Family Isn't Blood - Fred's Life Ch. 03

To celebrate my birthday, Cathy and Mike has decided to take a couple of the family out to dinner with us. Kaja had moved to Florida several months ago, and things just had not been the same. My life has been less exciting, and less full. Things have not been bad, but just not great. We were at a restaurant on Milwaukee Avenue an early Saturday afternoon for my birthday. She did it right, we had an open bar for 2 hours. Cathy made an announcement and we were all suppose to sit down.

The room became quiet and those sitting facing the door had their eyes fixed on something. I thought it may be a birthday cake or something. I've also known of grandfathers getting a belly dancer from their children on their birthdays. I was just going to let it be a surprise. There was a hand on my shoulder, and I turned around to see who touched me.

Zophia! Zophia there in all her glory. As beautiful as ever. I loved her so. The spark in her eye, her wondrous smile. No one knows how much I ever wanted to see her again. Well, somebody found out, god bless them. Over 30 years and here she is! My mouth was open, but no words were able to come out. I did not see or hear anyone else in the room, hell, the world. She looked at me and smiled, and says loudly in this most quiet of rooms, "DUPEK".

She just called me an asshole.

In a split second everyone was laughing hysterically. Larry is holding his sides and leaning on Angelka to stop from falling over. Iwona and Stan are holding on to each other. Cathy is barely contained. Mike kept his hands over little Freddie's ears but cannot contain his laughing. Everyone was in on this, everybody but me. I'm confused as hell but I don't care. I get to see Zophia again.

Zophia's face has became stern and she commands me with her eyes to be quiet. "Oklamales mnie. Powiedz mi prawde!"

"Yes Zophia, I did lie to you. I will tell you the truth now. You needed to take that internship and go someplace. You needed to do that. I needed to stay home and take care of my parents. I have forever missed you since than."

"Jestes zalosny."

The shock of seeing her was wearing off and I was starting to get a little bit heated. "Now wait a minute, I am not pathetic. I did what I needed to do. I took care of my family. I made sure that you were going to go places. Both could not be done at the same time. There was not enough money for everything. Hell, there was barely enough money at all."

"Pocaluj mi w dupie." I knew what she just said, so did everyone over the age of 20 knew what she just said. In ethnic communities, the last bit of language that is retained from the immigrants concern swearing then food, in that order. She just told me to kiss her ass. It got quiet. I did not know what to say.

Then she asked me a question, "Moge Cie pocalowac?" and with out waiting to find out if I wanted to kiss her, she leaned over and cradled may face in her hands and gave me a kiss. A most warm kiss over 30 years in the making. There was clapping and cheering and they all started to sing 'Sto Lats'.

She looked at me and said, "If you ever lie to me again, you'll think waterboarding is a cake walk. You really have to thank your daughter. She was the one that tracked me down and kept at me. Multiple times she kept going after me. She was the one who changed my mind. She never gave up, she even got your brother to talk with me. Him I trusted. You on the other hand, well that was a different story. She said that you would not lie to her. She could not vouch for her father before she was born, but she got me to talk with Larry. You got a very good family Fryderyk. Even if you are a bit of an ass."

Cathy piped up, "Fryderyk? You're a Fryderyk? My father is a Fryderyk?"

I was finally able to stand up and hug and kiss her, and she hugged and kissed back. I know nothing about Zophia's status in life now, but I trusted my daughter to not get me into anything that I would not approve of. This is especially true with our histories in marriages. There was not a birthday present that I could ever appreciate more, even if this was only for one day or even one hour or a minute. It would have all been worth it.

The rest of the party was a blur to me. Zophia let me in on her life now. She has two grown children and no grandchildren. She divorced 20 years ago and is still in medical research. She has been living on the west coast in California, but was considering a job with the drug companies in Chicago's northern suburbs. Her parents are in an assisted living facility in the Chicago area. Her brothers have been looking out after them.

I asked where she was staying and for how long. Then the playfulness of Zophia started to come back out. "Why do you want to know?" and she chuckled. "Got anything in mind Fryderyk?" That is when I heard Cathy say in a stage whisper to Mike, "See, I told you we wouldn't see him again for a while."

