Dr. DickbyTx Tall Tales©
June 23, 2001 - 4:45pm
I arrived early at the lab today, to verify the arrival of an overnight fax, and found Nurse Dolan and student John Thomas had preceded my arrival. Finding Nurse Dolan there early was not out of the ordinary, for the most part she is a diligent and conscientious worker, but it is the first time I have observed Mr. Thomas to show such initiative. Mr. Thomas is not an abysmal student as has been typical of the last few mediocre batches of grad students to stride these halls. He has even shown some genuine innovation and insightful observations, but never initiative.
The two early birds were engaged in rather unorthodox individual anatomical studies, to whit: Nurse Dolan was performing pre- and post-erection analysis of Mr. Thomas's penis. My arrival surprised them in mid-experiment, and Nurse Dolan was noticeably agitated. According to Mr. Thomas, her oral manipulation provided a more reliable and consistent arousal than manual engagement. I was somewhat fascinated by this line of research. We had never considered any type of Penal Erection Methodologies Study, but upon further discussion with Mr. Thomas and Nurse Dolan, I can see the possible merit.
Privately, I must add, their ad-hoc study, and unscientific methods appeared to work satisfactorily. Nurse Dolan consented to demonstrate the oral-hand manipulation (OHM) for penal erection upon Mr. Thomas for my edification; I found my own penis providing sympathetic swelling and arousal. I know I should find this study crass and immature and yet it piques my interest. Fascinating really.
Note to Self: Consider doing some research into this myself, once my findings on hydration effecting bone densitometry measurements for the elderly have been published.
June 29, 2001 - 5:18pm
For some unaccountable reason, the Penal Erection Methodologies lab work from the 23rd has aroused my interest. Once I started my own background analysis, I discovered a huge amount of anecdotal and unscientific discussions concerning the physiognomy of the penis. The amount of actual scientific research of value is disappointing to say the least. I directed Mr. Thomas and Nurse Dolan to attend my office this afternoon, to discuss the possibility of further research, and to see where Mr. Thomas's studies are taking him.
Again, they seemed disconcerted upon their arrival, but once I explained my premise, Mr. Thomas was able to get Nurse Dolan's consent to share their lab research with me. Demonstrating the process arrived at so far, Nurse Dolan was able to produce an adequate erection in Mr. Thomas's penis after approximately 38 seconds of OHM. Continual application of oral stimulation in a variety of forms maintained that erection for 6:27, before Mr. Thomas achieved climactic completion and Glans Orifice Discharge (GOD) of ejaculate.
While I commend their initiative, and like to see students so committed to their studies, the science behind their work to date is deplorable. When asked for performance indications documented to date, e.g.: the average time to erection, the sustained period of tumescence, the amount of manipulation for maintenance, or any type of measurable performance enhancement, these were all met with a dearth of actual findings and evidence. Clearly, although they may have found what may be a suitable study area, they need my guidance. I am usually reluctant to work directly with students outside of their actual doctoral thesis; I am seriously contemplating direct involvement here.
Also, incredulously, Nurse Dolan consumed the results of Mr. Thomas's ejaculation. No thought was made to log the actual volume of the results, or consistency. They are energetic in their researches, but as scientists they need direction, badly.
Note to self: Monday, review their findings to date, and see if we can't apply some real science.
I am continuing my preliminary research on overall validity and depth of existing penis studies.
June 30, 2001 - 8:12pm
Furthering my investigations into possible lines of research.
In my initial foray, one of the areas most filled with dubious data, and virtually no credible studies, was in the area of long-term penis enlargement. Numerous questionable claims are being made, with no scientific backing. There is even a huge discrepancy in what is claimed to be the norm and average range for penis size. When I first encountered Mr. Thomas and Nurse Dolan in the course of their research, I was somewhat surprised to see the size of Mr. Thomas's penis while erect was considerably smaller than my own. During the course of my readings, I've determined that the overall average size of erections among healthy men appears to be just less than six inches. I proceeded to manually excite myself for the purpose of a validation. Self-stimulation was adequate to the task, although I found myself thinking that Nurse Dolan performing OHM would have been useful in this case. Upon analysis mine appears to be closer to seven and a quarter.
