Down by the River Ch. 05

He grinned and kissed my sweaty forehead, draping his leg over me. "Good."

"We should do this again some time," I told him, closing my eyes.

"When we are alone, why not?"

I sighed, feeling content. "So, am I forgiven now?"

"What? Who is supposed to forgive whom?" he groaned.

His playfulness made me smile. "There's this guy, you know, who wanted to punish me because I decided to keep something from him."

Lucas chuckled, stroking my hair as he played along. "What? Who decided to punish my baby girl? That's awful."

"I know," I cooed, looking at him with an amused expression on my face. "Maybe I should punish him, right?"

"Maybe," he agreed, grinning. "Shove him to the pits of hell or something."

I slowly traced a finger across his chest, looking deeply into his eyes. "I have a better punishment in mind. What if I chain him to my bed for a whole day and do to him as I please?"

Lucas caught my wandering hand and brought it to his lips. "Sounds fantastic, but if that's a man we're talking about..." He grabbed my butt, squeezing it. "He may end up chaining you to your bed, madam. Isn't that risky?"

"Then maybe we can take turns," I told him, running my tongue over my suddenly parched lips. "As long as I get my revenge."

"Hmm." He began kissing my face. "As I said, sounds fantastic. You only need to find the place where you can do that without getting caught, yes? How about this house in..." He named a village that sat somewhere between Uncle Matthew's estate and our own village with the forest. "I heard that nobody lives there right now..."

I frowned. "Why there? That's too far away..."

"Oh." He chuckled, stopping his kisses to look into my eyes. "I received this letter from your grandmother earlier, you see. She said that the man you're talking about bought that house and the span of land around it. The house is slightly bigger than his mother's house, but that will do, don't you think, for his future wife and children?"

My eyes widened, and I had to sit up. "No!"

Lucas laughed at my reaction and pulled me down to his arms again. "Oh yes."

"You have a house now?" I asked him, still unbelieving.

"We have a house now, yes," he answered, holding me tightly. "I will tell Uncle Matthew about it in time so that the two of us can take a look at it."

Feeling elated, I kissed his lips quickly. "Oh my god, I don't believe this!"

He laughed. "You will when you see it." He looked into my eyes, brushing some strands of hair off my face. "I love you, Selene."

My eyes filled with tears and I buried my face on his shoulder to hide it from him. "I love you, too."

Lucas chuckled as he lightly slapped my backside. "Hey. Don't cry."

"I'm going to sleep," I murmured, spreading myself on top of him without looking up. "Who said I'm crying?"

"Then, what's that wet thing flowing down to my shoulders, huh?" he teased.

I pinched his side, chuckling. In truth, I really just could not believe that everything he told me was true. It just felt so wonderful to realize that all of the dreams we wove together would be so close at hand now.

Lucas laughed at my stubbornness as I insisted that I was not crying. At the end, he held me close to him, humming the lullaby Mother composed for him until I fell asleep.

*****

I did not know what took place that night, but I at least knew that there was no disaster. Lucas woke me up when he was about to slip out of my room some time before the crack of dawn, and he had to do it in so much hurry that we only managed to share a brief kiss before he was running out of the door.

It was only during breakfast that the questions began, for Uncle and his family arrived just half an hour after the supposed dinnertime the night before, and were told that Lucas and I went to bed early. The servants apparently lied and told them that we ate dinner earlier than usual because we wanted to take a rest as soon as we could. Lucas and I only stuck to the lie, not caring to elaborate even if Aunt Susanna's stares were all too suspicious.

Maybe the lie became more plausible that way, or maybe Uncle Matthew and his wife just realized that we would not spill the truth. Either way, they stopped their questions, deciding to buy that one big lie.

Even then, I was hesitant to believe that what I remembered from my conversation with Lucas before I drifted off to sleep was true. Could it really be that he already found and bought a house for us? Or was it just a dream?

Unfortunately, there was no way to ask Lucas, for he was never alone. Now he was once again very careful about being seen with me. That man...!

It did not help that the last minute preparations for the ball that night cut the routine of the household, making the scenes more dreamlike to me. As I watched the servants decorating the garden with lanterns and ribbons, I imagined seeing little fairies jumping from each piece of decoration to another. Or that a god would appear, sweep me into his arms and carry me away.

