Damned If You Do

I thought about that and wondered if maybe I was thinking deep down I'd catch her doing something bad? Did I not have the trust in my wife I once had last week? Was it all subconscious or was it a protective instinct triggering in with everything that had been going on this week?

My next thoughts were what Drew's reaction to my showing up like this would be? Would she see it as innocent mistake and be glad or would she see it as intrusive and mistrusting on my part?

Well, having read some stories online here and there, I started with the facts. I was home and there were no strange cars in the driveway. Drew was home, or at least her car was. I hadn't called, but everything had happened so quickly and surprisingly to me it couldn't be a planned thing on my part.

All I had to do was go inside and let Drew know I was home. That was all. All I had to do was go inside and say 'Honey, I'm home!' and we'd be making love on the couch in a minute. That was all.

So why was I still standing on the sidewalk in front of my home then?

I'll tell you why. I was afraid. Afraid of what I may find. Afraid of what I may not find. Suddenly, I had all these fears about my marriage, my love and my wife, where I'd never even had doubts before.

I shook off the foreboding I had and headed to the front door. Once I got there I was surprised to find it locked. That was something I'd never encountered before when getting home from a trip. Always the front door had been unlocked. Of course, I had been expected before.

Worried a bit more now, I left my briefcase and suitcase by the front door and walked around to the back. Getting to the back gate, I stepped through quietly as I could. Sneaking into my own damn back yard was a new feeling for me.

I heard noises across the way and looked to see Gloria and four men going at it. I was surprised as I had been the first time. I thought that Jim would be home, yet here Gloria was, going at it with four men at once. Stunned, I could only stare at first.

Then I noticed that the huge man that Drew had told me about was facing away from Gloria and towards our backyard. He was waving a huge cock in the air, pointing it towards something or someone I couldn't see at that moment.

"Hey baby, come on over and get some of this. There's more than enough for you here. Come on pretty momma, you've got a great body, and I love the way your pussy looks too. It looks so good with that big blue dildo going in and out of it. Bet this would feel soooo much better though."

He was talking to someone in our backyard. I was definitely worried now and decided I needed to move quickly.

I shook off the surprise and went the rest of the way into my back yard, almost at a dead run. I turned the corner just past the house and almost fell on top of my wife. Drew was naked, lying in our lounger, masturbating with big blue while watching Gloria and friends. Her legs were on either side of the lounger and spread as wide as I'd ever seen them. She was spread so her whole body was exposed to their lecherous eyes.

"MATT!"

"Drew!"

"MATTHEW? Oh MY GOD!"

I heard Drew as I moved in front of her.

"WHO THE FUCK IS HE?"

One of the men that was in Gloria's mouth had turned and was staring at me. I didn't know him at all. Matter of fact, I knew none of the men in Gloria's back yard.

"HEY, that must be the hot chick's husband. Damn. I was hoping..."

The large black man was pointing at me. He didn't finish what he had on his mind, but I had a rather good idea what he'd been hoping.

"DREW!"

Gloria was aware, finally, that something was up. Spitting out the cock that had been in her mouth and down her throat she yelled at me.

"OH MATT, NO! She wasn't doing anything Matt, really. She was just watching."

Drew looked guilty and afraid. She was trying to cover herself up but she couldn't reach her robe because it was behind her about ten feet on the patio table. Obviously she had intentionally walked that ten feet totally naked and then reclined back on the lounger to give them a show.

"WHAT the fuck is going on here?" I finally got through all the names and shouting going on to concentrate on Drew.

"It's not what you think Matt. I mean..."

"It had better NOT be what I think it is Drew. What the hell are you doing out here naked? Anyone and... and... they could see you! With THAT between your legs. You were letting them look at you... like that."

I pointed at a now cowering Gloria and four studs. Drew was crying, tears running down her face, while I was still in a bit of shock over what I'd found. I didn't know whether to be relieved or upset that my wife wasn't next door. I was upset that she was naked here in our back yard where Gloria and studs could see her though.

I could see fear in her eyes too. I must have looked mighty angry at that moment and probably scary too. I was mad, but I was also confused and hurt and a thousand other things at the same time.

