Feminist with a Penis

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Originally titled "What does a feminist do with a penis?"
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lionshell
lionshell
24 Followers

I'm a card-carrying feminist. I'm proud that women are gaining more of the equality they deserve, despite the world's past and current power structure. I get annoyed by phrases like "that takes balls" and "who wears the pants here?" I love that women are rediscovering and exploring their long-repressed sexualities—and I love that they do not need my help in doing this.

And no, I'm not a traitor to my own gender—I want all the same things for men.

Still, I sometimes find myself feeling a bit of guilt for being a man, since it's men who have made feminism so necessary. I know that I, personally, do not oppress women, any more than I held slaves or sold sheets laced with smallpox. At least, I don't think I do—the male role of oppressor might be so culturally ingrained that I do it without realizing it.

It's partly because of this that I feel I should do my part in the feminist movement—but it might seem to defeat the purpose to have a man helping women be independent from men. But wouldn't it actually help to have a man showing support and joining women at demonstrations? Wouldn't inclusive feminism help build mutual understanding between and among the genders? Isn't that the goal? Not everyone thinks so.

But to hell with those who don't. Part of feminism is not caring what others think about you, right? Just as pro-male feminists give the fuck-you to man-hating feminists all the time, I give the fuck-you—but not without your consent—to exclusionary feminists.

When I vote and live pro-choice and respect whichever choice is made, that's up to me. No one can stop me from thinking it's normal to have a female boss or from considering birth control my own responsibility. I respect women because they're strong and wise and independent, and not because they have breasts—and there's nothing anyone can do about it.

Why do I feel this way about gender relations? I'm honestly not sure. I know it's not because of my patriarchal dad or my barefoot mother. Maybe it's because I've seen what women have been up against in most cultures throughout history, and how amazing it is that they're overcoming it. Or maybe I support gender equality for the same reason I support everything-else equality—I just know that it's right.

The goals of independence and self-actualization apply to me just as much as to any woman. There is one snag, though: despite the importance of the feminist reclamation of the body and sexuality, I'm not entirely comfortable with my own body.

I try to love my penis. But my genitals aren't beautiful, the way women's are. Where women have awe-inspiring layers of blooming, sweet-smelling skin and a clitoris—the true Happiest Place in on Earth—I have a fuzzy sack of potential agony and a strange-looking protrusion that is either soft, limp and slightly unwieldy, or an attention whore that has better posture than I do—usually depending on which is more awkward at the moment. Even my foreskin—the most sensitive part of my body, and as such, as close to a clitoris as I'll ever get—was cut off an hour after my birth without my permission, or even an apology, so that part's not going to do me much good, either.

Maybe it's just as well. I'm concerned that even if I did love my penis and scrotum -

I'm sorry—can you think of a worse word than "scrotum"? Seriously, it sounds even more awkward than "vagina."

- I wonder if it would lead me to become another phallus-worshiping oppressor of women. If I do like my penis, if I take pride in the size and firmness of my erection—is it buying into the same over-glorification of the cock that's helped oppress women for thousands of years?

There's been a lot said about the importance of women reclaiming their long-repressed sexuality, how it's a critical part of achieving self-knowledge and equality with men. I agree that it is—but what about the importance of male sexuality? How we express it, how we relate to it, how we identify ... It's just as important for men as it is for women—isn't it?

The problem here is that men have to reclaim our sexuality, as well, and a lot of us don't realize it. It hasn't been completely repressed, but it's been sold to us by religions and by the media as something guilty, cheap, thoughtless—even predatory. Hollywood tells us that every man's ideal woman is an anorexic combination of collagen and silicone devoid of commitment and intellectual depth. Popular television and magazines tell us to assume we agree that women are for our gratification, go have another manly beer, and embrace this shallow identity that's thrust at us. Most of the belief systems that America was founded with teach that sex is an ugly sin, mysterious and scary, and that acting on our natural inclinations is a shameful indulgence. Through it all, we're still supposed to believe that sex from women is something we're entitled to.

Maybe that's why I'm a feminist—feminism has a lot to teach us men, too. Just like women, men have to actively define ourselves, for ourselves, on an individual basis, despite our culture's efforts to do it for us. Like women, we need to really appreciate our sexuality as part of ourselves, instead of just having a dick-jerk reaction to Maxim magazine, and maybe feeling bad about it afterward. Like women, we have to realize that the genders—all of them—aren't so different, after all.

