Endings Ch. 02

* * * * * *

I was always alert to his moods, knowing when the sex would be gentle and sweet or hot and heavy, both of which I loved. If he was stressed or had a really bad date I knew it would be the second kind, and I sometimes wished for more of that. When he was rougher it was easier to keep my emotions out of this than when he was gentle with me, when I could almost believe we were making love rather than having sex.

He was always confident, sure of the effect he had on me, and it should have been an unattractive quality, but it really wasn't, the grin he wore most of the time when he was with me told at least of how much he enjoyed our time together even if it was nothing more than friends with benefits. Those benefits made it all well worth it.

What I was really on the lookout for was the sign he had met a woman he wanted to be with. That would be the moment I had to back away and try not to look as devastated as I knew I would feel. It was with that thought in my mind, as usual, that one night came my first real moment of insecurity when he was with me. Something was wrong with him, I could tell, but I had no idea what it was and I feared the worst. Cam was never usually this quiet, and although everything that happened was by now standard, and he was his usual enthusiastic and noisy self as we had sex, beforehand he seemed nervous, and afterwards he was visibly twitching with nerves.

I wondered what I had done. Had I let a little of what I really felt about him slip out? Or was it that he had found the woman he could be with? I hoped not, because not only did I want him to stay with me, but also I didn't like the idea of us having sex if he was in love with someone else, it wouldn't be right. As we sat having coffee in my kitchen I decided I had to know, no matter how bad it might be.

“What's wrong Cam? You've been on edge most of the night.”

“Just thinking,” he replied, not as casually as he'd probably hoped.

“You can tell me, I won't have a problem, whatever it is.”

He gave a choked laugh. “I'm sure you won't. I'm the one having the problem. I can't, okay.”

He looked like he was about to run out on me rather than talk, so I figured that was the end of our conversation and I let it drop, although I couldn't help wondering what he had a problem with and why he couldn't tell me. We talked a lot, we were friends as well as everything else, and he usually had no issue discussing things with me, even things I didn't want to know about the women he'd met.

I'd almost forgotten about it by the time he went to leave, our conversation having moved on to usual chat about nothing in particular, and it was only as he got his coat that things got weird again. He could barely look at me, staring at the carpet as he pressed an envelope into my hand.

“Just read this, please. I thought I could tell you, but I can't, so this is the cowards way out. Wait until I've gone.”

I didn't really have chance to agree to that, he was out the door like there was a rocket behind him, and I was left staring at the letter in my hand, wondering what was so awful and terrifying he couldn't even say it aloud. I had my suspicions, and none of them were good. In fact, I was so sure what it would say I didn't dare open it the rest of the night. I went to bed, trying not to think about Cam leaving me, and failing dismally.

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, unable to sleep, unable to get the letter off my mind. In the end I realised I had to know, no matter how bad it might be. If it was the end, at least I could start dealing with that. I tore the letter open, my eyes already red from lack of sleep, and read it through three times before I actually took in the words, and when it finally made sense I read it again, just to make sure it really did say that.

Wondering if I was actually asleep and dreaming, I pinched myself just in case and decided I was awake. Then a broad smile spread across my face. What he was too afraid to ask me for was exactly what I had been dreaming about for weeks. He wanted me to fuck him.

* * * * * *

He didn't text me for several days. I sent a couple of innocuous ones, saying hi and trying to make it clear I wanted him to come round without actually asking him. Even though I had the concern that he would change his mind, the mere thought of being inside him had me hard every time it came to mind, and it came to mind a lot.

It wasn't just that he wanted this, it was that I would be his first, the only one he had needed and trusted enough to give himself to. That thought was almost more erotic than the sex itself, that I was something special to him. Perhaps not how I wanted to be, but surely there was more to this than simply him wanting to try something new.

I wanted that part more than anything, to be someone special in his life, no matter how much I might be kidding myself that it could happen. He was opening his mind to different ways he could have sex, not to a relationship with me, but it was still me he would be doing it with. Well, if he ever dared get in touch again. Maybe he'd scared himself too much with that letter and I wouldn't get to do it. All I would get was to imagine more of what I'd already spent hours doing.

