Fantasies of My Brother

Sean was my older brother and for a long time I'd had a crush on him. He was pretty much the worst guy I could possibly be attracted to as far as I was concerned. For starters, there next to no chance he would ever feel the same way about his annoying, eighteen-year-old little sister as I felt about him.

It wasn't just that he was completely unattainable, that was pretty common for crushes as far as I could tell. It was always having him around, never getting a break from the fantasies floating around in my head. Every time I met him in the hallway coming out of the shower with his hair still damp and a towel wrapped around his waist, every time I watched him swimming laps in the pool in our backyard, thoughts would surface in my head and drive me crazy.

He really was good looking, it wasn't just me who thought so. My friends talked about it sometimes, occasionally admitting their own crushes on him, but of course I could never tell them how I felt. That was one of the worst parts about it; I had nobody to talk to.

The guilt had been really bad when I first realized how I felt about him, but that had faded over time. These days the main concern I had as I lay in bed at night masturbating to images of my brother was that someone would find out. In my mind that would be disaster. Who would ever want to hang out with me if they knew something like that about me? Especially Sean. He was a pretty good older brother to me once he grew out of constantly picking on me but I was sure if he ever found out about my crush he would want nothing to do with me.

Fortunately he seemed completely oblivious to the attention I paid him. Given all the times I had caught myself staring at him it was a wonder he hadn't yet noticed.

****

I was lying out on a lounger beside our pool working on my tan, nothing uncommon for me during the summer. Sean was just finishing up mowing the lawn and I had of course been surreptitiously watching him whenever he came into view. I had gotten quite good at leaving my eyelids open just enough to see through without anyone being able to tell. And when that was too difficult I could always fall back on simply wearing a pair of sunglasses.

Eventually he put the mower away in the garage and came over to sit down on the chair next to mine. He didn't speak for a minute or two, and I did my best to pretend I didn't even notice him.

"How's the tan coming Ashley?" he asked.

I shrugged, "not bad. Need more sunny days like this, it's been too cloudy lately."

"Should make sure you don't burn," he said casually.

"I'm being careful," I replied, completely failing to pick up on his tone.

"Just in case maybe we should cool you off."

I squealed as he picked me up, finally catching on to what he was up to. "Sean wait, I..."

He ignored me and tossed me into the pool. As I surfaced and pushed my hair back out of my face I saw him staring stupidly at me and starting to blush.

"Could I have my top please?" I asked quietly.

I had been lying on my stomach and had untied my bikini top to avoid getting a tan line across my back. Sean didn't realize that when he picked me up but he had definitely become aware.

"Yeah sure," he mumbled before throwing me my top. He turned away as I put it on, giving me what privacy he could. "Sorry about that Ash, I really didn't... it wasn't...."

"I know it wasn't on purpose, it's okay. Really."

I probably should have been as embarrassed as he was, probably should have been at least a little upset; I wasn't though. It really was just an accident, not like he was being mean. Aside from throwing me in the pool anyway.

He offered a hand to me and helped pull me out of the water. If I was feeling vindictive I would have given him a shove toward the pool as he stood there awkwardly. Instead I picked up my towel and headed inside. A new fantasy was already building in my mind and I wanted to get to my room as quickly as possible. I forced myself to dry off properly first, no point dripping water over the floor and getting in trouble later.

Once safely inside my room with the door locked I was naked on my bed within seconds. Various scenarios played out in my head as my fingers worked furiously on my pussy.

Sometimes Sean would refuse to give me my top, forcing me to climb out of the water and try to retrieve it on my own. He would grab my breasts as I passed him and I would pretend not to like it but he would ignore me. I would end up on the ground running my fingers through his hair as he sucked on my nipples and stroked my pussy with his hand.

Other times it went much like it actually did, only Sean would admit to me that he liked seeing my breasts. I would offer to let him feel them and eventually he would. I would just stand there as he felt me up, then our eyes would meet and he would kiss me. It would be gentle at first, then his tongue would press into my mouth and his hand would hold my head firmly against his.

Somehow we always ended up fucking beside the pool, that was the part that turned me on the most. I came three times just thinking about it and eventually had to stop masturbating for a while.

