Felicia Ch. 06

Fe froze. Every single muscle in her little body stopped. Fe hoped so badly that Joel hadn't heard what she said but she knew that it was impossible that he hadn't. Plus, the way he had frozen inside of her let her know that her prayer for this whole mess to fade away would never happen. After a few tense seconds, Fe expected Joel to back out and away from her. Instead, he pushed himself in even further, trapping her between him and the bed.

"What did you just say?"

She didn't want to look up. Every fiber of her being wanted to continue staring at his chest because she didn't want to look into his eyes and see the emotions his lips just spoke. But her head betrayed her heart and it turned upwards anyway. His green eyes were burning brightly with the fire of 1,000 burning suns. He was not just angry, he was furious. Fe wanted to speak, but her lips felt dry and her heart had stopped. Everything was so surreal.

"I said, 'What did you just say?'"

"I-I-I-"

"Who...is...Clint?"

When she continued to fail to answer the question, he pushed in even further, his cock going to a point that he had never touched before. It seemed his cock was reacting to his fury because it stayed hard as a rock, helping him in his quest to get the truth out of Fe. Fe winced at the pain and intense invasion, putting her hand on his stomach to try to convince him to pull out. His pressure was causing her back, stomach, and neck to all cramp up.

"Please Joel, you're hurting me."

He didn't move a muscle. Fe tried another tactic instead.

"You're hurting the baby."

The glow in his eyes seemed to dim a little at the word "baby" and he finally pulled out. Fe felt a little relief that he wasn't impaling her anymore but she still wasn't out of the woods. He kneeled at the side of her bed, his eyes fixed on her.

"I asked you a question. Who is he?"

Fe stuttered but couldn't get the courage to say anything. Instead, she chose to look down at where their parts were previously joined, hoping the moment would go away. Finally, after a couple of minutes, Joel knew he wasn't going to pry an answer out of her, at least right now. He quickly dressed and left without another word. Although he wanted so badly to just storm out, slamming the door behind him he also knew how the door shutting reverberated up and down the halls. Fe's dorm was one of the few on campus that had a curfew and where visitors weren't allowed after midnight. He just closed the door behind him and after taking a couple of shallow, shaky breaths outside her door, he started the walk home.

All Fe could do was bury her face in her pillow and sob. How could she be so stupid?

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Fe wandered around the almost empty Wal-Mart a little less then aimlessly, her cart only holding two out of the 30 items on her list. It was nearly midnight and the cries and whines of children and moans and groans of frustrated parents had faded into the night. The only other people that seemed to share her enthusiasm for trolling the Superstore were couples who couldn't keep their hands off of each other and frazzled moms and dads rushing into the dairy section to get the milk and specific types of juice that they had forgotten on their list on their earlier shopping trips but couldn't wait until the next morning to get. Their stained and worn clothing betrayed their lines of profession and what they were willing to put up with to keep their household running. Fe's heart went out to them.

She looked at her list again for the 1,000th time and sighed. This was one of the last places on Earth where she wanted to be. She had wandered in almost an hour previously and had managed to accomplish very little. It's not that she didn't know where everything she needed was. She had been in at least 40 different Wal-Marts in different counties and states. Even if the configurations were a little different they were all basically the same. She could've been in, out and gotten on with her life in 30 minutes. But she couldn't bear the thought of going back to her room by herself, with only her thoughts to keep her company.

Every time she closed her eyes, she could see the sad and lost look on Joel's face. She had broken more than his heart, she had broken him. It was never something she had encountered before and she didn't know what to do or how to make it better. All of her previous "relationships", except one, had ended pretty amicably with no hurt feelings to worry about. This wasn't the case. This wasn't even so much of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. It was a friendship that the both of them had let go too far and now there was no way they could pull away and start all over. She was having his baby, whether or not they raised it together, and the first for either of them at that. Even if they could come to an agreement about how to take care of their child, where would that leave them? She just wanted Joel back, her best friend in the whole world. The lies, the arguing, the lack of communication and the semblance of infidelity had just about killed any chance of that happening. How could they let one night ruin everything they had?

