Demetrius Ch. 22-23

Chapter 22

If you can't fight and you can't flee, flow.

Connie had her hands full in trying to convince George she was a female. He made her cry when he indicated she was living her life in denial; since she had a penis.

"I mean it's silly for you to have a penis and not realize you are a male at some level," he said trying to understand better; hoping she could provide some insight.

He wasn't trying to be mean but he wanted to hear how she resolved things in her own way. She thought he was being cruel and told him he didn't understand before telling him to leave.

"I know I don't understand but was hoping you'd explain it to me," he said as she closed the door on him.

He let a few days pass, still grappling with the idea of it. He decided to research the subject and had received an enlightenment of his own. He hated having hurt her feelings and in a few days, he showed up on her doorstep with a dozen roses and a box of chocolates asking for forgiveness.

"What's the difference, you'll just leave like the rest. They tell me if they want a male they'll find one and those liking natural females say their sexual enjoyment comes from the idea they are impregnating a woman."

He was hard pressed to respond to this when she added, "I never know if the guy I'm with is gay or straight, wondering how he could be either. It really is a curse and sometimes I wish I was never born at all!"

She began to cry again and he felt the need to comfort her. It's normal to feel sorry for someone we care about and those feelings can rapidly make us believe we really love them. They start a unique relationship of sympathy when the person being sympathized with begins to need our sympathy when it becomes the foundation of a relationship; not a good formula for success but it happens all the time.

George could never perceive himself as being gay but he made an exception for Connie. It was an eye-opening experience for him as he gradually bid adieu to his long held ideas. He cared enough for her and like a new ride at an amusement park; he decided to get in line.

His ex-wife cared little for performing oral sex on him; Connie loved it. His ex-wife had a difficult pregnancy with Amy resulting in what is called a "tilted cervix". As a result when George entered her, instead of going in and up; it went in and down. He found this unexciting and not very pleasurable. The first time he had anal intercourse with Connie it was as pleasurable for him as any woman he'd been with. When he realized how much pleasure he was giving her; he found her excitement to be contagious.

When it came to his performing oral sex on her: well that was interesting since his ex-wife had only done it a few times to him and he wanted to encourage her to do it more frequently. Without his thinking he told her he wished she had a penis too, so he could show her how good it felt. Though it seemed understandable at the time; it was an indication he didn't think the idea of doing it to prove his point was not as disgusting as someone might imagine.

Connie knew what she was doing when it came to his indoctrination. Once when she came on her stomach, she dabbed a finger in it encouraging him to taste her. He did so reluctantly but with her gentle, yet firm persuasion, he acquiesced.

Feeling her "little boy" squirting in his mouth became exciting for him since he knew exactly what she was feeling. It was sort of a payback too, showing her he appreciated what she did so unselfishly to him. After awhile he discovered it aroused him when he could mount her and fuck her; having her as the woman he could finally accept her to be. He was tentative at first but she encouraged him to fuck her as hard as he wanted, saying she loved the feeling both during and afterwards.

As far as having children; he wasn't that keen on the idea but there were perhaps millions of wonderful children around the world awaiting a new home. Connie suggested they go to China on their honeymoon and consider adopting there. This was after they asked Amy is she'd like a brother or a sister.

Demetri has another vivid dream...

After their lovemaking that night Alexis told him she wanted to go to Sangre Maria's to see Constance and Isabella to announce their wedding plans and to see if they would be "bridesmaids" for her.

He remembered hearing the front door closing when he entered a deep state of dreaming:

He was lying face up on a marble altar which was surrounded by lit tall floor-based candles. Off in the distance he heard the soft music of an organ playing something he recognized as Bach, as he also heard the incantations of those in attendance as they sung in what he knew was some ancient vampire language.

He was naked, covered in a white and gold trimmed satin blanket that resembled a priest's vestment. Those in attendance sat in chairs on his right. To his left there was a high-rise stage where his mother and Adrian were sitting on their thrown, watching expectantly.

