Doctor Who: Amy, Captured Ch. 13

The sound was unassuming on its own. Just a tiny, metallic beeping; three tones, then silence. But Sander had designed the prototype Heavy Metal. He had coded the majority of its systems. He had been present for the tests, and he knew what three tones meant: Everything dies.

But the eleventh hour was where miracles thrive, as he had learned so long ago, fleeing for his life on Vesperia. It was when death granted reprieves freely, and the impossible became commonplace.

So there was another sound immediately following the ominous three tones. The sound that turned the world. The heartbeat of the universe. Even thirteen years later, that sound could still send a chill down Sander's spine. And it made Amy's heart skip a beat.

The mass of weaponry fired; the end of the world in an unbreakable armored exoskeleton. But a far greater machine was already materializing, all deep blue and unassuming. With a light on top that pulsed in time with the fateful noise. Every alarm in Sander's base went off, all at once and at full force.

The concussive shockwave of countless bullets, shells and explosives colliding with the TARDIS was enough to knock Sander, Mara and Amy off their feet, but it did not so much as dent the exterior shell of the time machine. The fire died out, and the doors opened.

Sander shuddered in reflexive horror at the next sound, the tinny buzzing that had ruined his life thirteen years ago. It was a different sonic screwdriver, of course, but it had that same noise, and it heralded the arrival of his greatest fear all the same. Sparks flew as the Heavy Metal sagged, a load bearing part of its spine breaking; this would be enough to slow it down, but not stop it completely.

As long as he didn't see the man...

Summoning his strength, Sander pulled himself up onto the back of the robot with his good hand, opening an access hatch to reveal a small screen within, an endless stream of numbers marching across it.

Stop, he told himself. Think it through. Don't think about... that thing out there. The numbers, what do they mean? Breathe deep. Be calm. Use your brain. Ah, there it is...

He tapped a long string of numbers, and breathed a deep sigh of relief as the robot sagged and switched off. Lacking the strength to continue, he tumbled backwards the remaining few feet until he hit the floor with a heavy thud.

'Holy fuck...' He breathed, already feeling something bad welling up in him. He would become a slave to it soon, but right now he needed the motionless calm. His whole body trembled with it.

'Doctor!' Amy shouted desperately. Sander's eyes slammed open. He rose, just as the sound of that screwdriver started again, and something metal that was roughly the size of the Command Collar hit the floor.

'Rory!' Another desperate, joyful shriek from Amy. He could hear her running to him, dimly, at the edge of his awareness. He was struggling to his feet. It was as if hell itself was at his back.

Mara and the Doctor both started in surprise at the sound. It was a howl of pure, tainted, black, animal fury. It didn't even sound human.

Sander shot out from behind the robot, covering the distance between himself and the Doctor in the space of a second, hands outstretched and twisted into claws. The Time Lord stood his ground; eyes filled with blackest hate, and extended his sonic screwdriver, the tip pointed directly at Sander. At the last second there was a flicker of intelligence in the wild man's eyes, and he stopped short of the sonic device, eyes wide. It remained level with his chest, the Doctor gripping it so tightly it shook in his hand.

Sander's heart thudded in his chest, the very real fear of death delaying his berserker's wrath. He had seen sonic devices at work on organic tissue. He had experienced it first hand; the power these unassuming things had to pulp bones and rupture organs. And here he was, face to face with his worst enemy...

He started laughing. It was a frenzied goblin's laugh that seemed to burn his throat. Finally! Finally! The last child of Gallifrey shows his true colors!

The laughter stopped suddenly, 'Do it.' His voice was soft, just for the two of them. His eyes bored into the Doctor's, facing his demons with eyes filled with oblivion. A dead man's eyes.

There was clearly an internal conflict there; the Doctor wanted to kill Sander. It was painfully obvious, and Sander had to exert himself to keep his nerve from deserting him; he did not want to die. But madness drew him forward; this last point he felt he had to make. The Time Lord began to lower the screwdriver.

Sander's good hand shot out, grabbed the Doctor's arm so tight. Lifted the sonic device, so that the tip rested firmly against his forehead. The perfect kill shot. There was no avoiding it.

'Do it, you fucking coward!' Sander screamed, voice rising to shrill registers as he reached the end of the sentence. Again, the stillness of the stalemate. Sander's eyes stared daggers. Realization dawned.