Maybe we can love our penises, too.

I'm working on it.

lionshell
lionshell
24 Followers
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AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
You've been brainwashed

You are under a spell and I urge you to find your way out. You don't have to hate yourself. Feminism is a sickness. It does not stand for equality. It is a smoke screen for an evil ideology of hate and violence. It is pure hypocrisy. Your empathy has been used against you. Please, wake up from your nightmare!

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Your writing style

is very accomplished. I have read several of your essays at this point, and your thought processes and the expression of them is most engaging. I like the way that you question the status quo, and discuss views of our understanding and expressions of reality. Thoughtful and thought-provoking indeed.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
dude, love your manness

Sir, with all due respect, I find your article ridiculous. I am a young woman, and yes, a card carrying feminist, but your utter lack of respect for the wonderful organ between your legs and your masculine nature appalls me.

Frankly, feminism was necessary. Absolutely, no doubt about it, but as time has progressed, the movements that were progressive have become backwards. Feminism has morphed from being a movement to empower and ensure women’s equality to putting men down and trying to turn the tide of discrimination around on them, at least, insofar as belittling and degrading can be a medium for discrimination.

An example of this discrimination is convincing men to feel guilty for being men, just as in times gone by and as sometimes still occurs, men used to do to women. Simply put, this is wrong. As a woman and a feminist, I cannot endorse such a philosophy. To do so, would be sinking to the level of past patriarchal domination.

The original meaning, the original goal of feminism was to empower women and gain equality and equity for them. Now the goal of many feminist organizations has become to smear men’s faces in shit. Truly, a woman who calls herself a feminist should encourage men to be men, to be masculine, as long as that love of one’s masculinity does not turn into the tyranny it was and has been, or become a tool against woman to belittle and degrade her.

But, likewise, a man should encourage a woman to love her femininity and respect her as the female creature she is, but again, woman must return this respect by not turning around and slapping a man in the face by doing to him what has historically been done to women: belittlement and degradation.

With that said, I love men. Love them. From the way their voices are deeper, sometimes rumbling in their chests when they press me close to them and let me hear their heartbeat. To the way they can lift ridiculously heavy objects women cannot sometimes. I love the way their spines are straight, and erect. I love the muscles and contours of their arms, bellies, and chests. I love watching their biceps and shoulder blades flex. I love the bristling hairs on their chins when they go a day without shaving. I love their protectiveness, I love it when they are intellectual and artistic and all at once masculine. The way his wit does battle with mine, the way he fights me every step of the way and appreciates my battling back in a show of intelligence and wit. I love discussing academics with men, they put an edge to it because of the fact that they are men, their minds work slightly different from women’s and it thrills me to have him making me do mental back flips. I love it when there are sparse hairs on their chests, I love watching a man sweat as he shows off for me, I love letting my eyes trail down that glorious, gorgeous trail of hair that begins right under their navels and descends under the waistband of their jeans and boxers.

It excites me to think of him thinking of me watching him because I know he was watching me. It gets me ready to know that he was watching me because the beautiful, exquisite organ between his legs has began to grow and swell against the confines of his boxers because it so desperately wants to be buried inside of me. That the sway of my hips, the slight motion of my petite breasts can make him rock his hips like he was already with me.

I. Love. Men. They are wonderful human beings and without them, this world would be so less stimulating of course, sexually, sensually, but above all, intellectually, and spiritually.

katnip_21fkatnip_21fabout 16 years ago
Just one erroneous statement

Just one thing, the clitoris is the counterpart of the penis, not the foreskin. The clitoris is essentially a penis in compact form, made of the same erectile tissue as the male organ. Most of that tissue is internal, and only the small tip of it protrudes outside the body. Therefore, a man's foreskin is comparable to the hood of the clitoris, not the clitoris itself.

I don't fault you for this misconception. I've read that the average size of a woman's clitoris is about the size of a pencil eraser, if it's visible at all. With dimensions like that, it's easy to see why a man would think the clitoris is just another fold of skin. But if you someday come across a woman with a large or unhooded clitoris, you'll see the similarities between it and a man's penis.

Besides that, a very entertaining read!

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