As I lay on my back waiting for my breath to return to normal I looked over at the clock beside my bed. I had been at it for almost an hour which was a pretty long time even for me. My hand lazily stroked the side of my thigh and worked its way back to my clit. I just had to hope I didn't overdo it and pass out from dehydration or something, that would be extremely awkward.

****

"You mean he actually saw you topless?"

I was talking to Julie on the phone when the story slipped out. I hadn't actually decided whether I should tell anyone about it, but she was my best friend and I knew she would keep it secret.

"Yeah. It was kinda funny actually when he realized what he did. He was so embarrassed," I said.

"Do you think its going to be awkward between you guys?" she asked.

"Nah, I don't think its a big deal really. He probably doesn't even care except that I might be mad."

There was a pause on the other end and I almost thought we might have gotten disconnected.

"I dunno Ash, he might have been embarrassed because he liked seeing you, y'know, topless," she said hesitantly.

Her comment freaked me out for a second, I was worried that she somehow found out about my fantasies. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. She didn't actually know anything, she was just speculating. It might even have just been a joke except that didn't seem like something she would joke about.

"Yeah right, I'm sure Sean wants to see his little sister naked," I shot back, hoping my pause hadn't been too long.

"Whatever you say. But it does happen Ash, I'm just saying."

I chewed on my lip as my mind raced. She didn't seem to be bothered by the idea of Sean wanting to look at me. The question was whether she would be bothered by what I wanted to tell her. I was so tired of keeping it secret that the opportunity was too much to pass up.

"Julie," I said slowly, "I want to tell you something, but it has to be a secret. Like you can't tell anybody, ever. And I really hope it doesn't freak you out."

"I promise Ashley, cross my heart."

She sounded intrigued, excited even. Only because she didn't know what I was going to tell her; the best I could hope for after that was indifference.

"I kinda... have thoughts about Sean. Like bad thoughts. Where he's... naked and stuff." I was making a mess of what I wanted to say, it wasn't coming out right.

"Oh, yeah. I figured," she replied. It took a moment for her statement to sink in, I couldn't even comprehend its significance.

"Wait, what? You knew?"

That was bad. That was very bad. Not that she knew so much, she clearly wasn't all that upset. But I had never told anyone as far as I could recall which meant it must be obvious how I felt. Fuck, maybe everyone knew. Maybe they were all laughing about it behind my back. I was just the girl with a crush on her own brother and couldn't even keep it a secret.

"Yeah, sorry Ash. I've been pretty sure for a while that something was going on there. You know how I say you talk in your sleep? Well his name comes up a lot when you're dreaming. Among other things"

I was relieved to say the least. If Julie had only worked it out because of what I said in my sleep then I was probably safe. She was the only person who had slept in the same room as me for a long time, so I didn't have to worry about anybody else knowing.

****

Being able to talk to Julie helped a lot; I didn't feel nearly so alone anymore. All the worrying I'd done about telling her seemed silly in hindsight since she was nothing but supportive toward me. If she felt any negative feelings toward me at all she never showed so much as a hint of them.

The rest of my life remained pretty consistent, I still fantasized about Sean and masturbated way too much. He was unsurprisingly awkward around me at times, particularly when I was sunbathing. I ignored it for the most part since I assumed everything would get back to normal soon.

Everything did not, however, get back to normal. I was usually really good about keeping my door locked when I was feeling horny, someone would have caught me masturbating long ago if I wasn't. Obviously I wasn't quite as meticulous about it as I should have been.

I was just coming down from yet another self-inflicted orgasm when I saw Sean standing in the doorway, his hand still on the doorknob. We stared at each other stupidly as we shared a moment of panic for what seemed like hours.

"I thought I heard my name..." he mumbled and looked down at the floor.

"Jesus fuck Sean, get out!" I shouted, finally reacting to the situation.

I pulled my blanket over my naked body even though it was too late to do much good, then pulled it over my head before burying my face in my pillow. Hiding wouldn't help but I couldn't think of what else to do. The floorboards creaked quietly as Sean approached the bed.

