Endings Ch. 02

Cam had been quieter than usual all evening, but not so off that I had managed to put my finger on what the problem was. We sat in a little Italian restaurant together as we had many times before, both loving the food and the atmosphere in the place. His gorgeous toned and smooth body was hidden by a tailored jacket and shirt and his usual jeans that hugged his arse perfectly. Tonight would follow the usual pattern of us sneaking back to mine after dinner for some frantic and passionate sex, and I let my mind wander to thoughts of him naked.

The pleasant thoughts I was having caused me to shift in my seat, knowing they were arousing me and I shook myself out of it, embarrassed that I was reacting to him in that way when he was doing nothing, it was all my imagination and my memory of all the times we had shared before tonight. It would all have to wait for later, and I stopped my train of thought to look properly at his face, his beautiful hazel eyes meeting mine.

The creamy pasta seemed to turn to ash in my mouth when I saw the look in his eyes that I had been both expecting and dreading for months. It was time, and I had to steel myself to stay strong and not let on how I really felt. I vaguely wondered how many times I had been over this scenario in my mind, working out what I would say, at the same time desperately hoping it would never happen.

“So, who is she?” I asked calmly.

He looked startled more than anything else, but the reaction confirmed my deepest fears. There was a story to be told and one I wouldn't want to hear, but I had already seen his happiness at something that I had no part in and it was going to end what we had, here and now as we sat in our favourite restaurant.

“A girl from work, Emily. We've dated a few times, but it isn't that serious.”

“Really? Your eyes say different. You were thinking of her just then, weren't you?”

He flushed, which was enough of an answer. He didn't seem to want to say it out loud so I had the opportunity to talk further and do what I knew was right. I felt like my insides were tearing in two, physical pain both at having to let him go and trying to do it with dignity when I wanted to sit here and cry. I wasn't going to humiliate myself like that and I was going to keep my lies up this one last time. I forced a smile.

“I'm happy for you, although I am wondering when you were going to tell me.” The guilt that passed across his face made me realise. “I see. A dinner and one last fuck huh? I guess I've saved you from an awkward conversation later.”

“I'm sorry. I thought it would be easier tonight if you didn't know, you'd only feel guilty.”

“And you wouldn't? How could you have goodbye sex with me and not feel like you were cheating on her?”

“Because it's you. I want...”

I cut him off. “I'm not going to be party to that Cam. You know the rules, this was going to end when one of us found someone they really cared about. You want a relationship with her, then great and I wish you all the best, but you get your sex there now, not with me. Casual is one thing, but I'm not going to be the mistress.”

“You could never be my mistress,” he replied, smirking slightly at the thought.

“The situation would be the same. I've been your walk on the wild side, now it's back to the straight and narrow for you. Straight being the operative word,” I remarked with grim humour.

He surprised me by taking my hand, holding it and stroking his thumb across my palm in a gesture of intimacy that still sent shivers through me even though we were breaking up, or at least I was. He was calling a halt to things with his fuckbuddy and he thought that I looked on our relationship the same way.

“You know I really do care about you. It's been wonderful and I don't regret it for a moment. I want you to be happy too and I'll be hoping you find a great guy to share your life with, you deserve it.”

'What if I already did?' I wanted to ask, but I couldn't bring myself to form the words.

“Thanks, I appreciate that. You're right, it has been good and I'm glad we got to have our time together, but all good things have to end. I hope she makes you happy.”

“She will,” he said with a certainty that was the final stab to my heart.

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