Despair & Desire Ch. 02

Leland watched as Miranda's eyes drifted closed one more time and stayed closed. She sighed in her sleep and turned so that she was facing Leland. He returned to his seat and watched her through the long morning. She would scratch at her bandages from time to time but then settle again.

He quietly watched and waited for any signs that she would need him to wake her but she stayed content. Four hours later Leland woke her for her lunch and Myra came back in to check her vitals and to secure her bandages.

"Try not to scratch at these Miranda," she said as she put fresh tape on them.

"Sorry," Miranda said meekly, "I didn't know that I was."

"Ah, pesky sleep scratching," Myra chuckled understanding her.

When Myra left again Miranda turned to Leland

"Why are you still here?"

"I don't need to be anywhere else," he said and leaned forward, "I need to be here." With that said he tapped her table, "Eat honey. You need your strength."

Miranda reached for her fork and pulled the table a little closer. It felt strange to be eating in front of him without him having something. So she cut off half her ham sandwich and offered it to him.

Understanding her he took it, "Thank you."

Miranda ate quietly watching him, as he watched her eat. She wasn't completely sure as to why she was so at ease with him. Ever since she first woke up here it was like he belonged here. But of course he worked here and that could be the reason. But it didn't explain why, when he bit into the sandwich, that she felt a sense of pride that he was liking what she gave him.

"Don't think so hard Miranda," Leland said to bring her attention back from her internal debate.

"I like thinking," she said and leaned back. She looked at her plate and saw that she had finished all of it. She pushed the table away and tried to get comfortable with her bandages as they were feeling a bit tight.

"What's wrong?" Leland asked as he removed the table.

"I think the bandages are too tight. They're not comfortable."

Leland leaned over and pressed the nurse's button. "Myra will be back in a second and she'll look at them."

"Ok," she answered and turned to look out the window. She found that looking at him too long made her thoughts turn to the carnal images that he was distracted by earlier. And he was being so nice and attentive to her. She didn't want to insult him.

"Miranda," Myra said as she came in the room, "Is there anything wrong?"

"My bandages," she told her and held up an arm for her. "They're bothering me."

"Well let's take a look," Myra said and came closer. After testing the bandage and the new tape she made her decision. "It's time to change them anyway so we'll take care of that. Be back in a minute."

When they were alone again Leland pulled his chair closer.

"Why do you keep looking away from me?"

Miranda startled a little then turned to look at him. "Don't you already know?"

"You told me not to read you, and I'm not. I always keep to my word."

Shame hit her at her tone towards him. He was so kind to her and had only done as she asked and she was trying to use it against him. It wasn't right and she knew it.

"I'm sorry," she said and looked down at her hands. "That wasn't fair. You have been nothing but nice to me and all I can seem to do is snap at you."

"There's nothing to apologize for Miranda," Leland said. "You are and will be a little emotionally drained for a while. I understand it and you, so you can't hurt my feelings," he told her. 'That is unless you say you won't mate with me,' he thought. But he couldn't and wouldn't push himself on her when she was still so traumatized.

"You're too nice to me Leland," she said. "I should be locked away in a padded room and you know it just as well as I do."

"I know no such thing Miranda," he said and leaned in closer to her. "I will help you through this Miranda. You can and will see that you have more than you know on your side."

"You can't know or understand what I feel Leland, how long I've been so alone, so tired. There's nothing left for me. You wouldn't have even known me if I hadn't tried to kill myself and failed." Miranda was getting more and more agitated with every word. Even to herself she sounded pathetic and more like a person that needed to be watched every second, waiting for the moment she would try again and possibly succeed.

Leland watched the tears form and the color rise in her cheeks. How do you fight this deep sense of hatred she had for herself? His wolf paced and howled in his mind. He wanted to jump out and show her that she was wanted, needed in more ways than she could imagine. With each word Miranda said against her own state of mind he wanted nothing more than to roll her over and bite her, change her, show her there was more, that she belonged here.

"Miranda; you need to stop talking like you don't matter to anyone. You matter to me. I want you, need you in my life. Maybe we didn't meet the way either one of us would have liked, but we have now." He touched her cheek and brushed away the tears that had spilled down them. All he could do was to keep talking, to try and convince her that he was staying with her, that he was going to support her.

