tagHumor & SatireDesert Island Delights

Desert Island Delights

byLightpen©

(This is dedicated to my own gorgeous Princess.)

The story so far:-

He had been a corporate executive for many years, but the time came for our hero to retire. Now a widower, he decided that it would be a great opportunity to take a well-earned vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life. That is until one night, as he slept peacefully - the ship sank.

Somehow, he was never able to explain how, he managed to wash up onto an island. After exploring as far as he thought a man reasonably could, he concluded that it was deserted; there were no other people, no supplies, nothing - only bananas and coconuts.

His cell phone didn't pick up a signal and the battery soon ran down anyway, so he could no longer even use it to play games. He missed contact with his friends so much - more than he would ever have dreamed possible.

A couple of times a day, he would climb a fairly high rock to look for any passing ships, but he never spotted any. One thing he'd found in his pocket was a book of matches off the ship. Having 'wasted' one to determine that - amazingly - they still worked, he wrapped them in leaves and hid them away, safely. He built a big bonfire on the top of a little rise, intending to use it as a signal fire if ever a ship came in sight.

After about four long and lonely months, he is going crazy with boredom. Lying on the beach one day, he thinks he may be going mad and his eyes are deceiving him when he notices movement out on the water. Sitting up, he stares in disbelief as the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. He runs down to the shore to meet her and asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I just rowed round from the other side of the island. I landed there several weeks ago when my cruise ship sank. I thought it was about time I explored the rest of the island to see if there were anything else of interest around."

"You cannot tell how pleased I am to see you!" he tells her. "And you were really so lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of various things I found on the island. The oars were carved from branches of what I think is a gum tree. I wove together palm branches to shape the bottom, and the sides and stern came from the bark of a Eucalyptus tree. I noticed that the resin from a tree I didn't recognize baked hard when exposed to the sun. That provided for excellent waterproofing and sealing of the joints."

"But, where did you get the tools?" he queries. "It's pretty obvious to me that even a simple boat such as this would need some."

"Oh, that turned out to be no problem, at all," replied the woman. "On another part of the island, a very unusual layer of alluvial rock comes to the surface. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I made my tools from that and used those tools to make the necessary hardware I required. Once I had those, the rest was pretty easy."

The guy is plainly stunned.

The woman gives a little smile. "Let's row over to my place," she says.

He follows her and climbs into the boat. "Anything I can do?" he asks, already certain that she will have it all in hand.

"Well now," she answers, "it will be easier if you steer, while I row."

He sat in the stern, manned the tiller and watched her in continuing awe. After some time of powerful rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls out off the boat at the shock he gets.

There before him is a stone walkway leading to an exquisite little house painted in green and white, blending nicely with its surroundings. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.

She leads the way and as they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please - sit down and make yourself comfortable. Would you like to have a drink?"

"No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed. "I don't think I can take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, this is not coconut juice," the woman tells him, with a saucy wink. "I soon got tired of that, too. So, I made myself a little still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and have a shave? I'm sure you'll find everything you need in the bathroom. There is a razor in the cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man makes his way to the bathroom. Sure enough, there in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to sharp edges are very cleverly fastened on to its end. He takes his time and gets his first shave in months. "This woman is astounding," he muses, splashing on some appealing cologne. "What other surprises will she have in store?"

When he returns to the lounge, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've obviously been lonely. I'm sure there's something you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?" She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing.

"You mean ." he swallows excitedly and tears start to well up in his eyes.

- - - - - - - - - - -

"I can actually phone home from here?"

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