television but missed most of the shows as I wore a path in the carpet while walking to the window to see if Walt was returning home. I fixed myself a drink and downed it in no time, then fixed another. I might well have downed it too but it occurred to me that whatever form our next conversation took, I had better be sober.

I changed for bed but remained up in our living room trying to watch TV. I dozed off a few times but I was wide awake at 2:37AM when I heard Walt's car turn into our drive.

I had just reached the bottom of the staircase when he entered the house.

Concern covered his face as he blurted out, "Patti are you O.K.? You did get my note didn't you? You knew I was going to be late!"

"Yes Walt, thank you. I did know. I . . . I thought I'd wait up to tell you about lunch today."

Walt's face showed something I couldn't quite interpret. When he first came through the door he seemed concerned for me but the "lunch" topic seemed to change that.

"I understand you may already know but I wanted to tell you that I met with Dan Sheffield at lunch today. I didn't stay. I . . . I . . . " I was struggling with what to say next, not having thought any of this through in spite of my long evening wait.

"Patti, thank you. You are right, Annie did tell me that part of what she and Dan are going through involved him apologizing to you in person, but Patti . . ." he paused, clearly considering what he was about to say, "I appreciate your willingness to be open but you do know we are legally separated now. You don't have to tell me where you were or who you were with. As mean as I feel saying this, I cannot let it pass. If it's at all that important, then, telling me where you were and who you were with is something you should have been doing well before we were separated."

"Believe me Walt, I know that and more than you could ever know, I wish I had, but wishing doesn't make it so." I answered with far more composure than I actually felt.

Later, when sleep would not come, I reviewed every detail of that brief conversation and I didn't like what I heard. In addition to taking a shot by reminding me I should have talked to him about Dan before, when we weren't separated, he made it clear that, just as I was no longer obligated to tell him anything, he was, by extension, free to keep his whereabouts and his company to himself as well.

It was an awful night!

"Annie!" Had he called her "Annie"?

Regardless, I was determined to be up when he was and to be as cool as I could be. I had coffee ready when he came downstairs and was ready to make some breakfast but he settled for a toasted bagel.

"Walt, when can we take some time to talk about how we can save our marriage?" I asked calmly.

He seemed to give it some thought then replied, " Patti I don't think you really have any idea how all this has made me feel! You are so focused on what you want, to have your intended infidelity put behind us, to have tried to take a timeout from our marriage to satisfy your own lust with impunity, that you can't seem to see how it has impacted on me. What about what I want Patti? Why shouldn't we talk about what I want?"