Elation didn't even cover it when he finally texted to ask if he could come over. He had to be kidding, I'd almost never refused him and there was no way in hell I was going to deny myself this. Whilst that sounded selfish, I had every intention of making sure this was perfect for him, because that increased my chances of it happening again, and again, and...fuck those thoughts were making me hard again.

He was nervous as I expected, but I greeted him with a passionate kiss to remind him of how good we were together and how much I could turn him on. It was strange seeing him on edge like that and not his usual grin that seemed more smug than anything when he turned it on me, mainly because it proved that he knew what he was doing to me, usually driving me wild in one way or another.

“You know I'm not going to do anything you don't want. If you've changed your mind...”

I tailed off, wanting to give him a get-out but not sure I really could make it explicit. I really wanted this but he had to be sure.

“I've not changed my mind, it's just a bit scary.”

“It will be really good, I promise,” I whispered into his ear, nibbling on his earlobe and hearing his groan in response.

That reminded me of how much I could turn him on, and he would need that. Mind you, right now I needed to calm myself down else I wasn't going to be as gentle with him as he would need, at least to start with.

“Come with me,” I muttered, leading him by the hand towards my bedroom.

He was trembling slightly and I was pretty sure part of that was for the wrong reason right now, but I knew I could sort that out. Having decided how I was going to start this I stripped, not missing the slight fear in his eyes as he saw my erect cock. He'd never worried about it before now, it was a decent size not huge, but I guessed it looked a lot more intimidating when he thought about what I was going to do with it.

Stepping close to him I made sure it was out of his sight before I started to strip him off, but just a little for the moment. His shirt came off and I worshipped his firm chest and nipples for a little while, noting that despite his nerves he was hard inside his trousers. That was a very good sign that he wasn't going to back out.

I worked my way up to his shoulder, nipping along his collarbone and then back to his ear.

“I'm going to need to concentrate on you for a while, so I want you to suck me off first, okay?”

He nodded and sank to his knees. If there was a better sight in this world than Cam at my feet, licking at my cock, I didn't know what it could be, it was beautiful and just the visual, before he really touched me, had me starting to leak some precum. I groaned as he licked it up and he flashed his smug grin at me. This he was confident with, and very, very good at.

I was lost almost immediately, all my senses concentrating on my cock and how it was being licked and sucked as he worked me inside his mouth, and my balls that he was teasing and rolling around in his hand. Ever since I got his text I had been at least half-hard, and his attention was quickly working me towards a climax. I steadied myself on his shoulders and waited for the moment, not caring if it was quick. If being in his mouth was this good I had no idea how being inside him would be.

He hummed around me, teasing me into coming in his mouth and throat, and it was just the incentive I needed. I cried out and grabbed hold of him harder as I shot my load, moaning happily as I felt his tongue encouraging more and licking me clean. He was definitely good at this, so much so that I slumped back on the bed behind me shaking, gasping for air and some control so I could get to the other things I really wanted and had promised him.

I heard him laughing softly as he lay down beside me,and that sound reminded me that this was supposed to be about turning him senseless, not me. I took hold of him and rolled him onto his side while I rolled to meet him, immediately pulling him into a kiss and working his trousers undone and then down a little way while I plundered his mouth and tasted myself on him.

Taking handfuls of his buttocks, I squeezed, causing a groan that made me laugh and spurred me back into action. I sat up, pulling the rest of his clothes down and off and revealing the rest of his glorious body to me. He was hard, as expected, and he groaned again when I stroked one finger up his erection.

“Soon, I promise,” I whispered to him. “Roll over.”

I gave him a gentle push to indicate he should get on his stomach and moaned quietly as he immediately did as I asked. Perhaps this was the most beautiful sight I'd seen, his muscled back and arse presented to me, his legs slightly spread so I could see his balls and his hole. He moaned and shifted a little and I knew that it was uncomfortable for him to lie on his erection, but I would sort that out before I got inside him, well, if things went as planned.