"What's going on here?" Myra asked as she came back to the room, "Why is my patient upset?" she asked as she looked at Leland.

Leland looked up at Myra with such a look of pain and indecision that Myra blinked in confusion. In all their years she had never seen such a lost look on his face.

"It's my fault," Miranda said quickly at the accusation in Myra's eyes. "I was upsetting myself. Leland was trying to help me feel better."

Now Myra understood the look in his eyes. She had many patients that had made her feel that she wasn't making any progress in getting through to them. She could also see that his wolf was close to the surface, and that was not a good thing at this stage.

"Leland, can you leave us for a little while please?" Myra asked as gently as she could.

"Why?"

"You need to eat and rest," she told him.

"I had half a sandwich," he said and kept his eyes on Miranda.

Miranda looked over at him shocked and knew that he hadn't moved or slept while she was here, that he had stayed while she slept and watched over her. A wave of unexpected pleasure came up and washed over her lonely heart and it pumped so hard and fast she gasped from it. More than affection, more than lust, she felt connected to him. She had never known what love felt like so she imagined that this must be what it feels like when it starts.

"Can he stay please?" she practically begged. "We can make room for a bed for him can't we?"

When Miranda turned those sweet eyes on Myra there was no question in Myra's mind that she had just fallen hard for Leland. There would be no way to say no to her.

"Let me change your bandages and we'll see what we can do." With that said she cut away the old bandages from Miranda wrists, cleaned the wounds, and wrapped them up with clean cloths. "I'll be back in a little while," she said and turned to Leland. "You at least sit back and rest and I'll send more food in."

"I will," Leland said and smiled up at her.

"Sure," Myra said and walked out of the room.

Leland saw the tracks on Miranda's cheeks from the tears. He stood and went into the bathroom and got a wash cloth and soaked it the water. After wringing it out he went back to her side and sat on the edge of the bed. He gently wiped away the evidence of her crying.

Miranda touched his hand and looked into his eyes. He was such a gentle man, so tender to her. She didn't care now what had brought her here to him. She wanted to be with him, wanted to touch him, love him for the rest of her life.

"Leland," she said as she watched him.

"Shh," he said as he finished cleaning her face. "You don't have to say anything right now. I need you to rest, get stronger."

She put her hands on his cheeks and knew he was trying his best not to read her mind, to follow through on his promise. She was certain that he could see her emotions running over her face. She had only been good at hiding the depression, but this she was certain would show.

"Leland," she said and smiled at him, "I want you to read me now," she said and when he hesitated she added, "Please."

She let all her thoughts all her emotions run out of her, trying to show him as best she could that things changed for her. That he changed them for her. That his steady vigilance meant more to her that she could ever put to words.

Leland reared back from the onslaught of her thoughts and emotions. Her heart was in her eyes; her thoughts claimed his soul and made his wolf howl in pleasure. She was theirs, and she trusted them not to hurt her.

"My god Miranda," he said breathless. He leaned down and kissed her. He couldn't have stopped himself even if he had tried. Everything he had went into his kiss, he loved her and now he knew she loved him back. She would be his before the next full moon, he was sure of it.

When he pulled back he saw how close she was to submitting to him, and it took all his strength to keep from mounting her and mating her in that instant.

"I need you in my life Miranda," he said as he stroked her cheek. "But I can wait until you're stronger."

"I'll do my best to heal quickly," she said back as she nuzzled his neck. She had this quick flash of biting his neck. Not just a love bite; but a hard, blood drawing tear. She flinched back and wondered where that had come from. Was she losing her mind from all these up and down emotions?

Leland knew what had just happened. He had involuntarily showed her his desires and she saw what he wanted her to do when they mated. He needed to be careful with that until she fully understood who he was, and what their life was going to involve.

"You need to rest," he said gently and adjusted her pillows for her.

She settled back and was still worried over the vision. "Leland what..."

"Shh," he said and laid his lips over hers. He didn't want her to think too much on what she had seen. "Just sleep honey. I'll wake you when it's time for dinner."

