CSI Resolutions and RomancebyMilliemoon©
The month following his attack had been hard on Danny. He'd been in the job long enough to be jostled before, sworn at, spat at, but the memory of the knife pressed against his throat wouldn't go away. The sensation invaded his dreams, causing him to wake up almost every night and he was getting more tired by the day. Every time he swallowed he was sure he was reliving those sensations again. Eating made him retch, drinking wasn't much better and all of his pants felt looser than before his assailant had surprised him.
If he was honest that was one of the main problems, the guy had surprised him. Some low life bum off the streets had gotten the better of him and he'd probably have been lying beside Joe-whatever-his-name-was in Sid's morgue if it hadn't been for the uniformed cop who'd saved his life that evening. He'd sought him out on his first day back at work; thanking him for saving his skin and receiving a friend for life in return.
Then, of course, there was the night after the attack to worry about. Mac had given him a few days off, 'to try and accept what happened', his supervisor had said. Somehow Danny had a feeling that the acceptance and happenings at Flack's place weren't anything like his boss could ever imagine.
Flack. Just thinking his name made Danny want to groan aloud and he stared once again at the photo in his hand. When Aiden had died they'd all met for a drink, to remember her and what she'd meant to them. Lindsey had asked one of the bar guys to take a picture, something they could all have a copy of to keep the memories fresh. He hadn't even picked it up since that night, well, not until he'd come home from Don's; now he couldn't stop looking at it.
The tall, relaxed detective was at the front of the photo, his eyes smiling even though all of them had been devastated by her loss. It hadn't been long after that night when they'd thought they might have lost Don too. Not to a rapist this time, but a deranged bomber who'd wanted to send a message that New York City wasn't ready for the next terrorist attack he felt sure was coming. They were obviously more ready than the guy had thought, he'd been caught before he was able to set off any more explosives, but Don had been lying in a hospital bed by that time, fighting for his life as they fought to keep the city safe.
Now, just two days into his third week back on duty, he'd found a note in his locker. Slipped in through the air slots to lay on the floor next to his sneakers the note contained an invitation to spend his day off at Don's. That meant tomorrow and for a moment Danny had no idea if he wanted to accept or run for cover.
They had met a few times, both publicly and privately, and each time he had gone home lonely and confused. It was becoming less difficult for him to accept that he'd got himself off more than once by reliving the night they'd spent together but he still had doubts. He knew he wanted to be dominated by his stronger friend, his body ached to be touched by Don's hand. He wanted to go further, to kiss him passionately, to feel his friend's chest hair rub against his own, to take Don's cock into his mouth again, but all of it scared him half to death as well.
With a groan Danny ran his hand through his hair; he was lost, taken, spoken for, at least in his own mind when he was alone. Now all he needed was the courage to go through with what he hoped would transpire when they were together.
"I wondered if you were gonna come." Don's voice was full of the smile on his face and the warmth he reserved for his friends.
"Yeah, me too!" Danny shook his head ruefully as he stepped inside the apartment. He'd visited three or four times since his overnight stay but without things going any further than a few chaste kisses and touches and even that had sent his mind spiralling into overdrive.
"I'm glad you're here. Give me your coat and go on through." Don took the long brown jacket and indicated with his free hand as Danny made his way into the living area he had found so welcoming on his first visit. As had become his habit he flopped down on the sofa, feeling at home instantly.
"Beer, soda?" Don looked at the man he'd made love to just the once as he spoke. He'd thought he looked thin in the lab but now he was in just a t-shirt and jeans he looked almost skinny and he was glad he'd invited him over with a plan in mind.
"No, no, I'm good." Danny looked away, aware of the scrutiny he was suddenly under. He wondered what would happen if he moved across and kissed his friend, or put his hand where he knew he would feel the outline of Don's cock, rubbing it gently to make it grow hard beneath his fingers? Part of him wanted to do that more than anything but another part, the part that was finding life so hard right now, wouldn't let him move and so he sat where he was and waited wondering whether making his excuses and leaving would be too rude.
