Consider the Lily Ch. 04

"Hey little one, it's OK, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

His voice was soft and reassuring as his hand came up to caress my face. I settled next to him on my bed and let my eyes wonder over his body, he looked so sexy lying there next to me. My hands reached out at the same moment Joel reached out to touch me. His touch was so light it made my skin tingle. And then it happened, it was like something over took me, a raw passion building deep inside me, an animal instinct that I couldn't control, a desperate need to be taken, to be needed. My body arched and I pulled Joel down so our bodies pressed hard together.

"I can't stop this."

My words were ground out as I pushed my body shamelessly into his.

"Then don't try."

His reply was only just audible as his lips crushed down on mine. My hands clawed at my clothes, I needed to feel his body pressed close to mine. I tried to ignore the pangs in my chest that were telling me to put my clothes back on to hide my self from his gorgeous eyes. I relaxed as much as possible, but whenever Joel would make a move down my body I would tense and pull him back up to kiss him. He soon realised what I was doing and stopped trying anything that he thought I would object to. I really appreciated that and once I knew he wouldn't try anything I started to really come out of my shell.

I moved over his body, letting my fingers trail down his chest, my tongue quickly following. His taste made me shiver as I sucked his nipple into my mouth but suddenly I was on my back, with Joel's hot desire filled eyes burning deep into mine. I whimpered as he teased his tongue down over my torso dipping slowly into my belly button.

"I want you Ryan... Please?"

I realised I loved him for asking, if I hadn't loved him before I sure as hell did after he said those words. It was all I could do to nod silently tears welling in my eyes as I looked down at him. He smiled and my vision blurred as his tongue moved down over my cock, teasing that oh so sensitive place between my balls and my ass. I shifted my weight beneath him gasping out as his tongue found my little puckered hole. Laving me slowly into a trembling mess, Joel moved his tongue inside me preparing and relaxing my body for his envision.

Soon I was writhing and moaning as Joel worked one of his fingers slowly into my ass,

"Where do you keep your lube... Ryan tell me...!"

I reached blindly to my bedside cabinet, grabbing the tube of lubricant I kept there. Joel smeared a small amount over his fingers before adding two then three fingers inside me. My body was aching to be taken by this gorgeous man who was taking his time to tease and make me squirm. I was soon gasping and practically begging him to fuck me with my little whimpering moans. Soon I couldn't take his manipulations of my body any longer; I pulled him up towards me kissing him roughly on the lips leaving us both breathless. My cock was pressed closely against his stomach and I started to find it hard to breathe as Joel started moving against me, causing me exquisite pain.

"Joel goddamnit please..."

His soft laugh reverberated against my lips as Joel guided his cock to my slick and ready ass. I tried to relax as much as possible as Joel pushed through the ring of muscle, he inched his cock slowly into my ass, moving just a little each time, letting me adjust before pushing deeper inside me. After awhile I forgot the ache and was soon moaning as Joel began to slide his hard dick inside my ass. He shifted his body to a new position and continued to stroke his cock inside me, his slick cock grazing against my prostate making my body jerk in an attempt to control my desire.

And then he did something no one has ever done, he leaned over my body, and as he slowly moved inside me he captured my face with one of his hands and gave me a soft and passionate kiss. I guess it might seem weird that no one had ever done that, I'd kissed guys of course, allot but never like that, never a kiss so tender and gentle that I could hardly breathe. As he moved inside me gasping deep into my mouth his body rubbed hard against my dripping hard-on and that was it, to say I saw stars would be an understatement, my body arched as I gripped the sheets below me. Gasping Joel's name as I felt him shudder against me, pumping his seed deep inside me.

His weight felt so good resting on my body as we both relaxed in the aftermath of our sex. I found it strange that I didn't move away into my own little world as soon as Joel had cum inside me. Instead I found my hands moving over Joel's body, caressing his back in slow hypnotic movements. We seemed to find a certain moment when we both felt a little uncomfortable and moved simultaneously onto our sides; our bodies still meshed together.

"Will you tell me about it?"

