Did I Make The Cut? Ch. 04

The Naked Llama is back for the fourth installment of this story. I want to say thank you to everyone who took the time to read the first three chapters, to everyone who voted, to everyone who left their comments and suggestions, and most importantly to the readers who inspires me to continue. I really like it when you guys let me know what your thoughts and reactions are every time a new chapter has been submitted, that's why I would like to encourage my beloved readers to leave more comments and send more feedbacks.

The third chapter was definitely a heavy and emotional one, and I received mixed reviews about it. But I'm still happy because that means somehow my characters had affected you and that also means I'm doing my job as a writer. It's better having those comments and reactions than none, right? We're getting closer to the end of this series but don't worry because I plan to right some more. If that's what you guys want. Do you want that? Spraying my love to everyone as always!

*

"Your dad said I can start working next Monday." Levi said with a smile as bright as his younger brother's. They don't look exactly the same, but you can still identify and distinguish their similarities and would be able to tell that they are siblings. Levi has the same light brown hair and bushy eyebrows, and his eyes are a lighter shade of blue. His nose is busted though, and he has a two inch scar across his left cheek. He got those from the bar fights that he got involved in each time he drinks too much. Every time Levi gets too much alcohol in his system he turns into a totally different person, a very crazy one. But that is all in the past now and he is no more an alcoholic. Lancelot and Lauren, the youngest of the three, sent Levi to a rehab last year and got sober ever since.

"Wow! That's great news Levi. I'm really happy for you." My step dad co-owns an auto shop and he needed a replacement for one of their workers that had to resign and move to another state because of a sick family member. James asked Levi earlier today if he would be interested in working for him as a car mechanic and the pure delight and excitement from the good news Levi had just received were written all over his face.

"I'm truly grateful that he had given me this opportunity. I really want to fix my life and this job is exactly what I need to start some progress in doing that."

"Being able to resist a few drinks from the free bar sounds a positive progress to me." I told him and he was laughing when I said it.

"Well I get tempted sometimes but I'm doing this for my family. I'm the eldest and with mom and dad gone, I'm supposed to be the one looking after them and not the other way around. Lauren already has two kids and Lancelot is a married man now, he can't take care of me anymore, he has to take care of you now. So, I guess it's time let go of my bad drinking habits and get my life straight."

I pulled Levi into a hug. "We'll always be here for you. Always remember that." I smiled as I felt his arms tighten around me, the warmth of his body close to mine. It felt good, not in a sexual and perverted way, it was actually more like hugging a family member. It's the pleasant, comfy feelings and security you get from just being close to the people you love. Levi is the older brother I never had and I really care for him as much as my husband does.

"Are you hitting on my spouse?"Lancelot asked his brother.

"What would you do then if I was really flirting with Niclas?"Both of his arms were still wrapped around me and he had no intention of letting me go. They always do this. Levi would joke around and pretend he is hitting on me to make his brother jealous while Lancelot would act like a possessive and controlling prick. Nothing serious, this is all for the sake of having fun.

Lancelot raised an eye brow and looked up to the night sky, pretending that he was really thinking of what would his possible actions be if Levi was telling the truth. "Oh that's easy, I'll get rid of you and put you back to rehab. Sober or not."He threatened.

Suddenly Levi took a step back and I was pushed towards Lancelot, my husband catching me in his arms. He pulled a white handkerchief out of his pocket and waved it in the air.

"I surrender! He's all yours, just don't make me go back there!" We can't stop ourselves from laughing so hard with what Levi had just said. He knows that place helped him a lot, but he would never dream of going back there for a second time around.

"But I thought you met someone there." I asked.

"She's just a flavor of the month. I might not be drinking anymore, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let go of my playboy image."He gave me a very seductive smile and winked at me. "I'm no Lancelot."

"You're twisted."My husband rolled his eyes at him.