At least, that last piece of illusion was very, very close to reality. All that needed to happen was for Lucas to walk across that beautifully decorated garden and walk straight to me. Nothing else, for as soon as he was close enough, I would be jumping right into his arms and force him to take me away.

Ah, of course. That was exactly the reason why he would not go anywhere near me. He knew I would do precisely that and that he would not be able to decline. Why did I have to be just so predictable?

After tea time, I was whisked away to Aunt Susanna's room, where she made me dizzy trying on different gowns and shoes for what seemed like hours. In the end, we settled for the beautiful maroon gown that her sister Mary made for me, and Susanna gave me a pair of shoes to go with it. She also decided to curl my hair further 'to make me look more angelic'.

Ha. Nice try there. I would always look like a temptress to the only man whose opinion of me mattered.

By the time Susanna let me off the hook, it was already evening and almost all the guests were present. Only then did cold feet catch up with me. My fear must have been so raw that Susanna rushed to me and asked if I were okay.

I was okay, but not entirely. I remembered that Marcus would be attending the ball and I had to talk to him whether I liked it or not. I'd rather not, honestly, but I knew I owed him the truth.

Aunt Susanna asked me to wait a little while inside her room as she conferred with Uncle Matthew about the timing of my appearance. Alone in the room, I began pacing back and forth, wringing my hands as I rehearsed what I would say to Marcus.

"Why so nervous?"

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard Lucas' voice. He was leaning against the door, an eyebrow cocked, looking me up and down. I caught my breath as I, in return, studied him. It was the first time I saw my best friend wearing a formal dark attire, and I almost drooled.

God, I could not even find the word to describe him!

"Liking what you see?" he mocked.

Unbelievably, after all that we have shared, I blushed at that and turned my back on him. "What are you doing here? Aren't you afraid that Aunt Susanna will catch you?"

"The door was not locked and I suspect she would be looking for Uncle Matthew for a while, anyway," he answered, coming up behind me to wrap his arms around my waist. "I just really need to see you."

Leaning on him, I tilted my head so that I could look him in the eye. "So, is Aunt Susanna right? Do I look angelic now?"

Lucas laughed, kissing my bare shoulder. "If her idea of an angel involves being able to seduce a man to hell by just flashing him a smile, then, yes, Selene, you look very angelic indeed."

I smiled at that and touched his face with my gloved hands. "Thank you, hot guy."

He chuckled. "I'm glad you find me so." He turned me around so that he could plant a kiss on my lips. "God, Selene, if only I could rip off your gown and start making love to you on the bed...!"

That made me blush, not because I was embarrassed by what he was imagining but because I was thinking along those lines, too. "Aunt Susanna wouldn't appreciate walking in on us having sex on her bed."

"We can lock the door and drag all her furniture behind it so that nobody can walk in on us."

I laughed. "You're hilarious!"

He started caressing my face. "But I won't dare do that because I know that the very moment I step out of this room, your uncle will point a shotgun in my head and kill me outright. I wouldn't be able to spend the rest of my life with you if that ever happens."

I smiled. "That was a fantastic daydream, though. I would willingly let you do it if only there is some way to do so without encountering grisly outcomes."

He flashed back a smile before asking, "So, why are you so nervous?"

"I'm scared of facing Marcus," I told him honestly, biting my lower lip. "I don't know what I am going to say to him."

"Just tell him the truth," he suggested, stroking the sides of my waist. "Tell him that you love him, but that you love me more."

His grin was infectious. I lightly slapped his arm. "You!"

He laughed, but turned serious in a moment. "I'm not kidding. Just tell him the truth. It will be easier than you think."

"I don't know..."

"Listen, Selene." He pulled me closer and rested his forehead against mine. "If he really, really loves you, he will make this easy for you. He will understand."

Although hesitantly, I nodded. "Okay."

It was then that the door opened. Aunt Susanna stood still when she saw us, her eyes darting from me to Lucas and back again.

"You two know that you are standing way closer than is appropriate, right?" she asked, closing the door quietly behind her.

