Finding Love Pt. 04

"If it's a woman, I'll give her an ass kicking for hurting her."

"Hey, calm down. We'll know in the morning but don't push things okay. That's the last thing she needs. I stopped and told Logan. He'll know how to handle things and help her."

"I won't push but I'd still like to have a little talk with the one who did this," Sabrina said. James sighed and just let it go. Once his wife got an idea in her head there was no stopping her.

* * * *

Kate awoke with a start as the memories of the previous day flooded her mind. Blinking the sleep from her eyes, she sat up and looked around her old bedroom. Not much had changed in all the years since she had left home, including the chair in the corner where her brother sat.

During their teenage years, they were each other's best friend. Being only two years apart, they had supported each other, cried and laughed together about the joys and heartaches of adolescence. Since both were gay, they faced the same ridicule and prejudices and leaned on each other through the hard moments.

"Hey," Logan signed.

"Hey yourself," Kate returned.

"Wanna tell me about it?" He asked.

"No. I wish I could just forget it all happened. I ..." Kate's emotions got the better of her. Logan immediately moved to the bed and offered his open arms. Kate snuggled into him, feeling that old, familiar and welcome feeling of safety that her brother could always provide.

Through her tears, she managed to tell the story of all that happened. She had not told her family about Ari. She had hoped to do so in person after Ari's finals were over. She had wanted to bring Ari to meet them. That notion was now lost to her.

After Kate was all cried out, Logan let go and grabbed some tissues for her to dry her eyes.

"Feel a little better now?" he asked.

"A little, but I don't know how long it'll last," Kate commented.

"I know. You've been through a lot sis. Want my opinion on it or not right now?"

"Go on, tell me what you think," Kate said.

"With Ari, well ... you tried, that's all you could have done. I know it hurts a lot right now and will continue to for some time. You may not see it now but you will get over this and be stronger for it. This is your first real attempt at something permanent." Kate was about to object but he silenced her by holding up his hand.

"I know you've had past relationships but you said it yourself, you wanted to bring Ari to meet us. You've never been serious about anyone else enough to want to do that." Kate had to agree there. Her longest relationship before this was with Vivian and she hadn't attempted to introduce her to the family.

"Vivian, well ... she has been a friend for a while. Sometimes friends do things that are stupid, hurt like hell and are unforgivable. However, if she is a good friend then you might be able to get past this and have a good relationship again. I'm not saying that will happen overnight or that she didn't deliberately plot to steal Ari from you. You said it all happened kinda quickly right?"

"Yes."

"Then I think there is a possibility that you and Vivian can get past this. Now, about Vivian's theory about you and Meg..."

Kate interrupted. "That is absurd. I am not in love with Meg and I did not transfer my feelings for her to Ari." Logan held up his hands to signal his surrender on the subject.

"Look Kate, only you can look deep inside yourself for the truth about that. All I can tell you is that if you do love her but it's not returned, that can screw up any chance you might have for any future relationships. On the other hand, if there is a snowball's chance in hell that Ari is right and Meg loves you too, then you have to explore it."

"Did I mention that I hate the fact that you're a shrink," Kate said annoyed.

"Once or twice," Logan signed, laughing, "but you still love me."

"You have no proof of that," Kate said, but smiled and hugged him.

"Brace yourself sis; the next step is facing Mom."

* * * *

Breakfast was on the table when Kate made her way to the kitchen. Sabrina gave her daughter 'worried Mom' eyes but didn't say anything yet, which Kate appreciated. James smiled warmly at her and handed her the comics from the morning paper. It had been a breakfast tradition since Kate was a little girl and she smiled at the memory.

Logan joined them just as Adam came in through the back door from his morning run. He was a lithe young man, lightly muscled and the same height as Kate's five foot nine. He had sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes that grew soft with affection and love whenever he looked at Logan.

He was the complete opposite of Logan, who was more muscled, a little over six feet tall, had jet black hair and dark brown eyes. They had met a little over three years ago at the gym where Adam worked as a personal trainer and nutrition advisor.

"Hi Kate, please excuse the sweaty mess," Adam signed as he bent and kissed her cheek briefly in greeting.

"It's alright Adam; a little sweat doesn't frighten me, as you well know from my gym visits," Kate said.