"How about coffee, that's what I'm gonna have." Don stood up, and made his way round behind the sofa, purposely brushing his hand across Danny's shoulder as he did so. The resulting shiver brought a smile to Don's lips; there had been no movement to put distance between them and instead of continuing into the kitchen Don stayed where he was his fingers gently moving across a slightly too bony shoulder blade. "I've missed you." His voice was soft, almost huskily so and he saw Danny nod his head.
"Me too. Coffee would be nice." Danny's mind was whirling and he needed a few minutes to gather himself. He knew, instantly, they needed to talk, actions alone wouldn't be enough. Maybe though it was just him and it wasn't the air that needed to be cleared, but only his mind. He knew he couldn't cope with the emotions from the attack as well as the ones Don caused. Something had to change, or be rectified, sorted, finished, he wasn't sure what.
With a groan Danny took his glasses off and leant back against the sofa. He closed his eyes and attempted to gather his thoughts. He'd tried to analyse his own feelings, how the perp made him feel, how Don made him feel, whether it was right to continue with something that would have never been possible if he hadn't been attacked, and all that happened was he got confused, depressed and determined to forget about the entire thing. That determination would last about ten seconds and then the process would begin again with him knowing he couldn't forget, not about the attack or about the feelings he'd so enjoyed afterwards. He was driving himself nuts and something had to be resolved. He just wasn't sure whether resolution would help.
"There you go."
Danny heard the clink of china against the glass coffee table and opened his eyes. He nodded, not trusting his voice to come out as confidently as he wanted it to.
"I figured we might need to talk. I know you've been over a few times but nothing's been mentioned, sure, we kissed a coupla times, and, don't get me wrong, it was nice, but, well, I think you need to talk."
"Probably, but I have no idea what to say." To his dismay Danny felt himself begin to shake, his emotions were so screwed up that his voice stayed strong but the rest of his body betrayed him.
"Hey, it's ok." Don was beside him in an instant, not too close, they weren't touching or anything, but the feel of someone else on the sofa, the sound of someone else's breathing was suddenly very comforting and, swallowing hard, he tried again.
"I ... I've never felt like this, I ... I liked what we did, no, more than that, it was one of the most intense feelings I've ever had and you were so strong, I ... I loved that best of all, but what if it was only because of that guy? What if we'd just had a beer and gone our separate ways like we planned? Maybe it wasn't meant to happen. And even if it was, hell, Don, I let myself get jumped, how can you even look at me?" He was suddenly on his feet, the words had come out at a faster and faster speed until finally he'd just had to move, had to do something to replace the act of speaking.
Don watched as his friend strode away from him, not far, but enough to leave him feeling bereft. So many problems and they had all come out at once, so many he didn't know if he could deal with them, but he sensed that if he didn't no one would. Not because they couldn't but because Danny would never let them free again. Getting to his feet himself he said a silent prayer that he would handle things right and moved towards the wall where Danny stood, his head leaning against the brickwork, his back heaving with the deep breaths he was taking.
"If you want me to answer all those questions you're gonna have to sit down." His hand rested on Danny's shoulder again; he could feel the uneven breathing, the slight shaking, and the negative feelings emanating were so strong that Don wondered whether they would overwhelm them both. He didn't move any part of himself except his thumb, which he gently rubbed along the obvious ridge of Danny's shoulder blade, and he waited.
Danny nodded and then let himself be led back to his seat. This time Don sat a little closer but still they didn't touch.
"Let's get work out of the way first." Don waited for a small, almost imperceptible nod before continuing. "All of us, you, me, Mac, Stella, Hawkes, Lindsay, have things we'd rather forget about that have happened on the job. My first dead body, maybe yours, I don't know. We lose our tempers, forget the first things we were taught, let the bad guy get to us. No one is perfect."
"But I could have got killed, that would have been no one's fault but my own. I didn't check the area out well enough. It's that simple."
Don smiled and shook his head.
"Did you check around the body, the building behind the vic? You don't need to answer, I know you did. My case remember? I read the report. When you got there the perp wasn't around. It was you, Stella and a dead body. The way I figure he was watching, saw Stella leave and the uniforms sit in their car, he had to get the key before the body was moved; it was his only opportunity to get that little bit of metal. I'd walked over to the patrol car, I shouldn't have left you alone either you know."