"You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow. Why did you come today? Why did you have to catch me like this? Oh God... I feel so... dirty."

"Get inside and get something on. We'll talk when you're calmer. When I'm calmer too."

I glanced back over at Gloria only to see her smiling and winking at me. She blew me a kiss as I turned away. I couldn't believe this. Not one bit. I didn't know what to think. I wondered briefly what could or would have happened had I not gotten home right at that moment too.

I went to the front door and gathered my briefcase and suitcase and took them up to our bedroom. I undressed and showered, then changed into some jeans and a Tee-shirt. I put on my boots and walked down to the kitchen to find something to drink.

Half way down the stairs I realized I needed something to drink that was a bit harder than what we would have in the kitchen, so I went into my office and broke out my bottle of Scotch.

Two drinks in about as many seconds. I poured the third one and made it a triple shot. The alcohol didn't seem to be working real well yet, but I could feel the warmth from those first drinks beginning to spread through my body.

I sat in my desk chair and turned it to face into our backyard. Putting my feet up on the credenza I sat back and began to try to work out my feelings and all the things that bombarded me. Shock was a very real feeling to me right then.

Suddenly I realized that Gloria and her friends were still going at it. I couldn't believe this. I thought that she must be some kind of super fuck toy or something. She was putting more into her gangbang than most porn stars do, and to top it all off, she loved what she was doing with those guys.

I turned my chair so I was facing my desk only to find Drew standing in the office doorway, staring at me. She had dressed, and her eyes were still red from crying, but the look on her face was one that I'd never seen before. I couldn't tell if she was mad, hurt, upset, unhappy, or what.

"You were watching her."

Simple statement. Only now it wasn't simple at all. I was confused and upset. Yes, I was turned on by what I saw, but I was also upset by having found Drew naked and masturbating with big blue where they could see her.

I was also upset that Drew had been so upset with my finding her like that too. It led me to believe that she knew what she'd been doing there was wrong. It also made me wonder what else she had been doing while I was gone. This was a woman that I didn't know suddenly.

"I didn't know they were still going at it. I would have thought my coming home and all the excitement would have shut them down for the day at least."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..."

"Drew, why? How could you? By doing what you were doing you were sending a message to those guys that you might be available. Are you? Were you wishing that you were over there enjoying them too?"

Her silence worried me. She wouldn't look at me, her face hidden by the way she was standing. Half turned to me in the shadows.

"DREW. Look at me."

Her head turned slowly and then I saw her tears. She was crying. Silently and almost as still as a mirror, but crying none the less. It tore at my heart. I almost started to cry just seeing her standing there looking so lost.

"I... don't know... I don't know..."

Her shoulders shuddered and her hands went to her face. I heard her now, and it was a type of crying that she'd never done around me before. Deep heart-rending sobs that made me feel low.

"Drew... why? Can you tell me why you would strip naked and masturbate with big blue in front of them like that?"

"I... don't... I don't know Matt. They were out there and I saw them. One of the men saw me standing there and started talking to me. Like I was participating or something. I guess I was, after all I was being nothing but a vulgar, dirty peeping Tom."

"No, you were in your yard minding your own business. They were an attraction that anybody would have watched, at least for a minute or so."

"I should have turned and walked right back into the house when I saw Gloria there, like that... but I didn't."

"It's your home Drew. You shouldn't have to put up with things like that in your home."

"But Matt, I wanted to watch them. Oh God... I can't believe this. I wanted to watch my best friend act like some whore, and I was getting off on it. I wanted to do what you caught me doing. I went back into the house, got big blue and stripped off my clothes, and put on the robe. When I got back outside I left my robe on the picnic table then laid on the lounger, naked. I let them see me... naked."

Drew's voice broke and she started sobbing again. I let her cry, not getting up or taking her in my arms. I was still pissed at her for having been like that, for those creeps to see. It cut me deeply that she'd do something like that and made me wonder what would have happened had I not come home until tomorrow as originally planned? How far would this have gone?