"That's true, you can certainly give me a run for my money," Adam replied. "Let me go shower and then I'll come eat."

"Oh nonsense, by then everything will be cold. Sit and eat Adam; you can shower after. It's not like you smell or anything. I swear, you are the nicest smelling sweaty guy I know," Sabrina said, which got everyone laughing.

"Alright Momma S, I know better than to try and argue with you," Adam said as he sat between Logan and Kate.

"I always knew you were a smart guy, Adam," James said and grinned.

The light chatter continued as Kate sat and picked at her eggs. She had missed this: home, family, but couldn't stop the previous day's events from dominating her thoughts.

Before she knew it, Logan and Adam had left the table along with her Dad, leaving her alone with her Mom. At first Kate said nothing and kept her eyes down and on her plate. She had a fleeting thought that she could outwait her mother but knew better.

Sabrina was no stranger to Kate's attempts at avoiding an issue. She stood and walked around the table and sat next to Kate. She gently cupped Kate's cheek and turned her face so their eyes met.

"You're hurting baby girl. It breaks my heart to see such pain in your beautiful eyes. Let me help if I can. Tell me everything."

For the second time that morning, Kate cried as she told her Mother what had happened. Spoke about her love for Ari, Vivian and Ari's 'cheating,' and Vivian's theory of Meg. She was sobbing, wrapped in her mother's arms, by the time she was done.

"My poor Katie. You've certainly had a time of it. Want me to go kick both their asses?" Sabrina asked after Kate was all cried out. Her comment made Kate laugh a little.

"No Mom. Not that I don't think you couldn't but it's okay."

"Fine. Now baby girl, this is a very hard situation. You've talked about Vivian in your emails. I know she's important to you. How one friend could do this to another is beyond me. But it's done and it can't be undone so the question is ― what do you want to do about it? Is she worth trying to forgive in your mind?" Sabrina asked.

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet Mom," Kate replied.

"Katelyn Amelia, I know this has hit you hard, but you can't let it get the better of you. You've cried. You've talked about it. Now it's time to process it, make some decisions and try to move ahead. It's not going to happen overnight but you need to make a start, otherwise you'll wallow in it, never moving forward, always stuck in the same place of hurt and bitterness as life passes you by. I don't want you to become a bitter old woman just because you were hurt. And as for what Vivian told you about Meg, honey, I think she's right about your feelings."

"No Mom. There's no way. You're wrong. Why does everyone think they know my feelings better than me?" Kate asked in disbelief.

"Because sometimes an outsider can see what you won't that's right in front of you."

"Yeah right. Look Mom, I'm a book editor. I get paid to see what others miss. I know my own feelings. Yes I had a crush on Meg when she first started working for me. Before Ari I used to look at her and think I'd like to be with her, but that was just a lust-driven fantasy. That's all Meg is Mom, a fantasy girl. Besides she's straight as an arrow and even if she wasn't, she works for me. It would be inappropriate for us to have that kind of relationship." Kate finished outlining her points and felt she had made a pretty good case for why everyone was wrong.

"Well you've certain given this a lot of thought and you do make some excellent points. However, please answer me this one question," Sabrina said.

"Okay," Kate answered. She saw a familiar look in her mother's eyes and knew she was not going to like what Sabrina had to say.

"If you're not in love with Meg, why is she the main topic of every email you've sent and conversation you've had with your father, brothers, and me for the past three years or so?"

Chapter 24

'No way. She's wrong. I didn't.'

These thoughts ran through Kate's mind as she sat with her mother's laptop computer in her room. She was determined to prove her mother wrong about her past emails all centering around Meg.

She signed into her account and went to her 'sent' folder. The last message she had sent was three weeks ago. She read it, her eyes searching for any and all mentions of Meg.

*Hi Mom, Dad. I'm doing well and things are good so far at work, though I am busier than normal. Meg has been wonderful as always. She's keeping me on my toes, making sure I take breaks so I don't go crazy and just all around being the perfect person that she is. I don't know how she does it, but she's so in tune with me. I'm lucky she's in my life.

Okay gotta go. Meg just popped in and told me that my next appointment is here. Lots of love to you both. Kate*

There was nothing too out of the ordinary there, Kate thought, so she moved to the next one sent a few weeks before.

