Dirty Weekend at Curl CurlbyEgmontGrigor2011©
Senior personal assistant Ella Rogers sighed and thought another **^?$#@ day at the office and this one could be as bad as it gets. She'd had four principals in five years, all female, and this one was a guy, who'd been due to arrive at the weekend from France.
God a male shaving while yelling what files he wanted downloaded and picking his nose as he read reports. Because he was coming from France he'd probably ask for frog leg sandwiches with his mid-morning coffee.
She adjusted a panty leg. Well at least she'd remembered to wear them.
Frog legs... holy #*^*.
She went to the kitchen and her mom served something that looked suspiciously like frog legs.
"I have no idea sweetheart. It was something I found in the freezer. Taste it and tell me what it is."
Ella turned to watch her father blindly aim his fork at his plate and manage to skewer something and it disappeared toward his mouth behind the newspaper he was reading.
"Frogs legs," she said.
Her father coughed and choked and something white and stringy came flying over the top of the falling newspaper, whizzed by Ella and landed over her mom's left eye.
"Charlie you asshole," Annie yelped. "If you don't like your breakfast just say so. There's no need to throw it at me."
Thirty -year old Ella, not wanting a kick in the backside, ghosted out of there before her parents noticed she was gone. Because they couldn't blame her for the incident, her parents were still yelling at one another when she left the house.
She laughed thinking how upset she'd been when eighteen months ago her husband of three years announced he wanted a divorce because he wished to marry his PA.
"Oh don't we get tizzy for all the wrong reasons?" she said, talking to herself again. "Malcolm and I proved to be entirely unsuitable for each other so why wasn't I jumping up and down in joy when he made that 'I want to marry a slut' announcement?"
She had no idea.
The bus was late arriving but the driver barged through against two sets of traffic lights as they were changing to red and she arrived at her desk in the offices of the Sydney law firm thirty seconds early.
As usual the HR manager took the new person around to everyone first, ending at Ella's desk and hour and fifteen minutes later, not that it mattered because Ella had found the leg of her panties only felt tight because the elastic in the other leg had snapped.
Well where was this new jerk who went by the odd name of Mr Husband? That must automatically mean he was married.
When they stopped at her desk Mrs Maddock said primly, "Ella this is your new superior, Mr Husband. He has met everyone who matters and now I leave Mr Husband in your capable hands.
Ella's hands twitched.
God she's like to get her hands around him. He was rather dishy.
"Hi may I take your coat?"
"I'm not wearing one," he said, eyeing her strangely.
"I thought you'd talk French. You have an American East Coast accent."
"Oh that's very astute of you."
"Many of the comedy films I see are set in Boston or New York."
"Oh very droll."
"No I meant comedies."
"Oh pardon me I thought..."
"Can it. That's just an example of Australian wit but it will be incomprehensible to you because you are American."
"Wow talking with you is like being put through the mill."
"That wasn't a compliment. I was being..." He stopped, catching her expression. "Oh another example of Australian humour I guess."
"You are a quick learner Mr Husband."
"Please call me Harvey."
"Oh wouldn't you prefer me to call you by your proper name?"
"Ah got you," Harvey cried triumphantly.
"No, I wasn't joking. I can't believe anyone would call their kid Harvey."
Harvey said stiffly, "Well my parents believed they were giving me a distinctive masculine name that went well with Husband."
"Oh Harvey I'm ashamed. I really had no intention of making an issue of your name. It just happened and I'm sorry, very sorry. At high school I was teased mercilessly, 'Where's your fella Ella?' 'Ella has a fella' and 'Ella is yella' but I learned to slap above my weight and here am I giving you stick. I apologize."
"Thanks for being sincere. No harm done."
"I'm so relieved. Come through and I'll show you to your office."
"Oh worried I might not find it? " Harvey joked, following Ella through the doorway and he chuckled when her hand came behind her to deliver a rude gesture.
* * *
Initially Harvey, a senior litigation lawyer, thought he'd scored the weirdest PA in the whole of Australia. She had a sexy laugh she used more often than not inappropriately, her humour was largely unfathomable, she told him filthy jokes expertly and claimed most Australian females would not be offended if he told them dirty jokes provided the c-word wasn't used. Further, she pulled up her stay-ups and would adjust a breast in her bra completely oblivious to him.