Alexis seductively undid her cape allowing it to fall to the floor when she too was naked. She removed his covering, draping herself in it before climbing up onto the altar, astride him. She slung one leg over his hips taking his hardness in her hand before inserting it into her until their coupling was made when she began to move up and down slowly; fucking him. She looked down at him, smiling at him proudly as she prepared to do her worse.

"Are you ready," she asked when it occurred to him to tell her he had to pee.

"You're such a fucker! You can pee inside me if you want to. In fact I'd like to feel it squirting in of me. You're about to go on my version of a rollercoaster."

He felt her gently fucking him until his attention was drawn to the sensation. She pulled the cloak over her head as she slowly moved her mouth to his neck when she whispered it would hurt at first but only for awhile. He took her hand squeezing it, not knowing what to expect, when he found himself begging her to stop...

"Please kiss me first," he begged until he felt her mouth on his. He needed reassurance, asking her if she loved him, thinking he never heard her using those exact words.

Suddenly he felt her tongue on his neck as he continued to hope she would utter the words he longed to hear; instead he felt her fangs penetrating his neck when he heard and felt the sound of his artery popping open.

He didn't know if she was being gentle or not since once a vampire is sinking their fangs into you; it's hard to measure such things.

But he knew this much; it hurt like hell in its brutal finality...

"Oh god Alexis," he heard himself moaning.

The pain was excruciating; he knew she was into his neck as deeply as she could go. He felt and heard her drawing forth her substance, as it would soon enter him, changing him forever. When he felt it entering his bloodstream, adding her genetic imprint and signature to his, it caused him to jerk spastically as it worked its way through him.

She seemed to know what he was feeling and every once in awhile she would move up and down on him, reminding him they were still fucking; distracting him from what was really happening to him.

"Soon he'll feel he is me and I'm him when he'll be so confused, he won't know what to think. This is the ultimate fucking a vampire can give a human," she thought priding herself in what she was doing to him.

He imagined her saying, "You're damned right I'm a scorpion," once more.

Unexpectedly he felt the presence of others standing around the altar. There were both male and female vampires looking at him when his mother joined them. His mother took hold his hand apparently in an attempt to comfort him.

The pain was gone now as a warm wonderful glow spread throughout him. Alexis was still locked firmly on his neck as he felt he was being given a sedative; like morphine or heroine. Somehow he knew this was the most intimate experience they could ever have together and indeed as she predicted; he adored her.

He felt her continue to fuck him as she moved up and down gently, still injecting more of her substance into his neck. He had no idea how much she had but it seemed more than he anticipated.

It was a comforting fuck; there was no denying it when suddenly he felt he was falling backwards, down into the darkest well imaginable. He saw himself falling in slow motion as his arms and legs flailed at his sides. Instead of it being a ring-of-fire, it was an overwhelming cold and darkness.

He didn't know what was at the bottom. It could be water or rocks when it occurred to him there were long pointed spears waiting to impale him. He imagined one of them going through the back of his head, coming out of his forehead when he was amazed he was still alive to experience it.

He imagined looking up at the spear; it was above his eyes as it dripped blood onto his face.

And then there was darkness; unlike any he knew as its weight was suffocating, causing him to panic and to scream out in fear.

He saw his father's face as he looked disgustedly at him in his condemnation....

"It's alright Demetri," he heard his mother reassuring him.

"It's your soul leaving your body. Let it go; you won't need it any longer. When you feel it leaving; you'll feel what it's like to be a vampire for the first time.

He struggled to hold back tears as he squeezed her hand when she continued with,

"It's useless to fight it now dear. Take comfort in knowing you can never sin again; everything and anything you do from here on will be natural for a vampire when there is no such thing as sin any longer."

Suddenly he was in a pitch black room. It was beyond cold; perhaps approaching absolute zero yet he couldn't see his breath.

