Fish Story

"I was thirteen when I got him-my first Piranha. I had to go across the bridge into Washington state to buy him because pet stores in Oregon weren't allowed to sell them. He was sort of a drab little fish but a real eager eater. He, or possibly she, I didn't figure out their sex until later, preferred bits of raw hamburger scattered across the surface of the aquarium. It was neat to watch the fish rise swiftly and with sudden small splashes engulf each morsel in turn.

"Something about the eight inch fish's appetite appealed to me. Perhaps I saw a kindred spirit; Mom fondly refers to me as 'the bottomless pit'.

"I saved up and got several more of those little eating machines. I soon discovered, the hard way, that each fish required a separate small aquarium. If they were in the same tank their appetite drove them to consume each other when they were hungry.

"I'm fifteen now and you can see that I'm kind of a gangly kid. I think I kind of look like a red-headed daddy long legs. Not a big hit with the girls if you know what I mean. So, don't be surprised when I tell how easily I fell for the utterly fabulous Crystella Baumgarten.

"It was a new term. We met in study hall. At least that's the way I think of it. Really we were just assigned to the same table. She had barely acknowledged my presence with a small smile the first couple of periods. I amused myself by stealing glances at her when she wasn't looking. Then one day we were sitting at our assigned table during our assigned hour when out of the blue she actually spoke to me.

"'Jason,' she said with a toss of her long golden hair. 'I really need help with these stupid Algebra problems.'

"I couldn't believe my ears, she hadn't spoken to me personally ever that I could remember and I have a very good memory.

"'Sure Crys,' I said. 'Let me see what you're doing.' She slid her book and paper across the blond oak library table. I'm not a superstar in school but I get along okay. Math has always been pretty easy for me. I checked over Crystella's paper. She was making a consistent error.

"'Look here, Crys. All you need to do is remember to invert when you divide. Like this.' I showed her how to do it.

"Anyway, one thing led to another-my first real date, a movie. There I was sitting with sweaty palms beside that gorgeous creature in a dimly lit theater trying to work up enough nerve to reach for her hand. To this day I couldn't tell you what the movie was about. Finally I made my move. I lunged for her slim graceful hand and jammed my little finger on the wooden armrest. Pain shot through my hand and I winced. Tenderly Crystella took my aching sweaty paw between her cool palms and stroked it. The pain vanished. We sat through the rest of the movie with me frozen in that pose. I remember thinking that heaven couldn't be any better than this.

"As the term went on I suppose you could say that our relationship matured. We sat together in study hall, dated once a week and I discovered how warm Crystella could be when I did her homework for her. Between school, homework, mine and Crystella's, and my fish, the school year sped by.

"One day in May Crystella invited herself to my house. She needed major assistance in studying for her Algebra final. I'm kind of uncomfortable having kids over. Me and Mom live in a two bedroom town-house in Tigard. Mom is divorced and sells Real Estate. We never see Dad, just his check. Anyway, Mom isn't exactly crazy about housework.

"I took the key out from under the planter that sits on our front step, the one with the blue plastic flowers in it, and let us in. Everything was okay, Crystella didn't even seem to notice the messy house. We sat on the couch and I packed all the information I could into her gorgeous head. When we were both tired of studying I asked her, 'How would you like to help me feed my fish?'

"'Sure,' she answered following me into the kitchen where I took a dish of hamburger from the fridge. 'What have you got? Sharks?' she giggled looking kind of puzzled.

"I was pretty close-mouthed about my fish, after all, I knew they were illegal in Oregon. But by this time I felt that I could trust Crystella.

"She followed me up the stairs. When I opened the door to my room she gasped, 'My God, look at all the aquariums!'

"I have to admit that it was a pretty impressive sight. By then I had twenty three of them. They occupied nearly all of one wall in my room. I found the low hum of the aerators soothing. It was even more impressive when I turned on the lights. The fish knew it was time. All twenty three of them broke water, splashing in eager anticipation of dinner.