Joel asked huskily as he traced the full length of my scar, running over my hip and down onto my ass. Trembles set throughout my body as my breathing slowed but my heart continued to pound against my chest. And then it was there, that crushing pressure against my chest, the overwhelming dark thoughts of that dreaded evening. I couldn't tell him and yet I needed to, I saw it in his eyes and I felt it deep inside me. I rolled away from him slightly so I wouldn't have to see the pity in his eyes when I related my tale.

"It was my best friends birthday, a group of us went out on the town to celebrate, to say we were just out on a drinking session wouldn't really cover it, we had been drinking for hours, I was on one drink alcoholic one non alcoholic. So I wasn't too drunk when we walked into the white heart pub. I went to get the drinks in; In short I noticed some guys at the bar and started flirting with them while my friends got more and more drunk. About an hour into our stay I got a call on my mobile from a friend who was out of town, I had to take the call outside because the pub was too noisy for me to hear what he was saying. I walked out of the pub but there were people there chatting so I moved around into the side ally..."

My voice faltered, not for the first time by any means but I nearly choked as I forced myself to run through every memory and relate it to Joel.

"I turned my back to the people at the end of the ally, concentrating on my phone call. The next thing I knew was John, the guy from the pub had a knife to my throat and my mobile was thrown to the floor, his voice, which had been smooth and seductive beforehand had turned harsh and evil. He told me what a stupid little fag I was for believing I could even think about having him. How naive I was, letting me know how everyone hated gay men, how I would never find anyone to love a little queer like me. His words brought every fear and doubt I had ever had into stark realisation. The knife he held to my throat pressed against my skin until I couldn't distinguish whether the pain was just pain or whether he had cut deep into my skin.

And then I was on the floor, his words cutting me to the core; he ripped my trousers down and pushed his hand around my throat. I could hardly breath, the emotional and physical pain bled into one until the knife ripped into my abdomen, he made sure I felt every bit of pain he intended to cause me. He told me how he would mark me for life, how even if I ever got someone to fuck my tight virgin ass they would see the scars he had given me and would know I was worthless. He raised the knife to my cheek, all the while telling me how he would take my precious good looks and turn me into the freak I was so all the world could see. My mind and body had given up, all I felt was pain, long after he had gone and the ambulance arrived it was still like he was there, towering over me."

The huge heaving breaths I was having to take between each hiccuping crying session became to much, I succumbed to it and let myself cry. When I awoke the sun had started to filter through my window, I knew instinctively Joel was no longer there and I wanted to curl into a ball and cry myself to seep once more. But once again I hauled myself out of bed and into the shower feeling the sense of loss and betrayal cut through me as I went about my daily routine on autopilot.

I had a scolding hot shower, my skin tingling from the heat and yet I shivered as I pulled on my clothes and headed for the gym.

The classes I had that day cleared my head a little but that numbness never left, I knew I wouldn't let myself cry again anytime soon. I could still feel Joel on my skin, still see his eyes so deep with emotion and even after my shower I could still smell his scent on my skin.

When I returned home that evening it was all I could do to crawl into bed even though sleep failed me.

I moved away from the light emitting through my window pulling the pillow over my eyes, as I did so a small piece of paper crumpled against my skin. As I lifted the piece of paper into my line of vision, the doorbell rang and the piece of paper fluttered to the floor almost forgotten as I walked down the hall to the door. I guess I wasn't really thinking anything when I opened the door, and there was Joel.

Thoughts and feelings crashed over me like a wave, all the memories of last night and the previous week came flooding back, and suddenly it was too much. I stumbled backwards and a strangled half cry escaping my lips, I tried to say something tried to tell him to go but all I could do was shake my head wildly. I started to back away as quick as I could, all too soon I felt Joel's strong arms reach around me just as I started to fall.

"Ryan? For gods sake what happened? Talk to me... Please Ryan"

His voice was panicked and I couldn't understand why he was acting as if he didn't know. I didn't have the strength to fight him, I should have told him to go away and leave me alone but I seemed to have a serious weakness where this man was concerned.

"Why are you here? Didn't you humiliate me enough last night?"

I asked wearily as I picked myself up from the floor and headed for the kitchen.

"What do you mean? You fell asleep and I stayed with you, I kept my arms around you the whole night, keeping you safe each time you started to tremble with fear in your sleep."

His words triggered something inside me that I hadn't realised was there.

"You... you were there weren't you? When I woke up... I was scared, I screamed and I... You were there."