He began laughing again, spasms of hysterical, breathless laughter. The kind of laughter you died from, 'You won't do it! You won't do it, you damn coward! You travesty of morality! How far do I need to push you before you'll dirty your own hands and take me down?! Is this how you justify yourself? You never kill, you just set the wheels in motion for others to do the work for you? How far do I need to go to force you to be honest, just for one fucking second?! What do I need to do to get you to see? WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?!'

The words echoed off the walls as Sander shook with rage. The Doctor lowered his screwdriver, and Sander's shoulders loosened, just a little. But it was hollow relief.

Nobody spoke. Nobody moved. Sander seemed to be vibrating with pure psychosis, teeth clenched and eyes cold and dead. Behind the frozen tableau of Sander and the Doctor, Rory and Amy clung to one another, she with an exhausted, horrified expression, and he with a slowly darkening countenance as they stood mere meters away from the man who had kidnapped and tortured his wife.

Still motionless, Sander's eyes slid coldly to Rory, seemingly magnetized by his gaze. A brittle grin spread across his face, and his mouth opened, malice forming the words for him, in the same deep voice he had used on Theros, 'You seem lost.'

The words were the spark that ignited the bloodlust that hung heavy in Rory's mind. With not a sound, he stalked forward, out of Amy's arms. Sander threw his arms wide, expectantly, and took the first furious punch stoically. The force of the blow spun him a full 360 degrees, and he came up with a manic laugh and a little happy jig.

'Okay, I deserved that,' He made the universal "come on," gesture. 'Here, hit me again.'

Another punch, this time with a rattling growl, and Sander moved with it again, laughing like a demon, 'Oh, hell of a right hook! Come on, big man! One more!'

This time it was an uppercut that sent Sander sprawling back against the wall, no breath in his lungs but the laughter never ceasing, 'Hah! This is awesome! That's enough, though.' He held his hands up; his left eye was crackling mechanically, and he had begun seeing static. Rory moved in for another go, fist raised.

This time, when it descended, Sander caught in with his one good hand and flowed around the blow, pulling Rory in and throwing him against the wall. Sander twisted his attacker's arm up between his shoulder blades and held him there as Amy cried out.

'Hey!' The Doctor shouted, screwdriver up and pointing again. Sander leaned in close to Rory.

'I'm a rich man, Rory. CEO of a multi-planetary corporation. I survived for three days completely unarmed on a planet whose whole population was actively trying to kill me,' Sander laughed quietly. 'Do you really think I haven't learned to defend myself? I could snap you in two, even damaged as I am now,' Rory growled wordlessly and bucked against him. 'But I won't. See, I promised Amy that I wouldn't hurt you, and I mean to follow through on that promise. I haven't killed in a very long time, you see. It doesn't sit well with me.'

He turned his penetrating gaze to Amy, who shrank back from it, 'Amy!' He called. 'Call your husband away before I do something that all of us will definitely regret.' He released Rory and stepped away.

'Rory, come on,' Amy said in a quiet, faraway voice. 'Leave him alone.'

'What?' Rory protested. 'But he-'

'I know!' Amy snapped. 'Don't you think I know? But he's... Just leave him be, Rory. Doctor, you too? Let's just get out of here, please?'

'Yeah,' The Doctor nodded. 'Back into the TARDIS, you two. I'll just... finish up here.'

'Ooh, sounds ominous,' Sander giggled, grinning impudently. 'Hey, Amy!'

Amy stared at her captor for a moment. No expression on her face; she simply couldn't decide which one was accurate. Sander had done terrible things to her, unforgiveable things. Normally, she would be completely comfortable with hating him. But then he had gone and saved her life... that tiny, sickly glimmer of light in him. How should she feel?

She took Rory's hand and dragged him back towards the police box. When the doors slammed closed, Sander and Mara were left alone with the Doctor; the Oncoming Storm. He glared at Sander, head held high with all the fantastic menace that only a living legend could inspire. When he finally spoke, it was only one word: 'Why?'

Sander slumped against the wall, feeling himself draw closer and closer to the edge of madness. His shoulders shook with silent, wrathful laughter, eyes overflowing with molten rage. With slow, deliberate motions, he reached out to tightly grip the Time Lord's collar. The words came from far away, like an oncoming thunderstorm, laden with a maelstrom of emotions.