"What about you?" she asked, "You need to sleep too. I can see you're worried about me. I promised I won't do anything to hurt myself again. I keep my promises."

"I know you will," he said and kissed her forehead. "I'll rest when you do."

"How?" she asked then got a sly look in her eyes, "Unless I make room."

Leland chuckled, "I'll get a cot and lay down next to your bed."

"Oh," Miranda said a bit disappointed.

"Ah now pouting again," Leland said and gave her a love bite on her lower lip.

Miranda sucked in a gasp. "No," she said and bit him back, "I don't pout," she said repeating her earlier statement.

Leland's body and wolf responded to her aggressiveness. His alpha was right and he should have been ashamed for thinking otherwise. She was responding to him so quickly and so fully that waiting was killing him.

"Go to sleep," he told her and sat back down in the chair.

"Ok," she said and shifted so she could watch him as her eyes drifted shut. He was so handsome and he wanted her. There couldn't be a better thought in her head as she gently fell asleep.



Leland waited until he heard her breathing slow to the normal deep sleep before he went down to the supply room and retrieved a cot, blankets, and a pillow. He returned and set up his sleeping arraignments for the next couple nights. He felt a quick poke in his head and he turned to see his alpha bitch in the door. He glanced quickly back at Miranda and then bent down in respect.

"Leland," she whispered and turned to exit the room.

He followed her out and they headed to the waiting room.

"She seems to have calmed down today," Junice said.

"Yes," Leland said and smiled.

"Your constant faith in her has done that," Junice agreed.

"She understands that I am not going anywhere without her," he looked into Junice's eyes, "She loves me."

Junice smiled brighter and placed a tender hand to his shoulder. "I'm happy for you Leland. When she is stronger you bring her to meet your family."

"That will be in another day, maybe day and a half," he said and his look turned grim, "She lost a lot of blood before they found her. If they hadn't she would have died there in her own bath tub."

"Leland," Junice said and squeezed his shoulder. "You didn't lose her. She's right there in that room safe and sound. And we will all see that she is happy from this day forward. We will all love her as she deserves."

"I know that," he said and turned to look down the hall towards Miranda's room. "I just hope she will accept us."

"She will;" Junice assured him, "You know how she feels towards you, and she will share those feelings with our family.

Something in Miranda's mind ticked inside Leland's. He turned to concentrate more on her; her mind was a riot of desperate feelings. He turned back to his alpha bitch.

"Go," she said and pushed him in the direction of Miranda's room, "We'll talk again later."

Leland quickly bowed and ran to Miranda. When he entered she was moaning and thrashing in the bed. When he rushed up to her bed her dreams penetrated to him. They had turned to deep lustful dreams that had her sex releasing its addictive smell. Her arousal made is wolf go crazy, howling and begging to be let out and take his mate. It took all of Leland's reasoning to get him to understand that she was dreaming, but it did little to soothe his own reactions. His cock hardened and he wanted so bad to lay with her and hold her.

"Leland," she moaned in her sleep.

He almost lost it. She was dreaming about him, possibly even dreaming about them making love, or Luna help him, even mating. Her thrashing increased and she abruptly turned to her stomach and leaned back on her hands and knees. He had to stop her, had to wake her up. But there was no denying the absolute hunger that gripped him. The sight of her on her hands and knees had his wolf rushing forward and Leland was just barely able to stop him from coming completely out.

She moaned louder and clutched at the sheets. Before he knew what happened, she buried her face in the mattress and screamed her release. Her juices flowed out and stung the air. Leland took a deep breath, his wolf begging to bury his nose in her sex. Not yet, he told him, but soon. Slowly she moved back down to the mattress.

When Leland found his senses again he saw a dark stain on the sheets. He moved and turned on the light above her bed. He jolted upright when he saw that it was blood. He pushed the emergency button and he reached down and as gently as he could he lifted her hand. The bandages were soaked in her blood. He gently began to wake her and he helped her to turn back over.

Myra rushed in a second later. "What's wrong?" she asked as she rushed to Miranda's bed. She saw the blood and looked at Leland. "How did this happen?"