I have yet to find a consistent method of measuring the penis and for the purpose of this analysis will go with the measurement of a fully erect state from the pelvic bone, along the top of the penis to the tip. For girth, I measured circumference using a Gulick tape measure, applying a constant 2 oz of pressure on the tape. The measurement of the flaccid state has the most inconsistency, particularly in terms of length.
Society has brought up most young men to believe they are inadequate in terms of size, and since the best estimates indicate that 94% of the population falls between 5.25 and 6.625 inches, any ability to permanently enlarge the penis could have great beneficial value. Commercial applicability is almost assured.
I have been somewhat lax of late in generating papers; perhaps in my dotage I am content to rest upon my laurels. I am convinced there exists a broad area of advancement in science within this realm, and must consider the value in both prestige and remuneration should I prove successful in my research.
My knowledge of skin elasticity, blood flow, nutrition, chemistry, physiology and my well proven mastery of the scientific method may well allow me to make some progress in this area.
July 2, 2001 - 6:30pm
I explained to Nurse Dolan and Mr. Thomas where I thought the real value in their study lie. I suggested we focus our efforts on Penis Length Enhancement And Sustainable Erections, which I had dubbed Project PLEASE. They both seemed interested in this initial direction.
Most of the morning I worked with Mr. Thomas and Nurse Dolan to select a practical method for measuring the penis in flaccid, semi-erect and fully erect states. I reviewed my initial results with them, and discussed possible improvements. With only the three of us available for initial testing, I decided to volunteer to be a second test subject for our initial efforts. Nurse Dolan was convinced that a single initial test subject was all that was required, but Mr. Thomas was adamant that for the benefit of science, we needed at least two initial subjects and Nurse Dolan eventually acquiesced.
Using the constant-tension tape measure we were able to get relatively accurate measurements for our two penises. One interesting problem we had to work around was that when we tried to measure the penis length and circumference, the actual process of measuring by Nurse Dolan would render the measurement invalid as we reacted to her manual contact and became semi-erect.
Mr. Thomas appears to have a good head on his shoulders. He made the observation that under a minimum of manual manipulation, we consistently achieved semi-erect status. Then by applying oral-hand manipulation, or OHM, we could achieve full erection. Upon completion of ejaculation through Glans Orifice Discharge, or GOD, we would return to a non-erect or flaccid state. These key states can be differentiated and measured independently. Nurse Dolan apparently found some humor in our acronyms, and had to be reminded of the gravity of our studies.
Following Mr. Thomas's observation we decided to perform our analysis in his stateful order. The only hitch in this measurement methodology is the timely achievement of climax. He had a perceptive suggestion. Although we would both require Nurse Dolan's oral manipulation to achieve full erection, he volunteered to use her vaginal channel to achieve climax, through a process he referred to as Achieving Climax Utilizing the Nether Tunnel (ACUNT), thus cutting our time in half. I pointed out that a more accurate acronym would be GODIVA, Glans Orifice Discharge Induced by Vaginal Application. He insisted that ACUNT was not just the vernacular but is a well-known method and I agreed to use that reference term, although I find it somewhat inaccurate and rather vulgar. According to Mr. Thomas's method, Nurse Dolan would continue to perform the Oral-Hand Manipulation to Induce Glans Orifice Discharge (OHMIGOD) on me, while Mr. Thomas relied on ACUNT. In this way, we could significantly reduce the time to test.
As an example of where their science is so slipshod, I also had to point out to Mr. Thomas that we would not be cutting the time in half, since one of us would likely achieve erection before the other, and there could be a statistically significant Time-To-Climax (TTC) differential between us.
Nurse Dolan, although originally somewhat hesitant, was quite satisfactory in her ability to bring me to erection and climax. Her comments on the size of my member were somewhat unprofessional, but well meant, and since we were only developing our size measurement procedures, I did not chide her for once again consuming the ejaculate. Mr. Thomas took several minutes longer to achieve climax then I did - quite inefficient his efforts - and I pointed out the validation of my comments on climax periodicity.
For the sake of consistency, we performed the entire test sequence twice. I think next time we will see if switching openings will have any effect on the periodicity differential in our climaxes.