Lucas stepped back with a grin on his face. "Right."

Aunt Susanna lifted an eyebrow at him before looking at me. "You have to explain some things to me, young lady."

"And here I thought it's kind of self-explanatory," murmured Lucas.

His aunt shot him a sharp look, although she was smiling. "Get out of this room, Lucas Sebastian Milner, before I call Matthew on you."

Lucas laughed and winked at me before he slipped out. As soon as he was gone, Aunt Susanna spoke.

"How long have you two been together?" she asked.

"A few months," I answered readily. "Almost as soon as he came back from your estate."

She nodded, slightly frowning. "That's strange. I thought Lucas was even trying to avoid talking about you when he was first with us."

I smiled. "That's because of a small misunderstanding before he left." I hesitated, but figured that I would have to ask later on, anyway. "Are you mad?"

"No, no." She smiled at me as if to emphasize her point. She even took my hand. "Just impressed. You two are very good at hiding it."

And very good at displaying it, too, I thought. All the servants of the house would agree with me on that.

"I always thought you two look good together," she continued, "but did not express my opinion just in case I offend either one of you, or in case you two start thinking that I am trying to set you up. As it turned out, I don't even need to worry."

I embraced her. "Thank you, Aunt Susanna, and I'm sorry if we hid it."

"That's all right," she said, gently patting my back. "When are you going to tell Matthew, though?"

"Soon," I answered, knowing that Lucas would tell our uncle in a week or so.

Aunt Susanna nodded and led me to the door. "Well, Selene, it's time for our guests to meet you. Time to break some hearts."

I smiled at her comment. If only she knew! There was one particular heart I really needed to break that night, and the thought of the pain I would cause was already hurting me.

*****

The lanterns lit in the garden lent a mysterious, romantic ambience to it that night. There was a huge table filled with foods at one end of the garden, near where the tables and chairs were set. At the other end, where the guests presently were, was a musical ensemble composed of twelve people.

Uncle Matthew and Andrew walked on either side of me when I was introduced to the crowd. I had never seen so many people gathered in a single place before that; the experience astounded me. I was aware that Uncle Matthew took my hand exactly because he knew I was getting nervous.

My eyes immediately sought Lucas in the crowd, and I found him easily, for I already knew what he was wearing. He made a bow to me when he saw me looking.

One by one, the people gathered were introduced to me. Some of them, I had met before, but most were new faces. Still, I only anticipated being re-introduced to one guest, and when he was presented to me, my courage almost failed me.

Marcus looked stunning, as I knew he would. I could already spot half a dozen women practically melting at the sight of him. To my frustration, however, his eyes were only glued on me.

Perhaps feeling my discomfort after the face-to-face encounter with Marcus, Lucas came to my rescue and pulled me away -- in a manner that would be looked upon as appropriate by society, I should add: he asked me for a dance.

"Are you okay?" he asked as soon as we were out of Marcus' earshot.

"So far," I answered, nodding.

"Well, then, you'd be okay." He touched my chin briefly so that I would look at him and see the smile on his face. "You're my baby. Of course, you'd be okay."

Fortunately, he always knew where to tickle me to make me laugh -- or smile, in this case. "Of course."

He nodded, smile seemingly plastered on his face. "See? You're more beautiful when you're smiling."

I just smiled, aching to put my head on his shoulder and let him hold me close. Not for the first time that night, I wished that this ball was never here. Then, maybe, I could drag Lucas out of Uncle Matthew's sight, hide him in my room and --

Well. Keep him to myself for the rest of the night. I want him to hold me and love me and always be with me.

"Hey." His chuckle brought me back to the present. "Your eyes are going all dark."

I frowned. "My eyes are dark. Dark brown, mind you."

"That's not what I mean," he said, winking. "Your eyes only twinkle like that when you are thinking of something -- let's just say..." He cocked an eyebrow. "Naughty?"

I slightly shook my head, chuckling as I quickly glanced at his crotch. "Lucas, your friend is..."

"Growing," he finished the sentence for me. "I know. It's all because I can read your mind and -- "

"You need a drink," I suggested, laughing now. "I can hide mine, but you cannot hide yours."

