Eyes Like Winona Ch. 08

I packed clothes into a duffel bag while Ben tried to reason with me, tell me to stay and think things through.

"I can't live here anymore." I said softly. I took Ben's hand and put it against the back of my head, so he could feel the rough scab under my hair. "Toby smashed my head into a window. I don't want to live here if he's going to hit me. I've had enough of that."

Ben was silent, shaking his head. "The only reason he hit you was because he found out what you were doing. I would have been furious too. He was getting out in a few weeks, why did you feel the need to go out and... and.."

"And what!" Celia bleated.

"Get out of here." Ben snarled.

"No Celia, stay." I stood up straight.

"You want to hear it from the horses mouth? Then everyone gets to hear it. For the last month I've been going out and fucking people for money. Happy? I did it because some stupid redneck bastard was too high-and-mighty to keep his dog on a leash and he bit Calvin. I did it because we are neck-deep in shit and since I was the only one in this goddamn house who was making money. The only one in this house who even CARED."

Calvin was in the doorway, staring at me with socketed red eyes.

"I fucked those strangers because it was the only goddamn way to get us out of this goddamn debt. We're still in goddamn debt, but now you have Toby. Toby the savior. You didn't do anything but get stoned and fuck your girlfriend when I was here, so just do the same now. Why the fuck should you be bothered with our problems when we're just putting your pampered ass through college?"

I stalked to the bathroom, grabbing whatever toiletries were mine. I loped to the kitchen and grabbed a few things in there that were mine. No one was saying anything, afraid that they would set me off. I was so close to losing it. To bursting into tears.

"I love you guys." I whispered, in a soft strained voice. "I love you all so much. But I can't fucking live like this anymore."

Before leaving, I picked up Lisse and hugged her tight, smelling her soft hair and feeling her sticky hands on my face.

Ben looked like he was going to explode. He looked guilty and ashamed, like a dog who shat on the carpet, but he still looked indignant.

I hugged Celia and Calvin. Ben let himself be stiffly hugged by me. On my way out of the door, I turned back and told them that I would visit, and that the proceeds from my factory job would still go to the family account.

As the door closed behind me, I heard Ben burst out.

"He's so... SELFISH!"

---

After that, I headed to my job with Mr. Browning. It was against his policy, but he lent me a pair of sunglasses to cover up my swollen eyes. At least until the red went away.

Drake had agreed to pick me up at work, to go to the apartments. He had narrowed it down to three, and we were going to take the bus.

At four twenty five, he was lounging outside, waiting for me to be ready. I was able to admire just how fucking beautiful he was. How he was really the only person I had left. The only one who I could really talk to.

Browning swept the floor. "You know him?"

"Yes." I kept my answer simple.

When it was time to go, I grabbed my full duffel from the storage room, ran out and hugged him as tight as I could. He kissed my hairline, and I could feel his smile against my skin.

"Missed you." He whispered.

"You have no idea." I whispered back.

---

Surprise surprise, we ended up choosing the cheapest of the apartments. The rent was seven hundred a month, plus utilities. It had a single bedroom, a kitchen, living room, and some basic furniture. It was pretty far away, but from here there was a bus line that went to and from my factory job. We would make it work.

"I have quite a bit saved up." Drake murmured. "I rationed it to pay for tuition and utilities and groceries and everything else for about two years. Of course, that was for if I was living for free, so it wont last as long now."

He shrugged. "I can take out some student loans. I'll be working as a full-time nurse in two years, and then I can help pay for us."

I snuggled up to him. The landlord was outside, letting us have a good look. I kissed him on the mouth. "I have a part-time job too. I can help." I felt guilty. "I know I have two, but part of it needs to go to my family."

"I wasn't sure what you were going to do with your finances, so I just did the math for paying it myself." He said quietly. "Any thing you can do to help I'll appreciate."

I shook my head. "I'm pulling my weight. I'm not the girl in some nineteen-fifties marriage. I pay for half the rent and utilities. We make any big purchases, I'll go half. If I can. And for groceries..."

I shrugged.

"I can always go back to that deal I had with Mr. Browning, y'know, the one where--"

He shut me up with a firm kiss on the mouth. "Don't talk crazy." He growled. "Once we're done with Ferdinand, we're done for good."

I smiled. "Yes sir."

