Falling in Love Again

Sitting alone in the dark of my home my hand rubbed my still aching cheek. My mind kept repeating "You're just not Nancy? My God man what's gotten into you"? It must have been about 4 in the morning when I awoke still in the armchair. My neck hurt, my back hurt, and my check still burned. I stumbled into the bathroom snapped on the light, screamed and snapped it off again. It just seemed too bright for my unprepared eyes. Carefully I reached over and adjusted the dimmer then tried again. This time it was much better, but still I got a shock when I looked into the mirror. One eye was swollen almost shut, and there was still the undeniable impression of fingers along my cheek bone. Had she really hit me that hard? This was bad... Yet somewhere deep inside it felt like justice had been done. I really was an asshole stepping out on Nancy...

At six am the alarm clock just kept ringing and ringing. It nagged and nagged until at last I rolled over and shut it off. God I felt bad... Forcing my eyes open. I gazed into the picture of my wife on the bedside table. "What am I going to do?" I asked her... knowing full well, no response would come. "Perhaps you're right" I continued after a short pause. "I should work this out myself". Slowly I sat up and tentatively touched my face, then realized I couldn't see from that side. Rising I headed to the bathroom to check out the damage, and much like last night it was swollen and black, only now the swelling was enough to close the eye entirely. "I should call in sick", I said to the image, which stared back at me, yet somewhere in my mind I told myself "No". It was a foolish idea, for I knew it might take a few weeks to erase the signs of my folly. Even my conscience piped up saying "Besides you should suffer the embarrassment for what you tried", and so I called the office to tell them I'd be late instead. Next I prepared myself for a preliminary visit to the doctor before work, however it hadn't occurred to me that I couldn't shave. At least ways not until I lathered up the good side of my face, then stood gazing at my image. As I stool there in front of the mirror realizing if I tried to shave it would be hell to say the least it suddenly dawned on me that this had all happened before. Well not exactly like this, but there I was a young businessman with wild ideas, and I was trying not to get involved with my wife. I had gone out on a date figuring if I played around she'd not mean as much to me but I ended up getting slapped just like last night. The big difference though was then I had scratches, not swelling, and the result of my efforts ended up showing me, why Nancy meant so much to me, and ultimately in my marriage... Had I thought Nancy? I meant Joelle

As the realization struck me, my legs began to shake, so I tried to support myself with my arms. They too shook so in the end I just sat upon the bathroom floor. This was not good... I was in love with another man's wife... I I I just couldn't think. Slowly I tried my legs again, and found that although they were not entirely stable I could manage. I moved back to the bedroom and retrieved Joelle's picture from the bedside table. Then as I held it between shaking hands I told her I was sorry. I felt like I had betrayed her, for I knew I had promised I'd never love another. Then perhaps in one of life's images of transition Joelle's picture blurred from sight. I knew it was due to the tears in my eyes but it seemed somehow appropriate.

It took perhaps an hour to finally compose myself enough to dress and call a cab. I knew I couldn't drive with one eye, and was not about to try the subway. As it turned out, having someone else drive, was a sort of a benefit. I had time to reflect on my situation. I had thought that perhaps I should just tell Nancy, then live with my own internal struggle, but somehow that seemed cruel. I could I supposed try to have an affair with her, then in time perhaps she too would have feelings for me, but no that was wrong on too many fronts. Nothing I thought of seemed right, as each time I pondered a new scenario it ended up putting Nancy on the spot or hurting someone. All I really knew for sure was working with her would never be the same. Working with her Working with her The words just kept churning up again, and again, and suddenly I realized that was what had to be done. I had to quit. I'd leave and let Nancy live her life oblivious to my own pain. I'd try to keep tabs on her, and perhaps someday she'd be free again for me to pursue.