Settling down behind him I took a moment to appreciate the view, then nudged his legs wider apart. My hands laid on his cheeks, squeezing and stroking them to little gasps of pleasure from him, but it was about to get a hell of a lot better. He was about to get the rimming of his life, and this time I wasn't going to be worried about slipping inside him, it was what he wanted and expected.

My tongue flicked out, teasing him by barely touching his hole. He moaned and I grinned, about to enjoy this just as much as he did, although part of my enjoyment was hearing his cries of pleasure. I started to lick and suck on him, having to hold him still when he started to writhe under my attention because I didn't want him to get off just yet. He gasped in surprise when my tongue finally started to work slightly inside him, but he only seemed to moan louder after that.

God this was good, knowing that this would not be the end of my attention to his arse this time. He was freshly showered when he came to me and I tasted the shower gel over his more intimate scents. He was opening to me, spreading his legs wider and pushing back towards me to get my tongue deeper inside him, and his cries of pleasure were muffled slightly by the pillow but a clear encouragement as well.

Reluctantly I had to pull away eventually, because we both needed more than this. I rolled him over, delighting in the glazed expression on his face, the desire he obviously had for me, and the still hard and now leaking erection. I knew he was desperate for me to suck it, and I was going to, but only after I grabbed the lube. I started to lick as I prepared two fingers, and he moaned when he felt the first contact of my finger against him.

As I took his head into my mouth I teased my fingers round his entrance, wanting him to get used to the idea before I entered him, but he surprised me by pushing back against my hand and taking one finger into him. Encouraged by that and the fact he immediately started to move his hips to get it to fuck him, I slid another one in beside it and he barely flinched. With two fingers I could start to work him open and search for the spot that would have him screaming.

I would have smiled when I found it, because his reaction was so good, but I had my mouth full anyway and even fuller when his hips jerked upwards at the sudden rush of pleasure from his prostate. I worked it then, his feet pushing him up off the bed to get greater pleasure from my mouth and my fingers, and I sucked harder, wanting him to come soon.

His cry was a strangulated combination of 'fuck' and 'Max' that sent waves of pleasure through me as I swallowed his sweet cum. God, he looked good when he was totally undone like this, hair messed and face flushed, and I delighted in the fact that almost immediately he started to move on my fingers again, trying to get more pleasure from them.

I slid a third into him, making sure to open him well, but avoiding that button that would send him soaring again. He needed to be more in control, and I didn't want him to come again until I was inside him. He was still riding me, gasping and responding to my movements with little moans that were driving me wild.

“I need it Max, fuck me,” I heard, more of a breath than actual words, but they seemed clear as day in that moment.

I was shaking when I moved away from him, his little moan of disappointment as I removed my fingers from him making my cock jump. I slid on a condom quickly, my excitement mounting by the moment.

“Roll onto your side, knees up,” I told him, helping him into the position I wanted him.

If I had my way, I would have taken him as he lay already, but that was going to be a harder start than with him curled up like this, and I needed to protect both of us. I had a feeling that if I looked into his eyes while I entered him I would fall even harder than I already had, and I didn't dare put myself through that. He never fucked me face to face and I knew there was a reason in his mind.

He didn't hesitate or argue the position, and I knew he was aware what was coming, but I wanted to make absolutely sure he had no doubts. I spooned up behind him, my cock sliding almost into position and very obvious against him and he gasped but it was anticipation.

“Relax Cam, this is going to feel so good.”

There was a mumbled sound of agreement or encouragement, and I took that as my confirmation. I took hold of my erection and guided it towards him, feeling the heat of his body even before I got inside. He had been loosened by all my attention, but it wasn't quite enough and I felt him tense as I slid the head inside. I stroked over his side and licked at his neck.

“It's okay, I'm going to take this slow.”