"'Watch this, Crys,' I said scattering a little burger over the surface of the closest tank through the screened top. The resident fish splashed again as it raced down the length of the tank sucking in the burger like a miniature vacuum cleaner. As usual not a single morsel made it to the bottom.

"Crystella just stood there looking stunned. After a minute or two she stammered a question, 'What are these things? Piranhas?'

"I just smiled and nodded as I fed a couple more of my eager eaters. She watched me for a minute then asked, 'Can I feed one?'

"'Sure,' I said moving on to the next tank and handing her the right amount of hamburger.

"'Why the screens over the tanks?' she asked dropping the hamburger through it. A piece stuck on the coarse hardware cloth and the fish jumped twice biting at the screen twice before successfully dislodging it.

"'Two reasons,' I answered. 'That's one of them. It's nice to have that wire between your hand and their teeth. Also they jump out of their tanks and die if they aren't enclosed.' Crystella insisted on feeding the rest of them and it seemed to me that she was nearly hypnotized while watching their feeding frenzy.

"Anyway to get on with the story, she just barely passed Algebra. Then the school year was over and we didn't see much of each other. She was always busy when I called. I found out that she was dating Brad Menger- Mister School Stud. Boy was I frustrated. I even considered turning my fish loose in the Menger's swimming pool. I didn't though, the chlorine would have killed them.

"Actually Crystella and Brad only went out together for a short time. I heard that he ditched her and started dating Cherie Sullivan, the only girl in school who some might consider prettier than Crystella. Cherie had, like, a really well developed figure.

"I was away at summer camp in the Coast Range when it happened. The way I figure it Crystella must have been carrying a big time grudge against Brad and Cherie. She knew where the key was hidden and let herself into our house when Mom was at work. She caught and bagged up my fish, all twenty three of them, in Ziplock bags. Then armed with the fish and a pound or so of hamburger, she drove out to where the kids skinny dip in the Willamette. She must have found out they would be there alone.

"Anyway, she probably caught them naked in the water. Even if they saw her I can imagine that they were too embarrassed to come out of the river. I can just see her opening the bags and turning my fish loose in the water one by one. All she would have had to do then was throw a handful of burger toward the swimmers. It must have been awful when the fish attacked-the blood and all. Crystella obviously had an attack of remorse or something when Brad and Cherie began to scream. She went in the water to try and save them. The Piranhas got her too.

"The first thing I knew about this was when I got back from camp. Mom picked me up at the bus station in Old Town. She had a clipping from the Oregonian. PIRANHA FOUND IN WILLAMETTE, the story led off.

"Mom answered my unspoken question, 'Yes, Jason. They're gone.'

"'What happened?' I asked not comprehending how my fish could have wound up in the river.

"'I came home one evening last week,' she said. "The door was unlocked and they were gone. Nothing else was missing. There were some water spots on your rug and a couple of Ziplock bags laying by the tanks. I just can't imagine why someone would steal Piranhas.' For the moment that was a question I couldn't answer myself.

"Well, you can imagine how I felt the next day when Jerry Fenster called and asked me if I'd heard that Crystella, Brad and Cherie were missing and presumed drowned. Suddenly I saw it as clearly as a program on TV; I knew exactly what had happened. When I told Mom she insisted I tell you the whole story."

The heavy set, rumpled detective sat up and leaned his elbows wearily on his desk. He looked me in the eye. "That's a mighty interesting theory, son. I'll just have to look into it next week."

Mom and I walked down the marble steps of the Police Station and headed for home. My room seemed so empty I couldn't stand it. The first thing yesterday morning I took the bus across the Columbia to Washington and "World of Pets".

The OPEN sign was out and Mr. Shumaker was behind the counter. He smiled and greeted me by name.

"Mr. Shumaker," I asked. "How much is it going to cost me for a breeding pair of Piranhas?"