"They made comments about me. They all thought I was beautiful, sexy, desirable. I lay down and at first I was keeping myself positioned so they really didn't see anything, but after a bit, watching them and thinking about it, I spread my legs and began to use big blue. I was so hot... so damned turned on... and then one or the other of the men who wasn't busy would look over at me and say things while I masturbated with blue."

"You know that what you were doing is so close to actually cheating that it's not funny, right Drew?"

"I didn't do anything Matt. I was in our yard alone."

"If you'd have gotten more turned on, say I didn't come home right then? What would I have found in an hour Drew? Would I have found you over there joining in? Would I have found the love of my life cheating on me with her best friend and her studs? Can't you see how far you've gone already Drew? A week ago, you'd never have allowed someone other than me to see you naked, let alone masturbating with big blue. Today you were out there naked, masturbating and you weren't hiding a damn thing to their eyes. You were listening to them. You were interacting with them Drew... I can't... I just don't know you anymore."

"Oh Matt. I love you. Please, I love you with all my heart. I'd never cheat on you, on us. Not like that. Please, you have to believe me. I couldn't help myself as far as the masturbating went. It's just so crazy..."

"You can help yourself though Drew. In the past, I haven't seen you strip down and use big blue at the video store when we're picking out a Jenna movie. I've never seen you masturbate with big blue outside. I've never, in fact, seen you naked outside before. All this change in a week... it's too much."

"But I didn't go over there. I stayed in our yard."

"What about that? Why did you stay outside naked and let them watch you like that? Why would you allow them to see you masturbate like that? Why could you do that and still think that I'd be okay with it? Drew, you were interacting with them, regardless of what you may think."

Drew looked down and I knew at that moment I'd hit a nerve.

"What?"

"I knew it was wrong Matt."

"You knew it was wrong?"

"Yes. I should never have laid out there naked and masturbated like that, I know it's wrong."

"WHY?"

Her shoulders shook at my loud voice. I was upset that she had done this, but I think I was more upset that she knew what I would react like if I had seen her doing something like that.

"Because it was them seeing me. It was my allowing them to see me. It was the fact that I was out there watching them and watching them watch me. That I didn't run inside at first like I should have. That I had thoughts about..."

Here it was. Finally she was going to admit that there was more to it all than she had said at first.

"About what Drew?'

I kept my voice calm and low. I was having a hard time doing that mind you, but I knew in order to keep her talking I had to remain calm.

"I had thoughts about doing those guys... or actually, them doing me like they were doing Gloria. I was imagining them and me while I masturbated. Okay Matt? Are you happy now?"

She got up and fled the office and I heard our bedroom door slam shut a few seconds later. I was sitting there stunned. She had been thinking about having those men after all. How close had she come to actually destroying our marriage? Was our marriage already destroyed?

I felt used. Used and also intimidated. I was intimidated by men who had no moral compass obviously, men who could gangbang a married woman and like it. Men who could try to get another married woman involved with their games.

Obviously this had struck a nerve with Drew. I questioned many things about us that not too long ago I would have taken for granted. I questioned if I was still enough for Drew. Had she hidden things from me? Was she thinking there was greener grass out there now? Did she really want what Gloria was getting?

If that was what she wanted, she also had to know that she'd be doing that without me in her life. She knew I could not and would not ever go for her having other men. Just as I knew she couldn't stand for me to be with other women either.

What a mess our lives were now. I didn't know what to think, and some of the thoughts I was having were not good at all. I could feel anger deep down, and it was beginning to grow into an uncontrollable rage. I just didn't know what I was angry at or who I was angry at either.

I was sitting there alone in the dark a few hours later when I heard our back door open and someone come inside. It was Gloria. She had dressed and while a bikini wasn't much, it at least was something more than she had worn earlier.

"Hey Matt. Drew around?"

"Upstairs. Our bedroom. I suppose you know where that is, don't you?"

"Don't be mad at her Matt. She was just watching. That's all."

"She was thinking of them though Gloria. Watching you got her thinking about them. She was thinking of them when I walked back there and caught you and her... and that."

