Family Guy Redux

Kathy took pity on me, agreeing to meet at a coffee shop after I limped away to the locker room.

She looked fresh and radiant as we stood in line at one at the local java joints, while I felt like a dead man walking.

"Kathy, when did coffee get so complicated?" I said, after she rattled off what sounded like the makings of a chemistry science experiment to the guy taking our order. "If I recall there were only three types of coffee. Small, Medium and Large."

Kathy laughed. She had the high musical tone I remembered well. "Mark, just tell the Barista what you like, and he can mix you up something."

"Barista? My God." I shook my head in amazement. "Okay, please give me something a heterosexual male could drink at a football game that would not get his ass kicked."

Kathy swatted my shoulder as we walked to a table.

"Mark, I really miss you."

"Hell Kathy, you just miss having someone to do the free home repairs."

Kathy blew on the concoction that passed for her coffee before answering.

"Well, there is that too. I am sorry about you and Amanda." She sipped her drink. "I think it's for the better, though. You two were miserable together. That's one reason why I stopped visiting, it was too painful to watch."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's like you were brother and sister, and wouldn't get near each other. You sort of cringed whenever she touched you, and rarely talked to each other. In a conversation, you each would talk to me, but not so much with each other. It was weird."

I thought about what Kathy had said. "So Amanda never told you anything back then? What happened between us?"

Kathy shrugged again. "No Mark she didn't. We were friends, but not best friends, if you see the difference. Would it help you get back together if you did, you know, if you knew more details?"

I shook my head.

"No. I was the one to ask for a divorce and handed her the papers, expecting her to cry and sob, and be upset, you know. To my shock, she read the divorce petition, and signed it right then, in front of me, and told me she was moving out at the end of the month. So even if I wanted to stay, which I don't...it wouldn't matter much. It was odd, she said I was an old school guy, and I don't know what that means."

"Well it's all good, it means you have values, principles, you're a guy who isn't afraid to live by what he believes is important and right in life. You know, a stand-up-guy who takes pride in how he looks and acts. I'd say that's you."

"It does sound good, but apparently, it wasn't what she wanted you think?"

"Well as long as your principles and values and all that are the same as her principles and values, it's great. If not..."

Then I tried to lighten the mood, and got Kathy laughing as I told her about other stuff. I was really enjoying myself and time flew by as we both enjoyed ourselves. Suddenly Kathy looked at her watch. "I am really sorry Mark, but I need to go. The last bus leaves in a few minutes."

"No worries Kathy, I'll give you a ride home."

"Thanks so much, my car's expensive to run, and I'm trying to be green, so I leave it home a lot. I had no choice tonight, it's going in the shop for a starter Thursday."

Now I looked at my watch.

"Oh screw that Kathy, why didn't you call me before? I'll pick up a starter, and put it in your car. If we leave now we can get to the Auto parts store before they close."

"That would be so great Mark, but really, you don't have to do that."

"No really, not a problem. Besides, all my tools and stuff are still in my garage. I've got no place to move them to." Standing up, I offered her my arm. "Come Fair Lady, the Prius Hybrid Chariot awaits."

Kathy gave me puzzled look. "Hybrid Prius? What happened to that monster macho manly SUV of yours?"

I grimaced. "I got tired of driving from gas station to gas station. I think my carbon footprint was killing off an acre of the rainforest every day. Everyone constantly giving me looks, like I was some kind of Ecoterrorist."

Kathy looked amused. "I just can't see you in a hybrid."

"Yea, I can almost feel my testosterone level dropping as I squeeze into that plastic jellybean. You know how it is with us guys, size matters."

She chuckled as I opened the car door for her.

We caught a break; the auto store had a starter that fit Kathy's car (and bonus, it was on sale!). I swung by the house, so with the right tools, 90 minutes later I had Kathy's car all fired up.

She was living in a small two bedroom house that was immaculate.

"Wow, this is great! You're not so handy around the house, I figured you for an apartment."