Harvey began thinking of asking for a replacement PA but when he thought back about her work he was rather astonished. It had been practically faultless and she was incredibly quick and already had picked up on some of his habits, could read his appalling handwriting and could remember his diary entries faster and more accurately than he could recall them. Moreover she was extremely hospitable with clients, talking like a woman to women, displaying the right touch of deference to older women and was delightful to listen to when whispering to older male clients their zip was at half-mast.
Ella appeared to know all 211 people on the payroll of Kingsley, Raymond and Welch, and probably was the only person in the building who did. She never failed to get him food from the company café when the notice said closed and the door was locked. Another thing Harvey had noticed was whenever a member of his team or someone from another department or even one of the partners approached his office, almost all would stop a chat to Ella and within moments she'd have them laughing.
Finally the penny dropped: Harvey became aware he had a most remarkable personal assistant, by far the best he'd ever had.
He also knew they were both divorced. Since his arrival in Australia he'd gone without sex and wondered with Ella being so lively so should have plenty of grunt in bed or over the end of the sofa. He licked his lips and accepted if he did wish to touch her it would have to be out of the office to avoid both of them being fired.
So what to do?
During the morning coffee break he said, "Would you mind if I changed your lunch hour to 1:00? Everyone requiring service from a law office knows not to call between 1:00 and 2:00."
"Yeah okay providing you clear it with the office manager first."
"Thelma Fields. You were introduced when you first arrived and she was in here twice during your first week here asking if everything was okay."
"Oh the redhead?"
"She calls herself auburn."
"Christ is there anything you don't know?"
Ella smiled and said she didn't know why he wished to change her lunch hour.
He coloured and she looked at him disbelievingly.
"Christ you're after a piece of me."
Harvey nodded so he wouldn't have to answer aloud.
He then decided to explain. "I wish to get to know you better and thought we could occasionally have lunch together unless you wished to get away from me."
She eyed him fearlessly.
"Um every day unless you have other priorities."
She pushed him to the hilt but he was more than up to it.
"Would you come shopping with me if I were to buy new lingerie?"
"Yes of course but only if I were allowed in the try-out booth with you?"
She laughed but didn't attempt to press to embarrass him. Instead she came right out with it.
"Do you wish to date me?"
"Why do you ask?"
She spluttered, "Christ turning a question into a question is so typical of lawyers. I know you don't know many people in Sydney yet."
He smiled and said that was an intelligent answer and she sniffed and said she was unaware there had been any other suitable response.
He sighed and thought she may have made a great litigation lawyer judging by the way she thought and how quickly she could be on her feet.
She then behaved liked the compleat PA. She said she'd call Mrs Fields and say Mr Husband wished to see her. "She's much less authoritarian face-to-face than when on the phone."
Jesus wasn't there anything she didn't know?
Ella returned and said, "Thelma Fields resigned this morning. Her doctor phoned and she requires urgent admission to hospital for treatment for invasive cancer. Oh the poor woman."
"Yes that's must be dreadful for her. Does she have a family?"
"Yes, her husband is an air traffic controller at the airport and two children are at university."
Late that morning Harvey was at a meeting of senior lawyers chaired by the managing partner and discussing workloads, when the chairman announced the sudden resignation of Mrs Fields.
"We have decided not to accept her resignation because she may well end up being able to work again. We will review the situation in six months. In the meantime we are looking around urgently to make an internal appointment as acting office manager. Does anyone have suggestions?"
Two of the lawyers offered names that didn't appear to excite interest and then Harvey said, "I am willing to give up my PA Ella Rogers. She has a business degree and knows everyone in this entire building."
Ralph the senior partner said, "Oh yes, Ella."
Harvey said truthfully although Ella was super-efficient, she was flawed because she was abrasive and had an irreverent attitude and told dirty jokes.
"Yes but she tells those jokes diplomatically," Leon said. "I'll talk to Ella and if she accepts the temporary position I have her pick out someone from general office to be her replacement for you Harvey."
"Thank you but please make sure I get Ella back eventually. She works brilliantly for me."