"Miranda was dreaming and I didn't see the blood until after she had calmed," Leland explained. He didn't want to add the nature and reasons for her thrashing.

The night resident rushed in, "What's happening nurse?" he asked as he stepped up.

"Looks like an accident Doctor," Myra said.

Miranda having fully awakened at this point looked down and panicked. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said as she began to shake.

"It's not your fault," Leland said and brushed her hair back. "You were dreaming honey," he told her.

"We'll fix you right up Miranda," Myra said and stroked her arm trying to comfort her.

"Can you tell us what the dream was about?" the doctor asked as he apply pressure to her wrists. "Nurse we'll need fresh bandages and bring me more sutures."

"Yes doctor," Myra said and left the room.

"Leland, apply pressure to the other wrist please," the doctor said. He had recognized him as an interning c.n.a. and was not going to turn down the extra hands.

"Yes doctor," Leland said and did as he was instructed; first grabbing a couple clean cloth's for them both.

"Well, Miss Cook," the doctor said again, "What was the dream about?"

"I'm sorry," Miranda said as she still shook. "I don't remember."

Leland kept quiet. He knew exactly what she was dreaming but knew that to say so would embarrass her.

"That's alright," the doctor said and gently removed the soaked bandages.

Myra rushed back in with the supplies and coaxed Miranda to look at her. "Just listen to me Miranda," she said and talked gently to her as the doctor removed the torn stitches and injected a local anesthetic in the wounds.

Leland moved closer to Miranda, "Miranda," he whispered. He didn't like the ashen look in her skin or the way she was tightly squeezing her eyes shut. When she didn't move, he tried again. "Miranda look at me," he said again.

She turned to look at him and slowly opened her eyes. "I'm here," he whispered and touched her forehead. She was moist from the stress of trying not to see what was happening. "I'm not leaving. We'll get through this together." When she stared into his eyes she looked to be ready for some great secret to pop right out of her. Then she smiled and turned her face to cuddle his hand.

"Thank you," she said and continued to take in his scent and strength. She drew it in like water, never feeling that she had enough of him inside her. There was a step she was missing. She knew it, but she couldn't figure out what step it was she needed to take. She was keeping her promise yes, but not just for him anymore, for her just as much. She was seeing a turn in her life, one that she never thought would come.

"Ok all done," the doctor said.

"You did great Miranda," Myra said.

When she looked down she saw the fresh bandages and smiled up at them.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," the doctor said and moved to leave, "Now no more active dreams. We don't want to have to do this all over again."

"I'll do my best," she agreed.

"I'll have the on duty nursing assistant come in and change your sheets," Myra said.

"Ok," Miranda answered and turned back to watch Leland. He never took his eyes off her, never wavered in his support, and she was more than willing to share everything she was with him. She barely heard the doctor and Myra leave.

"Did you sleep?" she asked him as he moved his seat closer to her.

"I was finishing putting my cot together when my... boss called," he said by way of telling her the majority of the truth. "She and I were talking when I felt you being disrupted in your sleep."

"You can feel it when I'm dreaming?" She thought about her dream now that her head was clear and she was no longer frightened. Then she remembered what it was she had been dreaming; the heat and lust she felt as she dreamed of what it would be like to be with him in such a human and satisfactory way. She felt the heat rising to her cheeks when she realized that he had to have known what she was dreaming.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about Miranda," he said gently and lightly took her hand in his. "It's natural to want that level of closeness," he assured her.

"But I..." she couldn't say that she had an orgasm over a dream.

"Trust me," he said and kissed her hand. "It's all I want too. I want to feel you ready for me, to feel you wrapped around me in pleasure. Most of all I want to feel myself buried so deep inside you that you will never want anything more in your life."

His words caused her stomach to tighten and a tingling starting deep inside her. He wanted her, was all she could think. He wanted what all men wanted from small petite women, but with her. In her lustful dream he was teaching her everything he liked, and showing her what it was to gain pleasure in his touch and his kiss.

"I want you inside me," her hoarse whisper reaching his ears and he almost lost it yet again.