"I basically owned my house outright, so I sold it and bought this one and banked ¾ of the price for my retirement. I go to Lowes or the Depot when they have classes on stuff that I don't know how to do. I learned how to fix plaster and drywall, paint, basic plumbing, redo floors and all that. Plus I meet some nice people."

I was thinking she's got almost $300,000 in the bank! More money than Amanda and me put together, and I'm a sucker for paying for her boys' education!

"Mark, I really appreciate you doing this for me and all,"

Kathy was so excited she grabbed me in a hug, and then looked guilty.

"But don't get carried away. You know, I'm kind of used to living alone, and don't want to change that. You're free to store your stuff in the garage, but I'm not home much these days. You need to find yourself an old school woman, and they are out there. Do you mind if I introduce you to a few?"

"Kathy, I've always liked you, and I certainly don't wish to get involved so soon, so don't think anything of it. I just have some time on my hands. I'm not really ready for something serious, but as long at they know that, sure, I'll go out to dinner with anyone you suggest."

I was driving by a few days later, and saw her and a guy laughing and going in the house. He didn't look like he was there to fix the washer. I had a second cry as I realized she liked me as a friend. I had been thinking of her in, you know, that way. It was a shock to find out that she felt differently. What is it about me?

+++++++

I called Amanda and asked her out for dinner just to talk. We met at a German restaurant around the corner from my apartment. She gave me a friendly hug:

"How you doin' Mark? You getting' out some?"

"I really don't feel like it, Amanda, I'm so depressed. Apparently I've been living in my own world. Dumb as a post! You and Eric knew about Dad, why did you keep me in the dark?"

"Mark, you idealize the people you love, and won't accept anything you see as a flaw. Your dad figured you'd turn on him if you knew, so it was his choice not to come out to you, and then after dad died, what was the point?"

"I never would hate him for that! It's not something he chose."

"Well maybe so, but you're pretty set in your ways, you either like something or hate it. Years ago, you remember I wanted us to pretend we were strangers and you were picking me up in a bar?"

"I think so, we didn't do it, I forget why."

"We didn't do it because you jumped all over me, 'only immoral people even pretend to do such things. That's dirty sex.' It didn't fit your image of what I should want, so you slammed the door shut. You're really rigid and too quick to reject anything new. You probably would have been outraged at your dad for not being what you imagined he should be and pitched a fit. Maybe you would eventually come around, but maybe not. You hugged my adultery to your chest letting it eat away at yourself for years. Once you get something in your head, you can't get it out."

"Well, maybe you're right abut that, but it is immoral...picking up people in bars."

"In your moral view it obviously is, even if it's your own wife you're going to 'pick up' and even if we are just playing. But rather than forcing me to fit your notions of fun, may if you had met me half way, we'd still be together. The more rigid you are, the harder it will be for you to find someone else."

"Do you thing that's why Kathy doesn't want to...you know be with me? I mean I could make her life a lot easier."

"Mark, I haven't talked to Kathy in months. Being able to make life easier is no reason, no reason at all to marry someone. But I don't know what she thinks, you should talk to her about that, not me. Talk to her, she's a friend, and that's what friends are for. I'm sure she sees you from a different perspective than I do."

We shifted to the kids, and I found out that they were more interested in a weekend at Tanglewood arts festival, than fishing up state, Amanda suggested I take them deep sea fishing at the shore. I've never done that, and it worked out all right, but I missed the trees and the hills.

So how'd my plan work out for me. The short answer is the pits, that's how it worked out for me. Looking back on it, I wish we had talked years ago. Funny, I'm fifty years old, and finally old enough to have a conversation, you know, talk sort of comfortably about sex! I'm dating a nice woman, and while it's still hard for me, we talk about our needs, and you know, she taught me some stuff.

Like dad use to say, "Please your woman, and the most wretched circumstances are pretty good." Or something like that, I really don't remember now.