---

I signed up for night GED courses. Refreshers on the five basic test groups, reading, writing, mathematics, science, and social sciences. It was a two-week refresher, and it cost forty bucks. It felt good to study again. I was in a classroom with all sorts of people, and they were fascinating to talk to. I was used to not getting much sleep, so GED courses and studying took up the time where I used to be whoring.

I loved Drake so much. He helped me get through so much, helping me when I was stuck on the math, snuggled me when I was feeling lonely, talked to me, sang with me, joked with me, loved me. How on earth could I have known that it was possible to feel this close to someone?

The demons that I had to fight, the cross that I had to bear was my family. I nearly had a heart attack the first time that Toby showed up.

He drove the rabbit to Drake's apartment and knocked on our door. Seeing him through the peephole nearly made me collapse with fear. It was seven in the evening, so before 'working hours' for Drake. He was in the room with me. He grabbed my shoulder and told me to calm down. We let Toby in.

Drake was good. He sat a good foot away from me on the bed, and he was dressed in baggy clothes. In a way, he was doing what he had done for me on my first night, and with Chris and Tio. He was watching over me, making sure that he was there so I didn't get hurt.

Toby's eyes were red and I could smell alcohol on his breath, but to the surprise of everyone present, this was the most civil he had been. He ignored Drake. Not acknowledging anything that he said, or looking in his direction.

Toby told me why I should come home. He promised that he would never touch me again. That we would work everything out and pay all of the debts. Ben would get out of college soon, get a job soon. He would pay to put Toby and me through college, to put us in a better apartment.

Everything would be okay.

"It's not about that anymore." I said softly. My hand was in my pocket, on the brand-new canister of pepper spray that I had bought. "I love Drake. I want to live with him. I don't want to live in the house anymore."

Toby opened his mouth, but I interrupted him. "Ben called me selfish, can you believe that?"

For a moment, a glimmer of old Toby showed through. I could see righteous indignation. His mouth opened, and I could tell that he had a caustic joke on his lips. Something about how far Ben's head was up his own ass. But the joke died.

"I did everything and more for this family." I said softly. "I'm still giving you guys more than half of what I earn. I dropped out of school for this family. I want out. I don't want to live somewhere where I know that you all hate me."

He glanced down at his hands. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." He murmured. "Everything was going so..."

He abruptly got up and left. Closing the door behind him. It was only after that that I let my trembling muscles go limp. I didn't cry, but every session there, and after, just exhausted me.

Toby came two more times in the next six days. Once more to try and convince me back. The second time to bring a few of my things that I had left, and to talk tentatively about a date for us all to go out and eat. So I could see the family again.

I hated how stiff and formal we were. Like a divorced couple talking about when we got to take care of the kids.

I told him a date that I was available, and asked if Drake was invited. He wasn't in the room with us. It was after eight, so he was in a room adjacent to us. It killed me a little inside, to imagine him with a stranger's cock up his ass. Or a stranger's cock in his mouth. I was so sick of this job. I wanted it to be over for the both of us.

Toby was very stiff, and after a few moments, he told me.

"I would prefer that you didn't bring him." Like he was a rambunctious dog, or an obnoxious friend.

My anger was weak and impotent. I said that I wouldn't bring him along, and Toby left. I took a deep shaky breath and started to study.

Drake had tonight, and one more day.

---

I was so tired that I ended up going to bed at about midnight. I always felt guilty about that. Drake had always been there for me. But I was so tired.

I was always a light sleeper, so through the fog of dreams, I heard the shower running. I dimly felt it when he slipped into the bed, quiet so he wouldn't wake me up.

I rolled over, half-asleep, to put my arm over his damp bare shoulders. "Sorry." I mumbled, barely awake.

He chuckled and kissed me. My lips felt numb with sleep. His lips were so soft.

We slept tangled together. Until I had to untangle myself in the morning to trek off to my job.

---

I went to Perkins with my family after I was done with Browning. It felt ridiculously extravagant. But it was so tasty.

Things were tense, and I could feel it, but some of the old camaraderie was back. I was able to joke and laugh with them. Talk about inconsequential topics, like school for the kids.

Celia brought it up, in an effort to be equally friendly to me.

"What does Drake do?"

It was quiet. I nervously took a bite of my chocolate-chip pancakes. "He's in college, like Ben. He's going to be a nurse. He works at McDonalds right now."

