tagHumor & SatireFreezer Burn

Freezer Burn


It was getting late that spring evening and Andrea was all alone at the Mulvers where she worked. During the week, she would often close, at her boss's request. At 18, she was the youngest employee in the frozen custard shop. Besides weekends, the only times she could work were after school, so she was stuck closing. Of course, she didn't mind, seeing as how she had no boyfriend.

This thought made her sigh as she wiped down the counter. She turned and looked at herself in the gleaming metal surface of the big refrigerator. Why was she alone? She was beautiful . . . tall, slim and blond with big blue eyes, pouty lips, big D-cup breasts and a tight, round ass that was made for shaking it on the dance floor. She didn't know why she wasn't more popular, but maybe it was because she was a virgin. Usually when boys found that out, they dumped her. Sometimes in the middle of a date. (And one unforgettable night, at the side of the road.)

Andrea sniffed and wiped away a tear. How could that kind of treatment be fair? She was only preserving her virginity so she could give it to the love of her life . . . whoever that might turn out to be. She was trying to live a virtuous life.

Well, mostly virtuous. She was a teenager, after all, and dealing with the normal . . . needs. This was where her thoughts turned as she continued wiping. She didn't want to dwell on sad things anyway. She knew her prince would come. She had faith in this. And when he arrived . . .

She stopped where she was, one hand still on the cloth, her other hand creeping down her side to her crotch. Her mind was gripped with vivid images as she tried to imagine how handsome her dream love would be . . . his chiseled jaw, his broad shoulders, his ample muscles . . . his powerful cock.

She trembled at this naughty thought. She'd seen several cocks ('Penises,' the ultra-proper voice in her mind tried to correct her) and it had never been by choice. She couldn't count how many boys had just . . . pulled them out in the middle of dates. 'Like THAT would work!' she thought with a giggle. Remembering the sight of them made her blush. She'd seen all different sizes and shapes. She'd even been forced to touch a few of them. She wouldn't go further than that, and when she'd refuse, the boys would usually get pretty mad. One of them had even cried. One didn't much care that that was as far as she would go, because as soon as her fingers wrapped around his cock, he came, just like that, all over her hand. She was so surprised! She didn't want to admit that these little peep shows (especially the fast shooter) had turned her on. Not just because it was so terribly naughty . . . but also because it wasn't by choice. Although the thought terrified her (and had made her more selective of who she dated) sometimes, late at night, she wondered when one of those boys would just take what they wanted from her. Her mind suddenly filled with imaginary scenarios of one of her peep shows going horribly wrong.

Andrea didn't notice, but as she had been imagining these things, her hand had made its way to her crotch and pressed against her jeans-clad pussy. She clamped her thighs around her hand, pressing her palm firmly against her tender pleasure-spot. As increasing tingles shot through her, she forgot all about cleaning and leaned forward, bucking her hips in an increasingly fervent rhythm against her pressing hand. Luckily there were no customers at this time in the evening. She'd gotten so carried away that she'd forgotten to lock the front and back doors.

As she continued humping her hand and moaning in pleasure, she didn't notice the bright lights coming in through the front window. They looked like headlights, but they weren't . . . they belonged to a UFO. It looked like one of those cliché flying saucers from old sci fi movies, and made no sound as it carefully landed in one of the parking spaces. The hatch opened and a slimy pink tentacle with an eyeball on the tip of it crept out of the open doorway. It looked at the lines drawn on the concrete of the parking lot. The tentacle returned to the ship and the hatch closed. The UFO lifted back up, rearranged itself slightly and landed again. Once more the hatch opened and the eye inspected its park job. Much better. With a slimy gloomping sound, it slid its bulk from the interior of the ship onto the pavement.

As it slowly made its gelatinous way to the back door, Andrea was still at the counter, fantasizing about sweaty, desperate copulations in the back seat of some horny boy's car, her hand pressing insistently. She cried out as she came and the sound of her voicing her orgasm masked the noise of the back door opening and closing. She sank to a sitting position behind the counter, panting. As she caught her breath, she missed the sight of the blob-like alien creature creeping and splooshing across the floor to the enormous freezer behind her where the custard was stored.

After she recovered, Andrea stood back up and felt sadder than before. She was still lonely and was now also ashamed of how she had lost control. She remembered that she was supposed to lock the doors while cleaning up, and feeling very embarrassed about how easily it would have been to be caught doing dirty things to herself, she rushed to lock up and turn off the little neon "open" sign. Even though she was embarrassed, the possibility that someone could have seen (and maybe joined in) was secretly exciting to her. She felt her panties get even wetter.

She almost fell, sliding in something slippery on the floor near the back door. She knelt down to inspect it, and found some strange, viscous slime. 'How did this get here?' she wondered. She was completely unaware of the freezer lid opening slightly to allow the eyeballed tentacle to poke out. It looked her tight ass up and down appreciatively before returning to its freezing hiding place. 'More work for me,' she decided, depressed, as she stood back up and got back to cleaning up.

'Why is it so hard to find the right guy?' she asked herself sadly, wiping away another tear. 'Am I doomed to be alone and a virgin forever?'

