Death & Love Ch. 03

I'd like to start by apologizing about the S&M scene in the last chapter, there's no justification for it and with the fantastic invention that is hindsight I see I shouldn't haven't included it. With that being said I thing I've managed to fit it in with this chapter and I hope this one goes down better.

Also to someone who commented on both chapter – you know who are – I welcome constructive criticism but please do not repeat yourself, if your complaint is on one chapter I'm going to read it there's no need to put the same one on a different chapter.

The headaches had returned. For months since my time with Billie they had ceased to exist and I'd completely forgot about them; now they were back stronger and meaner than before.

The news of T.J.'s death was a shock to me and Billie, we both loved him, he was her ex and my best friend after all. Add to that the fact that he was a young father and it just seems unfair that he's gone. The two of us spent a lot of time with Jane and Kathy, poor Jane was devastated, couldn't stop crying. A few times she got really angry and yelled verbal abuse at the two of us but we never said anything, Kathy, only be about 2 years old, was oblivious to her father's demise, she just smiled and gurgled, I don't know if I felt happy and envious of her innocent little mind. I hate to sound selfish but I think T.J.'s death shocked me the most, obviously Jane was hit the hardest but for most of our lives me and T.J. both knew, or at least thought we knew, that I'd die first, I was unprepared for this, we all were. Unfortunately it seemed T.J. wouldn't the only loss I suffered, about four or five days after T.J.'s murder Billie and I were round Jane's house, Billie had just managed to get Jane to sleep and I was in the kitchen with Kathy, I barely heard Billie enter.

'Hey.' Billie whispered, 'That's Jane asleep, how you doing?'

'Ain't sure, I'm still in shocked by this whole ordeal. Clearly Jane's taking this hard but damn it I miss him just as much as her.'

'I meant with the baby Cay but thanks for the honesty.'

'Sorry, she's been a good little girl. Ain't that right...?'

I stopped talking, for some reason I could not remember Kathy's name, I was just drawing a complete blank and I couldn't explain why, after all this was my best friend's daughter and Billie's god-daughter why could I not remember her name. Billie picked up that something was wrong.

'What's the matter Cay?'

'I, I can't remember her name, I'm getting nothing.'

'Cay, is this.' Billie took a deep breath, she was afraid to ask the question and honestly I was afraid to answer it. 'Is this part of you condition?'

'I think so, the Doc warned me about memory loss, Jesus I know I've been forgetting little things and useless information but nothing like this.'

'You want to go see Doctor Freeman, I could stay here until Jane wakes up.'

'You sure Billie?'

'Yeah, you need his help, I see you at home.'

Without thinking I kissed Billie, nothing special just a goodbye kiss a husband would give his wife before leaving for work. Neither of us said anything but as I looked into Billie's eyes before leaving I saw she was thinking the same thing as me, the kiss didn't feel weird and that was what was weird about it, until then the two of us had only kissed in the heat of passion but this was so casual, such a small yet complete show of love. If it wasn't for Kathy I would made love to her right there and then.

I arrived at the Doc's office about 20 minutes later and told him my problem; despite the hostility of out last encounter he was quite calm and thankfully respectful of T.J.'s death. Again I lay down on the sofa while he sat on a chair next to me.

'I've been expecting this for years Doc, the memory loss, but I never expected it this soon.'

'How come?'

'It just, I always thought this would happen near the end, when this bastard in my head started taking over.'

'Are you scared?'

'No. I don't know maybe, I've accepted my fate and that's worked out fine for me but as my time grows shorter I'm forced to face my own mortality and I hate it. I mean fuck Doc I'm 20 years old, I've basically lost my right arm and already I'm regretting all the stuff I've never done and ever will do. I'm never going to get married because I'm living on borrowed time, I'm never going to have a kid because I'll just pass this shit on to them.'

'Do you want to get married?'

'I always hoped so, I imagined meeting the right girl then whisking her away for a whirlwind romance where we get married mere weeks or days, hell even hours after we first met. The two of us would live quietly somewhere, away from the hypocritical bastards who feign sympathy, just the two of us and perhaps a kid, a lucky son-of-a-bitch that inherited their mother's genes and bypassed my condition. Then at the end of it all, dying peacefully in her arms content with what I did with my limited time. Call me a hopeless romantic Doc, my time with the screen business has ruined me, but I believed that could happen, but now I'm not so sure, and with this shit with T.J. I'm starting to wonder if my view of the world was just a pipe-dream. '

'You sounded very profound there, quite unlike you Caleb.'