With a laugh, he pulled me off the dance floor. "Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you for the dance."

"Anytime," I whispered.

As soon as he was gone, I was left alone to deal with the worst part of the night. Fair enough; it would be better to get it over and done with.

Marcus was behind me, so that when I whirled around, the first thing I saw was his smiling face. I was so shocked that I could not even smile back.

"Since you seem to be free, may I have the honour of dancing with you?" he asked.

I almost told him that I was not free, but this was still a ball and I knew that somebody would notice, whether I liked it or not. I tentatively accepted his proffered hand, mentally telling myself that I could do this, that Lucas was right and this would be easier than I thought.

He kissed my hand before leading me to the dance floor.

For a long while, we just danced there, staring at each other without saying a word. I did not know where to start, and I was somewhat hoping that he would speak to me first, although I did not have a clue as to how I would insert the subject of our past together and the inevitable separation that we needed to face.

"I have so many things to tell you, but now that you are face to face with me, I cannot find the words to say," he said, breaking the awkward silence between us.

My exact thoughts, if I would say so. "Marcus, I'm s -- "

"No," he cut me off. "Don't. I know what you are going to say. I don't want to hear it." A sad smile touched his lips. "I don't want to hear any sorry, lest I start thinking that you are sorry about what happened between us -- "

It was my turn to cut him off. "No, don't say that. I will never regret that."

Marcus stared at me for a moment before nodding. "All right. I believe you."

He was so much like the man I came to know by the river back home that, for a while, I wanted to go back on my plan of telling him the painful truth tonight. But the truth was the truth; whether I tell him or not, whether it was painful or not, was of little use, for it would have to come out anyway.

"You looked so happy with him."

His comment startled me. "Pardon me?"

"Lucas," he said, smiling genuinely now. "I said you looked so happy with him."

"I am happy with him," I told him, praying that he would be able to read something more from that than I was willing to say, for I really could not say it to his face.

Thankfully, Marcus knew how to read me. "I thought that it would be so."

Confused by his statement, I gave him my inquiring look. "I don't understand."

"The only time you failed to meet with me was when you were too upset by your fight with Lucas," he answered, smiling gently. "I knew right from the moment you told me about that argument that you love him. I was just praying that, in time, you would come to value me as much as you value him, that you would come to love me as much as you love him, if not more. It would take time for me to come to terms with the truth that it will never be."

I could not say anything, just stare at him as he bared his soul to me. "Oh, Marcus..."

Still with that sad smile on his lips, he continued. "It really took time for me to realize that, more than how you belong to that river, to that forest, you belong to Lucas. You would have never left your home even after Lucas has gone to the Riles estate without you, because your home keeps all the good memories you shared with him and you will never let go of that. You have always belonged to him, whether you knew it or not. You would have left and you will leave everything that matters in your life if it means being with him."

I was so overwhelmed by the realization that he knew all of these, that I could only nod. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," he assured me. "I already know. I have already heard from you the only thing that I wanted to hear, the only reason why I came here."

"Which is...?" I prompted, confused.

He flashed his understanding smile. "That you are happy with him. That's all I wanted to know."

I nodded, not really knowing what I could do. If only we were not dancing, if only we were not in the middle of a crowd, I would have hugged Marcus as tightly as I could.

"Now, I just want you to listen to what I want to say," he said after a while, waiting for my nod before he continued. "I love you, Selene. I loved you and I will always love you. Please know that I left you when I did, not because I wanted to, but because I had to. I did not want to get hurt more than I could handle, and I did not want you to feel guilty for hurting me, so I thought I should just let go. Also, I want you to know that I was watching you everyday for weeks after I stopped meeting with you. I only stopped when you finally stopped going to the river everyday."

If I had any doubt that this man loved me, all of it was gone now. "I wish things could have turned out differently."

He chuckled, sighing. "Oh, no, you don't. You know that you would not want things to be different, and I wouldn't want it to be any different, anyway. He loves you and you love him, and the two of you are happy together. That's all that matters."

I nodded, smiling. "Thank you, Marcus. I was so afraid of telling you, of hurting you. But I wanted to put a closure on this, for my conscience will never stop bothering me until I say goodbye to you once and for all."