The uninvited guest in the freezer perked up. It was psychic, you see, and from its many trips to Earth, it had picked up a lot of the human's languages. It especially liked words such as "virgin", "horny" and "slut". These words, when picked out of human brains, usually led to a very pleasant visit to the planet. The randy alien didn't care if it was a male or female brain, since his people had no actual gender and were shape shifters. Although it could care less about its appearance, it had found the form it took was critical to the success or failure of what humans called "fucking". (Another delightful word.) It just needed to find the right form to ensure that fucking would occur this night. It continued waiting in the freezer for more information to surface.

Andrea tried to focus on her cleaning, but it was difficult to keep her mind on it. She kept thinking about cocks and forcibly losing her virginity and finding her prince that would love her. She was also really hungry because she hadn't had time to eat dinner yet. She glanced at the custard freezer, stomach growling.

'This human is confusing,' the alien mused. 'She thinks too much.' It figured it could work with that, although its favorites were the ones with quieter brains. This one was pretty hot, in a non-squishy human way. (Among the alien's people, banging humans was considered a kink.)

Andrea finished sweeping and scrubbing up the slime trail, which led all the way to the freezer. By this point, her thoughts were in a turmoil. Usually she just thought about dirty things when she was horny, and after taking care of her itch she could put all that naughty stuff out of her mind. She had never before thought of cocks and her prince at the same time! It was an interesting prospect. Of course she knew her prince would have one. What fun would it be if he didn't? But she'd always thought of her future love in terms of romance and marriage and having kids. Things like that. Now her brain was getting all mixed up and her chisel-jawed, well-muscled gentleman was in the back seat of a car, whipping out an exaggeratedly huge cock and expecting her to do unspeakable things with it.

She wondered briefly why her imagination had decided his cock had to be scary-big, but decided to just go with it. The throbbing in her loins told her this was what she wanted to imagine. Of course, she didn't know what she was supposed to do with it exactly, since she'd never watched any porn movies or anything. (That was far too naughty. She was curious, but couldn't bring herself to do it.)

So, sadly, her new fantasy fell apart due to inexperience, and letting out a frustrated cry, she decided she could at least satisfy one of her cravings. She set the broom against a table and walked to the freezer. 'At least I have plenty of custard,' she thought, deciding she was definitely in the mood for strawberry that night. Boys couldn't be counted on, but food was always there for her. As she opened the lid of the freezer, her fevered mind added, 'If only custard could love me.'

As soon as the lid was opened, Andrea got a huge shock. A naked man rose from the freezer. He looked exactly like her most recent fantasy of her prince . . . the jaw, the muscles, even the frighteningly-large and very erect cock. But, as strange as it was to find a naked stud in the freezer, there was something even more strange . . . he appeared to be made entirely of frozen custard. Pink frozen custard.

"Who are you?" Andrea asked, startled. In shock, she clasped her hands in between her heaving breasts and took a step back. "Are you . . . human?" she asked.

The naked custard man wordlessly climbed out of the freezer and took a step towards her, staring at her fixedly. Even his eyes seemed to be sculpted from custard. She took another step back, her own eyes big and doe-like.

As scared as she was, Andrea found her eyes kept creeping down to his stiff, throbbing cock. It looked delicious . . . in more ways than one! "What . . . " she started, breathless. She wasn't sure if she wanted to ask the next question, but knew that she had to. "What do you want from me?" she finished softly.

He'd advanced and she'd retreated until her bottom was up against the counter and he was standing so close to her that she could feel the chill from his custardy skin. He raised his hand to her lips and pressed his finger against them, making a noise that sounded like "Shhh."

His finger was cold. Andrea couldn't resist and stuck her tongue out, just the tip. Yep. Strawberry. Just as she'd suspected.

As though this was his cue, the custard man reached down and unsnapped her jeans. In one motion he pulled down both her pants and underwear. "Wait! I—" she protested. She stopped when she saw the look on the bizarre man's face. He was frowning and shaking his head. He looked down and the expression on his moist pink face became hungry as he inspected her bared pussy. Shaking with fear and stepping out of her pants, she whispered, "I . . . I don't have a choice, do I?"

He shook his head again and unceremoniously yanked her tee shirt over her head. Her bra followed soon after. He watched her big, round tits bounce and abruptly clamped his mouth over one of her erect, rosy nipples.

"Ooooh, cold!" she moaned. It felt as though she'd dipped her breast into a bowl of frozen custard. (Not that she'd ever done that before, but she assumed that was what it would feel like.) When he pulled his face away from suckling at her tit, a smear of strawberry custard was left behind. He groped and fondled her tits greedily. Cold, yes, but it felt really good to have that kind of attention.

Andrea's eyes were drawn uncontrollably back down to the custard man's angry pink cock. How could something that big fit inside her? She could barely even get one finger in there! "It's going to hurt me, isn't it?" she asked, more tears in her eyes. She bit her lip, wondering why this whole thing was making her so hot. She desperately wanted to touch herself, but didn't want him to see.