'You sound like my sister, just because I'm a cynic doesn't mean I can't dream.'

'How is it with your sister, have those feelings returned or manifested into something stronger.'

I sighed. 'Why is this so important to you Doc? So I have feelings towards my sister she's my sister, I'm supposed to care for her.'

'Caleb you don't care for Billie you're in love with her I can tell, we covered this last time. I'm only trying to stop you from doing something stupid.'

'But why is it stupid, I love Billie, she loves me, we're both consenting adults. If the feelings are mutual and if, and that's a big IF, if we do have sex how is that so bad; we know about protection and we know what the risks are.'

'The risks are just one of many problem's Caleb, what if you make a mistake and she ends up pregnant, you're going to leave her alone with a deformed baby. But that's not the biggest problem, the fact that you're so casual about this whole affair suggests that you're psyche has adapted to dying, but like you said you were faced with your mortality and it scared you, if your mind in that state has to truly come to terms with that when your time grows nearer you'll snap mentally.'

I'd had enough at that point, without saying a word I left the office. I heard the Doc shout something at me but I wasn't listening, something about 'letting my feelings for Billie cloud my judgement.' What did he know?

When I returned home it was still empty, checking the answering machine I heard a message from Billie telling me her friend Heather had called and she was meeting up with her, she'd be home later. I felt a sense of thankfulness as now with the house to myself I could lie on the sofa and get some well-needed rest. I don't know how long I'd been sleeping when Billie got home but she and her friend Heather managed to wake me up. I overheard them as they came in.

'...I'll have to talk to her, see how she's taking this.' That was Heather, she and Billie had been friends for ages and she was a nice girl. Good, friendly personality as in you felt like you could talk to her, she a very thin girl though, when compared to Billie's voluptuous figure Heather seemed almost anorexic but she never complained. Her hair was a dirty blond colour and just long enough to go past her shoulders, her best feature however was her face, she was incredibly cute, like a little chipmunk. I would never make a move on her, she was Billie's friend and I always considered her a person to talk to more than anything else but when you talk to her you can't help but smile.

'You should Hezz, you'll never know until you make that leap.' Billie put something large against the wall.

'Speaking of leap making...'

'Hezz give it up, I'm not telling you who I slept with.'

I kept my eyes closed, knowing they were talking about me.

'Come on B, you lost your virginity not even a week ago and you're not telling me who it was. I thought we were sisters.'

'It's a private thing Hezz and keep quiet my brother's right there.'

'He's asleep, he can't hear us. Now tell me please.'

'I'm not telling you who it was, but if it gets you to shut up about it I'll tell you what it was like.'

Both Heather and I were interested in what Billie had to say, the two girls sat on chairs away from me but I could still hear Billie's story.

'The sex was, it's hard to explain. On one hand it was fantastic I mean I was pushed up against the wall, his fingers deep in my pussy then after I came he fucked me hard and fast, I swear I never came that hard before from anything.'

With one eye half opened I saw Heather squirm in her chair.

'My God Billie that sounds amazing.'

'It was but the problem was that it was hard and it was fast. This was my first time and afterwards I sort of regretted it, I just wish it was more slow, more tender, more loving.'

'I can sympathise.'

I'd heard enough to want to talk to Billie so I pretended to wake up, I looked over at the two girls, still groggy from my earlier snooze.

'Hey, what you two talking about?'

'Girl stuff. Alright B I better get going, damn homework.'

'Sure thing Hezz and remember to talk to her.'

'I will, bye.'

Heather give Billie a hug and a kiss on the cheek before she left. Billie watched her friend close the door.

'Poor girl.' Billie's voice had a tone of sadness.

'What's wrong?' I looked over and saw a new mirror on the wall, which was the large object Billie had earlier.

'Hezz, she's in love with her best friend and doesn't know what to do.'

'She should go in, tell him how she feels.'

'That's the thing, her best friend's a girl.'

'You mean, Heather's a lesbian?'

'She doesn't know, she told me she's into girls but she's also very confused right now.'

'Wow.'

'I know, I mean I saw it coming ever since we had our little thing but I thought that was just an experiment.'

That threw me for a loop, I just stared open-mouthed at what Billie just said, she looked at my stunned expression and laughed.

'I guess I never told you about me and Hezz, we had a small drunken fumble one night. Nothing big but there some kissing and a little fondling, besides she was willing and I was drunk and it was nice, a good little experiment.'