Fuck, he was so hot and tight it was a good thing I had come earlier, else this would be even more torture than it already was. Even in this position, where I couldn't get too deep, I felt enveloped by his warmth and a tear slid out of my eye. Wiping it away, I determined I was not going to let myself get lost in the emotion, this was about raw sex, not making love, no matter what I might want.

I slid in and out a little, testing his reaction. He moaned but it was definitely a good one, so I pressed home, seating myself as far inside him as I could. He shifted beside me, taking me slightly deeper and I moaned at him then, hearing a soft chuckle. Damn man was even smug with my cock in him, I was going to have to put that right.

The rocking movement of my hips started slowly, but he was meeting me with his own little moves so I gave him a sharp thrust, causing him to cry out again. I liked that sound, it wasn't pain it was just me driving him to new heights, and I was going to make sure he soared to the heavens before this was over. Speeding up I tried to listen to the litany of groans and cries, but I was making enough of my own that I wasn't quite sure which were coming from who.

“I need more,” he got out croakily, and started to shift, pulling himself away from my cock.

Surprised and horny beyond reason, I barely managed to let him go, unsure what was happening. It was only when he settled back down on his stomach, legs spread in invitation again that I understood, and I pounced, getting on top of him and back inside before he really had time to settle. Now I could go harder and deeper, and I made sure I did.

His groans were more muffled now, his face in the pillow, but his hips rose to meet me and urged me on to give him more and more. It became a frenzy, I was aware of nothing other than the two of us entwined and fucking on my bed. Having him beneath me was amazing and I never wanted it to end even though I was already close to coming. A few more hard thrusts and he shook beneath me, his sheath tightening so that I could barely move and my cock could no longer take the stimulation.

I collapsed, aching and sweaty, shaking as I shot my load, my body covering his that was equally wiped out by our efforts and the intensity of our orgasms. This time, I dimly realised, he couldn't get away from me the moment he came, he was going to have to stay there until I could move again, but I couldn't even hug him to me. I basked in his heat and the afterglow for as long as possible, until his shifting became too obvious.

I rolled off him and turned away, unable to watch but hearing the sounds of him dressing. Just once I wanted him to stay in my arms, or hold me, while we rested together. I shouldn't be sad after incredible sex like that, but the instant he was out of my bed I felt the separation again. He loved this, he didn't love me.

“Thanks Max, that was really good, I had no idea.”

His voice kind of tailed off, and I knew that was his goodbye, at least for now. By the time I composed myself and turned to look at him all I saw was his back disappearing out of my bedroom, and even worse, the sound straight after of the front door. He wasn't even going to hang around for a coffee. I was such an idiot.

I knew how much I had hoped that me taking him would change things, but everything went as I expected rather than how I hoped. After that night, it added some variety to the sex, but it was still just sex to him. He loved making me spend time preparing him on the occasions he let me inside him, but it was mostly him taking control still, and I didn't mind that balance. Taking him was difficult for me, because I felt a different connection to him and found it hard to keep back my wish to confess what I felt.

I knew how much I wanted him to stay with me, and as time went on and nothing changed between us, I also knew it was never going to happen. One day I would be alone, hurting at a love lost, but I tried hard to put it to the back of my mind and enjoy the moments we shared without thinking of the loneliness I knew was in store for me.

On the anniversary of the game of truth or dare that had changed my life so much I sat alone at home, pleasant memories of the times we had been together fighting in my mind with visions of my future, the two intermingling so I couldn't be sure if I was happy or sad. I considered being the one to end this, to save myself from more hurt, but I couldn't miss out on what we still had for anything. It wasn't going to hurt any less whether it happened sooner or later. As it turned out, it was sooner.

* * * * * *

It was only a couple of weeks after our 'anniversary', not that Cam had mentioned it and I knew he wouldn't. We had gone out for dinner, one of those rare nights I could feel like we were dating rather than just screwing around in secret, and one of those nights that I cherished even if it meant nothing at all to him.