She tried to push the dark thoughts out of her mind. Not just because it made her feel guilty, but the whole situation clutched her heart so tightly that at times she felt like she couldn't breathe. She slowly made her way down one aisle and then another, her mind finally quieting down. She was relieved that she had come so late because even if she didn't want to be alone in her small room, the quietness in the busy store actually gave her comfort. Her comfort was about to be shattered.

It was Halloween night and the mad dash for beer, wine, and other "adult beverages" had pretty much died down. Wal-Mart, like many stores in Georgia, stopped selling alcohol at 11:45, but most people had gotten their supplies by 10, just to make sure. Everyone, that is, except for ill-prepared college students who came barreling down the beer aisle at 11:30 in a last-minute rush.

"Figures," Fe thought bitterly and continued her aimless saunter down the aisle, looking at the 30 different types of popcorn that she didn't even know existed. Even under the shredded pieces of linen, "cleverly designed" costumes and 10 lbs of makeup that adorned the partiers' faces and bodies (including one incredibly buff man dressed as a Hooter's Girl), she still recognized them as members of the Cherries and Bears. Six idiots in all stood around giggling and talking as they quickly decided on their poison of chose but two stood out in particular.

Only a few feet away stood Joel and Maggie, with Joel standing there looking bored as Maggie was talking his ear off. He nodded and smiled in all the right places but Fe could tell that he was more interested in the lack of beer selection than the wealth of useless information Maggie was feeding him. She took in the sight of him, all of him and could see that he didn't look well. He was going to the party as a doctor and Maggie was a slutty referee. His eyes were red and she could tell that he hadn't shaved. He looked as tired and worn as Fe felt. Fe could feel her heart tightening in her chest. It had only been a day since the incident and she wasn't ready to see or speak to him, especially not with her around. Fe wanted to hurriedly turn and walk away but in her flurry of movements, she accidentally slammed the cart into the shelf, causing everyone to stop talking and look at her. She caught Joel's eyes and acknowledgment filled his eyes that she knew that he was going to the party with Maggie. He immediately pushed Maggie to the side and began to approach Fe.

Fe abandoned the cart and immediately and turned a walked away, leaving a smug Maggie and confused party goers in her wake. The veins in Fe's head started pumping and her heart started pounding in her chest. She began feeling light-headed and finally let go of the breath that she didn't even know that she had been holding. Every part of her felt weak and worn but her legs wouldn't stop. For a short pregnant girl, she could move. And all she wanted to do was make it to her car and go home.

She felt the tears flowing freely down her face and she moved even quicker, determined not to have a full breakdown in front of strangers. As quickly as she wiped them away, they came down in multiples. It got so bad that she could hardly see. She finally made it to the parking lot and through the sea of tears, tried to find her car. She pressed the "open" button and saw the blurry flashing of lights and walked as quickly as she could towards it. She breathed a sigh of relief and was just about to open the car door and drive away from this miserable night when a tan hand came from behind her and closed it again. Fe paused for a moment. She knew who it was but didn't have the courage or strength to face him, so she decided to speak with her back to him, her voice choked with sobs.

"What do you want? Please, just let me go home."

"Fe, we need to have a serious talk, and we need to have it soon. You running from our problems isn't going to fix them."

"I'm not running, I'm just –"

"You're just what? Going for a light jog? We could've settled this the other day but you sat there like a deaf-mute. I'm just as scared and as hurt as you and you didn't even have the decency to give me a clue as to what the fuck is going on. I'm not just some guy you messed you that you can blow off. We're having a kid together and we can barely handle ourselves much less all this extra shit!"

"Take your hand off my car and let me go," Fe replied coolly, her voice no longer racked with sobs but more of a pathetic cry.

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me. Please, just turn around."

Fe didn't make a move to turn around at all, or even give the slightest inclination that she heard him. Joel couldn't handle talking to the back of her head anymore. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around so suddenly, Fe had no chance to stop him. Her sad and tear-streaked face came face-to-face with his tired one.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" His raised voice scared the both of them so much that Fe immediately stopped crying. His bright green eyes seemed to be glowing in the brightly lit parking lot making him look even more ominous. She stared at him wide-eyed in fear, knowing that he wouldn't do anything physically to hurt her but the edge in his voice didn't do much to assuage the thought that maybe he was at his breaking point.