'What the hell happened to you Billie? You use to be a cute little girl now you're a gorgeous sex goddess. I like it but I freaks me out.'

'Don't act like you're not interested in finding out what we did. Just don't tell Hezz I told you, we tell each everything but only between the two of us.'

'Well that's not true is it? I heard the two of you talking earlier and you didn't tell her who you lost your virginity to.'

'Oh God you heard that? I thought you were asleep.'

'I was but you two woke me up when you came in, I heard you talking about me so I stayed down.'

'Jesus Cay what I said to Hezz...'

'About regretting our first time together. Don't worry I'm not going to hold it against you, you're right it was too fast and too violent but you were inexperienced and I was so damn in lust with you. All I can say is sorry, I should have been slower, more caring, made it an act of love not a quick fuck.'

Billie smiled softly then moved in to gently hug me, she rested her head on my chest as I stroked her hair.

'Thanks for being so nice about this Cay, I thought you'd be pretty pissed about what I said.'

'I can't be angry at you, besides it was more my fault than yours. But, I feel like I robbed you of something so important in your life and I want to make it up to you. I'll need to set it up but I want the two of us to do something special, just us.'

'What do you have in mind?'

'Not sure yet, perhaps a date, take you out, wine you, dine you.'

'Then take me back to your hotel room to share dessert.'

'We'll just see where things lead.'

I leant down and kissed Billie, her soft smile from earlier had grown into a cute but knowingly sexy one. Gazing into her eyes I said the only words I wanted to.

'I may not always love you, but long as there are stars above you. You never need to doubt it, I'll make you so sure about it.'

Billie joined in. 'God only knows what I'd be without you.'

We kissed again, after our first time we had turned the song into a signal, whenever one of us wanted the other they would sing a line and the other would sing back the next line. Cheesy perhaps but it reminded us of a simpler time when we were kids and neither of us knew or cared about an impending loss. Billie turned around and sat on the sofa behind her, as she unbuttoned her trousers I knelt down and helped her take them off, I gently laughed at her pink, lacy boy-shorts and the wet patch in the middle. I slowly took off her underwear, revealing her beautiful pussy to me bit-by-bit, increasing the tension between us. When her pants finally got to her feet and that gorgeously trimmed pussy was revealed to me I bowed inwards, moving my head and by result my ready tongue to her waiting cunt. I made a delicate lick over her the outside of her pussy lips, I felt Billie shiver above me, I made a second lick and another shiver. Feeling she'd had enough torture I kissed her pussy, making sure her clit was in my mouth, driving her wild with excitement. Billie's legs opened slightly allowing me better access to dive in with my tongue, pushing it into her opening, tasting her delicious juices. Suddenly her thighs clamped over my head, I lost my sense of hearing but the flood of cum into my mouth explained all. I wriggled free and kissed Billie once more, during my time below she had freed her breasts and the deep red marks on them showed where she had grabbed them. Billie looked down at my very hard cock, I watched as she unconsciously licked her lips in anticipation but I had other plans.

'Not now, we'll save ourselves until we go on that date.'

'You sure we can survive that.'

'Of course, besides we're trying to get pregnant, the longer we wait the more cum I'll have and the better chance we'll have.'

'Ooh you're great at the dirty talk.'

I laughed. 'Shut up Billie, I'm just being honest. We both want this kid and I want to give it to you as soon as possible.'

Billie didn't say a word, she just hugged me to let me know she was willing to go with my idea.

NOVEMBER

Billie and I kept true to our plan and we held off on the sex, not that it wasn't hard; the strong sense of love and lust we had built up meant that every time we were near each other it resulted in less than subtle dry humping, by the second week into our promise Billie had to move back to her own room rather than our now usual sharing a bed routine. But despite that things were actually going well for the two of us, I had sent another script for a feature length Taggart, Billie was doing fantastic in her uni and aside from a slight numb in my left foot I hadn't had any more brain problems. The only trouble we had was Vincent; he was near enough stalking Billie at uni, constantly asking her out in spite of her lack of interest. I'm pretty sure I saw him in his car around our neighbourhood a few times. But we managed to survive and finally, half-way through November, our date arrived. We had decided to go to a restaurant then afterwards a stay in a hotel, we agreed to meet at the restaurant since Billie had a uni project to do with Heather – although after what Billie told me about them I just had bad ideas in my head. I was at the restaurant first so I stayed at the bar while I waited for her, it wasn't long before I felt a tap on my shoulder, I turned round and saw not my sister but the single hottest woman I'd ever seen.

