Flat-Chested Jill

The first one we watched was Yentl. That was a mistake—I couldn't sit through it. God, I hate Barbra Streisand. It's like she's from another planet (which New York kind of is). Have you ever seen Cocoon? The aliens from another planet disguise themselves with fake rubbery human-suits. If they pull the suit away a little, you can look inside and see that they're not really human. Every time I see Barbra Streisand, I wonder if she's going to do that. (By the way, Cocoon has a great orgasm scene in a pool, but that's another story.)

Did you know that there was a woman who won an Oscar for playing a role as a man? Her name is Linda Hunt, and the movie is The Year of Living Dangerously. She plays a weird little guy, a photographer, in Indonesia. Matt and I enjoyed the movie but the character is so strange -- and unmanly -- that it didn't really help with our project.

Of course you know about Cate Blanchett playing Bob Dylan. This is another one that's a good movie but not much help. Cate is a great actress but I have to say that she didn't convince me that she was a man, and Bob Dylan isn't exactly a typical man himself, but her aggressive mannerisms were interesting to watch.

Felicity Huffman plays a man in Transamerica, and she was pretty convincing, but she kind of looks like a man to start with, doesn't she?

The best one was Boys Don't Cry, with Hilary Swank as a teenage girl who thinks of herself as a boy. We learned a lot from this one. I have to admit, embarrassingly enough, that it really turned me on when the big scene comes and a bunch of tough boys force her pants down and look between her legs and see that she's really a girl. It's not really politically correct, is it? But, in some vague way, I was imagining the thrill of men looking between Joel's legs and finding out he is really a girl.

The next time Matt and I (Joel) went out practicing, we went shopping. The hair on my legs and under my arms had grown out more now so I could wear Jacob's board shorts and t-shirt and flip-flops, with a Band-Aid on my ankle tattoo. I did a little shopping in the young men's department, using the boy's dressing room, which was just a little bit daring, with all the moms and boys running in and out. I tried on a sleeveless athletic shirt, something like a tank-top. I think they're also called muscle shirts. That was very brave because if I wasn't careful about how I held my arms, people could look in the arm-holes and see my boob-lettes. Matt thought that was fun but I didn't let anybody else look. I should have.

Matt picked out a pair of shorts and wanted me to come out of the dressing room with just those on and no top, but I wouldn't do it. I thought that was much too brazen, but looking back on it, I should have done that too.

I did do one brave thing. I picked out a mesh top, like the kind a boy would wear when he was working out in the gym and was all sweaty (and sexy) and wanted to keep cool. I went into the dressing room and put it on, then came out and Matt nodded approvingly. Then I looked in the mirror. In the mirror, I could see my nipples sticking out through the mesh, much more obviously than I had expected. I was pretty much completely exposed. I panicked a little -- there were lots of people around-- and I tried to keep calm while I walked back to the dressing room stall and shut the curtain. I took a deep breath and took off the mesh shirt and put back on Jacob's shirt that I'd come into the store with. I came out of the dressing room, trying very hard to breathe normally and act like a boy. My heart was pounding and my face was a little flushed.

A little later, when we were alone in the store, Matt told me that I'd looked like a normal 13-year-old boy in the mesh shirt, and pointed out that, even with all the moms and boys around, nobody had noticed anything unusual. He congratulated me on my first real exposure and, I had to admit, it was a rush. A big rush. I decided to buy the shirt. Maybe I would wear it someday, walking down the street, or maybe it would just be a souvenir of my first time as an exhibitionist.

When I got home, Matt and I tried on the mesh shirt again and looked in the mirror so that I could get a good look at what everybody in the store had seen. My micro-boobs were on full display. All the way.

Jacob would have a strong scent in his underwear drawer that evening and Matt was going to get laid tonight, probably more than once.

-- --

Matt and I spent a lot of time on the Internet looking at people on topless and nude beaches and thinking of ourselves there. We made love a lot. Sometimes we'd porn-surf for a while, then go to the bed and make love, then porn-surf some more and make love again, maybe on the chair in front of the computer without even bothering to go to the bed.

