Deck of Cards

During the early 1970's a bunch of eager and willing young men had been taken to a sound stage outside Manchester to shoot a porno film. After a tiring morning several of the men were called back for the orgy scene in the afternoon. Inside a large trailer, after they had been given the outline for the scene by the director the fluffing was taken up. Those of the boys who had 'jazz mags' took them out, but this one boy had only a deck of cards and so he spread them out. The Directors runner saw the cards and said "Long John, put those cards away". After the afternoon shoot the boy was taken before the Producer of the film.

The producer said, "Why have you brought this extra before me?"

"For playing cards when he should have been making wood sir."

"And what have you got to say for yourself boy?"

"Much sir" replied the extra.

The Director said "I hope so, for if not I shall make sure you never put your dick in one of my starlets again".

The extra said "Sir, I've been on the nest for about six days, I had neither 'jazz mag' nor 'Tijuana bible' but I hope to satisfy you sir with the debauchery of my intentions" With that the boy started his story.

"You see sir, when I look at the Ace of Spades it reminds of a naked, unshaven woman laid before me.
And the Deuce reminds me that it takes two to make a fuck scene.
And when I see the trey I think of double penetration, two into one.
And when I see the four I remember that foreplay can get me hard and my opposite number wet
And when I see the five I am reminded that it takes all five fingers for a fisting.
And when I see the six, it reminds me of the nine, which makes up 69.
When I see the seven, it reminds me that Debbie did all Dallas in just seven days.
And when I see the eight it reminds me of the figure of a bbw.
When I see the ten, that's the perfection I aim for in a pop-shot.

When I see the King it reminds me that there is but one John Holmes.
And when I see the Queen I remember that I have done "gay for pay"

And the Jack is what I need to do before the cameras roll.

When I count the number of spots on a deck of cards, I find 365, the number of spots of cum in a good facial.
There's 52 cards, the same as the number of women I've fucked… last week.
There's four suits, the number of films made in a week.
There's twelve picture cards, the number of stag loops in a month.
There's 13 tricks the number of men a woman gets through in a morning shoot.

So you see sir my pack of cards serves me as a Playboy, a Penthouse and a Rustler. Plus the fact that there are pictures of naked woman on every card."

With that the Director said "ok then"

And that my friends is a true story. I know. I was that extra.