With a grin, the man nodded. He was stroking his cock idly and it made a wet sound. Suddenly he grabbed her head with his sticky, cold hands and pulled her to a kneeling position. Her face was on level with his huge erection.

"What do I-- " she started to ask, but couldn't keep talking when he slammed her face into his crotch. Since her mouth was open, his cock slid right in, hitting the back of her throat and making her gag. He kept moving her on his cock, and it was all she could do to keep up without choking. Her mouth filled with the taste of delicious strawberry custard. 'I could get used to this!' she thought.

The man groaned loudly and slammed her down on his cock one last time, his body tensing. Her mouth was suddenly filled with a completely different taste—a thick salty fluid. Her blue eyes widened and her cheeks ballooned out with the force of his ejaculation. His cold fingers were tangled in her long, blond hair, keeping her trapped where she was. She swallowed as much of it as she could, but it just kept coming! She could feel some of it seeping from the corners of her mouth. She knew she should be scared and feel violated . . . which she did, of course, but she also felt incredibly horny and desired. And the mingled taste of semen and custard made her not quite as hungry. She didn't even know this guy and she was letting him do so much to her! She felt slutty. She had never felt this nasty and sexy before. He had wanted her so badly that he had to blast her mouth with his pleasure seed. She looked up lovingly at her custard prince. His face wasn't angry anymore—it showed nothing but pleasure. And lust. But in Andrea's clouded eyes, she saw it as love. When he let go of her hair, she stood, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and said, "Make me yours, darling!"

With a growl, he lifted her up and set her bare bottom on the cold metal counter, spreading her thighs wide to expose her parted and waiting petals. Continuing to growl, he thrust his still-hard icicle into her previously-unused sex canal.

"Oh, shit!" she gasped, not even noticing that she'd actually spoken a profanity out loud. "Sex is . . . COLD!" she realized, feeling his full length and girth filling her up. She felt stretched far beyond her limits. Although some of the boys who had showed off their love tools to her had been big, none of them could compare to her frozen prince. Completely without tact or gentleness, he slammed all the way into her, tearing through her hymen as though it were made of paper.

Andrea screamed in pain, but soon felt only pleasure. Then she didn't even feel that. The coldness of the man's frozen cock was numbing her lady parts. Still, the force of his thrusts was stimulating her and bringing her close to her second orgasm of the night.

"Unh, unh, unh!" the custard man was grunting, gripping her hips tightly with his chilly hands. He thrusted faster as he felt himself drawing closer to his own orgasm.

"Oh yes, my love!" Andrea cried out, her tits bouncing rhythmically with his every thrust. She exploded around his throbbing sex muscle in the biggest orgasm of her young life. This wasn't at all how she'd pictured losing her virginity, but at that moment she couldn't imagine a more perfect scenario. At her lowest moment, this beautiful and tasty stranger had come out of nowhere and swept her off her feet. Her loneliness, horniness, and the overall confusion of the night's events were making everything all muddled up in her head and her heart. To Andrea, her long-awaited prince had finally come and her life would be perfect and filled with happiness now. "Ohhh yessss! I'm yours!" she gushed, cumming over and over as he assaulted her numbed pussy with his love drill.

With one last, loud grunt, the custard man unloaded his frothy passion juice into her waiting cunt. Once his cock-spasms subsided, he pulled out of her and turned to trudge back towards the back door.

"No! Don't go!" she begged desperately, crying again. The custard man stopped, made a low grunting sound and then kept going. "At least give me your number!" She grabbed her phone from where she'd left it next to the cash register and held it out to him.

He turned back and snatched the phone from her, poking at it for a while with one sticky finger. When he was done, he handed it back to her. Leaving her still sitting spread-eagle and naked on the cold metal counter, he exited the back door, got back into his ship and flew off.

Andrea looked at the contact he'd put into her phone. The name was some nonsense word that was mostly consonants, and the number was 16 digits. Sobbing, she dropped her sticky phone back onto the counter. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. Boys were all the same . . . no matter what they were made of.

Then she noticed that it wasn't custard streaked all over her body anymore. Now that the alien was far enough away, it had turned back to what it really was. Thick pink slime was smeared all over her and her mouth was full of a terribly bitter taste. Horrified, she looked down at her well-used pussy to find more slime seeping out of her, oozing down her thighs. That slime wasn't as thick and was more white than pink.

"Eww. Gross," she muttered, holding her mouth as she gagged and almost vomited. 'When someone asks me how I lost my virginity, I'm gonna have to make something up,' she realized sadly. She also didn't think she'd ever be able to eat strawberry custard again in her life. But when she stood up she discovered the worst part of her unspeakably weird first time.

She was pretty sure her pussy was frost-bitten.

Author's Note: This story began as an inside joke with a friend of mine. I wrote it for her, but she has since convinced me to post it so everyone can experience the odd love story. Believe it or not, this is not the strangest thing I've written.

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bySoraRabbit© 1 comments/ 6380 views/ 3 favorites

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by Anonymous

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by walkerlong12/02/13

Her sad realization that "boys were all the same," is a nice touch.

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