"Celia, how did that algebra test go?" Ben asked quietly.

"Guys can be nurses too?" Calvin murmured. "That's kinda weird."

"He wanted to be a doctor, but it takes too long, and too much money."

"Let's not talk about this anymore." Toby said. Firm and resolute.

For the rest of the meal, we talked about a new movie that was coming out, that the twins both badly wanted to see. We didn't talk about Drake, but all the same I felt a little better. The topic had been breached, and no one had flown into a rage. It felt like progress.

---

I went around the apartment, packing up. All of my clothes and belongings fit into a single oversized duffel bag. Drake was a bit more spread out. I unfolded a few cardboard boxes we had bought from a grocery store for a couple of bucks. Drake had divided what was okay to pack, and while he worked, I did the actual packing.

I wrapped a fan in a spare blanket and set it at the bottom. I carefully stacked books so they wouldn't shift when moved around. I put all of the wiring and electronics in a bag inside a box. In each bag, I dropped a few of the air fresheners.

I put Drake's cherished guitar into it's battered black case with the crushed purple felt on the inside. I dissembled the stand and packed that in a box. Every time I thought I was done, there was another pocket of the room that I remembered. A quick check under the bed brought me to discover a couple of dirty socks and a calculator and roughly a thousand corpses of ants that had found the little capsule of ant poison.

I looked around the room, feeling strangely lonely. Everything was packed except a change of clothes for the both of us and our toothbrushes. All of our belongings fit into four cardboard boxes and two big bags.

I unpacked my folder for the GED courses and studied for a while. Time had never seemed to pass so slow. At three, Drake would be done with this shit forever.

Despite my excitement, I got so tired. I had to wake up really early tomorrow so I could help move all of our stuff before getting to work. I wrote out a note.

'Sorry, just so tired. Congrats, I love you so much. See you in the morning. --Love, Neil.

It was corny, but I didn't care. I put it on the shower door and slid under the covers for the night.

---

I heard Drake's phone beeping and I moaned. It was only six in the morning, but moving time was now.

A very gentle shake on my shoulder. "Hup, get up lazy-boy. Time to get moving."

"Don't wanna." I moaned.

He tickled me under my ribs. I giggled and struggled awake.

"I'm going to start bringing boxes out to the car. You brush your teeth and get some clothes on. Sexy beast."

I laughed and forced myself to roll out of bed, wiggling my butt as I did. Making him reach over and smack it. He was feeling frisky this morning, and no wonder!

It was over. His job was over. He always insisted on getting his 'day of rest', but the way he was looking at me, the way he made me feel when he looked at me... I smiled to myself, and adjusted my cock in my boxers.

What would it be like? We had shied away from sex for our whole relationship. What if it was bad?

I immediately pushed that thought away. That was one thing I never had to worry about. He had been popular for a reason. I just worried about me. What if I was the problem?

I was over-thinking things. I shook my head and went to the sink to brush my teeth. I dragged a comb through my shaggy blonde hair and pulled an old t-shirt on. Faded blue, with the pepsi logo on the front.

The door opened. "You still don't have your pants on? You're really not a morning person."

"Of course... It's still dark outside, crazy-man." I pulled on some baggy jeans. It still felt a little strange to be wearing normal clothes around him.

I picked up a box and started outside. It was the box with all of the electronics in it.

I was surprised to see Kirk at the curb. He was smoking a cigarette and leaning against a blue minivan. He grinned and gave me a wave.

"'Sup? Let me help you with that."

He helped me move the box into the back seat. I thanked him for helping us move and he just shook his head.

"S'all cool bro. You and Drake got something special. It's fuckin' cute."

I flushed a little, smiling at the compliment. "I thought you were straight?"

He exhaled with a light cough. "I am. I'm just open minded. You got the genes, and if you were a girl I woulda been all over you."

"Um... Thanks?"

He laughed while I ran inside to get another box.

---

The van had three seats in the front, so I was in the middle seat between Kirk and Drake. I leaned into him, half-asleep for the twenty-minute drive across town. He played with my hair while I snuggled with him. The movement of the car was soothing. The sounds of early city were muted and the air was cold and crisp, dispelled by the warm blasts coming out of the car's vents.

"C'mon... Wake up, Babe..."

