Dear Angel Ch. 01byGoldeniangel©
Welcome to my version of "Dear Abby". I've found that a lot of readers often have questions about me, my stories, or just sex in general and that many people ask the same questions or variations of the same questions. So this is my solution to that; send me in a question and I will answer it and post it in the general forum. I would prefer just general questions about sex or relationships, and I will answer as best I know how... although if it's not toooo personal I can also be persuaded to answer questions about myself or my stories.
Anyway, let's start off with some of the most common questions I've heard.
"Is anal sex painful? How can I make it less painful? Are the stories where lube isn't used realistic?"
Yes anal sex is painful. The first time. Possibly the first couple of times, a lot of people have compared it to the pain of losing their virginity. I'm not sure about that because I was lucky enough to not have ANY pain when I lose my virginity. However it definitely hurt the first time I tried anal sex, and not in the way that I expected. The first time I tried it, I was leaning forward with my hands on the bed; it didn't hurt going in - use PLENTY of lube (less pain) - but when he tried to move back out it hurt AWFULLY. Cramping, it was like having an awful cramping pain, like when you've been running and you're winded and it feels like someone stuck a pencil into one side of your gut. Just like that. However, I persevered because it was something I was interested in, and so I had my guy hop up onto the bed and lay there and I got on top. This was nice because it allows the girl to control the penetration - which is often the hardest part to get through - and it was a less painful angle. Slowly work your way down, going an inch and moving back up, going down and moving back up (again, less pain).
It's best not to rush things, the stories where the guy slams in all in one thrust and takes her anal virginity and she loves it... well I would guess that it hasn't happened to anyone. Perhaps after having LOTS of anal sex that's possible, but definitely NOT on the first time. Slow and steady is good, and then once you're feeling used to it, just haul ass so to speak.
Different lubes can be used to make everything easier. What it really does is make everything slide around easier so that your sphincter doesn't take as much damage or strain, it also lessens the chance of tears. Although everyone tells you not to use Vaseline, that's actually what I've used every time and I've never had an ill effect. However, I've heard that the real lubes make things a LOT slicker; Astroglide and KY Jelly seem to be among the most popular. There are also flavored lubes that can be used for vaginal or anal penetration, those can be found online (the Literotica store has a selection).
However, YES it is possible to NOT use lube. DO NOT TRY THIS WHEN YOU FIRST START OUT. And work VERY slowly and carefully in order to avoid doing damage. It is possible, it will hurt more of course, and you don't want to do this until you are so used to anal sex that it won't matter. Before jumping from lube to no lube, try some in betweens - such as going mouth to ass or pussy to ass. I wouldn't suggest going back the other way, it's really not hygienic although for some people it is a fetish that they indulge in... they know the safe ways to go about doing this though. Something I don't know very much about. It is possible to go back and forth though, but if you're going from ass to another hole, I would suggest at LEAST an enema at the very beginning of things. Again, of course, unless that's your fetish, in which case I would assume you know much more about it than I do =)
"Do husbands/boyfriends/significant others actually want to see their woman with another man?"
Well, this would depend on your husband/boyfriend/significant other. As one can see by the many comments on "loving wives" stories, there are two groups who read these stories. Those that like to see the husband's loving it and those that love to see the women "get what they deserve". Personally I think that it's only either a very insecure or very secure relationship that would be involved in this. In an insecure relationship, it would mean that one or both of the partners is not satisfied with the relationship and is looking for something that they're not getting, or just plain looking for someone else.
In a secure relationship this would mean a loving relationship where both partners passed kindergarten with flying colors and learned to share. It also means that they are so secure in themselves, their identity and their relationship with the other, that it would not be damaged in any way. Relationships like these are rare, but they do happen. I think that to watch your partner having sex with someone else and enjoy it, the watcher would have to be something of a voyeur. Of course, this does not mean that all voyeurs would want to watch their partner with someone else, but I would think that it's part of it. I'm a bit of a voyeur and although I don't want to watch my boyfriend with someone else, there are times when I think I wouldn't mind watching another couple, especially if he was there with me. And honestly, that might be what eventually leads to swinging.
Also, sometimes it's just exciting to try something and someone else new. This gives it a controlled environment where marriage no longer means sex with one person for the rest of your lives, however it still gives both partners control over the situation. Still, not something to try without having a very secure and loving relationship; even if one of you is looking for something else, experimentation in this way could ultimately lead to heartbreak. Both of you must want this for the SAME reasons.
"You write such different stories and seem to have such vast experience, but your bio says you're only in the 18-22 age bracket! How is that?"
Yes, that's the correct bracket. =) Part of it is my very vivid and rather perverted imagination, I've always liked sex and especially the idea of sex. I started reading erotica about 4 years ago and I just devoured it, loved it... I started at a time when my boyfriend and I were separated by distance and I found that it made things a little easier for me. I tend to take things that I've read about and put them into my own words, so that even if I haven't experienced it myself I can usually come up with a realistic description. I ALWAYS try to do some research on a topic before writing about it. Also, I've been with my boyfriend for the past 5 years, and when you're young, in love, and in a very long-term relationship you do start trying out lots of new things. And also, being in such a committed relationship at such a young age, I also realize that there are things that I will never be able to try - except in my stories and my imagination.
"Have you experienced all the things that you write about?"
No. In fact, I haven't experienced most of it... which made some categories very hard for me to write in but I enjoyed the challenge immensely. A lot of the stuff that I write about I have no interest in actually experiencing myself, which is why I rarely write in first person, but for me it's as though I'm peeking in on someone else's sexual exploits. And I LOVE peeking in... I kind of think that writing stories is the voyeur in me coming out to play.
"Why do all the black guys in your stories have huge dicks?"
Well, part of that is that I like the idea of big dicks. I think porn with guys with huge dicks is one of the hottest things out there - I don't want any of those things near me (way too intimidating - ever see Sex In The City's Mr. Too-Big?) but I love watching someone else have to take it. It's the stretching, the pushing of limits that I like. That and honestly, the two blacks guys that I saw really were much larger than most other guys that I've seen. In fact, I've only seen one other guy that could ever get close to either of them, and he still wasn't quite there. I realize that of course this isn't true in all cases, and that everyone's made differently... but I still tend to find reading about "huge cocks" to be extremely erotic, even if I think that they are anything but in real life.
Give me a nice sized, average dick for me... but if you wanna sick one of those monsters in her... well... as long as I can watch =)
So I hope that answers some people's questions, if anyone has any others please just email me using the feedback or leave a comment on the story. I'll probably submit every 3-5 questions that I get =D I don't pretend to be an expert, but if I can help anyone in any way - or even just satisfy curiosity - I'm glad to.