We went out practicing twice over the next week, and I was getting more relaxed as Joel. I didn't smile at people, I walked like a boy, I didn't talk when I wasn't supposed to, and I knew what to do when Matt shoved me. I didn't hesitate to go into the men's bathroom with Matt—I even went by myself once-- and I always remembered not to stare at the men peeing in the urinals. I think it became too much of a habit though. One night Matt and I were at the movies and I was my normal girlie self. After the show, Matt went to the men's room, and, without thinking, I followed him in. It took me a moment to figure out why everybody was staring at me, but then I got very embarrassed and apologized and left. Matt will never let me forget that.

Finally we decided that I was ready to go to the beach. We picked a date when we both were off work, choosing a mid-week day because there would be less of a crowd. I had eight days to get myself ready. Eight days to wait. Eight days to fret. Eight long days. Eight days till Thursday.

I had dreams nearly every night about being topless in public. In one dream, the police came to my bedroom and arrested me for indecent exposure. They led me away in hand-cuffs, walking me through the courthouse topless, and the judge was the Munster-guy who was the judge in My Cousin Vinny. There was another dream where I was at the beach topless and my Dad came up to me, dressed in his business suit, and called me Jill. I told him I wasn't Jill, that I was his son Joel, and he was all angry. That was a bad one—I really didn't want my parents to find out about Joel.

There were good dreams too. There was one where Matt and I went to the movie theater and I was topless, and when we sat down we were suddenly completely naked and I was sitting on his lap with his hard dick against my butt while we watched the show and he played with my nipples. There were people next to us, eating popcorn like normal.

Then there was a dream where I was Joel and went into a men's room and peed at the urinal, not in the stall. I think I had a dick, and I watched the pee splashing into the urinal. And there was a really long dream where I was wearing the mesh shirt at work at the deli, with people all around, and I could feel the cold air from the freezer cabinet making my nipples hard and they were sticking completely through the shirt and getting in my way while I was trying to make sandwiches.

It wasn't just dreams. Often during the day, I'd be thinking about what was to come, sometimes worrying, sometimes imagining the excitement. I don't mind telling you that I was scared. At first, I was afraid of something going wrong. Maybe I'd make some mistake and act like a girl or talk or something, or maybe my body wasn't as boyish as I thought. People would realize I was a girl and I'd get into trouble or get arrested and my parents would find out. I really didn't want my parents to find out. There were a lot of ways bad things could happen. Matt assured me that they were really unlikely, and even if they happened, the worst that would happen is that somebody would get mad and tell me to cover up or they'd tell me to leave. Not so bad.

But as the day grew closer, it occurred to me that trouble wasn't the only thing to worry about. The reality was that I was intending to go topless in public! Naked in a public place! Matt and I practiced how I'd take off my t-shirt at the beach. There could be no hesitation or embarrassment. A teenage boy wouldn't fool around taking his shirt off. He'd just pull it off and throw it on the ground. So that's what I'd have to do, and we practiced it. Would I really be able to do that with a hundred strangers around? Just take off my shirt and throw it on the ground and not put my hands in front of my chest or get embarrassed or try to hide?

I was nervous. I was scared. But I was also hornier than I'd ever been in my life. I made Matt sleep over every night, even if we had to be at work early the next day. My body was flooded with hormones and I spent hours each day either on top of Matt or underneath him, or side-by-side. I couldn't get enough of the boy.

Finally there was just one day to go and we checked the weather report. Part of me was hoping for a nice beach day and part of me was hoping for a thunderstorm so we wouldn't be able to go. The first part of me won—the forecast was for 85 degrees and sunny. Perfect beach weather. We were really going to do it.

Matt slept over Wednesday night and we practiced taking off my shirt one more time. We laid out the swimming trunks and t-shirt and flip-flops I'd "borrowed" from Jacob, and made love before we went to sleep. I was restless all night and tried not to wake Matt, but even before 6:00, when the sun first came up, I pulled back the covers and started sucking his dick till he woke up. I got on top and Matt massaged my nipples while I rode up and down, and he talked to me, telling me about the big adventure we were going to have today, out in the sun. He told me that everybody would be looking at these very nipples he was massaging, and how much he was going to enjoy seeing them getting a tan. I had a big, hard orgasm. Really big, really hard.