"I've been alone at a crime scene like that lots of times. There are too many things goin' on for someone to baby-sit me."
Don didn't reply, he just smiled and waited.
So, when you've been left alone how many times have you been attacked with a knife?" Don paused for a moment before speaking again. "I'm not making fun of you, Danny, think about it for a minute. You just solved your own problem. We aren't there to baby-sit you; you aren't there to baby-sit us. We each have a job to do and when they interconnect we listen to each other, we advise each other, you tell me the gory bits, I tell you the rest."
"And we don't watch each other's backs?" Danny was suddenly on the defensive.
"Of course we do, that goes without saying, but did you really want me standing over you, two steps away from his head, while the rain was washing away all your evidence?"
"No." Danny's voice was quiet; it was all obvious when someone else explained it to him. Nothing he'd done that night was any different to a thousand other nights; it had just changed at the end.
"Look at me, baby, please." Don's voice was suddenly soft and his hands were gently turning Danny's face towards his own. "You can spend your whole life on 'what ifs' and not come up with anything other than it wasn't your day to die. You have to let it go. You know that, don't you?"
The sob that escaped Danny was one of release and acceptance and finally, after four long weeks, he leaned into Don's waiting arms and let his tears flow.
Don said nothing for almost thirty minutes. Danny's body had been wracked with sobs for a lot of the time whilst at others he had either gulped in air or just held on tightly to his friend. Gradually his breathing had slowed and regulated and Don knew he was sleeping. With a small smile he had carefully laid his lover on the sofa and covered him with the comforter he kept across the back. Then, making sure he checked on his sleeping charge regularly, he'd gone into the kitchen to prepare things.
"Don?" The voice was sleepy and his hair was all mussed up; Don didn't think he'd ever seen Danny looking so cute.
"I'm right here, shhh, it's ok, it's all ok now." Don crouched down in front of the sofa and ran his hand down Danny's cheek. "Did you enjoy your sleep?"
"Um, yeah, I'm sorry." He looked apologetic and a little bit lost but Danny was starting to wake up properly. "Let me sit up, oh, man, d'you think I could have a glass of water, my mouth feels like I swallowed a sock."
"Sure, but only if you promise it wasn't one of my socks." Don's eyes glinted as he left the room and Danny found himself chuckling as he extricated himself from the blanket, which had been keeping him warm. He was refolding it by the time the glass was placed next to his cold coffee on the table before him.
Don watched as carefully, almost too carefully Danny took two small sips of the water. He said nothing but saw the memories flash across the other man's face and knew there would be problems for a while yet, regardless of what had been solved by their talk.
"So, wanna eat?" He hoped the words didn't sound forced or concerned, but saw the anxiety in Danny's eyes and instead of waiting for an answer he grasped his hand and pulled him to his feet. "I thought we'd have a picnic."
"A what?" Danny's expression had changed to one of incredulity and Don smiled.
"A picnic, you know, Central Park, blanket on the ground, little pots of jam with bugs in, that type of thing."
"And if I say no?" Confusion had taken up permanent residence in Danny's eyes and this time Don had to laugh.
"I'd be very glad."
"Besides, have you looked out your window today? It's cold, windy, I wore my coat remember?"
"Oh, I remember, but I have that covered. Come with me." Don pulled Danny in the direction he wanted him to walk and then opened the double doors, which led through to his dining area. The table had been pushed against the wall and on the carpet was a red and white checked tablecloth with two soft and squishy beanbags positioned next to each other.
"Wow." Danny dropped to his knees and reached out; there in front of him were small glass dishes holding all types of delicacies. Smoked salmon rolled up in to small bite size morsels, shrimp, blinis, cream cheese, even some small sandwiches with no crusts. "You did all this?"
"Of course. Just tell me what you want and I'll make you up a plate, but don't forget to leave room for desert, ok?"
"O... ok." Danny shook his head. He was enormously flattered and touched, but also very worried. Eating had become a real problem and he wasn't sure if he could do this, not with Don watching him. As he contemplated his problem his lover sat next to him and took his hand into his own once again before leaning in and tenderly kissing him on the lips.
