Despair & Desire Ch. 01

"Stop that!" she said and leaned back against the pillows. "If I want to share something with you I will. What I'm thinking belongs to me until I give it."

"I'm sorry," Leland said and sat down again. "But I'm trying to understand what led up to this. In a way it's easier for me to just read you. That's rude and pushy of me so I won't do it again without your permission."

"Thank you," she said and studied him. His hair was a dark tan, a little long at the back and sides. It was the type of hair that beckoned a woman's hands to run through it. His chest and forearms told her that he worked out and had bulked a bit with weights. He was tall; she knew that from when he was standing in the doorway, he only had a few inches before his head would touch the top of the door frame.

As her eyes traveled him she saw that his breathing had picked up a bit. She lingered over his hands. What harm would it do to imagine him using those hands on her, to feel someone touch her for once in passion and not pity?

"Miranda," he said drawing her eyes back up to his face. "You need to stop with those kinds of thoughts. I can stop with most everything, but I can't stop ones of intensity. Especially ones that are going the lines that yours are now."

"I'm sorry," she said as she turned away in shame. She had forgotten he said he could read her. In the moment of looking at him he was a magnet for those kinds of thoughts. Of course he wouldn't think of her that way. It was probably an insult to him to have someone like her leering at him.

"Miranda," he whispered close to her ear.

She turned back to him and saw he had come closer to her. She hadn't even heard him move this time.

"You don't know what turns me on. So I'm telling you that you do. I stopped your thoughts because if they had continued I'd be fired in the next ten minutes for doing exactly what you were thinking of."

She saw the truth of it in his eyes, heard it in his voice. Restrained passion was pumping off of him.

"Why?" she asked him.

He moved his hands to her hair, tangling his fingers in its dense beauty. "You are the most beautiful, sexy woman I have ever met. If you were in a restaurant, bar, or even the mall, I would go out of my way to get to be with you."

"I..." she didn't know what she could say to that.

He leaned in and brushed a gentle kiss across her cheek. Pleased that she didn't pull away he did it again on her other cheek. When her breath caught and her heart beat picked up he couldn't resist traveling to her lips. He took advantage of her shocked gasp and kissed her deep and fast.

Oh sweet Jesus, was all she could think clearly. His hands tensed in her hair, but it was a pleasant ache. His taste was a quick addiction. The feeling of his mouth crushed to hers sent her senses reeling. She reached up and gripped his shoulders.

She was losing ground with him. He would own her if she didn't stop him.

She pulled away gasping as he stared down at her swollen lips. Again she couldn't understand him. Why would he be like this with her?

Leland forced himself to relax enough to sit again. If she hadn't broken the kiss when she did he would have done more than just kiss her. His groin was aching to be inside her. He wanted to tease and taste every inch of her. But if he had done what he was desperate to do, then he really would be fired.

"How do you get me to feel this way?" she asked as she looked up at him.

"I want you," he said as he moved back. If he stayed this close to her he wouldn't be able to resist her. "So it comes out when I touch you." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth either. The truth would scare her away from him. And he didn't want that.

Melinda wasn't sure she believed it. But she couldn't deny the fact that she felt an incredible pull towards him.

"Have you thought about talking to me Miranda?" he said as he sat down carefully. His erection was painful in his slacks.

Reality crashed down on her. "Why should it matter now?" she asked as she turned her head in shame.

"Everything about you matters to me," he said as he reached out and picked up her hand. When she didn't pull away he took it as a good sign.

"You don't know me," she whispered. "I'm so stupid and fat. How could you even stand to look at me?"

The pain she felt twisted in his gut, and had him growling again, "You are not stupid. You are everything I want."

"No I'm not. I can never do anything right, I fail at everything I do. Even this," she said and held her arm up to look disgustedly at it. "I can't even kill myself without screwing it up." Tears began to roll down her cheeks, silently telling her internal turmoil.

"Miranda," he warned as he felt his wolf running in his head. He understood his frustration at having nothing to fight against, no one to defend her from other than herself. The more she berated herself the more agitated he became and tried to come forward. It took all Leland's will to get his wolf to understand what depression was.

When she turned she saw his eyes swirling with anger. She turned fully and watched as they changed to an amber then back to his normal caramel. She had been so distracted with her thoughts that she had not notice his agitation until now. Was he really angry over her?

"Why are you angry?" she asked as she watched him carefully.

Leland shook his head, trying to shake his wolf back in line. There were too many sensations running through him, fear, anger, hurt, helplessness all warred inside them and his wolf wanted out to prove to his mate that she was more than she thought. That she belonged somewhere; belonged to him just as he belonged to her.

"I can't explain it properly. But I know that you are so much more than you think. You do have someone who cares and wants nothing but your happiness."

"Oh really," she said in a snide huff, "You couldn't prove that to me. If I was cared for like you say then where the hell has this person been? There isn't any way that if they were here and cared then why not let me know they were there?" Her anger spiking as each word passed her lips. Just the thought of someone having been there and not shown her they were there told her they were a coward.

Leland's wolf responded to her anger, he felt the need to make her submit, but he pushed it back. He wasn't handling this well and he didn't want to fight with her.

"I'm sorry," he said and came closer to her. He could feel waved after waved of hurt and anger pouring off her. He had to calm her down; if he didn't then he wouldn't be able to stop his wolf from responding.