I found out that she was staying with one of her brothers on the North side, not so far away from me. I didn't want to let her out of my sight, and from what I saw, the feeling was mutual. I asked her if we could go to my place and talk. There was so much I wanted to find out about her. She agreed if I would do the same for her. She said that Cathy plied her with lots of information, but she wanted to hear it from me. She kissed me, grabbed my hand and we left.

Zophia was dropped off by her brother, so I drove her to my house for us to spend time together. There was so much to talk about, so much to know, so much to share. Looking at her, I knew that she wanted to be here. The years just melted away for us. The only difference was that we were older, wiser, more mature, a couple of grey hairs, but still the people that we were, or so I hoped. With all my heart I hoped that was so.

We just picked up not right where we left off, but around where we left off. Years ago, I had told her that we needed to stop seeing each other and that I needed to move out. It broke my heart to do that, but I felt that I had to. My parents were rapidly declining, and her research offer needed an immediate answer. There was no chance for a cross country relationship. Now she was back here, if only for a short time, but she was here and it was now.

After we arrived, I asked her what she wanted to drink. She said to surprise her. I pulled out some bourbon, sweet red vermouth and bitters for a Manhattan. It used to be her favorite drink. I did surprise her by remembering it.

"Zophia, please tell me of your life. The last I heard of you from one of your brothers was 20 years ago. You were married and in research in California."

"When you kicked my ass out the door in Chicago, jerk." She smiled at me warmly when she said it. This was my Zophia, peasant European directness, no venom, just direct. "I left for California, and research. First as an assistant, then I graduated. Then it was more research and a Masters. Then more research and a PHD." She looked at me and smirked, "That's Dr. Zophia to you" and she playfully laughed. She never was one to take herself seriously. "I met a man that I later married. Bob was a business major that got an MBA. He gravitated to Silicon valley. He worked in a couple of dotcom start ups. We were pretty happy. Our first child was a boy, Matt. No problems with him at all, none out of the ordinary. Life was good for us. Even with the tech booms and busts, we were pretty much together on everything."

"Problems started with our second child, John. Right away, we knew there was a problem. John is a special kid. Special as in he will never be able to live independently. He has lower level functioning, behavior problem, autism, impulsiveness and a slew of health issues growing up. It did not do well for our marriage. I was at fault for focusing all my energies to John, away from my husband Bob and my other son Matt."

She looked into my eyes. "Do you know how guilty it made me to have a child with such special needs? It ripped me apart. Instead of trying to strengthen my marriage and then my family, I allowed the marriage to die on the vine. In the end, we drifted apart. We were two concerned parents to the end. We were honorable to each other to the end. But it ended."

I saw a tear roll down her cheek. "Don't worry, he remarried to Carol, a woman he met after the divorce. He has another two children. One will be in college soon. After all the grief we went through, he remains upstanding and I am even on great terms with his wife. I am proper and do nothing to threaten his marriage. I tend to call Carol first and run things past her before I talk with Bob. There is no drama. My oldest is on great terms with his other family too."

"Because of his dotcom experiences, our son John has been set financially for life by Bob for what ever kind of life he can have. Bob did this willingly. He loves the kid as much as he can. There is just only so much that can be done. John is at a facility. Bob knows that I wanted to be closer to my folks and am looking at a position to stay here. I would be bringing John with, but only when I can find a place for him. Did some research on line, do you know of anyone that can help?"

I smiled at her and held her hand, and in my best 1930's movie mobster voice said, "Lady, I know a guy who knows a guy. Fix you up right away." She laughed at my answer. "His name is Marek, married to my son-in-law's cousin. Yes, he was born near Warsaw and this is not his specialty, but he has the Polish determination to get the job done. Great Social Worker with a lot of good connections. Then there is another Social worker, Maria, a friend of by daughter and son-in-law. I'll tell them both. Don't worry, I have you covered on this one."

She slowly exhaled and some tension visibly fell from her face. "Fred, this really means a whole lot to me. I want to thank you in advance. My brothers just do not have those kind of resources, or know where to turn. If you want a house repaired, they are great. Finding good social services or know who to ask, not so good."