"But seriously, I'd love to have what you have right now Lance, and no, I don't mean Niclas. What I meant is I want to find a special person, who can be able to make me settle down, whose face would be the last one I'd see before I go to sleep at night and the first one I'd see when I wake up in the morning." My brother-in-law is secretly a hopeless romantic. How cute.

"Are there any candidates?"

"Every single and available girl out there."He said with a smirk. "And maybe that cute guy over there." We all turned our heads towards the direction where Levi's finger was pointing at, curious to see who caught his attention. A guy wearing an expensive Dolce and Gabbana suit and a pair of Tom Ford shoes was seating by the bar all by himself, a glass of vodka in one hand.

"Frankie?" Lancelot and I said in disbelief. My brother-in-law is interested in my step brother.

"And since when have you been into guys Levi?" Lancelot asked.

"Since the moment I saw him. He's cute."Levi commented.

"That's Niclas' step brother. I thought you want to fix your life and find someone special to marry? Bro, I'm warning you, that guy is trouble."

"A challenge. I like challenges."

"I don't think you'd be able to tame his wild ways. He's a pain in the ass." I added. Frankie had changed a lot, but he's still the same person who sucked at relationships. No pun intended. None of his past relationships lasted for over a year because he gets easily bored with them. He would jump over from one hot guy to another and leave them all with their hearts broken. He's definitely not the marrying type.

"Really? I have a bigger pain in the ass." Levi looked at me and grabbed his crotch. "It's right here and I know exactly how to make him beg for it."

"Levi, let's not go there okay?"

Levi didn't say a word as he left the two of us and went towards the bar to introduce himself to Frankie. This is actually going to be interesting, but for the most part I knew this is going to be a big fucking mess.

"Don't say we didn't warn you!" I shouted but he didn't seem to care. He's a man on a mission.

"He can handle himself baby."Lancelot said. He has seen the worry in my eyes. Levi is important to me, not only because he is my husband's brother, but because if it hadn't for him, Lancelot would never be back in my life. Jessica made the first move to bring us closer, but it was Levi who was responsible for bringing us together. Without his intervention, I wouldn't be married to this wonderful guy beside me.

Speaking of the wedding, it was great. It was all I ever wanted and much, much more. My stepfather was the one who walked me down the aisle. Levi stood beside Lancelot as his best man and of course, Jessica was the maid of honor. Lancelot's family and my family were there to show us their love and support for the two of us. Charlotte and Saint were stunning on their outfits as always, almost stealing all the attention from us. Christian and Adriano were also there. They look perfect together and I was so happy when I found out they got engaged last month. All of our close friends and some of the people we know from the fashion industry came to witness our union. This is the happiest day of my life.

Tears welled up in my eyes when we got to the point where we had to say our vows to each other. I never thought I'd find true love, but the gold band on my finger proved me wrong.

***************

An hour and a half had passed and the blank pieces of paper that covered my desk still remained as the blank pieces of paper that they are. A few crumple ones were lying on the floor so I bent down to pick it all up and decided to be a big help to the environment by recycling them for later use instead of just throwing them away. I'm eco-friendly.

Then I was startled when out of nowhere Jessica appeared beside my desk. She was wearing the same pair of jeans that she wore the other day, following her very disgusting fashion rule, "if they're clean, leave them lying, if they're brown, wash it down". I wanted to comment on that but I got a little annoyed because of her attempt to give me a fucking heart attack.

"What are you doing in here?"She asked.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? In case you didn't know, there's this polite thing that you should do before going inside someone else's room, and it's called knocking."I said sarcastically.

"Well the door's open, and this is our house-"

"I know that I'm over staying. I suggested a lot of times that I should start looking for my own place."I snapped back at her. It's not that I'm not welcome here, it's just that I don't like that they had been stalling me from moving out because they think it's their responsibility to look after me. I know they were just being the ever caring and reliable friends that they are but for crying out loud, they didn't have to babysit a twenty-four year old gay guy.

"We've already talked about this honey, Michael and I think it's best if you stay here with us for a while."She said with a sigh. "C'mon, we're heading out to watch a movie, come join us. It would be fun."