'You don't remember me?' He said thickly. 'You... are in every one of my nightmares... and you don't remember me?! You took everything I had away from me, and then you left! But I didn't get to swan away like you. The people you ruin never do; they have to stay behind and deal with the consequences of your choices, alien. Every action you've taken is an insult; everything you do destroys lives and weakens the human race entire. Because the moment humanity abdicates responsibility for defending itself and hands it off to an external force, we become so much less than we could be.'

'We are not cattle, Time Lord. We are not dumbly waiting for some monster to swoop down and devour us; or some king to save us from the darkness. The people of Earth are capable of looking after themselves. We rose, Doctor. Humanity rose. Took the stars in the palm of our hands, all without your help. That's why you keep returning to the twenty-first century; you feel needed there. But you made us a target, Doctor. Do you understand the damage you've done?' Sander slid down the wall, the laughter bubbling up in his throat again. He caught sight of the Doctor's disturbed expression, and the anger burned brighter in his eyes.

'Oh, did you think you were the hero? You're not. That's just a lie that even you believe. My life was destroyed, all because you made a choice you had no right to make. You aren't above blame. You treat it all like a joke. You laughed, when you left me. You're a murderer, Doctor, and you've tricked yourself into thinking you're some kind of altruist. And that's the most dangerous kind of killer there is.'

Sander gripped the Doctor's collar tighter, drew him in closer, 'Well, let me dispel those illusions for you: You killed the Time Lords! You killed the Racnoss, killed the Angels, killed the Daleks, the Cybermen, the Nestene, the Sontarans, the Vespers! Everywhere you go someone suffers, and worst of all: You killed my wife!' He bellowed, voice slamming down the corridors as all the energy left him. He collapsed back against the wall, shrinking under the Doctor's silent, inscrutable gaze.

'So you know, then,' The Doctor said delicately, slowly. 'You understand. But you're wrong; they all had the option to stop. I never killed indiscriminately.'

'I hate you. And I hate that we can't live without you. I'd rather die than live in a world where you get to be the hero after what you've done!' Sander snarled. 'Doesn't matter how many you save, it doesn't equal the single life you took from Elsa. You're the hero, yes? Big damn hero? Then give her back to me! My arm, my eye, my leg, my ribs, my home, my love and my entire life! Give them back to me if you're the hero!'

'Listen to me, now,' The Doctor hissed, suddenly very close to Sander. 'I will always find her! There is no force in this universe that can stop me! However far, however long it takes, I will get her back, every time!'

Sander's eyes sparked with amusement, and the horrifying laughter started again, 'Oh, so you know, then. You understand where I'm coming from... Well, congratulations, Doctor! You beat me! Again! Took down my last line of defense in seconds!' His eyes caught the Doctor's. 'You win. And yet everybody still loses!'

Sander burned with his laughter, collapsing into hysterics. His good hand flew to his face to cover one eye, but the other remained uncovered, with a wide, glassy stare as if Sander were looking back from the slopes of hell. Mara ran to him then, throwing her arms around the prostrate man protectively and glaring at the alien.

'Leave him alone!' She snapped, though even her hands were shaking by this point.

'I will,' The Doctor said slowly, backing away slightly. 'I will, because he didn't let her die. He could've, twice, but he didn't. But you only get one; don't let me see you again.'

'Oh, thank you!' Mara spat sarcastically as the Doctor began to walk back to his TARDIS. 'Thank you so much, oh mighty Time Lord!'

'Let me ask you one thing before you leave, Doctor,' Sander said balefully. 'You have your companion back, so tell me; is she any safer with you?'

The Doctor paused for a moment, then, 'I hope so.'

'One of them dies, you know,' Sander blurted as the doors began to close.

'What?'

He stared out from Mara's arms, 'You or your precious companions. The next time you land the TARDIS, one of you will die. Because I've been watching you through time, Doctor. Preparing for this moment, and I've seen your future. You'll be arrayed against the Silence, when you next land; that same force that blew up your TARDIS once before. And it will kill either you, Amy, Rory or the other one, that time travelling woman. Time's in flux at that point, and I've seen alternate timelines where each of you is killed, but there's no future in which nobody dies. So long as it isn't Amy, I don't really care who you lose. So you just enjoy that, Doctor; my final gift to you. Now get out.'