When Harvey returned to his office he said in Mrs Field's absence he was authorizing Ella's change in lunch hour beginning today. "Um Leon Black will be calling you to his office. At the meeting when he was discussing the need to find a temporary replacement internally for Mrs Field, I suggested you."
"Don't be surprised. You'll cruise into that job and you have a deputy to show you're the ropes."
Ella looked dismayed and asked, "Don't you want me as your PA?"
"I told Leon I want you back if you wish to return when your time is done as temporary office manager. The position places you in senior management and so if you pester me to have an affair with you while you are in that position, we can do so with immunity because I wouldn't be seducing an office insubordinate."
Ella grinned and said in a hugely faked Australian accent, "God you're a real slimy bastard working this out for your benefit, um your potential benefit."
During lunch Ella said Leon hadn't called her.
Harvey said Leon would first wish to get the partners together to discuss the matter.
"I need to talk about this affair you seem so keen about Harvey. I must state I haven't had sex with a guy for months."
He said "Me too" and Ella had to clap her hand over her mouth she was laughing so much. Harvey quickly corrected himself and said he'd been almost two months without A WOMAN.
They both had chicken salad and a glass of wine.
He said seriously, "I think we should date and see how we go rather than rush into it."
She nodded in agreement.
He decided to take the risk and said he was eager to get at her breasts.
Ella chewed silently for a few seconds and then said, "I bet" and appeared pleased by his huge grin.
That afternoon an all-staff memo announced that office manager Mrs Fields, who'd been with the firm 27 years, had taken extended sick leave. Ella Rogers had been appointed acting office manager, effective forthwith. The message stated the partners were delighted the very talented Miss Rogers had agreed to step into that senior administrative role.
Earlier Ella had returned from being interviewed by the staff committee very excited and said, "I've got the position with a huge salary boost. Oh I'm so happy and this is all because of you."
"No way, obvious talent always rises. You would have been assessed and selected without doubt."
He grinned and for a moment thought he was about to be kissed.
Ella returned later and said, "I called mom and she's do excited as well. I told her you were the instigator and she has invited you to dinner tonight."
He said cautiously that was nice.
Harvey drove up the driveway in the demo Lexus IS 350, the model he was thinking of buying.
A balding guy came out of the detached double garage carrying two bottles of red wine and smiled and said, "Hi you must be Harvey. I'm Ella's dad. Please call me Charlie. We want you to know how pleased we are that you have pulled Ella out of the hole she was in. We haven't seen her this happy for a long, long time."
"Her talent got her the job."
Charlie smiled and said, "Good on you mate. She said you'd fudge what you've done for her. Obviously you are not a smart arse."
Harvey hoped he wasn't, assuming that colloquialism meant he wasn't a show-off.
The women rushed out and stopped a little short of Harvey. He held out his arms and asked did he rate being kissed.
"Go on mom."
"Call me Annie young man and try to remember I like sweet kisses."
Annie seemed pleased with what she got and she pushed Ella forward and she and Harvey smiled at each other, focused deeply, and had their first kiss. He made sure he brushed over a breast as he let her go and heard Ella suck in breath.
He kept his face passive but thought excellent, Ella appeared ready for sex. Still one never knew with women.
The two women looked at the car and said the colour was pretty while Charlie asked about the size of the engine and what was the fuel consumption rating for city driving. Harvey was disappointed he wasn't asked about drivability, reliability and safety, aspects that he thought everyone should focus on when they bought a vehicle.
Later at the vehicle Ella kissed Harvey and thanked him for being so considerate with her parents.
"Mom whispered they think you are really wonderful."
"So they want me to marry you?"
She said vaguely, "Nothing is further from my mind."
"What about your ex-husband?"
"Oh very astute. You are so right about that. He's so far from my mind I've almost forgotten his name."
Harvey palmed one of her tits gently as he kissed her again and before stepping into the car said he thought she might be ready to have sex with him.
"I might be. Let's see what time brings."
Harvey was very happy driving to his apartment building, knowing he could now look forward with confidence to fucking Ella. He didn't mind they weren't rushing into it.
Most seniors probably often think about fucking their PAs but the replacement that Ella had found, Mrs Sharpe, was sharp in manner, wore conservative clothing, appeared to have no boobs and was aged fifty-seven.
