Cynthia's Chance Ch. 18

Without a doubt

My relationship with Max went into overdrive. It was the most involved I had ever been and even with having adopted my role as Cynthia so long ago, I still had some adjustment to falling in as the girlfriend. Oddly, a few lingering elements of my old self conflicted with the new and I had to put them down like an odd revolution inside my head.

These I discussed with my therapist and fortunately, I found that I wasn't regressing or losing my conviction. I suppose that I knew that but I was known to panic ever since I was a child. Now, as Cynthia I was the most confident I had been in my entire life but that didn't mean I didn't still have some paranoia and a little worry.

In a way, those feelings were a blessing in disguise. My therapy sessions moved away from my gender role issues and turned into something that I considered normal. We discussed my anxieties and fears, working through the issues that anyone would've had, not just a transgendered person trying to weave their way through a difficult path.

Work went well but it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide my relationship with Max. I think that everyone suspected, probably knew but out of respect we kept it private. I was good at the job which maybe helped upper management turn a blind eye (if they cared, I was more concerned about my coworkers).

Carla was the first one to actually confront me about it. She was respectful and did it while we were having an extended lunch together. After we'd been at our main course for a few minutes, she set aside her fork and leaned back, clearing her throat.

"Are you seeing Max?"

I paused a moment and shrugged. "Do you already know the answer to the question?"

"Pretty much," Carla replied. "I'm not...you know, judging. He's a good looking guy and it doesn't seem that you've received any special treatment or anything."

"No, I think that he's been pretty fair about it."

"So you are seeing him then?"

"Yes." I couldn't help but grin. "For a while now."

"Yeah, the way that you two look at each other is a little obvious. He's constantly grinning and smiling and all that. It's pretty awesome really. Congratulations. I've never really seen him more than neutral let alone straight up happy."

"Truth be told, I didn't know that I wasn't happy until I suddenly was." I shook my head. "That was...a little Hallmark movie there. Sorry."

"Nah, it's cool. I hope that it lasts a long time. You guys might just be perfect for each other."

Weeks later, I was once again contemplating the final stage of my path, the operation. Max came over unannounced while I was looking at the schedule on the internet. I hugged him when I answered the door and he kissed me on the neck, a chaste thing that still made my stomach tingle.

"What's going on?" He asked.

"I was just doing some research...you know...the final step." I felt embarrassed to talk about it and turned away, flustered. "It's just going to take a lot of time..."

"How long do you think?"

"Not super long...less than a full week in the hospital, maybe two weeks after but honestly, I don't want to even think about doing anything for a month after I get out." I shrugged. "Just being honest."

Max nodded, glancing out the window. "I don't want you to go through it alone."

"Yeah?" The relief that washed over me made a lump form in my throat. I thought I was going to cry. I didn't have the nerve to assume he'd be willing to help...despite the fact that we were well into the phase of our relationship where all conversations ended with 'I love you', I still was skeptical that he'd want to stick around for some crazy medical thing.

"Yeah," Max replied. "If you'll accept that is."

"Of course I accept!" I hugged him tightly, clinging for some time. "You have no idea how amazing you are! Seriously, thank you!"

Max gently disentangled me from him and took a step back. "Well...I had another thought too." He chewed his lip and finally took a deep breath, his expression turning determined. "I think that when we're through this together...and it's all done..." He drew a box from his pocket and opened it, revealing a ridiculously impressive diamond attached to a thin hoop of gold. "I think that you should marry me."

My breath caught in my chest. The time that we'd spent together really did mount to this moment, something that I didn't anticipate either. The evening was full of wonderful surprises, things that I never thought would happen or come true. A vision of a wedding flashed through my head and I couldn't help myself.

Tears formed in my eyes and all I could do was nod my response. I was overwhelmed. Several moments passed before I could speak. "Yes! Yes, I will...I definitely will!"

It was Max's turn to look relieved. He drew the ring out and slid it on my finger. Together we admired it; it was just shy of being too big for my hand and though I had never priced such jewelry before, it had to have cost him a fortune.

"It's beautiful," I whispered reverently. "I can't even believe it."

"You're worth it." He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "I can't imagine being without you. For me, this was an easy choice. You've made me happier than I thought possible."

There were no other words to be said. When we kissed as an engaged couple, our passion was just as intense as the first time we made love. I melted into him and he held me close. I couldn't even believe that I now had a fiancé...That I would eventually be called a bride...and then, wife. Not only was I finding fulfillment but I was making definitive, real progress well beyond the hormones, therapy and surgery.

Much later, when we had both calmed down and were out at a restaurant having dinner, we discussed a few practical things.

"Honestly, I had planned on sticking around to finish my projects then put in notice to get the surgery." I watched his expression but he was unreadable. "I didn't want to screw anyone over...so I figured that it would be easier to just be unemployed through the whole thing."

"I can see that." Max nodded. "It'll be expensive. I can take the time off and come with you of course and be there for you the whole time when we get back. Were you going to get back into freelance writing or something?"

"Yeah, I figured that I'd take my old fall back." I shrugged. "Seems the easiest way...you know, there's a pretty intense bunch of stuff that has to be done before I'm one hundred percent. It'd be easier if I could be whimsical about whether or not I make myself presentable for the world. Real job would be a pain, you know?"

"I do. Honestly, I've got plenty of money, Cyn. You don't have to worry about it. My shares alone are worth a fortune. We'll be fine either way. You can focus on you...relax, do what you want to pass the time while you get better."

"That's...insanely kind of you."

"You're my fiancé now," Max reminded me, taking my hand. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"I guess that I should probably set things up then. Get that rolling..."

"Do it," Max agreed. "Where do we have to go for the procedure?"

"Out of the country...do you have a passport?" I smiled.

"I sure do. Let me know when and I'll take care of airfare and accommodations."

"Oh, Max...I can't let you do that. It's going to be expensive!"

"Cyn...soon you're going to have access to all of my finances anyway. We live in a community state. What's mine is yours...don't worry about it. It's only money."

"How the hell did I get so lucky??" I was exasperated by it all. "I mean, seriously! You're wonderful! Thank you!"

"Think nothing of it." He shook his head. "Even if you weren't going to do this, I'd want you happy and healthy. Whatever it takes. And since we're going to do it, we might as well do it in some style. You just tell me when."

"Couple months too soon? I saw a break in the schedule for then and have been in contact before..."

"That sounds fine. I can make all the necessary arrangements." He paused. "Are you going to put in your notice then?"

"Is that okay?"

"Darling, you could sit around at home for the rest of our lives and write whatever you want for all I care." Max squeezed my hand. "One thing..."

"Yeah?"

"When you feel better, when you've recovered..."

"Go on." I prompted at the pause.

"Well...would you be willing to do the whole...you know, wedding planning thing?" He blushed. "I'm terrible with that kind of thing."

I laughed and nodded emphatically. "I would absolutely love to! I can't believe we're getting married!"

"Neither can I...but I can say without reservation that it's the most exciting thing I've ever considered."

"I love you, Max. Very much."

"I love you too, Cynthia. Let's make all this stuff happen together, shall we?"

"Without a doubt."