Note to self: Nurse Dolan is physically well developed, healthy and fit. Her youth and the symmetry of her facial features are beneficial to the achievement of a quick arousal, and rapid climax. Should an effort be made to test using different arousal agents? Or would this introduce unnecessary variables? Give this some thought.
July 3rd 2001 - 7:14pm
Yesterday's morning research exceeded my expectations. I am quite satisfied this is an area worth pursuing and am diverting some initial funds from the NIH funded study of fat-free mass density analysis of diverse ethnic groups. This huge study was funded for 780 specimens of varying sexes, ethnic diversity, ages from 18 to 70, and exercise levels. I have found that through appropriate combinations, having a single stable control group can reduce the number of double-blind studies. I believe I should be able to redirect funding for at least 40 of the specimens, perhaps as many as 60. I intend to utilize at least 20 individuals for my new study. I will have my assistant run the numbers, and see how much funding we can release.
I have also concluded that it might be worthwhile to validate our original measurements, and have asked Nurse Dolan and Mr. Thomas to join me for morning measurements each day this week in order to establish a more consistent baseline. When they pointed out complications in our schedule, class conflicts and other duties, I realized the studies could advance more quickly if they could put more or their own efforts into this. I have instructed my assistant Miss Harris to look into getting Mr. Thomas on staff as work study while reducing Nurse Dolan's other task load, as well as running the numbers on the fund.
Note to self: Contact Roger to get Mr. Thomas's other classes transferred under my department.
In the meantime, for the sake of expedience, I have invited Mr. Thomas and Nurse Dolan to reside in my residence for the duration of the initial measurement phase of this study. They will be arriving shortly, and I hope to get in at least one measurement tonight.
My guests are ensconced in their quarters. I have Mr. Thomas in the external guest quarters, and Nurse Dolan is in the room adjacent to mine. I believe this may prove convenient when following up on research with practical application.
After a light dinner, we all agreed that a measurement might be valuable. We used the study, and Nurse Dolan, validating a new technique, had Mr. Thomas and I stand side by side. In this way, she could take one of our penises in her mouth, while the other she manipulated with her hand, switching back and forth when it seemed most appropriate. This method proved quite satisfactory and achieved an improved Time-To-Erection (TTE).
I explained to Mr. Thomas and Nurse Dolan that we did not have to optimize for time to completion this evening, since there were no other pending tasks, other than completing entries in this manual.
We completely undressed Nurse Dolan, and since we had the equipment available, I thought it might be worthwhile to measure Nurse Dolan, in the event that we decided to hire additional Erection Aides. Her physical attributes seemed optimal for the task we've undertaken. She seemed somewhat unclear at to my purpose, as I initiated the measurements, but Mr. Thomas, in his vernacular, explained the need. What sounded crude to me was apparently less so to Nurse Dolan who quickly acquiesced.
Nurse Dolan's skin is extremely fair, and it was quite interesting to see her skin flush over her entire body. She thanked me, which I thought odd. The analysis need appears obvious, and the results of said analysis are required for our tests.
Mr. Thomas thought it would be advantageous for Nurse Dolan to position herself on her hands and knees, upon the settee and for us to once again utilize both oral and vaginal openings for completion. Several minutes into her oral ministrations, I recalled my desire to try the alternative channel and indicated to Mr. Thomas that we should exchange openings, allowing me to try ACUNT. He agreed and I placed my erect penis in Nurse Dolan's vagina. As effective as her oral manipulations had been, I found this even more arousing, and completed ejaculation very shortly thereafter.
In retrospect I believe that several factors contributed to the improved effectiveness in achieving climax via Nurse Dolan's vagina.
1) Ability to achieve greater penetration.
2) Visual titillation derived from the view of her gluteus and pudenda
3) More control over pace, angle of attack, depth of penetration, etc.