I declined because I still have tons of work to do. You should know by now that Jessica is the type of person who wouldn't take no for an answer but she let me be this time. She gave me a hug before she left the house with her husband to meet up with Christian and Adriano. I was really busy with my new job these past weeks and I had no time to have a little fun for myself and go out with my friends. I miss hanging out with all of them. I miss Lancelot.

He still doesn't want to talk to me and I'm missing him so badly. I still haven't found a way to reach him and the only person I know that could help me had stopped talking to me, probably Lancelot found out and he made Levi stop communicating with me.

We only went out for one dinner but the connection and attraction were undeniably present between us. I can't seem to get his handsome face and his beautiful smile out of my mind and I knew that in a short span of time that I had fallen in love with the guy. It may sound impossible and others might think that it's not true, but my heart and my mind (and my cock too) are in unison that these feelings are more than an infatuation. I just wish I could be able to ask for his forgiveness and start all over again, make it right the second time. Speaking of starting all over again and doing something for the second time...

I looked up at the wall clock to see another fifteen minutes had gone to waste and I still hadn't accomplished anything. I tossed the pencil over my table and I started to get frustrated that I can't come up with new and fresh ideas for the designs I was supposed to illustrate. There are two reasons why I can't do it. First, I am not inspired. I've met a lot of young designers who boast that they don't need an inspiration when they are working on a project because they are good. That's bullshit. For a designer, or any artist, inspiration is the key to a successful creation. An iconic individual, an exotic country or a 1980's film. Anything could be a source of one's inspiration, but right now I simply have none of that. I tried browsing through different magazines, but there was nothing. I tried looking for a single picture that can inspire me from my travel and art books, and it turned out the same with the fashion magazines. I tried surfing the internet, but I ended up watching porn. Mike Roberts is fucking hot.

The second reason why I can't finish this task is because I wasn't in the mood to be in my usual creative and innovative self tonight. I'm tired, stressed and have a bad case of designer block. I had no other choice but to force myself to do new designs because the launch of the new men's wear line under Saint's name is in four months. All I have got is four months to create forty different looks. It's a good thing I've got lots of other designers and skilled tailors to help me or else I'm fucked up.

I was already done with this process two months ago when earlier this week Saint called me in his office to tell me that he wanted everything changed. I had to start all over because he said he wasn't impressed with the designs, that it didn't wow him. He also added that it was too simple and boring for his taste, and that something was missing. I know what's missing. His blood, all over my illustrations. (Enter violent thoughts here.)

I snapped back to reality and I reminded myself that I work in the fashion industry and situations like these were normal.

What pissed me off the most was the fact that we had already started working on the collection using the original designs we've made. Necessary materials and fabrics had been purchased already. What a waste of time and money. Well, it's his money anyway.

The ringing of the door bell broke me from my thoughts. I went out of room, wondering who the person on the other side of the door could be. It's definitely not Jessica and Michael, they have keys with them. I turned the knob to open the front door and was surprised to see Lancelot standing there.

"Hey...It's you."To say that I was shocked to see him was absolutely an understatement. I wasn't sure what to say, or what to do. I looked up and saw sadness and longing in his eyes. The spark that was usually there was gone. The look in his face was purely heartbreaking, and it really hurts because I knew it was my entire fault.

"Niclas. Can we... Uhm, I need to talk to you."

"Sure. Yeah, come inside." I let him into the house and led him to the living room. I tried to offer him anything to drink but he refused.

"Come sit beside me. Please." He patted the empty space beside him and I sat next to him. An awkward and uncomfortable silence followed after.

"How are you?" I asked, trying to break the tension.

"I'm not okay." He said without looking at me.

"I can see that." Lancelot definitely lost some weight. It's evident that he had not been eating properly and he hadn't been taking good care of himself. I'm not sure where this is going to, but I'm hoping that after this I'd be able to hold him in my arms, whisper words of love in his ear, and take care of him.

