Esta soy Yo - This is Me

A/N: I've been inspired to write this when I was listening to the song 'Esta soy yo' by 'El sueño de morfeo', one of my all-time favourites...

I just wanted to portray a different perspective on the glamour life that many people crave for. But remember, any of the characters and events herein are entirely fictional.

*

They said I needed to laugh a little more.

Whenever my face was tightened, they told me to open up and show my pearly whites.

"You need to make a pouty mouth, with just this little hint of a smile. Coquettish, honey." they would call and I would have to shake off the doubts and objections, swallow my pride and give them what they wanted.

They told me to sleep a little more.

"Darling, your eyes look all puffy and your taint is really dark and shady. You need to relax and lie down a bit. Get a nice massage and facial." they would complain and I would only nod in accomplishment and turn on my heel.

They griped I was like a sea of ice.

"Can't you just be a little more extroverted? A tiny bit... The camera won't bite, honey." they would always repeat, in endless sing-sangy voices. And I flipped my hair and gave them the glint in my eyes they had asked for.

They claimed I was like a body without soul.

I was doing my best, I honestly was. But when they would arrange the floodlights and zoom in the cameras I would automatically lose my identity. Every click flash was adding up and I ended each day just like those mannequins you can style any way you please. My eyes would lose all glimmer and the best they did was cover it up by extra-sparkling eye shadow.

They barked I was a normal girl.

"She ain't got nothing special about her. She's like the girl next door, there's millions of her out there." I could hear them complain and bad mouth, but every time they would come to the conclusion that I was the best when the light was on.

Professional all the way.

They fussed I was like a book without a plot.

"We need someone to whom the world can relate. People want to have a fairy tale, you know. They want somebody just like them, but in perfection." I would nod, silently. They put more make-up on, changed the light angle a little and there was the happy ending they longed for.

They told me I didn't know where my place was.

I always knew how to handle my body. As soon as I entered the set I knew how to drape myself, what face to put on and I wouldn't even forget the smile they had tailor made in store for me.

Still, they asked me why I was always so 'in-between', distant even - and I had no intention of letting them know.

The light was off, the make-up had been removed off my face, my hair was messily pulled up and I wore my lazing clothes.

I knew I was an endangered species. And I was close to letting myself slip. They hadn't yet managed to get all of me, but I knew it wouldn't be long. I would rest when they told me, I would be a freak or a doll, or whatever they demanded. I would show a shy smile or a cocky glint, I would always just nod and take it.

They said I was caught between mania and despair, love and hate, black and white. But little did they know how many shades I always covered up before they could apply their colourful face on me.

I was strutting my stuff, straight up, chin held high with the utmost elegance and sophistication and my eyes would look as glimmering as ever when the flash snapped. My lips were curled up in a coquette smile, just like they wanted.

Now I was the girl next door, one of a thousand, always the same, with an 'individuality keep out' - label on the door.

But! I know there will be a time when I will have the chance to reveal myself. I don't want to waste more time. I don't want to be tamed, I want to run wild -- if they want to catch up with me, they will have to run just as fast as me, not slow me down.

I know I don't fit into anyone's puzzle; I am not smoothed and cut. I ain't anyone's ideal picture.

Perhaps this is not the time for me to shine. But I know one day I will. Until then I will just act like their Cinderella.

Even if I know this ain't me.

Yet.

Y esta soy yo. Quizás no es el momento. Más, un día vendrá mi momento.

*

And this is me. Perhaps now is not yet my time. But one day my time will come.