"Zophia, your family just got larger when you showed up at my party." That was when she laughed. "Fella, I knew I was back with this family when your daughter kept bugging me for the past two months to see you. How many times did you tell her about us? What did you tell her?"

This was my turn to be a little shocked. "Zophia, I talked about you once, just once. That was nearly three years ago. Never said a word about you since."

"Why did you tell her about us? It was so long ago. It really must have made an impression on her."

I started to turn red, and Zophia started to smile then laugh at my blushing. "Ok, Ok, Zophia, I'll tell you. But first, to save time, what has Cathy told you about her and Mike?"

"She told me that she and her husband went through some hard times and it was her father that saved her."

"Zophia, that is not even the movie trailer version of what happened. I'm getting us both another drink for this one. You are going to need another drink before I am finished. I'm going to need another drink before I am finished. Don't go away."

I went to the kitchen and poured us two doubles. Pollocks and alcohol go hand-in-hand. I returned and then told her the full story starting with Mike discovering her infidelity, then the uncovering my ex-wife's having a long term lover, the shower, my reconnecting with Cathy, the divorces, the reason I told her about Zophia, the assault, and Cathy and Mike's reconnecting. Remarriage and another grandchild came next. Then she put a finger to my lips, followed by her lips.

"What was that for? You could have asked me to shut up or give you the short version?" Then I theatrically I said, "Well, some women." and we laughed.

"Fred, do you have any idea what you told me?" I shook my head no. "You just told me who you are. You told me what is important to you. It is your actions, not words that matter so much. Now I understand some to the things that Cathy and Mike said to me last night at dinner."

"YOU HAD DINNER WITH THEM LAST NIGHT."

"Yes Fred, and the children too. She wanted to meet me in person. Think about it, she was setting up her father with an old flame. She had put such effort to reel me in that I also wanted to see her too. She told me that you saved her. I thought that it was a bit overblown. She wasn't kidding. I always knew you were one remarkable man. It really hurt when you left me. You are always taking care of others, Fred. Since your divorce, have you taken care of yourself?"

"Zophia" I smiled and touched her cheek. "I want to hear more of your story first. You've been divorced longer."

She sighed, "My life has been wrapped around my son John for the past 20 years. Getting him to therapy, to special schools, doctors, hospitals, conferences, you name it, I did it. It took me years to understand, even after my marriage dissolved, that I could not keep him out of a facility. I have the Polish temperament, to damn stubborn to give up, or to stupid to give up. Just not part of the thought process."

"There was one day when everything came to a head. John was in his teens and I was holding his hand going to a Doctor's appointment. He bolted to a puddle of water. He loves water. Problem was, the water was on a busy street with cars going by at 40. It was a glancing blow and all he got were bruises. At that instant I realized, years late for me and for my marriage and my older son, I could not keep him safe any more. That was about 5 years ago."

"As you may guess, I did not date at all during this time. Just getting someone that could sit with him was an ordeal. It took about a year to find a facility that was good enough for his needs. And I was more than emotionally exhausted to do anything for another year. I'm sure that you want to ask, and won't, so I'll tell you. I went to individual and group therapies and support groups to come to term with those lost years of my life, of trying to save my son that could not be saved. It really helped. It ended up making me a basket case." Then she laughed, "Remember those old movies where the inmates would be weaving baskets? Weaving baskets really is relaxing. I'll show you a few of mine if you don't laugh very loud." I smiled at her, and felt her pain and hope.

She continued, "In the past several years, I actually starting to go out on dates. I hope you have too since your divorce." I nodded yes. "Did Cathy give you the talk?" I nodded no. Zophia looked shocked until I added, "I asked my son-in-law instead." A bemused smile returned to her face and she continued. "Lots of nice guys, a couple of duds, one really scary. Not as bad as the one that Cathy came across. But there was one real nice guy. Ted treated me well, attentive, respectful, available. Turned out he was actively bisexual. I was not interested in a relationship where I had to share someone, even if it was just for occasional safe sex, anonymous sex. That was a year ago. I've been dry ever since. Now, how about you?"