He had to smile when the first time he met Mrs Sharpe and had murmured to Ella, "Well done." But Mrs Sharpe fitted in well, was competent and possessed a legal executive advanced qualification and actually she was good to work with. But he really missed the repartee he had constantly with Ella. In fact he really missed Ella.
On Tuesday evening Harvey thought he'd have to make the move and invite her to dinner and then could then flop on to the sofa and... and he felt quite dizzy thinking about that.
Well perhaps he could invite her to a movie and then go to dinner, start the seduction slowly and perhaps over two or three weeks she could get used to him before he actually pushed into her. During that induction she could take his dick out a couple of times to begin getting used to handling it and... he began feeling dizzy with desire and his erection was bent over and hurting inside his jeans.
Mercifully his phone went. Harvey walked over to get it, unzipping and pulling his bent erection straight and it appeared to react well and so he left it sticking out from his pants and hoped it wasn't his mom calling.
"Oh hi Ella, what are you doing?"
"I'm in the bath playing with my nipples. I'm horny. What are you doing?"
"Going through a brief," he lied.
"You ought to have some fun and masturbate. What do you think of that radical comment from me?"
"Oh, er, um," said the usually eloquent lawyer.
"I'm calling to ask do you wish to go away somewhere for a dirty weekend this weekend?"
"Sounds great. Do you mean hiking through mud?"
"No I don't," she said crossly.
"Um I wasn't sure what you meant by a dirty weekend?"
"It means the same here as it does in most other countries and even Americans in the Bible Belt will know precisely what it means."
"Um I don't think the French use that definition. They just go away and fuck."
She laughed and said, "Oooh I think I could like France."
"Right you make the arrangements and I'll bring the condoms."
"And lube in case you convince me to drop my no-way objection to backdoor sex."
He laughed and thought omigod and said he liked their dirty weekend already.
Harvey was tired on Friday, coming out of three hours of pre-trial discussion in an attempt to get his client to accept the prosecution's offer of a deal on a plea to a lesser charge that would mean perhaps only six months in jail. But the client, who denied the evidence and maintained his innocent, had stuck to his intention to plead not guilty when appearing before the trial judge for failure to provide a reasonably safe workplace. A worker had had an arm severed by a guillotine and attempts to graft the arm back on had failed.
Harvey was almost home in the stop-start rush hour traffic when he remembered he was mean to be taking his babe on a dirty weekend and his bags were in the boot (trunk).
"Jesus," he yelled and pulled off two risky manoeuvres to get to the centre of the highway and at a break in the barrier that clearly stated 'Police Emergency Turns Only', he turned 180 degrees and looked across at a cop in a patrol car caught in the jam who looked at him and was slowly shaking his head.
Well was the cop radioing to cops ahead of Harvey to stop him and to really turn Harvey's day into crap? Well the cop didn't appear to have been making that call.
Harvey arrived back at the office without being apprehended. He called ahead to Ella to meet him at the front entrance and to hurry and she said he was made attempting to park there as parking was prohibited on that street during rush hour.
"Your vehicle will be wheel-clamped and impounded."
"Not if you move your fat butt."
She laughed and called him a cheeky creep.
Ella's but had just hit the leather seat when Harvey drove off snarling, "A fucking cop has just arrived and is virtually up my tail pipes. Close your door."
"I will after I have my seatbelt on."
Ella closed her door and the cop behind them hit his siren.
Harvey pulled over.
A female cop came to the window.
"This explanation better be good, something I've never heard before and I think I've heard it all."
Before Harvey could speak Ella said, "Ma'am this is my new boyfriend and we off on our first dirty weekend. It's your choice whether to screw it for us."
"Oooh, what colourful language. No one has offered me that excuse. Off you go guys and have one for me. A cocktail I mean."
As they drove off Harvey said, "We should have used our brains and left in the morning."
"Now he tells me," Ella sighed. "I left behind work I should have finished. Where are we going?"
"We cross the harbour at rush hour and then go north-east to Curl Curl Beach where we have one of three bedrooms with en suites at the front of a woman's house overlooking the beach. She serves our breakfast and dinners as part of the deal at a long table along with the other two couples should they choose to eat communally, otherwise she will serve the meals in their rooms."