A trickle of light entered the room from an unknown source when he saw a mirror on the far wall.

He walked to it expecting to see his reflection but there was none to be had. He reached out to touch it, to confirm it was what he perceived it to be, finding it was indeed a real mirror as it reflected everything else in the room except him.

With his hand still on the mirror he rested his head against it; wanting to caress his missing reflection when he began to sob. It was like saying goodbye to a loved one for the last time.

He felt he existed in a parallel universe where normal laws of physics no longer applied when he remembered George saying, "Where up is down and down is up."

The room went dark again when he heard the resounding sound of a door being slammed shut with a thunderous echo; reverberating throughout him with the feelings of guilt it left behind in its finality and meaning.

He awoke in a sweat feeling certain he experienced the future. The reality of his losing his soul seemed inevitable now. It wasn't that he was giving it to Satan when he'd be damned forever; it was more like it was going to be erased and it troubled him what it would mean and what impact it would have him.

He wondered if others would be so anxious to relinquish their own souls under similar circumstances.

And then he realized why he had the gnawing sensation Alexis didn't understand what love was...

It was because she didn't have a soul!

Chapter 23

He opened the refrigerator, drinking three or four mouthfuls of beef blood, trying to convince himself it was tomato juice.

The digital readout on the clock showed 1:30. He paced angrily knowing he was to blame as he considered what, if any options were still open. Realizing there were none to be had, he punched his fist into his open palm, not knowing what it would mean to him to be without a soul any longer. Maybe it could be a good thing, as his mother had said in his dream. He'd be free from committing sin just like any other animal.

On the other hand he'd be losing his ability to love and if he couldn't love; wasn't that the same as losing Alexis's love? It was the very thing he equated with victory; having her and being able to love her as he did.

To distract his feeling of loss, he stuffed his mouth with raw spinach which did little to slake his hunger. It was as though he was eating for two when it occurred to him Nick's would still be open. The thought of a warm slice of apple pie sounded good to him as he threw on some clothes, hastily making his way out the door.

It occurred to him he didn't know many on the late shift, as he slid into a booth. He fidgeted with the metal coffee-creamer waiting for someone to take his order. He looked at the tables along the windows when he saw her sitting idle, as though she was waiting for someone. She was the one he saw before; the night he went to Sangre Maria's, so many nights ago.

Maybe it was due to his being more aware of such things after his dream but he knew what had been missing then, as it was still missing now; her reflection in the window. The table she sat at mirrored its image in the window but not hers. She didn't look like a vampire as she had blonde hair, when it occurred to him she looked familiar.

When she turned to smile at him it hit him like a ton of bricks; she was the Alexis in his dream when she came looking for him in Chicago. She had the same beautiful green eyes and was indeed the same person he saw in his dream.

He saw the chair opposite her sliding backwards slowly when her smile indicated he should join her. He thought he was dreaming again and his mind was playing tricks on him as he walked to her table, sitting in a chair that obviously had the ability to move on its own.

"You're the only one that can see me. So if you talk to me, cover your mouth so others won't think you're crazy," he heard her saying when there was no mistaking she was the girl in his dream; the human version of Alexis he thought.

"Who are you," he asked wondering if he should've inserted the word "what" in the question as well.

She smiled a beautiful smile as she slid her hand across the table to take hold of his. She might not have been seen by others but he sure as hell felt the love she had inside her as it warmed his hand immediately; as did the peaceful loving smile on her face.

"I'm Alexis's missing part; her soul. The spirit intended for her in the grand scheme of things but when I saw she was vampire, I went into a state of pending. I think they must've overlooked my existence, or have yet to find a suitable host for me. But that hardly matters now. The real question is whether or not you could love someone without a soul and since you won't have one either; what difference would it make.

"I believe I have the information you seek in your enlightenment. You see, souls were a part of the curse that god imbued humans with as a punishment for disobeying him. The human version of events in the bible is told from a human's perspective but the real truth of the matter is that vampires have a common ancestor with the great apes, when they became parasites. Vampires are more advanced than humans and god saw they were good, having a role in the grand scheme of things.

