Dance of LifebySt-James©
July 5, 2002
My Dear Friend James,
In My loneliness and longing, I discovered My pet's profile, which she updated on April 2, 2002. This is how it read:
cascade of velvet petals begin
past of dim
now blooms in bright
by His hand and love does flourish
only for His eyes delight
Such beauty, poise and grace is the girl I love. Words so simple yet so eloquent that speak to My deepest love and touched every fiber of My being.
As I continue forward each day, nothing stills My heart from beating for her. I wonder if all the others know how lonely life can be? Even though I carry My treasure within My heart, mind, body and soul…without her in My life…the shadows follow Me. I know you replied the other day saying sweet dreams until sun beams find you; yet, honestly James, she and she alone was the true love of My life. When the evening starts to fall with its shadows slowly overtaking the light I have commiserated with the darkness crying tears of separation. Then last night, our July 4th holiday, I sat outside listening to the fireworks explode and seeing their bright sparkles beam in the darkness. Out of the last explosion when it dimmed, a bright star caught My eye. As I sat on our swing in the back yard, I could only think of her love and devotion shinning as that star so beautifully and richly bright. At that moment and still now as I write, the evening shall no longer get Me down. No, no longer shall the shadows attempt to overtake Me! For I know that when I look around, when I see the magnificence of that bright twinkling star above, I find her within My presence again. she is with Me. she has always set My sprit free.
Ever hear of vintage love James? Those souls seeming bound forever together. Bound and yet torn apart due to life's quirks of fate? she is My vintage love…yesterday…today…tomorrow. I wonder about those others whom like us loved so deeply and yet were torn apart. I wonder where all those lovers are now. Whom have they left behind? Is there some sweet little grandmother somewhere gazing up into the stars like Me? Is she remembering when she was a young woman letting her dress slip to expose a soft rounded shoulder and the upper swell of her breast? Is she remembering her girlish attitudes and how with a simple flick of lowering her silk strap how naughty she appeared? Is she perhaps smiling knowing that she dared to live as she wished, not allowing fear to dictate her lifestyle?
I wonder how many people leave love behind. I wonder how many people whom have left this incredible heritage and are no longer alive. But through My memories and perhaps wishful hoping for the future, I still experience those passions and those adventures from which love springs eternal. Such pleasure and delight to hold tight to those knowing others around Me dare to push the limits. I came across something Pablo Picasso said "We all know that art is not the truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth." For Myself, I embrace that life is art and art is living and shall hold tightly to My bosom every moment and celebrate life.
Do you know what quicksilver is? 'Tis a metal likened to mercury…amalgamated…unpredictable…changing… It is almost like a thick sludge. Love is much like quicksilver when you hold your love within your hand. As long as you leave your fingers open, it stays. Clutch it and it begins to slip from your grasp. I so desperately want to just appear at her door and clutch her warm tender body to Mine. Yet, to follow that blind instinct would be folly. she would merely slip from My fingers spilling to the ground and become one with the earth. So with patience My hands simply cup to lovingly hold her essence until she can return fully to Me.
It has been said that yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow but an illusion. I had but 270 yesterday's with her; yet, how wonderful each one of those days were. Within a broad view of life, 270 days are a mere blink when compared to 70 or 80 years. But oh My friend, I lived each of those to the fullest with her. Within those 270 days I lived a lifetime! As for tomorrow…well…they shall come. One tomorrow will follow the next. I believe that if you part with your illusions you may still exist; but, you have ceased to live. I chose to believe in each of those tomorrows. I chose to believe in each of those illusions we call life. I choose to believe in the perfection that some call dreams. To feel, to have passion, to give freely of your love, to give of life itself is My eternal quest. I have experienced the greatest love of My life and she is always with Me. Experience is one thing we cannot get without an investment. Within her I choose to invest until such time as she can return. Experience can at times be such sublime simple pleasure and yet turn around and be a dull pain; but, each My friend brings us closer to the one we love. Each brings us closer to wisdom.
For within every gain we part with a piece of ourselves for the other and in doing so, thereby with each gain there is a loss. Every loss begets a gain until in the end…they are one in the same. As if like a fine gold piece of Spanish treasure…a coin worth its weight in gold…one cannot exist without the other. They have to have the balance and strength of each other to exist. We cannot be where we have not already been. We cannot be where we have yet explored into uncharted waters. But we can be whole within ourselves only when our minds, bodies and souls are unified through each gain and loss with another. It is as it should be.
Sometimes there are moments of joy and peace. Sometimes there are moments of unhappiness and strife. Sometimes sitting alone in the quiet recesses a thought explodes and realization just blossoms. Times such as those electrify your brain and your body cannot sit still containing its joy. Delights of life and thoughts are varied. Ever changing, with each molecule charged positively with its brain's pulses, My thought is "that" thought and is only its purist and most truthful at the moment it is written. At times, even the purist and truthful thought that was to have been an absolute truth somehow was later revealed to be just a step upon a quest for wisdom. But this is how we grow. One foot before the other. Step by step. It is a never-ending cycle of moving forward. To Me, the common ground is adventure, peace and happiness, a constant exploration, living life with gusto and pleasure and living with ALL that I am.
How can I not do so James? Without a love of life, I would whiter slowly and die. And to what end would that be? A total loss of life? A beaten and down trodden soul which would have forgotten how to love? No James My friend, I shall remain strong not for Myself, but for her. So that upon her return (God I pray that one day she returns) I shall be the same strong dominate force within her life. That same kind, tender and loving Master she knows. she is kept safe in My heart…the heart that belongs to her.
Life richest pleasure is to love without reserve. Perhaps the pleasure of freedom closely follows love. That innate ability to with liberty enjoy life and express yourself. To dare to take risks in your life to be as you want to be. To dare stir our inward fantasies, warm our dreams slowly, daring to unlock our desires to let them abound.
To dare to dance…ahhhh yes My friend. To dare to dance! Long ago she came to Me adorned in black sheer panties and matching cape of desire. her long black hair cascading down around her shoulders. her pearl white teeth gleaming in the light as she coyly smiled to Me. her waist bearing a golden chain of love binding her to Me. her body flowing with the soft rhythm of the music. A vision of delight…she danced for Me! she danced the dance of love. she danced the dance of life. she danced with such freedom within her soul. she was unbridled within her dance of offering. she was unconfined within her dance of offering. she was simply set free letting her sprit flow.
As a dancer she was the one with the free spirit. her graceful moves capturing Mine eyes totally. With her gift of dance she was expressing herself giving back all that she is with passion and moves that only can be born with deep abiding trust…deep abiding love…deep abiding passions…so warm and giving that it expressed sheer uncontrollable joy. That is how I wish to be. Exactly how she is….free to give because it is in her soul…it is her essence.
So until such time as the Lord brings her back to Me, I shall stand within the great hall with the wooden floors reflecting the brilliance of the chandeliers myriad of lights off its surface listening to the orchestra play its waltzes. Occasionally, when a lady approaches and asks Me to dance, I will move forward; yet, always dance hovering upon the edge of the dance floor longing to dance to the center where only My love can take Me. Only partaking of the dance to keep My feet alive and in tune to the 3 beat waltz. Only until the door parts and in her loveliness she comes through the door with her dark eyes searching for Me. Then and only then shall I stride with purpose once again to the center of the floor with left hand raised stretching out to her, as if beckoning her to My side. Then My friend I shall be complete again and dance the dance of life fully and completely.