I moaned and burrowed into his chest. He laughed and helped me unbuckle my seatbelt. I crawled out of the car and looked up at the apartment building. It was a new place. My new home.

Kirk helped us move our boxes and bags inside. I didn't notice him say goodbye, but he was gone all of a sudden.

"He had to get back home for some reason." Drake muttered, when I asked. He was putting sheets on the bed. I got up behind him and hugged him.

"I have to get out to the bus stop." I murmured.

"Kay. Don't eat dinner, okay? I'll make something for us." He turned around and gave me a real kiss. He cradled my face in his hands and moved his body so it was rubbing against me. I whimpered softly and sucked on his lower lip.

When the kiss broke I was flushed, and I had an erection.

"You're evil." I whispered. I couldn't stop the smile on my face.

He just smiled. I loved his smile. It made his big black eyes sparkle. He tossed the hair out of his eyes with a flick of his head and swatted me on the ass as I turned around.

"Have a great day at work, honey." He giggled, in a high feminine voice.

"You, too... toots."

He laughed hard enough to fall over on the bed. I just shook my head and left the apartment, unable to stop smiling.

---

I felt a little thrill that night, using my brand-new keyring. I had a key to my old home on it, my locker key for my factory job. My bike lock key from before my bike was stolen. But now there was a new key. My name was on this apartment. This was mine.

I slid the key into the dark metal slot, and turned it.

I looked around. From the door, I could see into the open doors of our bedroom. I could see the kitchen. I saw that Drake had neatly made up the bed, and unpacked all of our things. In the kitchen, I could see him. I could see my boyfriend. The man that I had fallen in love with.

He was wearing headphones, so he hadn't heard me come in. He was bobbing his head to the music, his thin back to me. I could see his white skin and beautiful shoulders. He was only wearing his jeans. He was tapping his bare toes against the linoleum with some kind of beat. I could see the little dimples above his buttocks.

I was standing there, tired and sweaty and still in my crappy blue work shirt. Looking at my sexy man. He turned his head and jumped a little, a huge smile on his face. He snatched the earbuds out and loped over.

"Hey Neil." He laughed. He put his arms around me and kissed me. "Welcome home."

I hugged him back, putting my hands on his ass and pushing him closer, so he could feel how excited he made me. "I... I should probably take a shower."

I felt his mouth smiling against my skin. He was nuzzling my neck. His breath there, his feather-soft lips made my breath ragged. Made me moan softly. "Definitely. Take a shower, but if you jerk off in there, I'll kill you. He flashed his dazzling smile at me. "I have waited too fucking long for this. When you come out, I made pasta."

Indeed he did. I peeked in the kitchen. I saw thick garlic cream sauce on the stove. There were cleaned and peeled shrimp in a colander in the sink. A big pot of noodles on the stove. My stomach rumbled just looking at it, just smelling it.

I dashed off to the shower, still unsure how I would follow his marching orders.

---

After shivering under some cold water for a bit, I carefully washed up. I paid special attention to my crotch and ass. Just that whole area. I agonized for a bit over whether or not I should shave. I had just trimmed my dark blonde pubic hair during my time working for Ferdinand. Shaving always gave me annoying red bumps.

After a moment of thought, I compromised.

After a moment of wondering how to do it, I bent over and pulled my buttocks apart with one hand. I drew the razor across the inside of my buttocks, carefully removing the crinkly hairs from around my anus.

The skin back there felt so... sensitive.

I swore softly and turned the water cold again.

---

I walked into the kitchen wearing a muscle shirt and my tight black boxers. He was walking around with his shirt off, driving me crazy. I wanted to return the favor a bit. Just a little.

He was dumping shrimp into the cream sauce. He looked up and grinned. "Finally... did you drown?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. He just waggled his in return. I sat down at the fold-out chair that still had a ragged paper sticker on the seat. The sticker said that we had bought the chairs for the extravagant price of three dollars each. The black table with the cracked faux-leather surface was five dollars.

"Found a garage sale, and we needed a table. Also got some pots and pans and stuff."

I looked through the cupboards. They had an empty feel. All of Drake's mismatched dishes fit in one shelf of one cupboard. A few shelves he had filled with groceries. I checked the fridge, which had come with the apartment. Other than milk, strawberry jam and a few condiments, it was empty.