"However, he chose to test their loyalty and obedience to him by telling them not to eat from a particular tree, which wasn't uncommon for vampires at that time in their evolution.

"Their real names matters little but you know them as Adam and Eve. They were two of his favorite vampires but when they disobeyed him, they were punished when their real nature was taken from them. He took away their immortality by altering their genetic makeup, when they became the first humans.

"'From this day forth, you and all of your descendants will be tested, as to your worth,' god said to them.

"Along with their suffering and loss of immortality, they would have to stand in judgment, as to what would ultimately happen to their souls. Souls are like links in a giant chain that binds and enslaves humans to him.

"As you may have guessed by now, humans are the cursed beings and a part of the curse was to have a soul infused into them. It is the result of having a soul that man can sin; those without a soul have been granted presumed innocence like all the other animals.

"The hardship of being a human is indeed a difficult task and many have been made to suffer for Adam and Eve's disobedience. Man's existence is an ordeal; day after day of trial and tribulation as he must endeavor to redeem himself.

"Yes, there is the promise of reward associated with souls and if man can prove himself when he dies, he is given back his original immortality in the form of a spirit.

"What's the use, you might ask but one of the things associated with a soul is what is known as spirit and from that comes spirituality, creativity in music, the arts and yes, it is where love comes from. These things were compensation so man could find joy in living. From love comes hope and faith as they are entwined.

"What awaits you and Alexis is beautiful and worthwhile. It is true you won't be able to love as a human when you're changed. In fact you won't even be able to recall and understand the concept any longer; your memory of it is gone forever. Therefore you won't miss it since to you, it never existed. When and if a human should try to explain it to you, you won't understand it when you too will think it's, 'childish rubbish'.

"Having a vampire's marriage with Alexis should not be regarded as second-best either. You'll know this when you feel your telepathic connection. Your feelings for one another will come close to what you think love is now; in some ways it will surpass it.

"During your transition she will try to grasp your human understanding of love but it will elude her grasp; always being just out of reach, like a capricious butterfly as it is eventually gone forever.

"Love is not everything humans make it out to be anyway. Ask anyone who has suffered a loss, or had their heart broken and you'll know what I mean. Heartbreak is in your poetry, music and almost everywhere you look it seems. Regretfully, sometimes it is used to portray the futility in being human.

"Once love no longer exists, you'll know there is no threat to what you have with her. Your engaging in sex with others will not be seen as a threat since neither of you will be capable of loving someone else. What binds you is your genetic connection and unique ability in knowing each others thoughts. You'll understand sex is simply a physical pleasurable thing and not what humans call, 'making love'.

"I know this is hard for you to understand now, since your perceptions are still human."

He looked up and saw the waitress tapping her order pad with her pencil, impatiently waiting for him to acknowledge her presence and to give her his order.

"I'm sorry. I guess I was lost in thought. I'll have a slice of apple pie with ice cream and a cup of coffee," he said.

And then the unthinkable happened when Alexis entered saying,

"Hey fucker what are you doing here this late."

He looked at Alexis's other part when he saw her wink when she held up a finger, as if to say,

"Watch this!"

Alexis wasn't able to see her spirit when she sat opposite him when it was apparent her soul was making itself known to her.

He saw the effects as her soul began to interface with her. Alexis appeared to be phasing back and forth from appearing vampire and human, as her face kept changing between her two separate identities.

Suddenly she grabbed her chest, where her heart was saying,

"What's happening to me Demetri? Something isn't right. Have you done something to me?"

She trembled, bowing her head forward, as though she was about to throw up when again he saw her phasing in and out of being human and vampire.

"Oh my," she said not knowing what was happening to her when he saw her tears.

"I think I just had a revelation of some sort. I can feel what its like to love now; as though I've been given some insight."