When I finally arrived at work that day I was in for a big surprise. It was Halloween and everyone had turned out in costume. It was sort of a company tradition for each year the employees would dress up, work throughout the day, and then go off for the companies Halloween bash. The spouses etc would join their other half at the party, and everyone would have a wonderful time. I of course had completely forgotten about it, so I sort of stood out amongst the vampires, clowns, cats, etc until one of the employees complimented me on my mugged manager look. I had to smile at that even though it hurt to do so. Next came the big moment for as I turned the corner to my office I saw Nancy. She was dressed in a beautiful 16th century styled ball gown. Complete with an exterior lace up girdle, which thrust her breasts up and offered them as tempting morsels for the eyes of all men. When she moved the skirt portion seemed to float rather than sway and immediately I thought of Cinderella.

As Nancy saw me she rushed to my side concerned with what had happened. Her hand reached up and delicately touched the swollen skin, her perfume filled my nostrils and my legs trembled. I tried to go to my desk and sit but as my first leg stepped my knee buckled, and I almost fell. Instantly Nancy was at my side aiding me to my chair. Her body felt so hot pressed once again close to mine, and my eyes couldn't help but steal a new memory of her breasts. She was asking me if I was ok, and what had happened, but I tried to assure her it was nothing. As for what had happened, I told her I had just been stupid, and hoped that now I had learnt my lesson..

All in all, the day was not too bad though. I had managed to get some work done and my eye recouped enough so that I could at least see. I had spoken with the company's president and informed him that I would be leaving, although I didn't offer him any reasons for this sudden decision. He in turn convinced me to stay on until January, as it was our busiest season and they'd be hard pressed to replace, and train someone at this time. I agreed to his time schedule provided my leaving was kept secret until such time as I actually left. I told him I would not stand for a party nor formal announcement, that it had to be this way.

Nancy meanwhile wanted to know if I was going to the party after work but I knew it was not a good idea and told her no. After that, it seemed as though each spare moment Nancy found, she would come back and try to convince me to go again. For once I held true and flatly refused. I tried to explain that I wouldn't be much fun, and that I didn't feel well enough, but still she insisted. She even smiled a wonderful smile and offered to let me "sit" with her, and for the briefest moment my determination wavered. Suddenly the image of me sitting with Albert came to mind, and so once again I refused. Truly Nancy seemed dejected that I would not attend but such was the stand I needed to take.

After I left work that day I returned home, but found I was merely sitting in the darkening living room. My mind was on Nancy, and I realized it was going to be a long two months if I stayed cold towards her. I tried to occupy my thoughts with TV, but quickly turned it off. I tried music but found a kind of melancholy sweeping over me, so at last I turned to my photo album. Perhaps somewhere in my pictures my wife could help me. As I turned page after page I found it seemed to be working. I started to remember the situations, which inspired them. The good times, the joy we shared, and then... I turned to the cabin. It was to be our dream home, and retirement place. Yet instead it turned out to be the cruelest memory. It was there that Joelle told me she was feeling bad, and it was there two weeks later that she died. I had never been back. Once again I found myself on the verge of crying, so I turned the page and the image caused me to freeze. Through the tear filled eyes I saw Nancy at the annual Halloween Party, shaking hands with my wife. Since this was Nancy's first party I knew the image was not her, so I wiped my eyes and looked again. This time it was indeed my wife dressed as Queen of the Nile, but pointing to another employee dressed as Queen Elizabeth. Dropping the book in my lap I kissed the tip of one finger then touched it to my wife's image. "Thank you" I said, then stood, and left for the party.

Was it fate, or some other unseen force, which sent me to the party that night? I may never know. I like to think though it was Joelle reaching out to tell me everything was ok, but that I needed to be at that party. When I arrived it was already so late, but still I made my way through the revelers, a good number of whom were drunk, trying to find Nancy. When I had crossed the room once without seeing her I asked some of the other employees. Most were oblivious as to where she was, but one lady told me she had just left with a client. "What?" I shouted to myself then questioned her again Sure enough Nancy had come to the party alone and had been drinking way too much. She had also allowed a client to constantly dance with her, kiss her, and even fondle the tops of her breasts. Now rumors always have some basis in fact and thus it was that I felt ill. I had let Nancy down She had so wanted me there I refused And she then fell into opportunistic hands. I was such an asshole

As I exited the building the cold blast of pending winter bit at my neck I didn't care. It felt as though I had lost my wife all over again. Slowly I made my way through the parking lot, and perhaps that might have been the end of it, but suddenly a horn beeped and I glared at its indignity for disturbing me. For a moment I saw nothing, then a sudden movement within a frosted vehicle captured my attention. That was curious I thought, so I moved closer, only to see the movement was an arm rising and falling. It appeared to be sewing or pulling on something, but that just didn't make sense, so I moved closer still. It only took two strides though for my eyes to see the prone form of Nancy. The man within the car was unfastening her girdle but I could already see her breasts were exposed. "No!!!" I screamed as my eyes took in the sight.

