Dear Diary Ch. 06byGoldeniangel©
Author's Note: This story contains less sex (although there is some) and more story line than anything else. Enjoy!
Wow... it's been almost a week since I've lost my virginity and yet it's like I can't get enough! I just want Luke, ALL the time... it's so sad for me when he can't be around. Dru's still telling me not to get too attached, but how can I not? He's just so... so PERFECT. Didn't get to see him yesterday though, Dru took me to a party instead.
It seems like there are always more guys hitting on my lately, and even though they're very cute and interesting, I just can't seem to get really interested! Maybe Dru's right and I should date more, rather just being so fixated on Luke... but I REALLY like him.
Maybe I'll talk to him about it. I mean, I probably should anyway, cuz we never said that we're totally together. And maybe this is getting too serious too fast, I mean, we have a great time together, but maybe everything's kinda gearing towards sex lately... sad to say, it's not even all his fault. I really do feel like a little nympho sometimes. On days when I can't see him, I bring out my vibrator... and as soon as I do see him my pussy gets all wet!
The other night I was lying alone in bed, and I ended up having this really crazy erotic dream where he just came in and started fucking me, over and over in all these different positions. And even though I didn't totally want to have sex, I wanted to talk or something, he wouldn't let me... just grabbed me and threw me on the bed! It was the hottest dream ever... can girls have wet dreams? Because I definitely think I orgasmed at the end of it.
So I talked to Luke. I'm feeling sad... I don't even know why I did it. But now I feel like I might have ruined everything. He seemed taken aback by it all... and he said that he wasn't seeing anyone else at the moment, but that if I felt that we were getting to serious he could pull back some.
GOD I'm such an idiot. Now I wish I just hadn't said anything at all. OR said that I wanted to see him, JUST him exclusively. Cuz that's the truth.
Dru is saying I should take advantage of the fact though, and it does seem silly to go back on it. Maybe in a week, and that'll be enough time so that I don't look like a total idiot.
I saw Luke today! That made me happy... it was as if we never had the talk. Things seemed exactly the same... I feel REALLY relieved.
It was pretty hot too, we didn't have time to go back to either of our rooms, so he pulled me into an empty class room and pressed me up against the wall. We started kissing, really heavily, and he put his hands up my shirt and started squeezing my boobs. I kinda gasped, and asked him what he was doing... I mean, sure the classroom was empty but that didn't mean that someone couldn't walk in!
He just grinned and kissed me again and started pulling up my skirt. The next thing I knew he had his fingers in my pussy and his other hand was undoing his pants. Then he pulled my panties to the side and started fucking me, right there up against the wall of the classroom! It was the hottest thing we've ever done... knowing that someone could walk in, but still feeling like we were totally alone. And it made me feel so sexy, knowing that he had to have me right there, right THEN and couldn't wait at all!
It didn't take long, it was just a quickie, but I came anyway... my legs all wrapped around his waist and everything! We were like something out of a movie.
We're not seeing each other tonight though... he's going out to a party. I didn't use to mind when he went to parties without me, but now I'm feeling really anxious... I mean, there might be a girl there. And the other day I practically TOLD him to date other people.
God I'm such an idiot. It hasn't ruined the afternoon for me, but I don't know if thinking about that is going to be enough to get me through this evening.
he called after the party... drunk. I was too afraid to ask if he'd met anyone or done anything. We just talked for a bit and then said goodbye.
I feel so lonely right now.
Tonight was awful.
Dru finally got tired of me moping around whenever Luke was out without me, so she decided that we were going to go to a party ourselves. She dressed me up all pretty and did my hair and make-up, I didn't want to go but she wouldn't take no for an answer. You know, if she was a guy I think I could totally date her.
Anyway, we got there late, late enough that a lot of people were already drunk and really loud and everything. I wasn't really into it anyway, but Dru dragged me down to the basement to get some drinks... and there, in the corner of the room was Luke with this really pretty girl. They were just talking, but she was obviously flirting and pressing up against him, and I just felt like my heart was contracting, getting smaller and smaller inside my chest.
Then, the worst ever, she took his face in her hands and pulled him down for a kiss.
I thought I was going to die.. fortunately Dru turned around with the drinks in her hands and saw my face, and then saw what I was looking at and she got me out of there SO fast. I think that Luke might've looked up and seen us at the end, but I'm not sure. I was having a little trouble seeing... I didn't want to cry there but my eyes were all full of tears.
God I'm such an idiot! I did this ALL to myself, trying to make sure that things weren't getting too serious too fast... who cares if they were? We might've STAYED serious... instead of this, this STUPIDITY!
I really hate myself right now. And he hasn't called yet.
I talked to Luke today... things were weird, but I think it was mostly on my end. I don't think he saw me at the party though. If he did, he didn't say anything about it. I didn't say anything about it either. I couldn't take it for very long though, told him I had to go.
I'm so fucked up.