"Our little community here has this thing that I call group dating. Just a bunch of boomers going out together. I told someone that it was kind of like speed dating for snails." She chuckled at my remark. "I tried that for companionship for a while. But these women, they had me in their sites. Add a granddaughter in my arms, it was awful." She chuckled and I smiled.

"I did connect with Kaja, she is widow. We were not running after each other, but something slowly developed, and we decided to act on it. We were together for about 9 months."

"We had a wild time together. She was just about as wild as you were. But that was over about 6 months ago. She has a daughter with a second set of twins, and these last births came early. They had health issues. She was needed and she left for Florida. It was with my blessing to her and her family. She has a son still here on the north side. She moved somewhere near Miami. We said our goodbyes on good terms. And before you ask, yes, I had been tested since. Those reminders do come my daughter."

It was getting on to 7 PM when I started to feel a little hungry. Something else came to mind. Drinking on an empty stomach? "Zophia, would you like to go out to dinner? Being back in Chicago, we could go ethnic Eastern or southern European in walking distance. Other places, we'll need to drive." Her face brightened up. "I have been having a taste for Greek. How about the Greek Isles on Halsted? Do they still serve the complete dinner? But can we take a cab or get your daughter to drive?" I looked at her with a big question on my face. "Silly you, remember the bottles of roditas. There will be no driving after a couple of those." Then I smiled, roditas is a Greek rose that flows so well with the food. The things we did after drinking that wine. She continued, "I want to enjoy it with you tonight, and I don't want to worry about how we are to get home safe. Or can't I spend the night here with you?"

"Woman, I always knew that was something I liked about you."

"Give your daughter a call. I think that that she and Mike would like to join us. After all, it's the Greek Islands and more people are better. Anyway, we should have a designated driver. And by the way, she has my suitcase."

At this point, my head had been in one big spin, and it just sped up. Zophia is here with me, and she has been planning to stay. My daughter has set me up for this. All I ever did was to tell her about Zophia once, three years ago. She got Larry and Angelka involved to get Zophia. Hell, she probably has Stan and Iwona babysitting the two little ones. What kind of a daughter did I raise? What kind of a most wonderful daughter did I raise?

"Fred? Fred? You still here Fred?" I looked at her with a smile on my face and a little tear in my eyes. "Too much for you Fryderyk? I guess that I had much more time to go back where we were before. This is a shock for you. We don't have to go out tonight." She paused, "I'm taking it that it is Ok that I stay with you?"

"Zophia, I don't know what to think anymore. This has been all so good, and all so much." Then I smiled, and she smiled back to me. "Let me give Cathy a call and the four of us can go. The family style dinner, with just the four of us. Just the four of us? Nobody else you got in the wings?" She laughed and shook her head no. "Ok, let's make this happen. Did I hear you right earlier in this worl wind of a day that you were going to be in Chicago for a week? Would you like to stay here?"

With her most wonderful play sarcastic Zophia tone she replied, "I thought you'd never ask. Let's get this show on the road."

It was after 8 PM on a Sunday night when we showed up at the Greek Islands. Cathy was the designated driver. As I guessed, it was Stan and Iwona that were babysitting for the evening.

The Greek Islands is one of many restaurants in Greek town, just outside of downtown Chicago. It is walking distance to the university where we went to school. It is a city restaurant with the tables close together and a live city vibe. They have a suburban branch too, but those tables are much further apart and it is more low keyed. I prefer the city one.

One of the dishes we always have is flaming saganaki. Ouzo, a Greek liquor is poured over a fried and wonderfully crusted piece of flavor filled greek cheese. At the table, the lighter comes out. As the alcohol on the cheese goes up in flames, everyone within 10 feet can feel the surge of heat and we yell OPAAA. The waiters don't have any hair on their hands. This is not American food, this has flavor and substance and a difference.

Just getting to the table, the craziness of the day is replaced with the calm of a much familiar meal. The appetizers of fresh bread, olive oil and taramosalata with the rose roditis wine sets the mood for us all. I get to watch my daughter speak with Zophia, see their familiarity and warmth. They've really gotten to know one another. Since I told Zophia the entire back ground of Cathy's journey, I can see more of the Zophia that I knew. Her guard is down, her private part is more open. Those two have a relationship.