He shuddered again as the TARDIS powered on, leaving him to the sound that had haunted his dreams for years. Alone once more, the pair of them stared off into space in the shadow of their broken robot. Sander derived an inordinate amount of comfort from Mara's embrace, but slowly he picked himself up and shook his head to dislodge the fog of rage and fear that had descended onto his mind. Mara stood too, but didn't follow him.

Sander leaned his head against the nearest window, stared blankly out into space. Out there, somewhere, on a million different worlds, perhaps simultaneously, the last child of Gallifrey was choking out the free will of a million species. Taking action on their behalf, despite not being asked to. His blood boiled, but it was a weak anger, mostly directed at himself; he was shaking, he knew it. He'd fucked this one up, royally... His one chance, gone! He thrust his hands in his pocket, tried to regulate his breathing, pull his heart rate down into a normal register. Feeling this way would accomplish nothing, and besides, he didn't want Mara to see him like this.

She watched, as he stood motionless, concern writ large on her face. In truth, she was scared, too; whatever had happened back there, whatever had shattered so completely in Sander's mind... Her greatest fear was how this would change him. If she didn't act soon, and delicately... Whatever black pit he had fallen into now, she was the only one around to pull him out of it.

'That was... traumatic, 'She said finally. 'The monsters in your nightmares are real, all right. How are you feeling?'

Sander took in a long, unsteady breath, 'Mara... I...' His voice trailed off, sounding constricted and vague.

Mara frowned, slipped an arm around him, and spun him into a tight hug. Those things he had said, that terrible acceptance as he had stared down that immortal killer...

'Don't leave me...' She said softly, burying her face in his chest. She heard him gasp; had he actually been willing to die, just to prove a point?

Sander's arms encircled her, drawing her in. His eyes dashed about the room nervously; the words were in his head again... Eleven stupid years of barely even noticing her... He should have said them earlier, but if there was ever a time, it was now...

He crooked a finger under her chin, lifted her face to look at him, smiled as gently as possible, 'Mara... I love you.'

Mara's eyes went incredibly, ridiculously soft, but only for a moment. Before he could be sure of what he had seen, Mara closed her eyes and leaned her head against him with a grin, 'Good to know.' She said simply.

Sander burst out into spasms of sudden, desperate laughter, 'Really? Really, Mara? After all that's happened, after today, you're still not going to say it back to me? After I heroically sacrificed myself to save your shapely, well-defined ass?'

Mara rolled her eyes and clucked her tongue in irritation, sighing resignedly, 'I love you, Sander Hackett.' She pressed herself against him, both hands gripping his collar tightly, 'Of course I fucking do.'

Sander made a small, pathetic sound, just within the range of her hearing. This was the moment that Mara noticed that his hands were still shaking, that he was gripping her too tightly. It wasn't a lover's embrace; he was clinging to her for reassurance. Like a man hanging from the edge of a cliff.

And he was chanting, under his breath, 'I love you, I love you and I almost died without saying it, I love you...'

'Oh...' Mara breathed reassuringly. 'Come here, you big idiot.' She kissed him, swallowing his vaguely psychotic intonations. 'Don't you ever do that to me again, fool!' She held him in silence for some unmeasured length of time, allowing him the space he needed to rebuild his walls and put everything in his mind back in its proper place. She knew, without having to be told, that this was a type of vulnerability that he wasn't entirely comfortable with, and she was perfectly willing to let him decompress from it.

Eventually, he was able to look at her again, with a weary-yet decidedly Sander- smile on his face, 'Honestly? I have no intention of putting myself in the line of fire like that if I can avoid it, but you were in danger. Amy was in danger, and-'

'Hey, wait,' Mara cut him off, pointing to the Heavy Metal's lifeless shell. '2056 bit encryption key. You disabled it?'

'Yes.'

'In your head?'

'Yes.'

'Are you some kind of savant?'

'I'm just good with numbers. We lost anyway, by the way.' Sander chuckled. 'Shit, that situation got away from us real quick, huh?'

Mara nodded, 'Yeah.' Her gaze shifted, and she searched for the correct words to convey her next thought. It was harder than it seemed, especially after what had just happened. She wasn't even sure she should be bringing it up right now, 'Are we done, Sander? Is it over?'