Without thinking I raced to the car slipping on the slick pavement, and sliding into the door. The thump echoed throughout the parking lot but as the guy's head rose I already had the door open. Nancy's head was turning towards me, and it was obvious she was drunk. I also had the impression that only moments before, she had been passed out. As for the guy, he started to say "What the fuck" Then seeing me start to enter the car, said, "I'm sorry I'm sorry I didn't know she was your wife". Perhaps it had been the look in my eyes or perhaps the mess of my face giving the impression I was a fighter, but in any event the guy literally pushed Nancy from his car then locked the doors.

As I gathered Nancy up from the parking lot pavement, it struck me that her voluminous skirt had most likely prevented the guy from going too far. That would also explain why he was removing her girdle. For a moment I looked back at the guy in the car, and was somewhat relieved to see him watching in apparent wide, eyed fear. I had never thought of myself as a scary guy, and in fact had never been in a fight, so I was somewhat relieved this was the impression I had presented. Thank goodness I hadn't spared myself the time to consider my actions With Nancy once again safe within my arms I now had to figure out what to do. I knew I couldn't take her back inside, for the innuendo, rumors, and impressions associated with such an action would at the very least destroy Nancy's ability to work within our firm. I couldn't leave her to fend for her self in this condition so my only option seemed to take her home to her husband, and face his possessive character. It seemed a small sacrifice to be scrutinized by him in order to insure Nancy's safety so I carried her to my car and placed her in the passenger seat. After closing her door I proceeded to the driver's side, started the car, and then fastened my seat belt. As it clicked into place I remembered Nancy had not been able to fasten her own, so I reached across her to do it myself. Suddenly I realized her breasts were once again mere inches from my lips. She'd never know Drawing upon my last resources of strength, I reluctantly moved away. Then putting the car in reverse I backed away. As I came out of the parking lot I suddenly realized I didn't know where I was going. I stopped the car, looked at Nancy, but didn't have the heart to disturb her. Instead I figured I'd take the info from her purse as I was sure she wouldn't mind. Putting the car in park I reached for it only to find it was not on my side. Not on hers either, nor on the floor. Had I picked up a purse? Did she have one? Where was her coat? Realizing she was without both I considered the possibilities. She had left them inside, or they were in the guy's car. In either case though I was not willing to go back and stir the pot of controversy or doubt, so I gently shook Nancy. "Nancy" I called, "Where to do you live?" "Nancy" "Nancy". It was no use I realized. She was too far gone, to get a response unless I slapped her back to consciousness and I just couldn't. Putting the car back in drive I made the decision. I'd go home and there look up her address in the phone book.

Ok So my heart was in the right place, even if my mind was not... Now back in my driveway, I once again went to Nancy's side of the car, and gently lifted her out. She seemed to curl up in my arms, hugging me close, a memory which I shall treasure forever. More than this though, when I at last tried to lay her upon my bed, her arms did not let go, and I was forced to gently coax them open. For a moment after my hands released her I stood looking at this siren, which had so unwittingly captured my heart. I found myself softly stroking the stray hairs from her forehead, and allowing a fingertip to trace the line of her face then lips. They were soft So soft... They needed to be kissed Not like in the past, but softly as a lover would. I leaned in and as my lips approached and smell of alcohol filled my nostrils. What was I doing? This simply was not right. I could not pretend I had no control because of alcohol, for I didn't drink. I could not rationalize that it was ok for she had wanted this. It was simply taking advantage, and had I continued I'd be no better than the client I rescued her from.