I was surprised that I wasn't ranting and raving at her. After all, Gloria was the reason my marriage was on the edge of never at the moment. Yet, I sat there and calmly discussed things with this woman like it was no big deal.

"Baby, haven't you ever had thoughts about me? You know you have. I've seen you look at me time to time. I know you want me. It's all just a fantasy baby. That's all... a fantasy."

"I'm married and I love my wife. I don't need or want anyone else. What you were doing over there was definitely not a fantasy either. Now though, if things change like they seem to be, I may not be able to say any of that soon. In that case, I can firmly say that I'd not want to touch YOU with THOSE guy's dicks. You seem to think that I want you... that I fantasize about you... that couldn't be farther from the truth now. A few months ago, yes, I did have a stray thought or two. Now, after seeing what you truly are, I'm not only disgusted by you, I'm also afraid of you. What diseases do you have? None of those men were wearing condoms. None of them probably care what you catch either. Besides that, what about Jim?"

"It's too bad you think that way Matthew. You just missed your shot at me."

"Thank God for little favors."

"I'm going up to see Drew."

"I'd rather you just left my home. But, I won't stop you from talking to her. Just remember that what happens now will reflect on you and Drew."

"Oh, are you going to tell on me Matty? Is big brave Matty going to tell my hubby that his wife is a slut that fucks any man with a cock between his legs? What will he think when you tell him that Matty? Will he think that maybe Matty had his wife too?"

"Get out. Now."

"I don't care if you tell Jim. Tell him. See if I care. His only care is his job and the big bucks it brings him. He could care less about me, so why should I care about him?"

"That's not true Gloria, and deep down you know it. You're trying to excuse what you're doing as neglect on Jim's part, and that is flat not true."

Gloria was about out of the office when Drew showed up in the doorway.

"You need to leave Gloria. NOW."

Gloria looked shocked at Drew's command.

"Hey Drew, it's me, Gloria. Your best friend."

"GET OUT GLORIA. NOW."

"I'll call you later."

"Don't bother."

It was a Drew I'd not seen before. She looked angry and defiant. Her ordering Gloria out was a shock, not only to Gloria, but to me too. I never thought I'd see the day that something like this would or could happen.

Gloria left quietly. I could see concern on her face and maybe a bit of guilt. I was quiet too. Drew was acting differently from earlier, and it appeared that she'd decided to come down and talk to me. At least I hoped that was her plan.

Drew followed Gloria out and I heard her lock the door behind Gloria as she left. A few minutes later Drew came back into the office.

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry if I said things that upset you Drew. I was just so damned shocked at finding you like you were out there."

"Matt, I love you more than life itself. You have every right to be angry with me. I was doing things that no married woman with any self respect should have been doing. I allowed strangers to see my naked body. I allowed them to see me... pleasuring myself. I've done something to us in the process. I realize now that I truly was in danger of losing you and everything I hold dear."

"Don't be too hard on yourself Drew..."

"Matt, you said it yourself and I thought about it too, where would I have been in one hour or two if you hadn't made it home when you did? I can't honestly say. I was so turned on watching them, it was like a movie only nastier and more, I don't know, sexy maybe."

"Yeah. I know what you mean about that. After all, I watched them too. More than I wanted to too. It kind of sucked me in. It was so unreal, yet so in your face at the same time."

"But you didn't strip and masturbate Matt. I... I did."

Drew hung her head down and started to cry. I got up and went over to her, taking her into my arms.

"Don't. It's all right. You didn't do anything. You just masturbated, that's all."

"Matt, you know better than that. Don't try to excuse what I did. I was thinking things like I said earlier. I really couldn't tell where fantasy left off and the reality was working on me. If you hadn't walked in right then I probably would have done something terribly stupid."

"But you didn't."

"Only because you came in and stopped me."

"Drew..."

"MATTHEW... please... let me finish."

I stood there holding her, wondering what was going on in her mind.

"Matt, I had serious thoughts about getting closer to them. I wanted to see Gloria up close, I wanted to see those men up close too. Too close. Had I gone there it would have led to my joining them. I... I would have cheated on you Matt. I see that now. Clearly, I would have cheated on you."