*Hey Mom, thanks for your mail about the new cell phones for the deaf. Sorry but I'm still not getting one. I like not having a tracking device with me all the time. Meg says I need to step into the new century. I think she just wants me to get one so she can text me. Maybe I will just for that. It could be fun.

Anyway, I'm good, and so is Meg. One of these days I'll bring her by to meet you guys. I know you'll like her. Lots of love for you and Dad. Kate*

That was two mails now where she had mentioned Meg. She had not mentioned Ari, mainly because she hadn't wanted to say anything until she could introduce her in person. But here she had mentioned wanting to bring Meg to meet them.

Kate tried another mail from almost a year ago, this time to her older brother.

*Hi Eric. Yes, of course I'll be coming for Emmy's birthday ya goofball; I wouldn't miss it for anything. Meg helped me pick out a gift for her. She's so good with the girly type stuff. Way better than me. I asked her if she would like to come with; after all it's only a couple of hours away. She had plans already with her parents otherwise she would have.

You'll like her when you meet her. She's one of the most beautiful people you'll ever meet. Great sense of humor and easy to talk too. She's special.

Anyway, will see you soon. Give my love to everyone. K*

Kate scrolled down to an email from two years ago.

*Mom, I need some advice. Meg's birthday is coming up and I don't know what I should get her. I need to find the perfect gift, something that she'll love. Help me Mom, please

Meg is sweet, kind, considerate, very beautiful, sensitive and all around a wonderful person. I want to get her something that'll reflect all of that and also how much I appreciate her. Please answer soon. With love, Kate*

Email after email showed the same pattern. Kate was shocked to see how just much she gushed about Meg in every email. When did that happen and how? She knew she fantasized about Meg. She had given herself some of the best orgasms while thinking of Meg's delicious, curvy body, that beautiful face, sweet smelling hair and a sensuality that could light Kate's fire at any given moment.

'Oh God! I'm doing it again.' Kate thought, 'What the hell is wrong with me? I am not in love with her. Lust after her sure but it's not love.'

'Okay just calm down and relax. There has to be a logical explanation for all of this.' Kate told herself. Her mind worked furiously to try and find a reason other than what her mother had suggested.

It occurred to her that other than Vivian, Jade and Terry sometimes, Meg was one of a few people who were a staple in Kate's life since moving away from her family.

That was the answer. Meg was just there, every day, in her life, so it was natural for Meg to be a centerpiece in her thoughts. It wasn't love; it was more about opportunity... proximity.

Kate made her way back downstairs to find her mom. Both of her parents were at the kitchen table sipping a cool glass of lemonade.

"Hi Katie, want a glass?" Her dad signed.

"No thanks. I just wanted to tell Mom that I figured it out, I know why Meg is always a main topic for me," Kate said coolly.

"Is that right, well do tell baby girl?" Sabrina said with a smirk. She expected Kate to say that she had been right about Kate's feelings for Meg.

"You were wrong Mom. I'm not in love with Meg. I talk about her so much because she's a big part of my life. She's always there, in my life and my thoughts. I do have an attraction to her; I'd have to be blind not to, but that's all there is to it."

"Heaven help us, are you really that dense?" Sabrina signed impatiently.

"Sabrina, please," James said.

"Now wait just a minute, I am not dense Mom, you are just seeing what you want to see," Kate shot back.

"Calm down Katie, please," James continued, falling back into his familiar role of mediator between his wife and daughter.

"Look, I know what I feel. I love, loved Ari. I wanted to make a life with her. But that's over now. Meg was never anything but a fantasy for me. Please stop trying to make it into more than it is."

"Katie, I think your Mom's right. I can see why you may not be open to the possibility. You've just been hurt and haven't had time to heal yet. But to us, it's pretty clear. In fact, your Mom and I have wondered why you hadn't brought her home to meet us before. We both feel like we know her from the way you've gone on about her in your emails," James told her patiently.

"Sweetheart, this is a lot to process and you seem ... reluctant to believe us. Go talk to Logan. Let him help you to understand what is so clear to the rest of us. Please baby girl, do this, not for me but for you," Sabrina urged.

"Fine, I'll talk to Logan," Kate yielded. Maybe then her parents would let this preposterous matter drop.

* * * *

Logan and Adam were sitting on the back porch, chatting as they watched the neighbor's cat trying to catch the little birds that were roaming around the back yard.

