Dead Girls Don't Say No

Hi. I'm a tour guide. No... Well, that's my part-time job. My main job involves taking well-dressed stiffs on their last ride before they end up 6 under. It's like taxi driving; only difference is the customer doesn't complain about your driving. Too bad they don't tip though. You see, thanks to my job I get to see cemeteries a lot. So, to make a buck when the dirty old men aren't dying of Viagra overdoses, I give tourists tours of the final resting places of the rich and famous. Oh, it's a fun job. You get to see the silly people photographing gravestones like they were stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Once in a while one of them gets a ghost in the photo. Well, they think they did...

Of course, that's not the whole truth yet. You see, this might be a rich neighbourhood I work in, but it's not exactly a great tourist trap. And no thanks to modern medical science, I don't quite get enough passengers in my backseat to pay my bills. So... for a suitable fee, I give special tours to those with special "needs"...

Wherever rich kids with more money and time than sense are to be found, you can be sure there's a few of them with a fantasy that's not quite normal. Well, it's fine by me; everything's just a business. Not that I personally enjoy digging up the dead, but hey - if it pays the bills.

Anyway, on to the real story. You see, this kid got wind from some unscrupulous ex-customer of mine that I know the graveyard real well. So he kind of made me a proposition; I had to tell him when a cute chick is riding with my black car. I assume he'd done every living female under 30 in the area and was getting bored, so he wanted to try his hand at a real cold bitch. You can't say I didn't try to talk him out of it though...

"You sure you want this?"

"Hell, it's cool, right?"

"Mmm... you've never seen a corpse after the rigor mortis has set in son?"

"Dude, I don't drive dead people around like you do."

"Shush, I went to med school... just never finished it. Dead girls... well, they're cold, and they're all tensed up, and generally they smell worse than your prick after anal sex."

"That's why you're gonna find me a fresh one, man!"

I sensed at that point there was no talking the guy out of it.

"I can show you one... no promises, since I don't know when one's gonna kick the bucket... but you're gonna dig her up buddy."

"Heh, you'll at least help out right? I *am* paying you big money for this."

"Oh well, sure. I'll drop you a line sometime."

And so some time passed, and I did my usual rounds of driving 90-year old millionaires and Japanese tourists around the stone garden. Ah, but then where would the fun be if I didn't have to make the phone call?

"Yo."

"It's you, old dude! I thought you might've joined some of your passengers, man! You didn't call..."

"Well, I don't think you'd have been interested in some of my recent passengers... those old guys look like dried-up mummies... But yeah, back to the point, there's a nice one coming in tomorrow morning. Supposed to be a sweet young thing... died of a heart attack for some reason, so she's still all pretty and everything. You wanna do it?"

"Ooh, sounds like a good deal old man. You gonna meet me tomorrow night at the gate?"

"Yeah, and bring a spade. And put on some perfume. You don't want to go home smelling like a dead guy."

He turned up on time, dressed rather inconspicuously for a rich kid. I guess he wasn't all teenage maniac; the guy had sense to put on some clothes that would make him hard to recognise. And he looked pretty strong.

I drove him to a newly covered grave, the soil still damper than the rest around it. We spent around 2 hours digging up the coffin. The soft earth certainly helped.

We opened the coffin carefully, and wow, my young companion was impressed. The girl certainly hadn't been dead for more than two days, and her skin shone like a pearl in the moonlight. I led the way to an empty catacomb nearby as the young necrophiliac wannabe carried her over his shoulder.

"Dude, you sure she's dead? She looks better than most of the girls I've slept with!"

"Err... I don't know whether to doubt your nose or your taste, young man..."

"Oh well, my good luck. You weren't lying, she's one looker. She's still all nice and soft too... what happened to that rigor stuff you were talking about?"

I muttered something about looking out for the gravestones and opened the door to the little stone room. Conveniently, there was a stone pedestal in the middle of it that looked like some other perverts might've attempted some demonic rituals on it, but it would serve well for our purposes.

My young friend lay down his cargo and started examining her. She looked young, like a college freshman, and she had the kind of womanly curves better appreciated during the impressionist times. The young guy seemed to like her though; he was touching her gently, drawing his smooth young hands over her limp body.

"You sure treat her with a lot of respect. I'm impressed."

"Heh, I'll have you know I'd never mistreat a woman, dead or alive... Brr... she *is* cold. That part you got right."

"Heh, I wouldn't really recommend that you do her naked, given how cold it is..."

"Good point. Anyway, are you going to watch or what?"

"Well... if you're shy, I can go outside..."

"Heh, no problem dude... it's not like she minds either."

I leaned back against a wall and nodded, my head seemingly pointing at the floor, but yeah, I was watching alright. Call it morbid curiosity. Must be one of the bad habits I picked up from all the time I spent in the morgue during med school.

The guy was caressing the corpse like she was a real girl, tenderly massaging her somehow still-firm breasts. Eventually, he seemed to have enough though, and he pulled his fly open.

"Want a condom?"

"Hmm... not really. It's not like she's gonna end up pregnant, y'know..."

"Well, I can tell you she's not wet and it might hurt... and I'm pretty sure you don't want to get embalming fluid on your cock..."

The young guy bent down and sniffed her between the legs. "Embalming fluid don't smell like this, dude... weird... but yeah, thanks but no thanks."

I leaned back onto my spot on the wall and looked on. The guy didn't look all that impressive, but from all the technique I'd seen so far, it was clear that if he was a ladies' man, it was because the ladies enjoyed him greatly.

He put it in and started pumping against her, slowly. There was little light, coming mostly from a lantern I had brought along, but I could see he was enjoying himself... not really in the perverted way I had imagined, but like he would with any other girl. Maybe the guy really was just curious.

I looked on; and drank in the details. Her body was moving in unison with his, rocking on the cold stone, and there was sweat on her. Wait... that doesn't look like his sweat. And she seems to be moving a little too in time with him.

The pieces of the puzzle clicked in my mind, but the first thought that came up was "Oh damn, I'm gonna be too late..."

I braced myself as the guy started moaning.

"OH YES BABY GIVE IT TO ME!"

The poor guy must've gotten a real shock, because he was making some weird noise, as if he couldn't make up if he was trying to scream or trying to moan in pleasure. The girl's arms were around his back, and she was pumping her hips right back at him. It was too late though, the guy fell backwards, consumed by his orgasm, and presumably fainted.

"Damn you Jen, do you *always* have to do that? It's hard enough to find guys who want to do this, let alone one as nice as this."

Jen was pouting sexily at me. "You know, when a woman's feeling that way when a man makes her feel good, her brain stops working for a while..."

I saw that look in her eyes... that naughty naughty look. "Come here baby... he made me all horny and now I just need more..."

"You're paying double the usual price. Hopefully I won't have to dig TWO holes tonight."

"Aww... well, anything for my nice Frank. Now get over here and stick it in me."

"What I wouldn't give to die rich and end up like you, Jen."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," she cooed as she dragged me over, put me on the pedestal, and proceeded to make sweet love to me. You couldn't exactly say I resisted. She might be "dead", but hell, she's a lot nicer than most living women I work with.

You know, what they say isn't the whole truth. Dead girls don't say no. They say, "Give it to me baby!"