"Relax, all of this is soft, it's easy to eat and I'm gonna feed you, just lean back and enjoy."
Danny felt himself being moulded into the beanbag and then watched as Don picked up one of the small salmon mouthfuls and held it out for him. Carefully, tentatively, he opened wide and let himself be fed, closing his eyes to both savour the flavours and brace himself to swallow what he had chewed.
"There, that wasn't so bad was it?" Don looked on with a smile and spoke only when he knew Danny was ready for another bite.
"No, no it wasn't, thank you."
"No problem, now, open wide, here comes the choo-choo."
Danny had to turn away, he would choke if he laughed and ate at the same time, but his friend, his lover, had made something so hard, so difficult, a piece of cake and he knew that he would, for the first time in a month, be able to eat his fill.
"That was all great, thanks." Danny looked up into the beautiful blue eyes of the man sitting behind him. They had abandoned one of the beanbags, preferring that Don leant back with Danny in his arms. The deserts had been eaten as well, Danny laughing at the jelly and ice cream but finishing it all. Next time Don was determined to do chocolate dipped strawberries, but for now the childish favourite had seemed more suitable.
Don leant down a little bit and began to kiss around Danny's ear. He carefully manoeuvred himself on the bag but froze as Danny knelt up and began to kiss him in earnest. He felt the soft caress of a tongue against his lips and opened his mouth to accept the waiting visitor. Slowly, sensuously, Danny sucked at Don's tongue, pulling it into his own mouth as he ran his fingers into the short dark hair and Don couldn't help but moan his arousal and let himself be seduced.
"Take me to bed, Donny, make love to me, make me yours again, I want you, want you so bad." Danny's voice was husky and his arousal apparent in his jeans as he moved aside to let Don get to his feet.
"How bad, Danny, how bad d'you want me?" Don needed to get the upper hand again; to take over the lead in their love making and having his partner beg always turned him on.
"Oh, God, Donny, please, let me show you, I want you to fuck me, take me, make me yours forever." Danny was on his knees now, looking up into the face of the man he knew he loved and he reached out and gently ran his fingers up the broad outline of the cock he could see straining in Don's pants.
"Come with me." Don turned away and strode towards his bedroom, his heart beating so fast he thought he would pass out; he needed to regain some control before Danny gave himself to him.
The sun, although wintry, was high in the sky and Don pulled the blind as he entered the room. The glare that had laced the bed in a pattern of lines and angles from the window frame disappeared and he leant back against the nightstand to keep his legs from buckling. Danny stood in front of him, his hands behind him in a position of submission and Don growled as he pulled him forwards.
"Mine, Danny Messer, you are mine." He kissed him roughly, sucking at the pink lips until they were blushed and bruised. "Strip for me, little one, strip for me." His hand went to his cock as he saw Danny take a step back, his head nodding in agreement.
"Yes, sir." He pulled his t-shirt up and off, knowing he was thinner than before but also realizing that eating would no longer be a problem for him. His belt was next and then, after slipping out of his sneakers, he pushed his jeans, shorts and socks off all in one movement so he could stand naked before his partner, ready and willing to do whatever it was Don wanted.
"Now, undress me." Don moved so Danny could walk around him and then stood perfectly still. He watched as dispassionately as he could as Danny's fingers began work on his buttoned up shirt, shaking as they did so. "Slowly, my sweet, slowly, we have all the time in the world for this."
"Yes, sir, thank you, sir." Danny realized that the sir was slipping easily off his tongue and he looked up as Don smiled down at him and his heart sang. His job became ten times easier and the buttons were soon undone and he could once again feast his eyes on the hairy, strong, muscular chest that he had been dreaming of.
He got down on his knees to undo Don's pants, carefully peeling them off with socks and loafers before returning to the shorts, perfectly white and close fitting. Don's cock was hard and its shape pronounced against the cotton and he leant forward to kiss the tip through the material, sucking on the pre-cum, which had begun to leak and dampen where he touched.
"Take them off, let me claim you!" The words were an order and Danny hurried to obey. He found himself being pushed roughly back onto the bed before his legs were swung round and he lay looking up at Don as he straddled him and began to rub himself against the hard cock and full balls that Danny presented to him.