I couldn't believe I hadn't remembered that this morning.

"Yes I was there, you scared me Ryan"

His voice was deep and soft, green clashing with blue, as he looked me right in the eyes. I felt myself crumbling,

"I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment."

I whispered just as Joel moved forward and wrapped his arms around me, lifting me into his arms as if I weighed nothing. I didn't try to fight him as I knew it would be useless, so I just rested my head on his shoulder and let him carry me into my bedroom. When he had me lying down and pressed against his body I asked him where he had been all day. I breathed in his scent as he told me about his manic day, starting with a phone call at 6 this morning. He asked me why I was in such a panic when he had left me a note right here to say he was sorry. And it slowly registered as I started to protest that the little piece of paper lying on the floor might have been from Joel.

He moaned in reluctance as I moved away, his moan soon turning into one of lust as I leaned down over the bed with my ass pointing towards him to retrieve the note. I snuggled back against his body to read the note.

'Ryan darling I will be back as soon as I can, I wish I didn't have to leave you but work calls. Joel x'

The note was scrawled and as I read it slowly, tears pricked my eyes. I lifted my head to look into his eyes and when I did so a flood of emotion hit me, god how I loved him. As I tasted his kiss that I had been yearning for all day I knew then that I needed him to stay sane, I needed his touch, his smell his ... His love. My head reeled as I realised how much I needed him,

"What is it sweetie?"

Joel asked softly his tone suggesting he already knew. I gave him a puzzled look as I shook my head signifying that nothing was wrong.

"Don't pull that one on me, I know something just flicked in your head, I want to know what it is."

How could I tell him the truth? I couldn't, there wasn't any possible way in which I could do that without a seriously bad outcome. And so I did the only thing I could do, I lied.

"I was just wondering when you were going to fuck me seen as you missed out this morning"

I said, adding a strong note of suggestion and lust into my voice, trying to disguise my fear of needing him. Joel sighed, half in lust and half in irritation, we both knew I was lying but I didn't want to discuss it and he knew it. With a growl that made my entire being tremble with lust Joel flipped me onto my back so he was laying full length across my body. Joel's fingers lingered along my jaw-line, his fingertips moved along my cheekbones, caressing each contour of my face, as if seeing me with his touch. His fingers moved from my face on a personal journey over my body, his touch not seeming overly provocative and yet making me shift under his muscular frame. My movements, causing delicious friction between our bodies extracting a deep guttural growl from within Joel.

My mind and body delighted in his instinctive reaction. I pulled him close to me, revelling in the close proximity of his body. Feeling my cock swell against my clothing, pressing against Joel's thigh.

"My, my little one, aren't we excited"

His words were patronising but his tone-exuded sexuality and lust. My hands moved over his body, somehow his shirt had already fallen from his body, leaving that gorgeous plane of muscled skin free of clothing for me to explore. My senses delighted in the feel of Joel's heated skin beneath my fingers. God I wished I could tell him how much I needed his touch and just how easily he seemed to stir emotions within me. Why is it I can't just tell him these things without being so scared of his reaction?

"Ryan what is it? I know you don't want to tell me but please..."

His words jarred me, I knew I was being selfish in not saying what I was feeling, I looked up into his clear blue eyes, the fear of him going...

"I cant... Joel you must know I just can't... I..." 'I love you don't you see it?'

Those words were whispered from my lips my body tense in preparation for him leaving... the walls closing down over my heart... I know I shouldn't of said it, god knows what made me utter those words.

'Why couldn't you tell me that Ryan? Do you not see the same love in my eyes each time I look at you? Do you not feel it in each touch? I don't know what you have done to me these past weeks but I feel like I have loved you forever.'

I let out my breath in a rush wishing those words could truly be spoken not just in my head. I looked up at him once more.

" You know I cant Joel, please... not now."

Joel sighed in resignation seeming to know it wasn't wise to push the point. His head lowered to my body, causing me to moan as his tongue snaked out to claim my hardened nipple. Our minds seemed to read each other's bodies like a book, knowing exactly where the other needed to be touched or kissed. Extracting moans and gasps from each other as we tangled each other in our own web of seduction.

TO Be continued...

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This story is dedicated to Will, because although he doesn't know it he inspired me to write this story.

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