Finding My Way Home Ch. 01

I looked down and smiled. I may have even blushed. "Was it that obvious?"

She rolled her eyes and grinned. "Oh, god, it was so obvious to everyone except her. She was oblivious to how you used to stare at her and light up whenever you were around her. I was hoping she would notice because I knew she was in trouble with Buck, her ex." She watched me carefully as she said that and it did catch me a little off guard.

Did that mean ex-boyfriend or ex-husband? "Her ex, as in ex-husband?"

She sighed. "Yes. They both went to Eastern Illinois and by the end of her junior year she was pregnant and he had been kicked off the football team for being such an ass. She decided to keep the child. They both quit, never finished, and he married her to give the kid a name. A few months after the baby was born he took off. We haven't seen anything from him since then."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well it is what it is. Life is like that sometimes. At least her daughter, my granddaughter, is a little doll."

I sat there trying to see where this was leading.

"So tell me about what you've been doing."

I thought about it and told her the basics.

"Well, as you know I went to West Point and graduated in 2005. I chose infantry as my branch. I attended Airborne and Ranger Schools and then was sent to my first unit. It was only about a year after I arrived in the unit that we were deployed to Afghanistan. That's where I got shot. I was sent back to the U.S. at that point for rehabilitation and after another year, the Army asked if I wanted to leave the service with a service connected disability. It was to be my option. My shoulder would never be 100% according to the doctors, and when my mother became ill, I decided that I wanted to go home and see what I could do for her. My shoulder had had a ligament cut by the bullet as it grazed two bones and left bone chips in my shoulder. I had a second surgery just before I left the Army to provide further support for the ligament as it reattached itself."

"Sounds tough."

"Yes, and no. When I finally did leave the Army, I left behind a very important family to return to my original one. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. Being in the Army was definitely like being a part of a big family. It had given me a lot and turned me into the person I was today. I'm not sure I would have turned out as well if I had gone to a civilian university and worked a normal job.

"Sounds like you really liked it, even if it was tough."

"I loved it. I still do."

"Anyway, back to Lily. She told me she ran into you today at her coffee shop."

I looked at her. "Yes, I did. My mother was getting chemo over at the hospital so I was sitting there when I saw her. I was very surprised. I always assumed that she would get her degree and move somewhere else. She seemed to be drawn towards a big city."

Mrs. Johnson looked down at her hands and spoke more quietly. "I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I haven't seen her in a while. Is she going to be okay?"

"Yes, the prognosis is good. She should be fine since they caught it early. It was Stage 1 bladder cancer."

She stared at me for a second. "Oh. Sorry."

"Thanks." I could see her contemplating telling me something else as she twisted her hands in her lap. One thing I learned in the Army was how to tell when someone was holding something back that they wanted to tell you. "Why don't you tell me what's on your mind, Mrs. Johnson."

She looked up at me with wide eyes. I think she was surprised that I guessed there was more and that I came right out and asked about it. "Lily said you asked for her phone number. Please, if you still like her, call her and at least get her out of the house. She needs to learn to enjoy life again. She needs to get out and about. She does nothing but work and take care of Lauren, her daughter. Some days I can't even see the buoyant girl that she was when she was younger. She needs to get out, but won't even let me babysit long enough for her to go to a movie. The only time she lets me babysit is when she has to work. I think she is punishing herself by throwing herself into her work and child rearing. I just want to see her have some fun and get back to the life-loving person she was."

I looked into her eyes and we stared at each other for a few moments. I knew she was also doing a little match-making, but hell, I wanted this, too. "I've always liked your daughter, Mrs. Johnson, and I will definitely call her. I don't know what I can do after all this time, but I will call her and ask her out. The rest is up to her."

She smiled. "Thank you. You were always the one kid who did the right thing."

I grinned and tried to deflect her praise. "Yeah, well, that was a long time ago."

She laughed. "I doubt that you have changed. You seem to be a fine young man, a war hero, who is here taking care of his mother. Anything you can do to help her out of her funk would be great."

"Okay, Mrs. Johnson, I get the point." I laughed. "Don't lay it on too thick."

She laughed and stood up. "Sorry. A mother's first rule is to make sure her children are happy."

I stood and shook her hand. "You mean a good mother's first rule. Not all feel that way in the world today."

She finished shaking my hand and suddenly grabbed me in a tight hug. "Thank you."

She turned toward the door and I showed her out.

I sat on the couch and tried to think about it, but I was exhausted and just went to bed.

Chapter 3. Lily?

17 September 2009

The next morning I waited until about 10am to call Lily. It was mid-September and a school day, so I wondered about her daughter. I calculated Lily graduated in 2000 and finished her junior year in 2003. If she had the child in late 2003 Lauren would be approaching 6 years old and could possibly be in school.

"Hello?" It was Lily and I could hear the café noises in the background. She was already at work.

"Hi, Lily, it's Jon."

"Hey, Jon. It's good to hear from you so soon. I wasn't sure you'd call."

"Why not?" I decided to be a little forthright. "I always liked you Lily. You were smart and pretty and popular and I like to think that we were friends. I thought we might catch up on the last 9 years. Do you have any time free this weekend?"

"Well, not really. I'm a little short-staffed at the café and I'll be working long hours. I don't know if I'll have much time. I was planning on taking Friday evening off and doing a little shopping. I could meet you somewhere at the mall if you want to just talk."

I was trying to decipher her last comment 'just talk', but decided to take it at face value. "That's fine. What time do you want to meet?"

"How about 8 at the Panera's in the mall?"