A small problem arose when Mr. Thomas took considerably longer to complete his climax. By the time he had, I was erect once more. Since I had not taken my size measurements while flaccid, I re-entered Nurse Dolan from behind, in her vagina, and although it took in excess of 17 minutes, I was eventually able to achieve GOD. Nurse Dolan, was again proving somewhat unprofessional, and directed me in my penal administration. A series of cries, and her common vulgar cries of 'fuck' and references to speed and force of penetration were somewhat distracting. She even evoked loud cries as if I couldn't hear her. Perhaps the strangest was when she asked me to pull her hair, and she screamed she was coming. Mr. Thomas explained that coming was a reference to a release of sexual tension of an orgasmic nature in women, similar to GOD in men. This seems odd as having little evolutionary value.
Note To Self: Nurse Dolan keeps insisting I call her Beth. Beth. Although it's distasteful using the diminutive of anyone's Christian name, consider acquiescing. Beth.
July 4th, 2001 - 9:15pm
I had forgotten that today was Independence Day. As usual, my studies are quite consuming, and I'm often oblivious to the world around me.
I had asked my personal secretary, Miss Harris, to deliver some documents to my home office. She's been with me for three years, and is familiar with my works habits and occasional distraction.
She arrived early, as she knows is my preference, but the research events of the previous evening must have been more exhausting then I had realized. I was still in bed when she showed up.
I invited her to join us for breakfast. She was surprised to find I had my research assistants staying with me. In retrospect it is somewhat unusual. In the previous years I'd never had a research assistant in my domicile, never mind staying there. Also, when I did have guests I had always had Miss Harris arrange for things.
She suggested she have the housekeeper come in every day, instead of twice a week, for the duration of my guests stay. She'd take care of it. She is a very capable woman.
After breakfast, I thought to utilize her presence and asked her to take on documentation responsibilities for our morning measurement. Nurse Dolan Beth asked if I was really going to have her present while we did it. I replied of course, she's my best assistant.
We adjourned to the study, where I went to Beth and helped her out of her night robe. Miss Harris was somewhat taken aback for some reason and gasped "OHMIGOD!" I confirmed her initial analysis, and commended her on her knowledge of the subject. Mr. Thomas explained our studies in more detail as Beth measured my semi-erect state. I must confess I was a little more than semi-erect, and may have distorted the value of the data. As Beth measured Mr. Thomas, I considered entering her vagina, since I was erect as necessary, but decided to follow the protocol. I am a precise scientist.
Once Miss Harris indicated she had our initial measurements, Beth proceeded to give us our full erections by sucking our penises. Miss Harris took a seat closer to the activity to get a better view so she could document the process. Beth flushed, but continued sucking us, joking to me that I didn't really need the work, since my "dick" was already "rock hard." I find her vocabulary limited and crass and yet oddly fitting and arousing. And her observation was in every way correct. Where as achieving full erection had consistently taken between three and four minutes, it was near instantaneous today. Could it be possible that Miss Harris's presence could so distort this process?
We took our fully erect measurements. Once again I measured just over 7.2 inches, with a circumference of 5.9. Mr. Thomas was 6 inches exactly, and 4.9 inches in circumference. Beth asked me to "fuck" her. Since I had found vaginal stimulation the most effective, I did as she requested, although it took almost nine minutes to achieve climax. Mr. Thomas finished at almost the same time.
Beth was noticeably tired from our activities, so Miss Harris was kind enough to agree to take our flaccid measurements, although she inquired as to why I would call Nurse Dolan, Beth, but still insisted on calling her Miss Harris. There was some logic in her request and I agreed to call her Jenny as she'd often requested. She insisted I call Mr. Thomas "Jack" as well. I pointed out that I did not believe in being overly familiar with my students, but she correctly noted that he was on staff now. She is an amazing assistant, always aware of all the details, and often one step ahead of me.
Following our morning measurement, I instructed Jack to draft a monograph on the method of manual enlargement performed by the Sudanese tribesmen, whom initial research indicated had the largest penises in the world. I instructed Beth to find any data on current technologies for penis enlargement, particularly in terms of machines and devices. Jenny was allocated the task of taking the data I'd accumulated so far and to correlate it and enter it into our computer. Jenny told me she found this latest study "fascinating" and asked to become more involved, assuring me it wouldn't interfere with her other tasks. This is highly unusual for Jenny, who has shown little interest in the actual methods and procedures of my previous studies.