"I asked you a question and I want you to tell me right now face-to-face. Who is Clint and what does he mean to you?"

"Clint was a guy in my class. We are – were – just friends. The other day I went to his house to hang out, and we ended up kissing."

As soon as those words slipped from her lips, Fe could see Joel's face contort in a mixture of pain and anger. She expected him to say or do more but he didn't. She figured he knew the moment was tense enough without him adding a biting remark or look. After a couple of seconds of silence, he spoke in a very low, even tone, barely above a whisper.

"Did you fuck?"

"What?! No!" Fe pulled from his grasp, disgusted that he would think that of her.

"I'm sorry, I just had to ask. I mean you said you kissed him. I don't know how far or how deep it went."

"We kissed. That was deep enough."

The whole time he was speaking to her, he looked her straight in the eye. Now, he looked down at the ground.

"Do you love him?"

Fe took his chin and lifted his head up so he was looking her in the eyes again. "No, not even close. I like him a little, but only as a friend. It was a Freudian slip, I didn't mean it. I don't love anyone like I love you, you know that."

"Do I?"

Fe was taken aback by the question. He knew how much she loved him, didn't he? She was about to respond when a loud burst of whoops, laughs and hollers came from behind them.

"Hey Ass Face, you ready to go?"

Fe didn't recognize the voice but she knew it was his idiotic friends getting ready to pile back into the car and go drink themselves stupid at the party. Joel didn't look up at the voices, or even at Fe. Instead he continued to look down at his feet, different emotions evading every part of his body. Suddenly a shadow poured over them. Fe looked over and saw an obviously pissed Maggie staring them down.

"Ugh, are you coming or not?"

"I'm coming. Give me a second," Joel said softly.

Maggie continued standing there with her arms crossed with a sour look on her face, her heels clicking loudly on the pavement as she tapped her foot impatiently. She opened her mouth to say something to Joel again when he spoke softly again, but this time with an edge so hard it almost came out as a growl.

"I said give me a minute. Can't you see I'm talking to someone important?" At the word "important" Maggie's face softened to the point Fe thought she was going to cry before she walked away defeated. She would've laughed if it wasn't for the fact that she and Joel were having such a serious talk. Joel waited until the annoyance was far away before her spoke to Fe, this time actually looking her in her eyes.

"Look, I've got to go. I drove and I'm the only person sober enough to take them back safely. I'll call you later, okay?"

Fe nodded but didn't bother to open her mouth. As much as she wanted him to stay with her, she didn't want to hear about the accident his chucklehead friends might get into in the 10 minute drive back to the party. She let out a defeated sigh and turned around to get back in her car when she felt his hand grab her waist. He kissed the back of her neck softly before turning around and walking back to his car, unlocking it as he went so everyone could climb in. Maggie was the last to get in, making sure to throw Fe a dirty look before slamming the door shut. Fe sighed once again, got in her car, and drove back to her empty dorm room.

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I just hope that you miss me a little when I'm gone

Yeah, I hope that you miss me a little when I'm gone

And you just tell me what you down for, anything you down for

I know things have changed

Know I used to be around more

But you should

Miss me a little when I'm gone

I just hope that you miss me a little when I'm gone, gone

The Drake/Lil Wayne song blared over the speakers as couples all over the house danced provocatively to the suggestive and expletive lyrics. Joel stood back in a far corner in the kitchen as groups of people talked, flirted, and made out all around him. He wanted so badly to leave and be with Fe but this was the biggest party of the year and he was required to attend. Girl after girl passed him, noting the depressed look he had on his face and the fact that he was so withdrawn from everyone. A couple had stopped and tried to talk to him, but he shut them down almost as soon as they had opened their mouths. That didn't stop him from downing almost 8 beers in less than two hours. He picked up his 9th cup and was about to slam it down when a zombie doctor came out of nowhere and grabbed Joel in a friendly headlock that turned into a noogie, causing him to drop and spill his libation on the floor.