"Okay, good. I was hoping you would suggest a place because I haven't been there in years."

"Yeah, I figured. So see you at 8?"

"Absolutely. I'll be there."

"Okay, I'll see you there. I have to go now. Work calls. Bye." She hung up.

I looked at the phone for a second. She seemed fine and nothing seemed odd. I guess I would find out tomorrow.

18 September 2009

On Friday I got dressed and put on a nice pair of dress pants, a long sleeve shirt and a black jacket. I wanted to at least look presentable for Lily. I still had to put the sling on because of the repair work last month. I couldn't support the weight all day without pain and I was supposed to start rehab in a couple of weeks.

I arrived at the mall at about 6:30 and browsed a few stores, picking up some local items to send to some of my Army buddies. They would appreciate some of the humorous t-shirts that I found.

Finally, around 8pm, I entered the Panera near the middle of the mall and immediately saw Lily sitting at a table near the windows. I approached her and watched as she was turned away from me staring out the window at the other shoppers. She struck such a sad, forlorn figure sitting there. I immediately felt that old familiar feeling of awe I had had of her when she was young and full of life.

"Hello, Lily."

She turned toward me and gave me a dim 100 watt smile. "Oh, there you are. I appreciate your meeting me here." She made it sound like I was there for a job interview.

I frowned. "What does that mean?"

She stared at me. "I know my mother came to see you. I also know that she probably told you that I need rescuing. She's been after me to get out of the house for a while now and I really am happy running the café and taking care of Lauren. I don't need you to come riding in to save the day."

I sat quietly for a second and thought about that. I could tell that she really was depressed, although she might deny it. "Lily, your mother had nothing to do with me calling you. She didn't give me your number, you did. And that was before she came to see me. Yeah, she made her pitch about getting you out of your current funk, but she didn't have to. I was going to call you anyway."

"Why? Why were you going to call a single mother with no free time and no interest in a relationship?"

"C'mon Lily, you know why. I always liked you and when I was tutoring you in math I was so infatuated with you I didn't even date anyone that last half of my junior year. I wasn't thinking about a relationship at this point, just getting to know that girl who is now a woman and single mother."

She looked at me like I had three heads. "You're kidding, right? You had a crush on me?"

"Nope, not kidding. I had a big crush on you." I smiled and she grinned a little. "Your mother could see it; my friends could see it. I guess you were the only one who couldn't see it. And I was, unfortunately, unable to deal with it. I was too shy at that age. Besides, would it have mattered when you were dating Buck?"

She sighed. "You're right. I didn't see it and it probably wouldn't have mattered. I was so in love with Buck that nobody could get me away from him." She looked at me and got a mischievous grin. "It's kind of funny now, all these years later to realize this. Thanks."

"Oh, great, so now my teenage infatuation is a source of humor to you? That really makes me feel much better." I tried to make light of it and smiled so that she could see that I was teasing.

She put her hand over mine and chuckled. "Sorry."

I smiled. The touch of her hand set my nerve endings jangling. I still wanted her, but I had to clear the air a little. "So what about Buck? What happened to him?"

Her entire demeanor changed as she pulled her hand back, folded it with the other and stared down at them. "I found out I was pregnant in late-May, just near the end of junior year. After I got pregnant things were good for only about 6 months. As soon as I got near term, he got antsy. We married in September, but by December he was ready to leave. I knew in the back of my mind that it was coming. I could see it, but couldn't face it. After Lauren was born in December, he continued to withdraw. Finally, I told him that if he wanted to leave so bad, to just go. He did. It was like I had cut some tether that he was on. Once I said that, he was gone the next day. I made sure to get the divorce and I didn't ask for anything as long as he didn't want to have Lauren at any time. He has no visitation rights." She was now wringing her hands forcefully.

"And you haven't seen him since?"

"Oh, yes. I've seen him. I just haven't told anyone else. The last time I saw him was just last year. He came by to see how Lauren was doing. He wanted to say hello for her birthday, he said, but he missed it by a day and was drunk so I turned him away. He was a little angry, but he didn't really seem to care that much. I found that I pitied him more than despised him when I saw him. At first I thought he must have felt at least something to drive all the way down here, but then I remembered that his father and brother live in the next town, so he might have just come down to see them."

"He doesn't live somewhere in the area?"

"No, I think he lives up near Chicago, but he can always come back down and make life hell for us. That's all I got out of his visit."

"Sorry."

She looked up at me. "You didn't do anything."

"I'm just sorry that anyone has to go thru what you are going thru."

She looked at me pointedly. "What do you mean by that?"

"Just that I'm sorry that you have been treated that way, that's all."

She took offense to that, but I don't know why. "What do you mean? This is a pity call, isn't it? My mother did get you to come here, didn't she? You're going to come in and make everything better, right? I don't need your pity. I don't need anyone's pity. I'll have you know that I am perfectly capable of raising my daughter by myself. I can take care of myself. We'll be fine. We don't need any white knights."

"Lily, what are you talking about? I didn't mean it that way..." I couldn't think of anything else and she interrupted me.

"I'm suddenly not hungry any more. I'll see you later." She stood up and stomped off before I could protest or say another word.

I let her go. I didn't know what to say or how to handle it. She had a chip on her shoulder or at least had started hating men because of her past. I could tell that all her emotions were just under the surface and that she was tense, but I didn't know what to do. One minute she was smiling and the next jumping all over me. I had no idea how just saying I was sorry had set her off. I wasn't going to solve all her problems... or even try. I just wanted to see her again. Damn!