"That's not what I meant," he said gently. "I said I couldn't explain it and it's true. It has nothing to do with what the words are, but more with that I can't use them properly. When I said that you do have someone who cares I meant me." With that said he moved to her bed and sat on the edge.

"That's impossible," she said as she stared at him. "You just met me, and worse I'm a nut case."

"No you're not," he said and touched her hand. He lifted it to his lips and lightly kissed her bandages, "This is nothing but an emotional outburst. You are a strong and wonderful woman. There can be no one who would be more interesting and attractive to me." He moved her hand so he could kiss her palm.

Miranda sucked in a hiss of breath at the contact. He was so gorgeous, centered, and ready for life. She was swimming in his scent as he stayed close to her. How could she explain to herself how one second she was ready to fight and the next she was turned on to the point of dragging him down to her; needing him more than she needed air.

"How does that keep happening?" she asked. There had to be a logical reason for the way he attracted her. Was it as simple as biology, or was there something more?

He knew what she was asking, and he didn't insult her by pretending not to.

"I will tell you everything I can when you are stronger," he told her. At the look in her eyes that said she would start to argue he added, "Not until you are stronger."

Her eyes flashed for a second, making him think she was still going to push, but then her lower lip poked out in a small pout and he nearly lost it. He wanted so bad to take that lip and bite it, but those urges led to ones that would get him in to trouble with his superiors here.

"You're cute when you pout," he told her and teased her lips with his finger.

She straightened, and nipped his finger with her teeth, "I don't pout."

Lust filled his groin at her bite. Good god he never wanted anyone the way he wanted her. Unable to resist the pull of her any more he leaned down and captured her lips in a bruising kiss. His hands fisted in her hair to draw her closer.

The tug in her hair made Miranda's blood soar through her veins. She'd been kissed before but no one before this had ever lost control as Leland was. His need for her was on his tongue as he tasted her, his lust evident in his hands as they yanked her head back further to get a better angle and kiss her deeper. Her hands went to his shoulders and she pulled him in tighter to her.

"Ahem," someone coughed from the doorway.

They jolted apart like guilty teenagers and stared at the nurse that had walked in. Leland knew her as one of the pack omegas and saw the smirk that spread across her face. He glared at her and growled low as she approached. When she straightened and the look disappeared he eased back into the chair.

'So you found your mate,' she said to Leland's mind as she walked into the room. She was just coming on shift and had dismissed the musings of the other omegas as just chatter, at least until she had walked into the room and saw Leland on the edge of taking her.

'That's right Myra,' he said in a huff, 'I expect the best of care for her.'

'As if I would do any less,' she said and huffed back at him.

Leland was instantly contrite. 'Sorry, it's just...'

'I know,' she said gently, 'I'll take care of her Leland. I swear it.'

"Hello there," Myra said as she stepped up to the bed, "My name is Myra. I'm your nurse for the day shift. Are you feeling any pain today?"

If you considered the ache in her womanhood pain, then yeah she was in a heap of pain. "Not really." What she really wanted was to feel Leland again, pressed tight to her, filling her, making everything else she felt go away.

Leland heard her thoughts loud and clear, his cock stretched painfully in his jeans and he shifted to try and release the pressure. 'I want that too baby,' he thought and tried to get comfortable. He knew she couldn't pick up his thoughts but the second he thought it she looked over to him and her eyes darkened as though she had. He was a little shocked as she smiled at him. Had she heard him?

"Well then we'll make you a bit more comfortable with some fresh food at lunch and some new linen. Is there anything special you would like, a book, magazines?"

Her interest was piqued, "What kind of books?"

"Whatever kind you like," Myra said.

'The Kama Sutra is a good book,' Leland thought to Myra. He shrunk back a bit at her quick and pointed look at him. In the pack he was her superior, but here she was his. It made for a confusing relationship for them at its conflictions, but they swore to each other that they would keep them separate.

'Will you please try to keep those thoughts to yourself,' she told him.

'Sorry Myra,' he answered.

Myra smiled at Miranda, waiting for her answer.

Miranda was unsure of what she saw passing through the two of them.

"Something with some action in it, maybe a thriller," she said and saw the smile spread on Leland's face. "What?"

"Nothing," he said innocently. "I just like your choice."

"Hmm," she said and leaned back. She was feeling a bit tired now. Her eyes began to drift down. She fought it and snapped them back open. "Why am I so tired right now?" she asked Myra.

"It's your pain medication," Myra explained. "It'll do that to you until you don't need it anymore." She moved to pull the sheet and blanket up a little more and tucked her in like she was one of her cubs. "Let it work. You should feel better tomorrow," she said. She straightened and looked at Leland.

"I suppose that there's no use telling you that you should leave," she said matter-of-fact.

"Nope," he answered and smiled.

"Let her rest," Myra said and left the room.

"Why do I get a feeling that you two are more then what I see?" Melinda asked.

"Well," Leland said and leaned forward, "She's technically my supervisor when I'm on duty, but outside the hospital she's my friend," he answered as best he could. He didn't say that in the pack he was her boss.

Miranda frowned; somehow she knew that his answer wasn't everything. That he was keeping something from her, but why he did she didn't know. As her eyes began to drift down again he stood and leaned over her.

"Sleep Miranda," he said and brushed a quiet kiss over her brow and temple.