We showered together, put the band-aid on my ankle tattoo and fixed my hair, and I put on Jacob's swimming trunks. I looked in the mirror, looking from all directions at my face, my hair, my legs, my armpits, my tattoo, and, of course my no-boobs, and I was satisfied. I looked good. Matt put sunscreen lotion on me, with extra attention to my nipples so they wouldn't get burned, and, of course, also because it was fun to give them extra attention. Then I added my own t-shirt and a pair of my own jeans to cover up for the ride.

We packed towels and sunscreen and sunglasses and baseball caps and snacks and water, then we hugged and held each other. Matt kissed me and asked me if I was ready. He assured me than I'd be a great Joel and reminded me about how carefully we prepared, and kissed me again. He lifted my t-shirt and tweaked my nipples. I was ready. We were out of the house by 8:30. It was a two-hour drive and I was wet between my legs the whole way.

-- --

We got to the parking lot and got out of the car, and started unloading the towels and supplies, but I hesitated. "Are we really going to try to do this?" I asked, in my girlie Jill voice.

Matt scrunched up his face and in a Yoda voice reminded me, "Do or do not... there is no try." He was convincing, and I giggled. He does a pretty good Yoda.

Then he switched to his Bogart voice, "If you don't do it, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life." I giggled again.

He was right. I was really going to do this. I changed my body posture, my face, and my attitude. No more girlie giggling. I was Joel now, and I reached out my hand to bump fists with Matt. He looked at me sternly. "May the force be with you," he said.

"Here's looking at you kid," I answered. My Bogart isn't nearly as good as his.

I gave him a shove and he shoved me back, and we laughed like boys. We liked each other. We left our jeans in the car and off we went toward the water and the warm white sand, partners in crime-- Bonnie and Clyde, Butch and Sundance, Lucy and Ethel, Pumpkin and Honey Bunny, Mo and Curly. We were going to do this. I was ready, willing, and able. And I was horny. God, was I horny.

We strode to the beach like men. It was early, so it wasn't too crowded, but there were pockets of people, mostly mothers with young children. There was a lifeguard in a high chair overlooking the water, and I thought about how cute he was and almost smiled at him before I remembered not to do that. This cute 18-year old lifeguard was going to see my nada-boobs. We could have chosen a spot away from most people, but instead I put down my towel right in front of the lifeguard. I wanted him to see.

I had wondered for weeks what it would be like when the moment of truth came. Would I be able to do it? Would I break down and cry and make an idiot of myself? Would I chicken out or hesitate or try to cover myself or run and hide?

When the moment came, though, I did it just like we planned. Matt took off his shirt and threw it onto his towel and I did too. I just did it. I took off my t-shirt, let it drop and stood there in the sun, naked to the world, in front of Matt and a dozen mothers, three dads, two dozen children, four teenage girls, a middle-aged man by himself, and a cute lifeguard. Matt gave me a subtle grin and I looked around to see if anybody had noticed anything amiss. Nobody did.

As soon as the shirt was off, all my nervousness and hesitancy melted away. I was calm and relaxed, ready to enjoy a day at the lake, showing off my boy-chest to total strangers. I turned and faced the lifeguard, and he looked at me. I knew he could see, and my nakedness was on display for the very first man (after Matt) who'd ever seen me. I felt an electric tingle between my legs and my nipples begged to be touched.

Would you believe that one of the mothers smiled at me? I guess that, to her, I was a young boy -- a child -- and she was being friendly. I looked away, toward the water. Matt sat down on his towel and motioned for me to join him, but I didn't want to. I wanted people to see. So he stood back up and we went for a walk along the water, parading in front of all the people, wandering into the water a little and getting our feet wet. I needed to smile and laugh so I shoved Matt and he shoved me back, and I was allowed to smile.

The sun was getting high in the sky and I could feel the warm sunlight on my nipples, and it occurred to me that I'd never felt sunlight on my boobs before. What a wonderful sensation! We went swimming and the cold water made my nipples hard. I worried briefly that the bigger nipples would give me away, but Matt was reassuring. The more important problem, he said, was how he'd keep his dick soft looking at me that way.