"Go away!" I tried to yell but my words lacked the proper force.

Tears were welling up in my eyes, he knew my secret now. He heard me say his name, I didn't remember doing do but it could easily have slipped out while I was cumming. He definitely knew I was masturbating when I said it too. Maybe if I'd had clothes on at the time I could have passed it off as something else, but getting caught naked with my hand still lying on my cunt was pretty incriminating.

"Ashley, are you okay?" He sat down beside me on the bed. Why wouldn't he just leave me alone?

"Th'fuck do you think?" I said, still talking into my pillow.

"I think you're upset." I was going to say something sarcastic to that but he cut me off. "Ash, I think things are getting weird between us and I don't want that. For what it's worth I'm willing to pretend this didn't happen. It's not worth losing our relationship over."

I didn't answer immediately. What did he mean 'pretend it didn't happen' anyway? It was still going to be lurking at the back of his mind whenever he saw me. Can't just reset everything.

On the other hand he wasn't reacting nearly as badly as he could be so that was something. He could have been angry, or pitying, or even disgusted with me instead of trying to work things out. The least I could do was play along.

"M'sorry," I mumbled.

"It's alright Ash, you can't always help...."

I waited for him to finish his sentence, but instead he abruptly rose and walked out of the room. I knew what he was thinking though; you can't always help who you're attracted to. I knew that all too well.

****

Despite what he had said Sean didn't do a very good job of pretending nothing was different. He was the one watching me now instead of the other way around. It wasn't just paranoia, I had watched him long enough to notice him doing the same to me. I ignored it for a while, again hoping that time would take care of my problems for me; but of course it didn't.

"I thought you said things weren't going to change," I said abruptly as Sean and I were eating breakfast.

"What?" He looked up at me confused.

"Look, I know I made things all weird but could you at least not stare at me so much."

I pushed away from the table and headed to my room without giving him a chance to respond. I was getting upset more easily these days, what I really needed was to talk to Julie and I decided to give her a call. She picked up almost immediately and agreed to come over for a few hours. She said she would bring her swimsuit so we could hang out by the pool.

Thinking Sean must have left by the time I hung up I headed back to the kitchen to clean up from breakfast. He was still sitting there even though it looked like he had been done for a while.

"Ashley, I'm sorry. I did say I would pretend it never happened, but I can't," he said.

I picked up my dishes as well as his and set them on the counter.

"Fine, whatever," I said.

Strangely it didn't bother me so much once he said it out loud. Sure he thought I was a complete freak but at least there was a certainty to it now.

"I can't stop thinking about you, even in my dreams. I don't know how you put up with it."

That did stop me, this was taking a very different turn from what I expected.

"What do you mean?" I asked. My hand was developing that slight tremble it got when I was nervous.

"I mean you're beautiful Ash. I know I shouldn't but I keep picturing you naked on your bed."

He was standing right behind me and I turned around toward him.

"Don't mess with me Sean, don't you dare," I whispered.

"I'm not."

He brushed my hair back out of my face as we looked at each other. We moved to each other at the same instant and my eyes closed as our lips met. It was so much better than all the times I had imagined it. His arms wrapped around my back and pulled my close as our kiss seemed to go on and on.

Suddenly he pushed me away and backed off. I looked at him uncomprehendingly and took a hesitant step toward him.

"I'm sorry Ash, I shouldn't have done that," he said.

"It's okay Sean, it's really okay."

"I'm sorry. We can't, you know we can't."

I took another step but he backed off further. The momentary happiness that had been building inside me came crashing down. Why was he doing this to me?

"This isn't funny Sean, I told you not to mess with me."

"I'm not messing with you, we just can't. I'm sorry."

"Asshole!" I shouted after him as he fled upstairs.

I sank down onto the floor feeling completely stunned. It wasn't fair. Having my fantasies constantly dangled just out of reach was nothing new, but to actually touch one and have it yanked away cruelly was too much.

Julie showed up shortly after and found me with my arms wrapped around my knees still on the kitchen floor. I told her everything about what happened with Sean, all the details as best I could remember. She didn't say anything until I finished.

"You know you can stay with me for a while if you want, until this blows over," she offered. "It might help to get some distance from him."