"You don't look good yourself."He commented.

"I'm just tired. I work for Saint now."

"That sounds good." He was still not looking at me. "My agency wants to send me to Milan."

Being able to model in one of the fashion capitals of the world is a rare opportunity to come by. We both know that this is big, that this break would be good for his career as a male model. Having an international career is every model's goal and not all models have the chance to work in Milan, Italy.

"So, you're here to say goodbye?" I still asked even though I fear so much of his answer. I didn't want him to go. I want him here, with me.

"I haven't decided yet. I want to. But, I don't think I can."

"What's stopping you?"I asked.

He didn't answer this time and he was suddenly silent again. I could see in his expressions that he was thinking.

"Lancelot."

"I talked to my brother today. I had no plans of telling you this, but he convinced me. He sent me here, he said I should tell you."

I waited for him to continue.

"That it has always been you."Lancelot whispered.

"What?" I didn't hear what he said.

"I said it has always been you."He repeated.

"I was always been what?"

He took a deep breath before responding to my question. "I'm in love with you, ever since we were in high school. I knew I was already gay back then, and I find you really, really attractive and interesting. But I didn't have the courage to ask you out..."

"Because you weren't out to anyone."

"Yes, nobody knew except Lauren."

I didn't know how to react. I can't believe that Lancelot Martin Simpson is in love with me. My heart was racing and my palms were starting to sweat. I was getting nervous but I definitely want to hear the rest of his revelations. He took my hand in his as he talked. "I tried to ignore my feelings for you at first, trying to tell myself that I'm only fascinated with the way you dress, that I'm only one of the many people who were impressed with your good taste in fashion."

I can't help but blush with what he said. He noticed it and for the first time this evening he smiled at me. Although the brightness his smile possessed was still not there, the fact that he was starting to smile again is a good sign.

"I tried dating other people, but every time I looked at their faces, it was yours I always see. My heart beats frenziedly when I see you. You have no idea how many times I got envy of Jessica because she always spends time with you." He paused for a while and continued. "Do you want to know when I truly realized that I'm deeply in love with you?"

"When?"

"Senior prom."He said.

Proms. Oh how I hate those. The only reason I went to those kinds of events that were primarily only for heterosexual couples to enjoy was because I can dress up.

"What about it?" I was curious and still can't fucking believe that this is actually happening.

"I was on the dance floor, with some red-headed chick whose name I can't remember anymore. I was dancing with her, but the whole time I was looking at you. You were all by yourself, watching all the couples on the floor. To others you seemed simply just bored, but when I looked closer I saw the sadness in your eyes. You didn't have a date, nobody was talking to you and no one was asking you for a dance. I didn't want seeing you like that. It broke my heart seeing you sad. From that moment on I promised to myself that I'd always make you smile."

He was telling the truth. I remember that it was a week after our senior prom when all of a sudden Lancelot, the basketball jock who rarely talked to me even though we had few friends in common, started greeting me and flashing his breathtaking smile at me every time we see each other at school. He wanted to make me happy, and I have to admit that that simple gesture of his made my remaining days in school complete.

"I decided that after the day of our graduation that I'd talk to you and confess my feelings for you, but when I came by to your house the next day, your mother told me that you had already left for New York. I hated myself for not being able to tell you the truth. I was afraid that I would never see you again, that I had lost you forever. But that fateful day happened." I knew what he was talking about. It was the day that we had model go-sees at work. The same day that brought Christian and Adriano together.

"When I saw you again after not seeing you for six years, everything that I used to feel for you, that I thought were already gone, came rushing back. I told myself that I will do everything to have you, to make you mine." He tightened his grip on my hand and I looked at him, holding his gaze.

"That's why you're here."I said. It was more of a statement than a question.

I want him to still want me. I'm never going to let him go and I have decided that I will fight for this. I have been fucking blind all this time. I've been searching for years, have been looking for that special someone and had been hurt many times because I searched at the wrong places. It was Lancelot all along. He's the one for me.