"Hey guys," Kate said as she joined them.

"Hey," they both answered.

"I'll say one thing for him, he's persistent," Adam commented as the cat dove after a bird, narrowly missing it.

"Sometimes persistence pays," Logan signed and looked at Kate. "You okay?" he asked, seeing her look of irritation.

"Our parents are crazy," Kate burst out, making both Logan and Adam laugh.

"You just now realized this?" Logan asked and grinned.

"Oh, screw you moron," Kate said as she gave Logan the finger and laughed. The laughter felt good. She had needed it and Logan always could make her feel better.

"No thank you sis, that job is already taken," Logan signed and smiled as he looked at Adam. Kate smiled but looked away. She was happy for them but couldn't help her feelings of envy for the happiness they had.

Adam saw Kate look away and guessed what she was thinking. He was a smart guy and realized how their happiness might affect her, given what she had just gone through.

"I'm going to go inside and let the two of you talk. She seems to need to and I think it'll be easier if I'm not here," Adam said quickly to Logan while Kate's head was still turned. When he got up, it drew Kate's attention.

"I'm gonna go grab a snack, you two want anything?" Adam asked.

"No, but thanks," Kate answered.

"I'm good babe, thanks," Logan said. Adam nodded and left the siblings alone.

"So what did they do to get under your skin?"

"Mom has this insane idea that I'm in love with Meg. On top of that she's got Dad in on it too. They just tried to convince me that I'm the only one not seeing it. How nuts is that."

"How do you feel about what they proposed?" Logan asked, slipping into the role of Doctor Price.

"I think it's beyond ridiculous."

"Kate, I didn't ask what you thought, I asked what you felt. How do you feel about the theory of you being in love with Meg?" Logan asked calmly.

"I feel ... I feel ..." Kate hesitated, her mind racing to understand what she was indeed feeling.

"I'm angry ... hurt ... pissed off ... confused ..." Her face reflected each of the emotions she felt.

"Is that all Kate?" Logan pressed gently.

"No ..." Kate whispered.

"It's okay, you can tell me Kate. What else do you feel?"

"I'm ... afraid."

"Of what?"

"I'm afraid that ... that it's true. That I'm in love with a woman who will never love me back. And because of that, I'm condemned to be alone because I won't be able to love anyone else," Kate said as her lower lip trembled and her eyes filled. Logan immediately pulled her into a hug and let her get it all out.

After she was all cried out she pulled back from him, leaving a large wet spot on the front of his tee shirt.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. You needed it and it was necessary. You let yourself admit to your inner feelings and thoughts. You were trying to hide from it but I'm proud of you. It took a lot of courage to face it, especially after the hurt you just went through," Logan told her.

"I guess so, but what do I do now?"

"Well the best thing to do, is to take some time, go some place quiet and think, meditate on everything," Logan advised. "You need to process all of these things we've just uncovered."

"Ya know, sometimes I am glad you're a shrink," Kate said and grinned. Logan grinned with her.

Chapter 25

Unearthing her innermost feelings and fears was very unnerving for Kate, yet it had felt good to actually say it all out loud. Logan had hugged her and left to run interference with their parents, keeping them at bay while Kate got her emotions in order. She walked back into the house and found it empty. Looking around the kitchen she saw a note that said the family had gone out in order to give her some alone time. She smiled, knowing that it was Logan's doing.

After giving it some thought, she decided to go upstairs and take a nice, long, relaxing soak in the bathtub. After locking the door in case someone came home unexpectedly, she let the tub fill with warm water and tossed in some bath salts.

The heat of the water felt heavenly as she sank in. Laying her head on a towel, she closed her eyes and let her mind empty of everything except her deepest feelings and thoughts of Meg.

She always knew how she felt about the buxom blonde. From the moment Kate interviewed her, she had liked Meg's enthusiasm, her willingness and drive. Meg was not afraid to dive right in and do what was needed to work with Kate.

She was definitely one of the most beautiful women Kate had ever seen. And because of Kate's special needs, they had always had to work closely together.

Kate could smell the perfume Meg always wore. She remembered it as a subtle scent, gentle and sweet, just like Meg. She could picture clearly the delightful view of Meg's cleavage whenever she bent to place files on Kate's desk. And those long legs that always looked sexy in her short yet appropriate skirts.