I rose from the bed, all the while watching. Allowing more and more of Nancy to fill my vision. Soon it became apparent to me that she could not, and should not sleep that way. Her girdle which had caused the client so much trouble still squeezed Nancy's waist, and I was sure restricted her breathing to some degree. I also noticed her gown ballooned up from her legs due to the skirt's stays, imparting an impression of a beached whale. All in all this did not befit my sleeping beauty so once again I lowered myself to the bed, and cautiously began undoing the girdle. I found myself treating Nancy like she had treated my gift, taking the utmost care in each stage. Soon the last intricate weave of the girdles ties slipped free and the twin halves parted. Tenderly I slipped my hand under Nancy, between the girdle and her dress then with the most delicate of upward pressures I pulled the garment free. Next I studied the dress itself and realized that it fastened by way of tiny hooks. They ran from, between her breasts, down to about her waist and were spaced perhaps a quarter inch apart. I suppose now it might have been quite comical to watch as my hands moved up to the first hook between her breasts, tipped as though preparing to unfasten then slipped away back to my lap. This happened three times before I opted to start at the bottom hook, which as it turned out could not be opened before the one above and above and Yes I was back at the top. I know my hands shook as I dipped between Nancy's soft breasts that first time. Shook as I opened the first, then second hooks. I had thought it would become easier as I moved down, but instead each successive hook revealed more and more of her body and it actually became worse. By the time I had managed the last hook my hands were shaking so badly it appeared I had some serious ailment.

Now at last Nancy's dress was free to be taken away, so closing my eyes I lifted her upper body into my chest and slipped each arm free of the sleeve. I found my own breathing had turned shallow and my body was acutely aware of hers as it pressed into my chest. She had not moved voluntarily now for quite some time, yet it was apparent her body could sense the changes. Her nipples became hard, and pressed longingly into me, and I feared opening my eyes would inflame my own passion beyond my ability to control it. I held her there pressed closely against me, just breathing, building up my courage to continue. Then finally I lowered her back to the bed and opened my eyes.

It would be impossible to describe the vision before me and do it justice. Yet to say that and not try seems and injustice in itself. Imagine then if you will, an angel sleeping. Her face, was a portrait of peace. Her eyes closed yet unhaunted by dreams, or worry. Imagine those lips, slightly parted yet moist and full. Her skin seemed a flawless mixture of graceful curves, and silken textures. Add to this the shadows and highlights of an autumn moon, and you'll understand why it was I once again brushed the stray hair from above her eyes, then leaned in and kissed those lips.

How had I come to this???? There I was teasing her parted lips with my tongue then sucking softly upon the upper portion. Her hand caressing through my hair sent shivers up my spine but the soft moan, which followed did me in. I was swimming in the euphoric dream of making love to Nancy. I kissed her, caressed her, and told her how I felt. Yet somewhere inside something nagged at me. I tried to ignore it, to push it aside with my growing passion, yet it became stronger. I shouldn't do this... Struggling with my desires vs. morals, my head slid to Nancy's ear, and I whispered "Forgive me". I knew she wouldn't remember this, nor the advances I had forced upon her sexy body, yet the pain within myself dictated it be done.

As my body rose up and away from Nancy I found her image had blurred almost to the point of complete obscurity. It was only then that I realized my eyes were filled with tears; tears, which I could not control. Perhaps it was better this way I tried to reason. If I could not see her then I'd not be so tempted. I knew that for each time my will faltered, the passion, or advances I made, became longer and more direct. I knew too that no matter how right that moment might be, it would still be wrong. I had to get away before it was too late As I stood to do just that my eyes blinked and I saw Nancy's gown still bunched about her waist and billowing high above her legs. Taking a deep breath a reached out and pulled the hem. The dress slid easily now, down her thighs and away, leaving only her cheapy pantyhose and white cotton panties. I had already come so far And thus it was that I closed my teary eyes, grasped the waistline of both, and pulled them free. I heard the soft gasp, but dared not open my eyes, for I knew it would be the end of me. Instead my hands searched out the duvet, and I pulled it over her now nude form. Finally I dared to open my eyes, and was pleased that I had managed quite well. It only took a minor adjustment of the duvet before I was satisfied Nancy would rest comfortably.