"Joel, you little shit, what the fuck are you doing? There are bitches all over the place throwing themselves at you and you're just standing in the corner like a fucking loser. Get out there and get you some pussy!"

A few people in the room laughed as Joel struggled to get the undead idiot off of him. It was Brad, one of his best friends in the fraternity and a purveyor of the female species. Brad had bragged about sleeping with almost every sister, both new and old, in the Cherries and he was slowly making his way through some of the smaller sororities and clubs on campus. In short, he was a man-whore. Something Joel could never imagine himself being. He was very easy on the eyes, standing around 6'1 with sandy blond hair and hazel eyes. He had an incredible smile and was incredibly charming. He had tried to squeeze himself in between Fe's legs more than once but she made it known, in a more than unkind fashion that she was not interested in whatever he was swinging. Or whatever diseases he was carrying. Whenever Brad made it a point to try to hit on Fe, Joel made it clear that she wasn't one to be messed with. And the threat of getting his head bashed in by Joel finally drove that point home and he finally left her alone.

"I'm not really in the mood for "bitches". I've got things on my mind," Joel said laughing, finally pushing Brad off of him.

Brad replied laughing, "I know what I'd like to have on my mind, and my dick, that little hot red head Bridgette over there. She's been asking what's up with you all night. I told her you were gay but she's not buying it." Brad pointed out a cute red head in another room as she chatted with her girlfriend. Joel had to admit that she was a looker, but she was just another girl compared to Fe.

Joel shook his head, "That's cool man, you can have her. I've got other shit to worry about."

"Oh, yeah, I heard you finally got some of that chocolate tail. But dude, really? You couldn't have used a condom? That's rule number one: always wear a condom. Now you're stuck with that."

"I'm not "stuck" you dickhead. That's my best friend." Joel shrugged away from Brad and gulped down another beer.

Brad let out a boisterous laugh and slapped Joel on the back, almost making him choke on his drink. "Yeah, whatever dude. But you know, you're not married, so feel free to try out other wares. And please, wrap it up."

Joel shook his head and walked out of the kitchen and onto the back porch. He needed to get both air and away from Brad before he socked him in the face. He leaned over the railing, staring up at the dark sky. The moon was new so it was almost completely pitch black outside sans the porch light. Even if the lonely darkness, he felt more comfortable being there than inside. He was buzzed but in no way drunk from all the beers he had slammed. His mind was way too cloudy with important thoughts to allow him to get fully inebriated. The only thing he wanted more was to go back to Fe's room and bury himself inside of her and forget about everything. He was tired of fighting and tired of being angry. He just wanted his girl and for his girl to want him. More than anything, he wanted her to want their baby and let them be the family that they were meant to be. It would be hard, but they could make it work. Couldn't they?

As the thoughts rushed through his mind, a pale hand came out from behind him and placed itself on top of his, freaking him out. He pulled his hand away just as the owner of the mystery hand made itself visible.

"Joel, baby, what are you doing out here?" Maggie slurred her words heavily, swaying back and forth to the music streaming out of the house.

He groaned audibly. "What do you want Maggie? And stop calling me your "baby" because that's the last thing I will ever be to you."

Maggie ignored his dig, continuing the conversation in the way that she wanted it to go. "Why did you pick Fe, huh? I would have gladly carried your baby and I want to be your wife. You're the most perfect guy for me. Why can't you see that? I mean, why else did you invite me to the party or to go with you to the store to get the beer."

"First of all, I didn't invite just you. I invited all of your sorority sisters. You just so happened to open the door when I stopped by. Secondly, you got in the car with everyone when Jake screamed beer run. I just didn't have the heart to tell you to get out. We're not a good fit, we never will be. Fe is the girl I've wanted from day one and you just happened to be a good distraction. Why can't you see that?" She made a small squeaking noise and stared at him glass-eyed and heavily intoxicated, tears forming at the ridge, threatening to spill over. As much as he disliked her, he knew that she deserved someone that wanted her as much as she wanted them. And he was not that guy.