Holy shit did Billie look great, she had the same black dress she had during her first 'date' with Vincent but somehow it looked better than before; it had what I can only call sparkles covering it, the hem of the dress reached just above her knees with a slit in the left thigh stopping just at her waist. The front of the dress showed a generous amount of cleavage but I wasn't complaining, especially since it was obvious she wasn't wearing a bra. Billie's long gold-brown hair was in curls and looked fantastic on her, she was wearing a small amount of make-up to highlight her best features without going overboard.

'I'll take your silence as a compliment.'

Billie broke me out of my trance, I hadn't said anything since she arrived.

'Jesus Billie you look... I can't describe it. All I want is to skip dinner and take you back to my room right now.'

'Well tough luck bro, you promised me a good night and you're going to show me a good night.'

'Anything for you sis.'

I put down a tenner for my drinks and led Billie to our table, the restaurant was busy but you'd never think it, everyone was so quiet in their own conversations, their own little bubbles cut off from everyone else. Thankfully this being a fancy restaurant we didn't wait long for a waiter.

'Good evening, I am James and I will be your waiter for tonight.'

Billie got in before I could say anything. 'Pleasure to meet you James, my name is Stephanie Nicks, this is my fiancé John McVie, we're celebrating our engagement tonight.'

'Congratulations, may I see the ring.'

'I would love you to but I'm afraid I don't have it. I took it off back home when I had a bath and forgot to put it back on, I only noticed when we arrived here.'

'That's such a shame. No matter I shall send for a bottle of champagne on the house in honour of this special occasion.'

'Thank you so much James, and could you please bring us a shrimp cocktail for a starter please.'

'Certainly.'

The waiter left without a hint of mistrust, I on the other hand looked at my sister with sheer confusion.

'Billie, what the hell was that.'

'I thought it would be fun to pretend, the two of us a pair of young lovers celebrating our life together.'

'I wish you'd told me before hand, where'd you get the names from.'

'I was listening to Fleetwood Mac with Heather, she loves them. Got the names from there.'

'Well Stephanie, or shall I call you Stevie, it'll be an honour to share this precious moment with you.'

'Thank you John, that means so much to me.'

We both raised our empty wine glasses in mock celebration, the waiter returned a few minutes later to take our orders. Billie had a chicken in white mushroom sauce which she said was very nice, I had a steak which I later regretted; with my right hand out of action I had no end of trouble trying to cut it, much to Billie's amusement. After a few minutes of me making an arse of myself Billie cut my steak for me. We talked for hours about the most unimportant shit you could think of; remembering our happier times as children, the time when a 3 year old Billie was scared by the clown at her friend's birthday, the time when I took up rugby then six months later, just days after dad had bought all the gear, I had gave up, the time when I got in a fight with a guy at school who was making fun of a limp Billie had from falling off her bike, the time when neither of us knew about my condition. We remembered when our father was alive, how he spent every waking moment trying to keep us happy, knowing we'd lose him, how we were just a great big happy family and how that had ended. The both of us felt guilty about leaving mum on her own at home but we made sure to visit her regularly and Billie called her daily if not more just to talk, I did it less frequently but it was nice to hear mum's voice occasionally. We made a toast to T.J. and to one of Billie's friend's, Carol, who had been hit by a car when she was 12; Billie told me it was losing her best friend when she was so young was what made her fear death and how the fact she's never got over that fear was how she was so scared about losing me. I felt a strong urge to mention the elephant in the room and talk about our future, or at least the future we wouldn't have, about the child we wanted to have, about the engagement Billie had told the waiter about and if there was anything true feelings behind that. But, the night was so perfect with the past there was no sense ruining it with the future. We left a few hours later, leaving a good tip for James and the kindness he showed us – also I felt a little guilty about tricking him. It was a short walk to the hotel we had booked, we left like a couple, Billie wearing my jacket, huddled into my side, my arm over her shoulder, to the casual onlooker we just looked contented together, like we'd found that perfect one. It was around midnight when we arrived at the hotel, I can't remember if it was a four or five star one but I do remember the room was massive, it was a special honeymooners suit so the entire room was just one big open plan, the bedroom, kitchen and living room in one area, in fact the only room blocked off was the bathroom. I was getting cleaned up in the bathroom when I heard Billie outside.