"Thanks Julie, I think I'm okay though. Maybe this was what I needed, a sign that I need to stop obsessing over him."

I wasn't really feeling as good as I pretended to be but I didn't want to worry Julie too much with my problems. We put our bikinis on and went outside where we lay down on two of the loungers that were side by side.

It didn't take me long to notice movement in one of the windows on the second floor of the house. All that time secretly observing my brother was paying off.

"That little shit," I muttered.

"What?"

"He's up there watching us, even after what he just did. Probably thinks I don't see him."

To her credit Julie didn't look straight toward the window and give away we knew he was there. Instead she casually stretched out and moved her head enough to get a look at Sean's window.

"Are you sure? I don't see anything," she said.

"Trust me, he's there."

An idea was forming in my head; if Sean wanted to watch then we would give him what he wanted. I grabbed the bottle of sunscreen and flipped over onto my stomach.

"Hey Julie could you do my back?" I asked as I undid the string on my top.

She smiled, understanding immediately what I was up to. "You're bad," she said even as she moved toward me.

Her hands rubbed the sunscreen delicately over my back, being far more thorough than necessary. I folded my arms under my head and closed my eyes as I let her work. She wasn't shy about where she touched, she spent a long time on my ass before finally finishing off on my legs.

"You want me to do your front too?" she asked.

"I think maybe you're enjoying this," I said with a smile as I turned back over.

"Maybe a little," she admitted.

I pulled my bikini top off and dropped it on the ground beside me. Julie sucked in her breath softly as my naked breasts were uncovered right in front of her. Neither of us was particularly into girls but I had to admit I was kind of enjoying the attention, and if Julie was having fun too that was fine with me.

Once again I closed my eyes and let Julie proceed at her own pace. At first she traced the faint tan lines that had developed on my breasts from always being covered but soon she was rubbing them with her whole hand. Sean had to know what we were doing by now but that was okay, the main thing was to show him what he was missing.

Julie eventually moved onto my stomach before finishing off on my legs again. She leaned down to my ear before she got up and whispered to me.

"Think that's enough?"

"Mm-hm, thanks Julie," I whispered back.

As she was straightening back up she paused and leaned back toward me. Her lips brushed mine gently then pulled away again so quickly I barely understood what happened.

"Just for good measure," she said as she returned to her seat.

****

I didn't bother locking my door that night. If Sean came in it would mean I had gotten to him, and honestly I didn't really care if he caught me masturbating again. It would bother him more than me anyway.

Sure enough just as I was getting ready to go to sleep the door swung open followed by my brother. He wasn't even fazed this time when he saw that I was naked.

"You're not playing fair Ash," he said.

"All's fair in love and war dear brother."

"And which is this?" he asked, clearly staring at my breasts.

"Right now? Both."

It turned me on to have him watching me openly with no pretending between us. I could feel I was close to getting everything I wanted. His eyes followed my hand as it strayed back down to my pussy and stroked it softly.

"You know we can't right? There's stuff we just can't do," he said.

He was trying to convince himself as much as me. That he was in my room was evidence enough he wasn't succeeding. I decided to see how far I could push him.

"If you're gonna stay you have to let me see your cock," I told him.

"What?"

"I don't mind if you want to watch but you don't get a free show."

Sean swallowed as my finger slipped into my pussy, obviously torn. If he stayed it would be a victory for me and we both knew it. The question was whether he had enough willpower left to leave.

"It's just looking," I said, trying to convince him. "No touching or anything. Just watching each other, that's all."

Abruptly he reached down and undid his belt. I tired not to smile too widely but it was difficult. Soon his pants were around his knees and he sat down awkwardly on the bed beside me trying to find a position that let him see me without getting too close. He was almost fully hard already just from watching me and I felt my clit throb as it finished stiffening before me.

It was the first time I had actually seen his dick even after all the times I had imagined it. My pussy was getting so wet that my finger was making squishing sounds and I soon added a second. Sean grabbed his erection as I played with myself and began stroking it. I didn't have much, or any, experience with his masturbation habits but it didn't look to me like he was going to last very long.