We got out of the water and toweled off, and we lay down to rest and took some sandwiches out of the cooler. Matt got that mischievous look in his eye like he sometimes does and reached in his bag and pulled out a couple of magazines. He kept one for himself and threw the other one to me. Maxim! What a wise ass! I gave him a dirty look and he gave me a grin, and I grabbed his magazine and switched with him, half hoping that it was Glamour or People or something good. I ended up with Sports Illustrated which at least had some good pictures of beefy guys. We ate our manly sandwiches and stuffed too many potato chips in our mouths and read our manly magazines, holding them in manly ways.

It was a wonderful beach day. By early afternoon it was crowded, and there were more moms and children. There were groups of teenagers-- both boys and girls-- middle-aged couples, retired people, and women out for a day together. Every one of them saw my boobs. I made sure of it. Every one of them got a long good clear view of my naked nipples. My beautiful brown naked nipples.

A couple of teenage girls were smiling at us, flirting, and Matt smile backed so I did too, not knowing what was going to happen. It was pretty obvious that they wanted us to come over and talk to them, but they'd just have to be disappointed today. I must have been pretty convincing as a boy because they were certainly fooled.

We'd brought some sun-block lotion and Matt put some on himself. I so badly wanted him to put some on me, to rub it into my nipples, to massage my back and my legs, but it couldn't be. I took some from him and put it on myself, but it wasn't the same. I'd have to wait.

Matt announced that he was going to the changing room to pee, but told me that he didn't know the layout of place, so I'd better not try that. I needed to pee too, so I went into the water and peed there. No big deal.

We started to worry about getting sunburned, so we decided to leave. We packed up and went to the car, and I kept my shirt off. We sang in the car, and away from other people, I was free to laugh and smile. We stopped for gas and I jumped out of the car before Matt, telling him I'd do the pumping. I went into the gas station and paid the cashier, topless. I pumped gas topless, washed the windshield topless, went back inside for the change topless, and nobody leered or complained. Not the cashier, not the mechanic, not the two landscaping guys with the big tattooed muscles who were filling up their truck at the next pump, and not the young woman who'd stopped for cigarettes. (Actually, it's not completely true that nobody leered -- Matt did, especially when I leaned over the hood to wash the windshield, my boobs practically in his face through the glass.)

When we got close to home, we stopped and I put my jeans and shirt on, over the swimming trunks. At home, I took Matt straight to my bedroom, yanked off Jacob's swimming trunks, and threw Matt down on the bed and raped him. I sucked his dick until it was hard, which took about two seconds, then sat down on it and rode him, leaning over to put my nipple in his mouth. After a while, I got off and made him get on top of me, and I wrapped my legs around his back and used my legs on his butt to move him in and out of me, as fast and hard as I could. It wasn't long till I had the orgasm that I'd been waiting all day for. It was a monster.

Jacob was in his bedroom, next to mine, and he probably heard me scream. There's nothing I can do about that though. Things like that happen.

The whole scene was really pretty violent, but Matt didn't seem to mind, so after we rested awhile, I did it again, then we fell asleep for just a short while. I heard Mom in the kitchen cooking, so Matt and I took a quick shower, got dressed, and went downstairs. We were really hungry and Mom invited Matt to stay for dinner. At the dinner table, Jacob gave me a grin and a wink and I knew he'd heard us in the bedroom.

What a wonderful day!

-- --

That night, as we were getting ready for bed, Matt told me that he had a surprise, but he wouldn't tell me what it was. I tried beating it out of him but he only laughed, probably because he's twice the size of me and the beatings didn't hurt very much. I told him I wouldn't have sex with him unless he told me, but then he started kissing me and I lost my resolve and gave in. Sometimes sex is a higher priority than everything else.

The next morning in the shower I was washing his dick when finally spilled it.

"Speaking of dicks..." he teased me.

'What about dicks?" I kept washing. I thought his dick was probably very dirty and needed lots of washing. It can take more than ten minutes to properly wash a dick if you do it right.

"How would you like to see some?" he asked.

I stopped washing him but left my hand on his dick, and moved my eyes to his face. He was smiling broadly. "What are you talking about?"