Defining Roles: Submissives

Having been a submissive at one point in my life, I can tell you that there is a simplicity in being a sub and surrendering control of one's self to another. For one like me, who was always meant to be a Dom, it was frustrating because I wanted to fight back to take back my control and my power for myself. But to be the Mistress I am today, I understand why I had to be tempered in such a way as to be able to show others that simplicity, and to use it for my own satisfaction as well as theirs.

Who can be a submissive? There are male, female, gay, bi-sexual, and transgender submissives. In fact , the more you get into the world of BSDM you will find that the lines of sexuality get very muddied. Often I stop trying to define what people define themselves as on the street so much as try to focus on what they are in my chambers. These are TWO different things entirely. Similarly, I do not regard financial status, race, or sexual skill level to be factors in becoming a sub. I have seen all of these as well. The only thing that matters when it comes to WHO can be a submissive is age. Anyone under 18 is illegal here in the USA. While anyone over that is technically of consensual sexual, I find that anyone under the age of 21 is still not experienced enough to know what they want. Please check in your jurisdiction and always verify a persons age before engaging in sexual activities.

So to the new reader interested in becoming one exactly what is a submissive or a sub? Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the term best. Submissive]adj.: willing to obey someone else. That is it. Nice and simple, or is it?

This term does not necessarily define ownership of the individual by another party, as if one were a slave. Being a sub is a recognition of the willingness or tendency to yield to the will or authority to one recognized as superior, in specific to a Dominant. (Also known as a Dom or Dominatrix) To some it is voluntary, meaning that they allow themselves to be humiliated and abused for their own personal reasons, kinks, fetishes, or simply because they can. I have seen very handsome and well endowed males submit in very serious ways to males and females alike. And to others it is impressed or forced upon them by other means. Sometimes this "other means" can be superior physical prowess, financial debt, dominant demeanor, family upbringing, psychological need, or perceived personal deficiencies.

Whatever your personal reason for wanting or choosing to become a submissive, there are different levels of submission. Just because you have decided to allow someone else to have control over you doesn't mean that you have to have to let go 100%, although there are those that certainly do take it to that extreme. More so than being a slave (which is primarily defined by ownership) submission is about mental control. Along with some of the other activities that occur in the BDSM community there are several things that some submissive choose to allow others to have control over them.

Here are some of the them :

-humiliation (verbal putdowns, emotional stress, embarrassing dress, or sex in a public or private setting)

-loss of choice (what you eat, where you work, who you get to be friends with or talk to, what clothes you wear...)

-loss of freedom of movement (outside of the home, and possibly binding)

-behavior modification (kneeling, bowing, never making eye contact, sleeping at the foot of the bed)

-performance of menial tasks (those things seen as unworthy of the Dom- cleaning etc, opening doors, ordering food at restaurants)

-chastity/ forced orgasm (loss of your orgasm when/ if it happens)

These are only a few of the things that a potential submissive can expect. All of them are meant to reinforce the dynamic of inferiority in the sub, and/ or to increase the pleasure of being one if they are utilized in proper manner by a skillful Dom. It is a surprise to some people to learn that the sub can get pleasure out of these activities, almost as much, if not more than the Dom in some cases. You can ascribe this one to the "Different strokes for different folks" axiom. In the end, it is all about choice. Some people choose to be subs full time, some switch from Dom to sub, and some are just into it for the part time kink of it. How far you go, and what you chose to do, are all up to you are your future Dom.

Enjoy.